


Garthune

by Jaspre_Rose



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:02:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 146,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25992586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaspre_Rose/pseuds/Jaspre_Rose
Summary: After an unexpected but not entirely unwelcome incident following landing on the wrong planet, Rose and the Doctor's lives are changed and forever intertwined. It just takes a long time to get to that point.Includes a pushy Jackie Tyler, an exasperated TARDIS, prolific son-in-law-esque teasing, perpetual newlywed behavior, poisoning, and bananas and chocolate everywhere!
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 14
Kudos: 51





	1. Garthune

"You know all those times you've ever landed us in the wrong place and the wrong time?" Rose muttered, her eyes sweeping the slightly manic crowd. "Yeah, well, I think you've been covering for that batty old ship of yours this entire time."

"Tsk tsk, Rose. She's ours, now," the Doctor replied cheerfully and sipped from his goblet of wine. "Drink up, wife. Oh, I like that. Rose the Undomesticated- a wife. My wife, in fact. I really like that." He chuckled. "What I do not like, however, is this new attitude of yours."

The crowd was cheering now. It was a welcome change from the angry mutterings from before when they'd originally declined to do the ceremony. Sacrilege indeed. Let them cheer all they wanted, as long as they didn’t start talking execution again.

"Oh, yeah?" Rose asked belatedly and swallowed the last half of her wine. "And what attitude would that be, Doctor?"

The Doctor finished his wine, snagged her empty goblet, and gave her a cheeky grin.

"I do not like the fact that the TARDIS is mine when she's acting up, but she's ours or simply yours when she's being good. Let's hope that's not the way you'll be concerning the children."

A fwoopy feeling surged through her belly and Rose gave him a look.

"You're not funny."

"Try for a bit of levity and your wife doesn't appreciate it. See if I ever again attempt to cheer you up."

Rose snorted. "Let's just get out of here ‘fore anything else happens.”

At the Doctor’s nod, she attempted to walk off the ceremony platform, but two be-robed men- er, well, maybe they were men- blocked their path. Rose nervously glanced at the Doctor, but he was too busy staring off into the distance and she felt an urge to flick him between the eyes. What in the world was he thinking about at a time like this? He suddenly looked serious and darted a quick glance at her from the corner of his eye.

"The time is nigh," the high priestess intoned. "Mirilop, child of Povel, you have been honored by our goddess. Escort the mates to the domicile that Kathra has so graciously bestowed upon them. Monagtu and Payrlin will accompany you."

"Ah, the deity," the Doctor whispered to Rose. "Very interesting story there."

"What's this about a domicile?" Rose asked.

"Povel answers only Kathra," the high priestess said a bit irritably and Rose looked at her like she was stupid. "The mates will follow Mirilop, child of Povel, while we, my great family, lift our hands and hearts in praise of our goddess beneficent."

As the chanting began, Rose and the Doctor were ushered offstage and forced to follow this Mirilop, the two maybe-men following them. Rose couldn't really focus on one thing for too long, but the Doctor grabbed her hand and squeezed, making her feel a tiny bit better.

"Excuse me. Mirilop, was it?"

"I am at your service," the young girl replied reverently. "My name matters not."

"Right. Fine. Yes so what's this about a domicile? Rose and I aren't from around here and we have no idea what's expected of us now. Can we just leave and call it a day?"

Mirilop stopped walking and bowed her head. "I am sorry, my Lord Doctor, my Lady Rose. You cannot as yet leave Garthune. The goddess beneficent has bestowed upon you both a union and a domicile. You are expected to celebrate her generosity. Surely you, as faithfuls sent to watch over us, know of her will."

"Very true," the Doctor said, still cheerful as ever. "I'm having some trouble hearing her right now, though. What's it gonna take?"

Mirilop genuinely seemed confused by his question.

"I do not wish to speak out of my place, my Lord Doctor, my Lady Rose, but the goddess beneficent only requires the one act in return for her magnificent generosity. Has she never told you?"

"Been too busy doing her work." The Doctor shoved his hands into his trousers pockets. "What would this thing be?"

Rose was getting a feeling she might already know what that thing was.

"You are union mates now, my Lord Doctor, my Lady Rose. You must honor and repay the goddess beneficent by consummating your union within the blessed domicile graciously given you by Kathra herself. By doing so, you prove your worthiness to both her and your mate and earn a life of many blessings and happiness."

"You have got to be kidding me," Rose whimpered and the Doctor grabbed onto her hand again. Though, she noted, his hold was a bit too tight to be comforting. “Doctor?”

"Surely we can do the honoring and repaying within our own domicile," he suggested. A quick squeeze of the hand had Rose nodding along to the lie. “I mean, wouldn’t it mean more to old Kathy if we do that in the home we intend to share the rest of our lives?”

Lie or not, Rose liked the sound of that.

"You shame the goddess by such talk!" Mirilop cried, looking scandalised. “Doing anything other than her will would bring dishonor and a lifetime of ill fortune upon both of you and all of our peoples. Please, speak like this no more."

“Was worth a try.”

"You just had to say we were sent by that damn goddess, didn't you? Just couldn't keep your nose out of their business, could you? 'Oh, yeah. Old Kathy. Love the girl. She sent us here, you know. So tell me, why _are_ we here?'" she mocked. "Couldn't leave well enough alone, could you? No, because that's what you do, you poke and prod and snoop, and look what's happened."

"It could always be worse."

"Don't you ever say that. When you, in particular, say things like that, things always do get worse, Doctor."

At the entrance to their domicile, which looked more like a two room shack than anything else, Mirilop ushered the Doctor inside one room and led Rose into another. Thankfully, the two guardsmen stayed outside the front door, seemingly waiting for something. Most likely Mirilop. Hopefully Mirilop. She couldn’t take any more surprises today.

Rose was so confused by the separation from the men and the Doctor, she let herself be stripped down without argument, not noticing until she was completely starkers. Her left arm and right hand covered her parts as best as possible while she stepped out of reach.

“Uh, what’re you doing?”

"It is my duty to prepare you for your first joining," Mirilop whispered, shuffling back to her side. "Kathra chose me to help you on this journey, my Lady Rose. I have been honored very highly.”

"Er, what journey?"

The girl paused. "You will be embarking upon your marriage. Tonight is the night you first join with your mate and give him that part of you that no other man can ever have."

Rose tried not to laugh. Was she talking about her virginity? Little late for that...

"Course," she said, playing along. "Guess I'm just nervous. Wasn't thinking. That wine was to loosen me up, yeah? Must've gone to my head or something."

"No, my Lady Rose, it wasn't wine. That was the nectar of the goddess beneficent. Legend has it the nectar flowed from Kathra’s own breasts before the conception and birth of our first mothers."

Okay, that was a really weird legend and any other time she would totally ask for more information, but something else the girl had said seemed more important at the moment.

"If that wasn’t wine, what was it? What did I just drink?"

Mirilop smiled gently. "Kathra is a beneficent goddess, my Lady Rose. She brings prosperity to our peoples and asks only that we women bear our mate's children and raise them according to her will. Her nectar helps us breed. If I had known you were unaware, I would have mentioned it sooner. Though, of course, not in front of your mate. Talking of this sort of thing is discouraged in front of men."

There seemed to be a giant lead ball the size of the TARDIS taking up residence in her belly.

"Breed, as in get pregnant?"

"Yes, my Lady Rose. Most women find themselves breeding after their union's consummation. It is the blessing of Kathra."

Rose was thinking as quickly as possible. "What happens if I want to wait to, uh, consummate the union when I'm not drugged up on this stuff?"

"My Lady Rose, it is not to be considered!" Mirilop actually dropped the sheer sheet-like gown she was wrapping around Rose and then quickly stooped down to grab it. "Only once has a woman so heinously rejected the goddess beneficent's generosity. She... We do not speak of it."

"Why?"

"Kathra was so angry her generosity had been refused," Mirilop whispered fearfully, "she came swiftly in the night and exacted vengeance upon her. It is the highest form of dishonour…"

"What happened?"

"I do not know, my Lady Rose. It was so grisly, only the elders were given permission to handle the situation. Let us speak of this no more. You and your mate both agreed to this union so you've no reason to hesitate and Kathra will not become displeased with you." Mirilop clipped the sheet closed with an ornate pin, stepped away from Rose, and bowed her head. "You are prepared, my Lady Rose. I will return with a meal for two when the sun has gone to ground for the night."

Rose bemusedly followed Mirilop back into the room the Doctor was in and watched her shut the door before turning to him.

Her stomach started fluttering. He was so handsome.

"Rose..." He shook his head and sighed. "I think you're going to be angry again."

"Why?"

"That wasn't wine we had at the wedding."

"Yeah, Mirilop told me. It's some baby-making potion or something."

"Oh, dear. You know that, then. Now you're really going to be mad."

“Why?”

He nervously fiddled with his jacket sleeves and her brows pulled down. Since when did he get nervous about anything?

"It's... a bit more than... a baby-making potion, as you called it. I scanned myself with the sonic while you were-” He paused, head cocking to the side. “You look lovely."

Pleasure and satisfaction warred within her. He thought she looked lovely, did he? So did he, but now wasn’t the time to discuss it. She gave him a big smile.

"Thank you. So what was it?"

"Er... A very strong aphrodisiac, one I've only ever heard rumors of. And seriously, Rose, you're breathtaking.”

“Really?”

With a distracted nod, he stepped closer and looked her over head to toe. Her body warmed and she wasn’t too sure it was in embarrassment.

“What is that thing you're wearing?" He ran his hand along the fabric underneath the clip holding her dress in place. He thought she was more than lovely. He thought she looked breathtaking. She could get used to hearing that. “Rose?”

“Huh?”

“What are you wearing?”

"Um, looks like a sheet.”

“Sheets belong on a bed. Although, this one does look perfect wrapped around you.” And that- the Doctor talking about bed sheets- conjured some _very nice_ thoughts. “This broach is beautiful. You might want to keep it.”

She nodded, vaguely remembering they were talking about something important. But… what? Oh! The aphrodisiac! Right. Right, yes.

“Why did you look so upset? What have you heard about the aphrodisiac?"

"The aphrodisiac?” he repeated curiously. His hand stopped wandering and he blinked, looking more in the present than moments before. “Oh, quite right. Yes. Well, there's nothing we can do, Rose. We will have to... you know. I’m sorry."

"Why do we _have to_ , though? What happens if we just wait out the aphrodisiac?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, very purposefully keeping his eyes on her face. He looked like he was fighting a losing battle.

"That's the thing. We will die a very, very, painfully, disgustingly horrible death if we don't. If that’s what you want, then I’ll accept it. Barely. Maybe. Probably not, though.”

"What." It wasn't quite a question and he flinched. "Explain yourself."

"I thought this planet sounded familiar when we first landed. Do you remember me saying that?" Rose nodded and the Doctor again sighed. "Garthune, the prosperous planet. They have no choice but to be, ahem, prosperous. The aphrodisiac they imbibe during their wedding ceremonies is terribly strong and very effective at aiding in conception. I'd say about 80% effective, if I had to guess. Could take the time to figure out the proper percentage, but..."

"Not what I asked."

"I'm getting there. A long, long, long time ago, I'd heard rumors back home of those who'd been here when it happened. A woman had refused to er, join with the man who'd forced her to marry him, because she absolutely hated everything he stood for and vowed she would not bear his children. Well, the aphrodisiac aids in conception and she undoubtedly knew that, as all of Garthune knows... and, well, from what I heard..."

"Doctor, please. Just tell me."

His eyes finally drifted below the level of her neck again and he swallowed. Rose almost smiled. She knew he loved her breasts. She’d caught him looking often enough. Maybe after this ordeal, she might try to think up a way to get him to make a move.

It dawned on her that he was still just staring at her breasts and hadn’t answered her question. She cleared her throat and his eyes shot back to hers.

"Sorry.” He shook his head. “I was told that the lust created by the aphrodisiac was- well, when it wasn't sated, it turned against the couple. Have you ever heard lust likened to heat in the veins?"

"Vaguely. Mum used to have these books laying around and I accidentally flipped through one when I was ten."

"Books." His brows pulled down. "You mean like romance novels or, as I prefer to call them, literary pornography?"

"Yup."

"Oh, my head. The mental images!" He clutched at his forehead and groaned, his eyes closed. "Why would you tell me that?"

Rose giggled. "Oops? Keep talking."

"Ugh... Alright. Where was I?"

"Heat in the veins."

His eyes were again focused on her breasts. She shifted, surreptitiously trying to ease a growing ache in her groin.

"Right. Heat in the veins. Seems the potion, as you call it, made that heat manifest as actual heat that..."

"That?"

"Boiled the veins-” He took a deep breath. “With each heartbeat when it hadn't been sated within the time limit."

"Oh, my god!” The Doctor jumped, eyes back on her face, looking shocked by her outburst. “What kind of planet is this? Forcing poison like that on people… It's not right! I've half a mind to-"

"Rose." She stopped mid-rant and looked at him. Really looked at him. "Remember that heat I was talking about?"

"Well, yeah. You literally just got done talking about it."

"Mhm. Are you aware that your gown is nearly transparent?"

“Well, yeah.” He gave her a pointed look and swallowed. Her eyes widened. "Oh. Um, we're really gonna hafta... Aren't we?"

Please say yes.

"Soon, I think."

"Are you okay with that?"

He chuckled oddly. "Am I... Can you not feel it?"

"It?"

"The heat," he replied, his voice a little huskier than usual. _Oh, God_. "Searing through your veins, burning away any desire you might have had to say no. 's terrible stuff. I'm so sorry, Rose. I should have listened to you and taken us away the moment I realised we weren’t on Beltharia."

Oh, she wasn’t sorry at all and was definitely feeling a desire to say something, but it wasn't 'no.' No, it ran more along the lines of 'keep talking like that' and 'why are you still dressed?' She swore she could _feel_ his gaze running up her body and had to stifle a moan.

"Is it hot in here or is it just me?"

"Yes."

She normally would've giggled. Now all she could do was imagine at least twenty ways the Doctor could rip this damn sheet off of her. Preferably with his teeth.

"We should-"

"Yes."

"I'm thinking now."

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

The Doctor was on her the next moment, simultaneously plundering her mouth and undressing her. The sheet landed on the floor, nearly ripped in two, and Rose moaned. He hadn’t used his teeth, but it was good enough for her.

"Doctor.”

"Rose."

Her prayer and his answer. 

***

So much for prayers and answers.

"Doctor?"

"Rose?"

They both had yet to look at each other, instead staring at the ceiling above them and not moving an inch. Well, that was a lie. Rose moved enough to tug the blanket up to her chin and the Doctor crossed his arms over his chest.

Though... he did look more comfortable than she did right then. Did this sort of thing happen to him often?

"We just had sex."

"Yep."

A lot. Like for hours and hours. Not that she was complaining, mind.

"Magic potion or not, that aphrodisiac wouldn’t have… You don't think I'm... Do you? I mean, I'm on birth control. Just ran out, actually, so we need to stop back home at some-”

“Rose.”

“Right. Not important right now. Even if you did, you know... inside... we're good, right?" He groaned and she could see, out of the corner of her eye, a vivid blush coming to his entire body. Well, as much as she could see, at least. "And could that even... because you're an... and I'm... not? Alien, I mean?"

Was it bad to half-hope and half-dread they turned out to be the 20% that didn't have a baby?

"No, Gallifreyans and humans could reproduce... but you're on human birth control, which is a surprisingly effective cocktail of chemicals that prevent birth…. amongst humans."

“What do you mean?”

He finally turned to her and she did the same. He took a moment to gather his thoughts and she waited impatiently, biting her lip and starting to tap her fingers against her other hand.

"I’m not human so I cannot say with 100% certainty this is true, but I do not believe you would have conceived with that running through your system. See, I’ve never had opportunity to worry about human birth control in a situation such as this, but I’m sure you didn’t.”

“So your superior Time Lord… erm…”

“My what?”

He honestly looked confused, like he couldn’t even begin to guess what she was talking about. He wasn’t gonna make this easy, then. Well, she couldn’t call it come. She’d never be able to look him in the eye again, because there were just some things you never say to a nine-hundred-year-old Time Lord alien man and that was definitely one of them.

“Uhm, your Time Lord… release… isn’t that superior to humans, then?”

“Uh, well.” He chuckled awkwardly. “Not quite that superior, I would think. After all, it’s just sperm. Ish.”

Oh, yeah. She could’ve said that. Damn.

She was gonna have to ask him about Time Lord- or Gallifreyan- physiology later. Was there a difference between Time Lord men and Gallifreyan men? Probably not. It was just so incredible how similar he and human guys were. He even had a bellybutton! She remembered that.

And… her mind was wandering again.

“Okay,” she said, mind racing back to the last thing he said. Something about non-superior sperm. “Yeah. But the birth control will take care of it?”

“Wouldn’t know, really, but I’m sure we’ll be okay. After all, Rose, you’re human and on birth control, which is designed to prevent pregnancy in humans. I’m thinking the species of the male won’t matter when it comes down to it.”

Rose sighed, her heart breaking and soaring at the same time, and the Doctor tugged at his earlobe. She briefly wondered what he was thinking about over there. Debated asking, decided not to.

"Well, that's... good. Right?"

"Yes, yes, of course. No babes in your future. Er, I mean your near future. Not too sure ‘bout much else. How could that not be good?" His eyes skittered away from hers. "May I ask how long ago your birth control ran out?"

"It's hard to tell on the TARDIS, but I took my last pill when I got up three days ago. Well, three mornings ago."

"Ah. Alright. We'll have to visit Earth, then, very soon. Never know when we may be forced to do this again. Shoulda been a Boy Scout, me. Always be prepared, you know. Think it’s too late to join?”

Rose, despite how awkward things were right then, laughed. The Doctor joined her, sounding relieved. She decided they might just make it out of this with their friendship intact so, naturally, she couldn't help speaking her mind.

"Considering what just happened, Doctor, I think I'm allowed to tell you something."

"Oh? What's that?"

"You may look human, but you really aren't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He pushed himself up onto one elbow and peeked beneath the thin blanket over the both of them. She very definitely did not lean a bit to try to see, either. Maybe. "I look human in every way, Rose. I think. Wouldn’t actually know, but- Are you implying there's something wrong with my anatomy?"

"No.”

“Then explain yourself. How am I really not human? Course I’m not human, but I’d like to know what flaw you’ve found, because it sounded like there was one. What is it?”

“Not a flaw. Just haven't ever seen a man... that... endowed before or who can be ready to go again so fast. It’s kind of astounding."

The Doctor smirked smugly and flopped back down on the bed, once more lying on his back, his arms under his head and a leg bent at the knee.

"Ah. Told you Time Lords were better." His attitude immediately changed, however, and he worriedly looked over at her. "Did I hurt you?"

His gaze was unnerving and she fought the impulse to pull the blanket over her face.

"Just a little sore, but it's been a while."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Good. That's good."

"Right."

They both lapsed back into silence and Rose decided not to mention his technique, his wonderful, glorious technique. Well, what she could remember of it. Everything seemed a little fuzzy now, but she did remember for a fact that the pleasure had seemed never-ending. It'd crash against her, ebb the smallest bit, and crash again. Her body was still shaking a little, actually, and she caught herself wondering if it'd be so fantastic without that aphrodisiac in their systems.

Rose let her eyes surreptitiously wander over the Doctor's form, memorising the muscles in his chest, enjoying the sight of his bellybutton, and lingering on his blanket-covered groin before continuing on. He really was a very attractive bloke... for an alien... and she'd just had sex with him.

She'd just had sex with an alien, an alien who just so happened to be the sexiest guy she'd ever seen and knew exactly what to do to make her come again and again... and again... and...

Whoa.

Yeah, that had been the best she ever had. A silly grin slipped onto her lips and the Doctor, noticing immediately, again rolled onto his side and frowned. She met his eyes, grinned wider, and his frown deepened.

"If you're about to make fun of me, I'd like some warning so I can at least be dressed when you do it."

"Oh, no. No, no, no. Won't ever do that, Doctor."

"Oh." That smug smirk was back. "That good, am I?"

"You're like that Energizer bunny advert we saw in America that one time."

His smile fell away. "Hmm. Well, I know I’m not an adorable bunny rabbit. So are you saying I’m furry? Or do I have a tail and I've never before noticed?"

"Nope."

"Then what _are_ you saying?"

"You kept on going and going..."

"Ah. I see the analogy now." He rubbed the back of his neck and his eyes focused somewhere on her neck. He very gently ran a finger along her skin. "You've a bruise. Does it hurt?”

“I can’t feel it.”

“Oh. I’m glad. It looks terrible. And, uh, I have to ask, because I've never done this with a human and I can't be sure you’re not lying to me about... Ahum. You were satisfied?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Oh, no. Did you not...?"

"Maybe I should have said 'You're like that Energizer bunny. You kept on going and going... and I kept on coming and coming..."

"So you did?"

She snorted. "In the past, I was lucky if they got me off even once. Most of the time, I had to do it myself, but today..."

Rose clearly saw the Doctor's eyes become unfocused. He had to blink, swallow, and clear his throat before he could speak.

"Right. I see. So you did?" he repeated. "I mean, I did? It was good?"

"Yes," she laughed. "The best."

"The best, you say? We-hell, of course it was."

Rose grinned and then someone started knocking on the front door. She and the Doctor both sat up in bed and looked at each other.

"That must be Mirilop. She said she'd bring food at sundown or something like that."

"I'll, uh, go let her in. I think I might have sonicked the door. Vaguely… remember… right. Going."

"Did you really? Huh. Don’t remember that."

He nodded. Rose didn't bother pretending she wasn't watching him as he climbed out of bed and put his trousers back on. Now that there wasn't a fog of lust surrounding them, she noticed he hadn't been wearing anything under his trousers and the realisation made her toes curl. That was such a tasty thought, him gallivanting through time and space with just a thin layer between him and the rest of the world. Every time they hugged...

He started to leave the room, his bare feet drawing her attention, but he paused in the doorway and turned back to her. She quickly met his gaze with her own.

"I'll be back."

She bit her lip and nodded. He seemed as unwilling to leave her as she was to let him go and that was definitely new.

No lie, she kinda liked it.

"I am sorry, my Lord Doctor," Mirilop's voice traveled. "The door was stuck and I promised my Lady Rose I would bring you the evening meal. Forgive me for pulling you from your marriage bed."

"Oh, 's quite all right. Your Lady Rose is still, ahem, unfit for company so I'll just take this to her."

Rose blushed.

"As are you, my Lord Doctor," Mirilop said quietly enough Rose almost couldn’t hear her. "It is not proper for an unmarried woman to see a man in such a state of undress."

Curiously, Rose spotted the Doctor's shirt hanging off a chair in the corner and her eyes widened. She had been so focused on his feet and lack of pants, she hadn't quite realized he still wasn't wearing a shirt! God, why did she not have a camera?

"My apologies. Wasn't paying attention when I dressed. Good evening, Mirilop."

"Good evening, my Lord Doctor. Many blessings to you and my Lady Rose."

The front door closed and Rose could hear the Doctor padding through the other room. She hurriedly fixed her hair, checked her makeup (eyes only, of course) in the reflection of the primitive-looking gas lamp on the bedside table, rearranged the blanket around her, and tested her breath.

Perfect.

The Doctor entered a moment later, a heavily-laden tray in his hands, and faltered when he saw Rose.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you would have dressed."

"I don't know where Mirilop put my clothing and you ripped my dress in half."

All very true, actually. The Doctor flushed in response.

"Quite sorry about that. Um..." He set the tray on the bed and snagged his discarded shirt before handing it to her. "If you would like to dress, you may use this."

"Thank you."

"I'll just, uhm, turn around to give you some privacy, then."

"'s not like you haven't seen everything already," she replied thoughtlessly and then was blushing as badly as him. "Right. Um, turn around, yeah?"

"Yes. Turn around." As she stepped out of bed and hissed at the freezing stone floor beneath her, she wondered how he hadn't gotten dizzy spinning as quickly as he had. "Are you alright, Rose?"

"Hmm?"

"You made a sound." He started to turn, but grabbed the door’s edge to hold himself in place. His knuckles immediately turned white. "Have I hurt you, after all?"

"The bloody floor's freezing, is all. How are you not feeling it?"

"Time Lord. Don't even notice it."

"Right." His shirt fell to mid-thigh and covered everything it should, though she wouldn't have minded too much if it hadn't. Dressed as much as she could be, she crawled back into bed and desperately tried warming her feet back up. "I'm done."

The Doctor peeked behind him and then headed back to his side of the bed. He hesitated only a moment before he was sliding in next to her and reaching for the tray on the end of the bed. Rose couldn't help it. Her eyes automatically locked on his chest.

"Rose?"

Her eyes snapped to his. How long had she been staring? Couldn’t have been that long, but his confusion hinted it might have been longer than she thought.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you would like a drink. It looks like we have been given a honey liquor unique to Garthune. It's quite delicious or so I've been told."

"Is it laced with anything?"

"Ah, well, I don't know. Should probably check, hmm?"

"I bet it's not," Rose decided and the Doctor looked at her curiously. "Yeah. We've already had that stuff, right? What would be the point of getting dosed with it again when we just... you know... and they usually only need the one time?"

"That would make sense," the Doctor agreed. "I could still check it."

"Don't. I bet it's fine. It'll be my fault this time if it's not."

The Doctor got an indescribable look on his face, nodded, and focused on their food with a smile that would have been absolutely adorable if she hadn’t been wearing his shirt and only that. Here and now, all that smile did was make her want to climb into his lap and kiss it away.

“Hmm. This is acceptable. Fresh Garthunian vegetables, a stew of some sort-"

"Chocolate?"

"It's a universal delicacy," he replied and sniffed it. "Hmm. Best leave that alone, just in case."

"Let me guess- it's an aphrodisiac of some sort."

"Normally, no, but the higher levels of serotonin and phenylethamine might have just enough of a kick." He coughed delicately. "Like I said, best leave that alone."

"It's a shame. I love chocolate."

"It is delicious," he commented, nodding and looking at the rough-edged chunks of chocolate. "You know, now that I think about it, I'm sure the chocolate's not that much of a risk."

Rose's brows momentarily quirked. "Yeah, I bet it's safe. Wouldn't make much sense for them to tamper with it, either, after the wine we had earlier."

"No, that wouldn't make sense at all," he agreed quickly. "It's only a myth, after all, that chocolate is an aphrodisiac. Even you humans have figured that out… so that’s saying something."

"I bet we could eat some and not feel any different."

"It _is_ just chocolate. I should test it, though."

Before she could stop him, rather than sonic the chocolate, he licked it and Rose was mesmerised by the way his tongue lapped across the food. It was like slow-motion, watching him licking flat-tongued along the length of chocolate until he pulled his head back a bit and licked with the tip of his tongue.

She could imagine his tongue doing that along her skin, perhaps trailing down her chest and stomach, maybe heading… Rose swallowed thickly and met his eyes.

"Well?" she asked a tad shakily. "Is it safe?"

He nodded. "And delicious. Want some?"

"Oh, yeah." She stole the chocolate in his hand, instead of grabbing her own chunk, and bit some off. "'s good."

"Oh, bananas! Excellent."

"Have some chocolate with that," she said, holding out the chunk in her hand. The Doctor took back the chocolate, bit into it, and then shoved some banana into his mouth. His arms fell to his thighs, wrists against his knees, and Rose caught herself staring at his fingers. "Well?"

"Try it yourself," he offered, mouth full. Rose leaned down, took a bite each of the banana and chocolate the Doctor held, and slowly leaned back while chewing. Their eyes met and the Doctor's voice was a little lower when he asked, "What do you think?"

"'s great."

"Indeed. Great suggestion, Rose."

Rose finished chewing, swallowed, and then sipped at her honey liquor. The Doctor was sitting motionless, cross-legged and still holding the banana and chocolate in his hands, and Rose let her eyes travel all the way up his body until her eyes met his. They stared barely a moment before they both moved.

Their tray was knocked to the floor, the banana was smashed against the bedding, and the chocolate began melting a trail over Rose's exposed collarbone as they almost violently captured each other's mouth. After tossing the chocolate away with a growl, the Doctor maneuvered Rose underneath him and popped the top few buttons off of his shirt in an attempt to get to her body. Meanwhile, she slipped her hands between them and began fumbling with his trousers. Eventually, when they realized they were much too close to get anything off, they separated and quickly removed their own clothing before the Doctor was once more covering her.

They moved together as if this wasn't only the second time- well, not time so perhaps occasion was a better word- they'd done this. The Doctor's lips found Rose's as her arms wound around his neck, his groin aligned with hers as her legs wrapped around his back, he carefully thrust inside as her hips lifted to meet him. He still felt so big and she gasped at the feeling, tucking her head into the side of his neck.

"Give me a second."

"Anything," he breathed onto her temple. "Long as you need."

She was trying to get used to taking him again, but her hips still snapped up of their own accord, pulling him in deeper. She groaned, loving the painful pleasure that move brought her, and the Doctor swallowed loudly.

"You keep that up and I won't be able to stop myself."

Rose sucked his earlobe into her mouth, eliciting a sound of pleasure from deep within his chest, and then bit it. He jerked further into her and she leaned up to breathe into his ear, two little words escaping her that she knew he wanted to hear so badly.

"Then don't."

***

Seventeen times, Rose marveled. Seventeen. Six the first time, which had only lasted two hours tops. Eleven times the second time, which had lasted an amazing five and a half hours. His mouth, his hands, his body... he'd used and done everything he could think of and had been so exhausted, he'd immediately fallen asleep after the last time they'd come together.

She had secretly been grateful, though, because she'd been so sleepy and was sure one more go would have made her fall asleep before he could come again, too, and how much would he have whined if that had happened? A soft sigh escaped the Doctor and Rose looked up at him.

She'd been awake for a few minutes now and, with them curled so tightly against each other, she could still kinda smell herself on his mouth. It should have been grossing her out since she'd always had this thing where her guy had to brush his teeth and clean his face after going down on her, but with the Doctor...

Hell, she wasn't going to pretend it wasn't turning her on.

In his sleep, the Doctor pursed his lips and Rose didn't hesitate to lean in for a quick kiss, just a little something to remember yesterday by. And that brought back the questions she'd had on her mind when she'd first woken up.

What were they gonna do? Would things between them be awkward for the rest of eternity or would they pretend it hadn't even happened?

You can't just screw someone and yourself into actual exhaustion and then pretend it hadn't happened. Seventeen times, she again stressed to herself. Seventeen times he'd made her come. Nobody could forget something like that.

"Mmm..."

Rose could feel the vibrations of that sleepy hum playing in the Doctor's throat and was pulled closer as he stretched, simultaneously pulling her chest onto his and knocking his groin against hers.

Oh, wow, yeah. _She was sore_.

It took him a moment to notice her pressed against him, but she knew he knew when his hearts began thundering. Rose looked up in time to see his eyes pop open and focus on her.

"Er, hello," she greeted. “Mornin’ and all that.”

"Rose?" He stared long enough, still holding her tight against him, that she started wondering if he'd truly forgotten about all of yesterday. "Hello. Yes. Good morning."

"You look confused." If she'd been able to use her arms, she would have rubbed away the crease between his brows. "You alright?"

"Maybe."

"Something wrong?"

"I slept longer than you. That's never happened before."

A wave of relief crashed over her.

"Well, you were, uh, you deserved to get some sleep."

"You're right, of course. Yes. I did earn it, didn't I?"

He was back to asking if she'd enjoyed it? Okay. So they weren't going to pretend it didn't happen ( _Thank God_ ).

"Eleven times."

"Total? How many the last time?"

"That was last time. Seventeen total."

"Seventeen, you say?" Rose was expecting smug satisfaction. To her surprise, though, he harrumphed and his lips pulled into a spectacular frown. "I'm sure I could have done better if I'd put my mind to it. I'm so sorry."

"What? Any more and I probably couldn't move today!" she laughed, relieved they could at least talk about it without feeling awkward. Then again, they hadn't felt too awkward yesterday, had they? "Believe me, Doctor, you went waaaaay above and beyond what I expected."

"Are you sure?"

"Remember? I'm used to only getting one and most of the time, I have to do it myself. You were... well, there's no other word for it. You were fantastic."

And there was the grin she'd been expecting. Not that he hadn't earned that, too.

"I was, wasn't I? Are you sore?"

Should probably give the barest of details about _that_.

"It's to be expected. Went months without and then had a marathon..." Seeing his expression, she added, "I'll be fine."

"If you say- Months?"

"Yeah. When I broke up with Mickey."

"You broke up with The Idiot? What made you final- no, hold on. Why did you have sex with him if you were breaking up with him?"

"It'd been a while since I'd been able to see him longer than an hour out of your presence and I wanted to."

"I see. You had sex with him even though you've claimed you usually have to take care of yourself. Why have sex, then, if you can easily do the same for yourself on board? Without him, I mean."

"'cause it's nice to have someone hold you every now and again, especially during… that. And, besides, sometimes I don't have to bring myself off during sex. Either way, it’s more fun with somebody else."

"I see," he repeated and pulled her even closer, which she didn't think was even possible. "I wasn't aware you liked to be held. You never said."

"Because I didn't picture you as a cuddler."

"I am _not_ cuddling," he replied firmly. "I am holding you. I do not cuddle. There is a difference, Rose."

"This is cuddling," she spoke into his neck, because, really, he was holding her so tightly that she couldn't move much. "Really good cuddling, actually. Tight."

"This is really great _holding_. Not cuddling." She snickered and he pulled back enough to see her. "It's not."

"Sounds like I'm not the one with domestication issues, Doctor."

"What are you talking about?"

"Rose the Undomesticated, remember? Is cuddling too domestic for you? Maybe feels too settled down, hmm?"

"I still don't know what you're talking about."

"Mhmm." Rose curled back against him and sighed. She hadn't gotten to do this either time they stopped having sex yesterday and she'd been thinking about it since that first time she'd screamed 'Oh, God!' last night. Aaaaaand he smelled amazing. "So how do you suggest we get out of here? Think these people will just let us leave?"

"If they ask, we can always say Kathra has called us back to her side," the Doctor suggested.

“Think we can just sneak out before the village wakes up? Be a lot easier.”

“Ooh. Better plan. We should probably find your clothing first."

"Good luck to us.” Rose reared up a little to look around the room. “I think she hid them, to be honest."

The Doctor gently removed his thigh from between her legs, barely blushing when he grazed her groin, and almost reluctantly pulled away so he could sit up.

"Making a habit of this, I think."

Yeah, she wasn't upset about that at all. The Doctor handed his shirt back to her and Rose buttoned it on, closely watching him as he pulled on his trousers and trainers.

After she'd crawled out of the bed and slid into her boots (he'd found them in an impossibly small closet), he threw his jacket on and, after a moment of just staring at his tie, tucked it into his jacket pocket. Rose grinned at the patch of hair and skin she could spot between his jacket lapels and he self-consciously turned away to start the search for her clothes.

"Any luck?" she asked minutes later. Where had that girl put her clothes and _when_ had she done it? "I'm not finding anything."

"I found your knickers and skirt. I think your shirt's sprouted legs and run off. Actually, did you know that on the planet Avagord, clothing items are actually sentient beings and have been known to run off on their own?"

"Sure didn’t. You’ve never said. Now, Doctor, focus. That shirt has to be in here. She didn't take it with her when we left the room yesterday. I would have noticed that."

"Well, I can't seem to find it." Rose caught him staring at her thighs and blushed. He thankfully didn't comment. "I suggest you just dress as best as you can and we’ll get out of here before anything else happens. Oh, and sorry. I couldn't find your brassiere, either."

"I wasn't wearing one yesterday. Forgot to put one on."

"Hmm. Yes, I thought so. You didn't much like that shirt, did you?"

"Mickey gave it to me last Christmas. It wasn't my favorite shirt, but I know he'd be upset if I lost it."

That only seemed to put him in a chipper mood.

"Pity. Go ahead and dress, Rose. With any luck, we can be well on our way to more trouble before these people even wake for the day."

"Lovely."

He didn't turn to let her get dressed with dignity. Instead, she had to awkwardly maneuver her knickers over her boots and up her legs without accidentally flashing him. He merely watched her while telling her all about some planet he wanted her to see next.

She wasn't paying attention, really. Her mind was blown. There stood the Doctor, watching her get dressed after they'd spent most of yesterday screwing each other's brains out, and he was acting completely normal. Well, maybe not completely normal, because he'd never watched her get dressed before, but still.

"-and the Armarons take one look at the donut, start yelping, and then turn tail and run. I couldn't believe it! And you know what? I sat back and ate that donut. It was delicious." He paused and frowned. "Rose, you haven't put on your skirt."

"Huh? Oh. Quit distracting me."

"I didn't mean to. How was I to know that story would stop you from dressing?"

"Still your fault."

Rose quickly stepped into her skirt, caring less about flashing her knickers than she'd cared about flashing herself to him. Which, now that she thought about it, was stupid. He'd spent a good portion of the night with his head, hands, and frankly magnificent Time Lord bits and bobs between her legs. He probably knew better than she what she looked like down there and she was worried she'd flash him?

And oh, god, that was such a naughty thought. Despite the pain brought on by doing such an action, she wiggled her skirt over her hips, secretly trying to relieve the pressure between her legs, and shot the Doctor a smile. He returned it and clapped his hands together.

"Ready, then?"

Rose eyed him. Yes. Yes, she was… She shook the thought away. No. Bad idea... and she was too sore anyway.

"Yeah. I'll just have to leave the shirt."

"Excellent! I never liked it, anyway." Rose fully planned to mention the fact that he'd been admiring it over breakfast the day before, but he didn't give her a chance. He grabbed her hand and pulled her through the two rooms and out of the house. "Incidentally, as incredible as the view is, Rose, you might consider holding my shirt closed. Missing buttons, you know. I can see all the way down to your navel and I'm not particularly attempting to do so…. or not do so. Either, or."

What? Did he- what?

"Right. Thanks."

"Oh, here. You can use your broach. Must’ve put it in my pocket last night. Don’t actually remember doing that, though. Did you do it?” He shook the thought away, closely watching her pin his shirt closed. “Never mind. I really think we should pay a visit to your mother once we leave here, as much as even saying that physically hurt me."

"Yeah, she needs to know we got married here, just in case we accidentally mention it later. Be the sort of thing to set her off, I’d think."

"Brilliant point, of course."

"That wasn't why you wanted to go?"

"Not at all. You haven't seen Jackie in a few weeks. Also, you need to take care of your birth control situation. I'm sure missing too many doses is not a good thing. Am I correct?"

"Yeah and we really should be prepared the next time something like this happens," Rose added. "If it happens, I mean. Good thinking."

"I thought so. But let's get something to eat before dropping in on Jackie. Give me a chance to get in the right mind-set." The Doctor opened the door to the TARDIS and let her enter first. "What are you in the mood for?"

Rose chuckled, a dirty thought in mind.

"Something traditional," she said instead. "Toast, tea… and I really, really want some eggs."

"Sounds perfect."

***

"Let me get this straight." Jackie looked from Rose to the Doctor, her confused frown morphing into a glare by the time she got to him. "You tricked my daughter into marrying you and now she might be knocked up. Is that the gist of things?"

"No, Mum. It's only been, what, three days? It's still in my system. I think. And he didn't trick me, but I am married to him. Technically. On Garthune, at least."

The Doctor quickly looked at her before focusing on Jackie again. She spared her own quick glance to study his expression and then was back to looking at her mum. What was that about?

"Sure it is, Rose,” Jackie muttered sarcastically. “Well, looks like you finally got your way, Doctor. Stole my daughter out from under my nose. Happy now?"

"I wasn't unhappy before," he clarified, "and I haven't stolen your daughter, Jackie. As Rose told you, nothing has changed. Much. We just wanted to tell you in case we mentioned it later. We didn't want you to have a heart attack."

The look on his face made Rose think he was thinking quite the opposite. She elbowed him and received a guilty half-grin in return. They got lost in each other a moment and then realised Jackie was talking.

"-and how am I supposed to tell people my son-in-law's an alien? Huh? What're my friends gonna say? How's Mickey supposed to react? Shareen'll have a conniption when you tell her!"

"Son-in-law?" the Doctor asked weakly. "Oh, Rose. Oh, no. No, no, no."

"Whoa, Mum. You can't tell people he's an alien. Doctor, are you okay? What's wrong?"

He looked pained. "You're my _wife_."

"Yeah?" Rose felt a knot forming in her stomach. "You said that yesterday. What about it?"

"Jackie Tyler is my mother-in-law now," he said, stressing each word. He released a long groan and let his head fall back against the couch. "Marry to avoid trouble and this is what I get. Rose. Oh, Rose, be honest with me. _Please_. Is there any way you are adopted?"

"Oi!"

"Oh, my god," Rose laughed. "You idiot! You scared me a second there. Of course I'm not adopted. You saw Mum back then."

"I was hoping I'd developed a faulty memory."

"No such luck, Doctor," Jackie snapped. "Plenty of guys would kill to have me."

The Doctor blanched and blindly searched for Rose's hand.

"As a mother-in-law," Rose added, fitting her fingers between the Doctor’s. "Plenty of guys would kill to have her as a mother-in-law. You're acting like a baby, Doctor. A nine-hundred-something-year-old baby."

"You don't even know how old he is? Do you know if he has a real name?"

"He’s nine-hundred-three, Mum, and I can't pronounce his real name."

The Doctor nodded sagely. "Another curse of the Time Lords. Can you imagine your wife not being able to call out-"

"Stop. Talking," Rose interrupted. "Now."

"Ah, yes. Very good idea. Thank you, Rose."

"Does he know how old you are? Does he remember your last name? Your allergies? Does he know anything that matters? Hmm?"

"Her name is Rose Marion Tyler, she's nearly twenty-two, she is only mildly allergic to wasp stings, and the pollen found on Graszut X steals her breath. She loves hot tea in the morning and hot chocolate in the evenings. She refuses to eat before nine o'clock in the morning and after eight o'clock at night, doesn't go to bed until eleven, and wakes no earlier than seven o'clock when she's in the TARDIS and eight o'clock on Earth. She absolutely loves chocolate and thinks I'm an idiot sometimes but still puts up with me ‘cause life wouldn't be the same otherwise. She doesn't understand why I'm always picking on you and why you return that two-fold and I know she wishes she could have gone to school longer even though I constantly tell her she's absolutely brilliant and no school could have a better opinion than I. She has a tendency to nag and nag until I give in anytime she thinks I need to sleep or eat and she always smells like Rose, even when we've been running for our lives and she's all sweaty and thinks she smells bad. She's the best friend I've ever known and that's saying something. She also happens to be my wife now- if only on Garthune, of course. She is courageous and incredibly compassionate about things even I wouldn't care about-" Rose wondered if he was also remembering the Dalek in Van Statten's bunker. "She has wisdom far beyond her years, offered friendship to an old, broken man when none others would, and can be an annoyingly selfless woman sometimes. No matter my opinion about it, she would give her life if it meant others would be safe. Nearly did once," he murmured, frowning. "I also know she has three birth marks. There's a heart on the back of her left knee, a patch on the small of her back, and a- did we decide that was a diamond?- on her inner- er, actually, never mind that one."

Rose blushed.

"So he knows stuff, but do you think he's going to make you happy?” Jackie huffed and stood up. “Hold it. I think I need to address that birthmark business, but I’ll need a drink first," she muttered and left the room. "Bloody perverted alien. Don’t you dare leave!"

"Way to go, Doctor. Mum is so uncomfortable right now."

"Oh, is that why she left?" He abruptly grinned. "Excellent."

"Curious here. Um, how long have you been thinking about that stuff?"

"Everything I just said? I haven't. I said what came to mind. Did I do a good job convincing your mum I know you well enough to have married you?"

"Yeah. She didn't even know some of that stuff.”

He shrugged. "Now she does."

“Then there’s the thing about the birth marks…"

“You cannot tell me your own mother didn’t know about your birth marks, Rose. I refuse to believe she was that bad of a mother, despite my personal feelings regarding… well, almost everything about her.”

"No, she knew. But how did you discover them, Doctor?"

"Last night, of course. Well, I've known about the heart behind your knee since the time we visited that beach on Baralye.” He frowned and looked at her. “Why?"

"Because Mum's probably just figured out exactly what we did last night. Just a warning."

"Shouldn't she have known when we told her about the very slight possibility that your birth control might not have been effective at preventing conception?"

"Yeah, but knowing Mum, she mighta thought we were talking about some freaky alien ritual that involved no sex."

"Oh. So she- _Oh_." He looked towards the kitchen, his eyes wide. "Oh, hell. Rose, we might need to leave before she comes back."

"Afraid of your mother-in-law?"

"I have faced entire armies determined to kill anyone in their way, stood at the head of many a battle, put an end to the Time War, and had to face many gruesome things I dare not put in words and I have never felt anything remotely close to the terror I feel when your mum gets in a right temper. Do you know my jaw still aches from our last encounter? _Still_ … especially when we're on a planet where it's raining. I think she’s permanently damaged me!"

"You asked her if she was pregnant. I don't blame her for smacking you."

"She didn't need to slap me for that! And how can you say that, Rose? It was a compliment. I was implying- falsely, I might add- that she was young enough to still have children!"

"To a woman, when you say that, the only thing you're implying is that they're fat."

"Ah. Well… noted. Thank you."

"Welcome."

"So... Can we leave?"

"Probably wise. She's looking for alcohol, which means in exactly twenty minutes, she'll be toasted enough to start grilling you for all the details of your, ahem, anatomy and everything else. You know, what it looks like, how it compares to a human, your stamina, if you're any good, your normal recovery-"

The Doctor was abruptly on his feet, hefted her over his shoulder, and ran with an arm slung below her bum. Rose heard her mum yelling, but couldn’t hear the words over her own laughing.

He didn't stop running until they were safely inside the TARDIS, the door locked and then sonicked shut behind them for good measure. He carefully dropped her in the jump seat, ran a hand through his hair, and frantically eyed the console monitors.

"I'm thinking somewhere very far away and incredibly far into the future. Or, ooh! The past. I wouldn’t put it past Jackie Tyler to find a way to survive eons just to keep an eye on me. Any thoughts?"

She merely grinned at him.

***

Rose entered the galley to find Jack and the Doctor arguing and sighed. They'd been doing that a lot lately and she was getting sick of it.

"Oi!! You two!" They both looked at her, their mouths still open. "It's barely seven in the morning and your arguing woke me up."

"I'm terribly sorry, Rose," the Doctor replied, looking appropriately contrite. "Would you like some tea? Toast? I know it's early for you, but..."

"Settle something for us, Rose?" Jack asked before she could reply to the Doctor with more than a nod. As he busied himself with grabbing her breakfast, Jack patted the seat beside him and Rose sat. "Good. Tell me, does the Doctor treat you differently than he treats me? Especially now that he’s become this guy?"

"Well, yeah."

The Doctor shot her a dirty look and she stuck her tongue out. Jack smugly crossed his arms over his chest.

"I told you. You're sweet on her."

Jack glanced at Rose, probably to make sure she'd heard, and looked confused when he saw her smirking.

"Yeah, he’s only acting that way ‘cause he’s my husband now and, therefore, is obligated to treat me differently," she said and paused while Jack's jaw dropped. "Oh, you didn't know? No?" The Doctor chuckled and she looked at him curiously. "Huh. Surely we'd told you."

"We were married a month back," the Doctor added. "Right before we found you again, actually."

"But… what?" Jack looked between her and the Doctor. "You two sleep in different rooms and you never do more than hug or hold hands, same as it's always been. I’ve been watching you two."

"We're married," Rose repeated and giggled. "We did it to avoid some trouble."

"Mhmm. Although, I think it caused more trouble than was worth it."

"If you'd just kept your mouth shut about my birth marks, Mum wouldn’t have-"

"Honestly, Rose, it slipped out. I didn't think to edit myself until I was in the very middle of saying 'inner thigh' and at least I stopped there. I could have said much more than that, said things that would have assuredly turned her hair white, but I didn't. No, wait a moment..." He paused, eyes unfocused. "Now that I think about it, we should pay your mum a visit.”

"Don't you dare."

“But I miss my mother-in-law."

“Doctor, I’m warning you. Don’t you even think about it.”

“Too late.”

The Doctor laughed delightedly and Rose narrowed her eyes at him. Jack eventually cleared his throat and they both looked at him.

"Glad you didn’t forget I was here.” He rolled his eyes. “So you’re married, but you sleep separately? Why aren’t you sharing a room now? Isn’t that what married people do?"

"That's correct. Married people do generally share a bedroom."

"...why aren’t you guys, then?"

Rose smirked. "Your ego couldn’t take it."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rose watched Jack's attention move to the Doctor and, after seeing the smug grin and blush on the Doctor's face, she laughed as Jack frowned. "So he's good?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Rose, don't gossip."

"I wasn't. Much. More like bragging about my 'husband.'"

"How good? I know what normal guys can be like. What was it, three, four times? Surely a Time Lord can’t be much better than that."

Rose laughed outright. "Anyways, Doctor, how's my breakfast?"

"Rose? More?"

"Jack, leave her alone."

Rose watched Jack and the Doctor go back and forth, Jack asking questions and the Doctor neatly deflecting them, and let herself drift off to her own thoughts. It'd been a month since Garthune happened and, while they hadn't slept together or even kissed since, their relationship was much closer than before. They often joked about their marriage, usually throwing around the words husband and wife or making cracks about being 'so domesticated,' but that's about as far as things ever got.

Part of her was relieved that things had gone back to normal, while another part of her was wondering if the Doctor ever thought about the two of them together. She did, but she couldn’t help it. After everything he had done to her and with her in that bed on Garthune, how could she? Though she felt guilty doing it (and she hadn't done 'it' until days after, when her entire groin wasn't sore anymore), she sometimes used those memories when she was relaxing in the bath after a long day or lying in bed late at night. It wasn't really that bad to think of that night, since it had actually happened and the whole thing had been completely amazing, but she still felt a little guilty. After all, they'd both been drugged at the time. He hadn't known what he was doing just as much as she hadn't. Well, the first time. She suspected the Doctor had been as sober as her the second time, but they had yet to say anything about it. Still, it was wrong. All of it.

Somehow, that argument she'd just had with herself had yet to convince her to stop using those memories when she just really needed to come.

"Your breakfast, my Lady Rose," the Doctor interrupted her thoughts. She looked at him oddly, remembering when she'd first heard those words, and then smiled widely.

"Thank you, my Lord Doctor."

He chuckled and resumed his seat. It was only then Rose noticed Jack had left.

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know. He said something about idiot aliens, blind humans and stormed out. Who knows?"

"Hmm. Oh, you put jam on it again!" Rose nibbled her toast. "Is this your jam?"

He shrugged and sipped his tea. "You wanted some yesterday and I had to remake your toast, because you insisted I couldn't mix jams. I was saving myself some work this morning. Now, moving on. I was thinking of letting the TARDIS choose our next destination, unless, of course, you have a particular destination in mind."

Does he truly not realise how domesticated he's become since the regeneration? Her old Doctor would have willingly cut off his own bits to avoid a scene just like this and he most certainly never would have been willing to make her breakfast, let alone actually gone ahead and done it.

"I'm all for letting her choose."

"Very well." He smiled and sipped at his steaming tea. "Did you sleep well?"

"Until I woke up this morning to your voices echoing down the hall, yeah."

"Again, I'm sorry about that. Are you becoming sick? I know you went to bed earlier than usual last night. You've been doing that a lot lately, you know."

"Have I? I wouldn't be surprised. After getting caught in that ice downpour on Jarqouli, I have been feeling off."

"Just what I need, a sick wife and a mad mother-in-law... who happens to be angry, as well, for me letting you get sick."

The Doctor sighed dramatically and Rose laughed.

"One day, you two might get along."

"I doubt it, Rose. Do we need to visit the med bay before heading out for an adventure?"

"I'll let you know when medication becomes necessary."

"See that you do. Oh, speaking of your mother, I suppose I should ask. Have you talked to her recently?"

"She called last night. Said her friends are throwing her a surprise birthday party and think they're so sneaky about hiding it."

The Doctor paused mid-sip and lowered his cup. "When's her birthday?"

"Tomorrow, according to the Earth calendar I have in my room. Guess it doesn’t really matter much in a time machine.”

"True enough." He looked away, sighed genuinely this time, and put his cup on the table. "Oh, I’m going to regret this. Rose, would you like to-"

"Yes!" Rose stood, hurried to his side, and gave him a hug. "Yes, I'd love to and it'd score you some brownie points with her, bringing me for her birthday."

"That's the only reason I asked, of course." The ship jolted and Rose slipped, landing in the Doctor's lap while still hugging his neck. Rather than letting it be awkward, he merely smiled and hugged her tighter. "I remember the first time I hugged you like this. You sitting on my lap, that is. You were six and had just skinned your knee."

"What?"

"One of my previous regenerations. That's why you seemed so familiar when I first met you. I'd already encountered you in my travels and I was intrigued when I recognized a part of your timeline. And that's why I came back for you and asked you to join me a second time. I've never done that before."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"So what happened when I was little?"

"You were a brave little thing. You approached an adult that a woman had called Doctor and asked me to take care of you. You barely even cried as I put a plaster on your knee, returned my hug like I actually deserved it, and then I sent you back off to play with The Idiot. I saw him, by the way. Mickey. He definitely pushed you, no matter what he told his mum."

"You let a random six-year-old girl sit in your lap? Some people could have seen that and thought you were being a pervert."

"Nonsense. At the time, I would have looked like your granddad. My thoughts were pure when you were on my lap, I assure you. I've never been one to eye up children." He shuddered. "The thought's disgusting."

"Thank you, by the way."

She wondered if his thoughts were as pure now as they were then.

"Anything for you, Rose Tyler. You have always been my brave, little companion."

"I'm not a kid anymore," she reminded him. "Don't call me little."

"But you are. You're shorter than me and you're thin. Compared to mine, your hands and feet are little. You're little."

"As long as that's all you mean."

"Rose, to imply anything else would turn my stomach, given our relatively recent history."

Well, then.

"True. You just remember that."

"Oh, I will."

"You better."

And... he was still holding her. On his lap. His arms were still holding her to him. Tightly. What was that about? Not that she was complaining...

"You said you like to be held," he said, as if reading her mind. "It's been a while, right?"

"Long enough, yeah."

"Then, as your, uh, husband, it is my duty to hold you until you are ready to be let go. While we’re alone, I would like to make it known that I do question the universal validity of our marriage, because honestly, Rose, the ceremony was performed by a woman who is ruling an entire planet by 'calling upon' some voice in her head that she's named Kathra." He sighed in relief. "Been thinking 'bout that for a while. Glad I got it off my chest."

"Hey, she may be calling upon some voice in her head, but she's doing a pretty good job of things. As she said, they're prospering and growing every day."

"By foisting upon the people an aphrodisiac that has deadly consequences if the victims don't have sex within a certain amount of time."

"I didn't say it wasn't primeval or whatever. I just said she's doing a good job."

"I will admit she's doing a good job, but I will not take back my first statement. I question the validity of our marriage."

Rose pulled back to look at him. "Oh, yeah? Do you question it enough to go to some authority out there and ask? I'm sure they could settle the matter in two-point-five seconds."

"No. I'm perfectly fine as I am."

"You're perfectly fine questioning the validity of our marriage yet telling people I'm your wife? Charming, you are," she sarcastically remarked. “My husband's a bloody romantic.”

"Romantic," he scoffed, rolling his eyes. "There's not a romantic bone in my body." He blinked. "Well, that's just a ridiculous thing to say. There's not a romantic urge in my body. I'm a logical, unromantic fellow that's taking advantage of a situation.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed to slits. “What’s the situation and how are you taking advantage of it?”

“Calm down, Rose. I merely meant I married my best friend and, while I question whether the marriage is universally valid, I will make no move to find out if it is or isn't. I prefer not to know, because then my best friend is still my wife and my wife is still my best friend.”

"Ohhh. I take it back," she cried. "You are a complete romantic."

The Doctor’s happy smile transformed into an impressive scowl in two seconds flat.

"I am not."

"You totally are. Admit it."

"I am as unromantic as any man could possibly be."

"You are more romantic than even Jack, who could romance the knickers off a nun."

"I resent that statement."

She shrugged. "Sorry. It's the truth."

"Nothing I say is going to change your mind, is it?"

"Nope."

"Well, damn."

Rose sat up on the Doctor's lap, stared at him a moment, and then pressed a kiss to his forehead. When she pulled back, his brows were arched in surprise, eyes questioning, lips quirked at one corner.

"For being you, Mr. Romantic."

" _Rose_."

***

"You made dinner reservations?"

"Yes. It's your mother's birthday and I thought you might appreciate taking her somewhere special, instead of simply showing up at her surprise party."

"You made the three of us dinner reservations?"

"Again, yes." 

“Really?”

Rose stared at the Doctor's face, his expression showing his discomfort and nervousness. An overwhelming urge to laugh bubbled up from her belly, but, instead of laughing, she surged forward, wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him down to her level so she could press a happy kiss to his cheek. She let him go and he straightened, trying and failing to hide a pleased smile.

"I did a good thing, then?"

"The best. You're the best. My God." Rose turned to the person closest to her, her mother's friend, Gabby, and grinned. "My husband is the best. My best friend and the best."

The Doctor waved at the woman and Gabby chuckled.

"He sure looks like he's happy," she remarked. "Glad to see you found a good one."

"I do believe she said the best," he corrected lightly. "Hello. Lovely party you have here."

"Thank you. You said you're a doctor?"

"Don't you be thinking 'bout it, Gab," Rhonda warned and dragged her off.

"When are the reservations for?" Rose asked, turning back. The Doctor was still smiling and she copied him. "You look adorable."

"Brownie points, remember? I'm racking 'em up left and right. Puts me in a good mood knowing I can cash 'em in later."

"I know. Pretty soon, she's gonna want you over for Sunday dinners."

"I've already come to enough Sunday dinners at her house."

"Well, she'll want more than the one and she might start asking 'bout grandkids. Hopefully she’ll be joking. Just a warning."

"Can you imagine how that conversation could go?" He made a face, a weird cross between terror and horror and amusement. He was the master of expression. "Best avoid that for as long as possible."

"Back to my question."

"Ah, yes. They're for seven. Late enough for dinner, but not too late that she can't drink herself to sleep at the pub later."

"Probably shouldn't tell her that."

"I agree." He grinned. "I'm saving that one for Christmas."

"You're horrible."

"And the best... plus so terribly dashing to boot. My wife practically moons over me, but, to be fair, I do the same to her.”

“Oh, do you now?”

“Indeed.” He grinned widely, revealing dimples she didn’t even know he had. “You might have seen her around here, actually. Sassy little thing, she is. Stands about yea tall, blonde, 's a beauty, and she has this smile- I could talk for hours about that smile."

Rose smiled. "And now you're forgiven."

"That's what I was aiming for,” he said, yanking her close for a tight hug. “Have I told you tonight that you look absolutely stunning, Rose Tyler?"

"No, you haven't and you'll have to tell me again later. I forgot to mention Mum might have told some people who you are."

"That I'm a Time Lord?"

"No." She cleared her throat and scratched her clavicle. "She made up a story and gave them a name. One that wasn't The Doctor. She did it so I wouldn't still have my maiden name. She's gone a bit bonkers about the whole marriage thing, now that I think about it. I mean, it's not like it's real or anything."

She checked his expression, hoping to catch maybe a tic or something to tell her he didn’t agree with her, but he was as calm and relaxed as usual.

Damn.

"Who are we, then?" he asked, smiling and looking around. “Can’t imagine I’ll like it much, but it’s best to know.”

"Well, um, Dr. and Mrs. John Smith."

"Oh. That is much better than what I was imagining. I've used John Smith as an alias many, many times before. You more so than Jackie know that well. Plus, with that name, you can still call me Doctor. People will simply think you're one naughty missus."

"You're not mad?"

"Of course not." The Doctor checked the clock on the wall. "Though I don't know if I'll remember to refer to you as Rose Smith in the right company. Doesn't roll off the tongue as well as Rose Tyler."

"Hmm. Well, if I call you Doctor, you can call me Mrs. Smith," she remarked flirtatiously and they both laughed. "No. It just sounds so weird."

"Oh, I don't know. Mrs. Smith does imply there's a Mr. Smith, which there is... even if it's merely an alias."

"You just like being able to point at things and say "mine." Don't think I don't know that."

"Guilty, but very technically, you are mine."

She arched a brow. "Very technically, you are mine, too. What do you think of that?"

"What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine?" he teased, his lips quirked up. "And have I ever told you how witty yours is?"

"And have you ever noticed how brilliant yours is?"

"Every single day." Rose was honestly taken aback by his response, though the Doctor didn't seem to notice. "We should leave soon. I’m a bit hungry now and I know you definitely must be. Do you think they'll be terribly upset Jackie's gone?"

"Nah. They’ll probably keep partying on after we’re gone."

"I’m hardly surprised by that. These are your mother’s friends, after all, which implies they all have zero fashion sense _and_ drink too much. Are you aware of that, Rose? Do you know your mother drinks too much when she goes out? Because you seem so cavalier about the whole thing."

"Yeah, I know what you think. She doesn’t, though. She just doesn’t have much of an alcohol tolerance. Quit being mean.”

“Why, I never! I’m the nicest bloke you know.”

“When you want to be. Oh, Mum!" Rose called, spotting Jackie somewhat nearby. "Mum, hey!"

The Doctor grabbed her hand and led the way through the crowd, barely noticing the looks he was getting from her mum's friends. Rose grinned to herself and tried to keep up with those long strides of his. Jackie turned and noticed them on their way.

"Well, if it ain't my daughter and that rich husband of hers," she said loudly. Oh, God. She had a drink in hand, which meant she had imbibed at least half a glass, which also meant she might possibly be feeling a bit tipsy. Talky. Tease-y. "Rose, you two haven't been off in one of Gabby's rooms, have you? I know I said I wanted grandchildren, but there's a time and a place for that kinda stuff."

Jackie and her friends laughed, Rose blushed, and the Doctor grinned widely at everyone as they laughed. Rose could tell it was his mischievous grin and she mentally prepared herself for whatever would come out of his mouth. She also ducked behind him and the Doctor easily allowed his arm to follow, still clutching her hand to his, their joined hands cradled against his back. She found herself just staring at their hands as the laughter died down and the Doctor began to speak, barely a handful of seconds after Jackie had finished speaking.

"I apologise, Jackie," he said just as loudly as she had. "Insatiable, I am, when it comes to Rose. She simply smiles and I have to have her. The worst is when she smiles in church." Rose groaned quietly, but he wasn't done. "And don't worry, _Mum_ , we'll have you a grandchild in no time at this rate. In fact, we may already have one in that breathtakingly beautiful body of hers. Don't truly know. How long's it been since your last menstruation, Rose?"

Rose hid a fiery blush by pressing her face against the Doctor's back, causing some of Jackie' s friends to laugh raucously. She was so going to give him hell about that later.

"Yes, well, don't rush yourselves," Jackie grumbled, embarrassed, and then raised her voice to a normal level. "What're you two doing, then? Looked like you were looking for me."

"We were, truth be told," the Doctor replied, sounding almost friendly. "I have dinner reservations for the three of us, a gift for your birthday."

She was rather interested to see her mother's reaction to that and peeked out from behind the Doctor's jacket to find Jackie looking completely surprised. The Doctor squeezed her hand and, smiling, she squeezed back.

"You're taking me to dinner?"

"Yes. You haven't made other plans, have you? I know Rose would be upset if she didn't celebrate with you on her own and, well, you know.” He smiled widely. “We're a package deal."

"No, I haven't made- When's dinner, then?"

"In a bit," Rose spoke up. "Hope you're hungry. The... John's been very secretive about its location."

"Oh, it's a secret, is it? Better be worth my time."

"With your daughter around, eating in a pig sty would be worth our time, Jackie."

"He's a sweetheart, Rosie," Rhonda announced. "Better keep a tight leash on him, else someone-" 

"Oi," the Doctor interrupted. "The ball and chain's enough, my dear woman. I don't need the leash, too. She knows I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah, I kinda promised him a couple times now that I'd be with him forever and he intends to make sure that happens, no matter what." Rose noticed Jackie' s eyes watering and would have hugged her if the Doctor weren't holding her hand so tightly. "Besides, who'd wanna get rid of a sweet, romantic guy like him? Cuddles without needing sex first, makes me breakfast and tea simply 'cause he can, and is just... completely amazing."

The Doctor was grinning by now, but that smug, happy grin abruptly fell away. He turned enough to see her and gave her an incredulous look. Rose gave him a sweet, innocent smile, which he ignored.

"I do not cuddle, Rose Marion T- Smith. I have told you this again and again. I do not cuddle. I tightly hold. And I don't have a romantic bone- no, urge- in my body."

Jackie's friends positively lost it.

***

"Just wait until I tell the girls you brought me here!" Jackie enthused. "We're in Italy! Rome! You brought me to Rome for my birthday!"

"Yeah, my 'John' here was pretty clever. And how did you know she wanted to come to Rome?"

"She mentioned it in passing when I first met you. Plaster on the knee, remember? She was talking to some woman." The Doctor shrugged and swirled the last of his wine. "You can tell your friends your daughter's supposedly "rich" husband flew you to Rome for dinner in his…” He chuckled. “Private plane? You'll be the envy of them all."

“Mmm. I will. Doctor, you should have some of this wine. It’s delicious! Rose, what do you think?”

"It’s alright. You gotta admit it isn't anywhere as good as what we had at our wedding, Doctor," Rose joked. The Doctor seemed particularly amused by that and silently toasted her. "Though it might be a bit safer."

"Marginally. This wine, I would hope, wouldn't kill you in the long run. Jackie, if you're finished ogling the servers, we could visit a site or two before we take you home."

"You're not staying." She seemed more resigned than surprised and Rose fiddled with the broach on her dress, the jewelled piece she had worn on Garthune. The Doctor was watching. "You never stay. Can't you two at least stay the night? It's my birthday, after all, and I never see my daughter anymore."

"Should I be worried?” the Doctor asked. Rose and her mum both frowned at him and he sighed. “Have you inherited the use of guilt to get your way, Rose? Because I’m not comfortable with you inheriting your mother’s bad qualities. Or is guilt something all women know how to use to their advantage?"

"That's something all _mothers_ know how to use," Jackie answered. "And speaking of mothers..."

"If we don't have this argument for a minimum of six months- I'll even be generous and say your time, Jackie- and you don't annoy Rose about it too much after that six months is up, I'll agree to keep us here on Earth for the night. I'll even have Rose back the entire week before Christmas. What do you say?"

"You're not goin' anywhere without me," Rose immediately remarked. "Ya better be ready to spend a lot of time at Mum's."

"Now how is that fair to me, Rose?"

"That's the deal. I'm staying, then you are, too. The TARDIS will listen to me and you know she will."

"You're trying to kill me."

"No, it'd be pointless. You'd just regenerate."

Rose noticed he barely tried to fight an amused smile at that. "Very well. I won't go anywhere without you. You're lucky I cherish your friendship so much, otherwise I'd just leave you here on Earth and find a new companion."

"Yeah, I'm so sure you would."

"Alright. Maybe I wouldn't, but I'd imagine it." Rose smirked and he huffed. "Fine. I wouldn’t do that, either. Jackie, are you done?"

"Are you two?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"For a married couple, I'd have expected the flirting to have gotten old by now. It's like you two are perpetual newlyweds."

"What is she even talking about?"

"I have no idea."

"Your mother is mad, Rose."

"Hey, be nice. That is my mum you're talking about, Doctor."

"So sorry, Mrs. Smith."

Rose giggled and Jackie rolled her eyes.


	2. Blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An illness catches up to Rose.

"Sorry. I tried to argue with her, but she wouldn't listen."

"You needn't apologize, Rose. Are you comfortable?"

"Fine. Are you cold?"

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the one that should be worrying about getting cold. Can you move your leg a bit?"

"Not if I want to stay on here."

"Well, then put your leg over mine."

"...What?"

"I'm trying to get a little more comfortable. I'm right on the edge."

"Oh. Um, if you're sure... That okay?"

A long sniff. "Are you wearing the vanilla lotion?"

"Yeah, the one you bought me on Dolifor. It smells good."

"I more than agree with you, R- Oh!"

"Sorry! I didn't mean to knee you! Are you okay?”

“I will be. Give me a moment. Gods, that hurt. I think I’m gonna be sick. No, I really do.”

“I’m so sorry. Do you need a bucket or something?”

A minute long silence.

“No. Not anymore. I’m fine now, but might not need to worry about reproduction ever again. You’re probably safe to stop taking birth control.”

A laugh and a snort.

“You’re ridiculous. Can you, uh, move your arm a little bit?"

"Better?"

"Oh, much. My hair was caught. Is it okay if my arm's here?"

"Rose." A sigh. "I've a better idea."

A squeak. "Oh! Oh, uh, okay. Yeah. That's more comfortable. Am I too heavy?"

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Well, yeah."

"I can't really tell if it's you or a blanket."

"Both."

"Mmm. You should probably stop squirming, Rose, and just sleep."

"Is that your screwdriver?"

"The screwdriver on the nightstand? That one?"

"Oh. Guess the answer's no."

"No."

"...is it a banana?"

"Wait a moment. I think I know what you’re feeling. Are you talking about this?"

"Uh, that thing poking my- Stop! That tickles!"

"My apologies. Did you mean this?"

"Yeah. Oh, God. I didn’t even think. Is that you or… uh, something else?"

A dark chuckle. "I honestly wish this weren't so, but no, it’s a remote. How it got between my legs, I don't know... What've you a remote for? You don’t have a telly in here and it’s an odd shape for any decent- Wait. _Is_ it a remote? This isn't a... No. No, definitely a remote."

"What?"

"What?"

"You said something about wishing it weren't so."

"No, I didn't."

"I swear you just said that."

"Rose Tyler, I most certainly did not."

"Huh. Maybe I'm just tired."

"Then you should sleep."

"Well, I can't now that I'm trying to figure out why I thought you said what I thought you said."

"Hmm. Has it been a while since you last had sex, Rose?"

"Kind of a bad question to ask when I'm lying the way I am, Doctor."

"My apologies. Again. Has it been?"

"Well, when did we have sex?"

"A month and thirteen days ago."

"Time Lord trick, right?"

A slight pause. "What else would it be?"

"I don't know. Yes, it's been a while. 'bout a month and a half."

"Oh.” A laugh. “Really?”

“Yeah, ya prat. Stop laughing. It’s not nice. Don’t really have time or opportunity, you know.”

“Hmm. I suppose. That may explain why you're hearing things, though. Wishful thinking…?"

"Will you stop talking about this already? Mum's gonna hear you and you're just making me miserable. Doesn't seem fair."

"Oh. Do you think she's still awake?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"It's interesting how dark your room is. Pitch black. I can't even see you."

"Yeah? What about it?"

"You don't know where my hands are."

"What are you going on a- Oh! What- Doctor, what are you doing?"

"Holding you." A dark chuckle, deeper than before. "It's my duty to do what I can until you don't want me to anymore, isn't it?"

"Um, yes. Yes, definitely. But… my mum's right down the hall."

"Then I suggest you don't get too loud, Miss Tyler."

"Easy for you to say... Can I ask why?"

"Why?"

"Why... this?"

"You were miserable and I can't have that. Plus, I could smell your arousal and it was terribly distracting. I’d have never been able to sleep. Was I mistaken in doing this?"

"No, just..."

A not so quiet cry and the slight slap of flesh hitting flesh.

"Now, I just told you not to get too loud and that was loud. Sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean for that to be quite so hard. Hope you're not upset my hand's over your mouth."

A muffled moan.

"Quit licking my palm, Rose. That's just childish. As is biting. Oh, you liked that, didn't you? Should I do it again? Yes, I think I shall. Again, you say? Well, if you insist. Perhaps I should do this again and again... and then maybe once again.”

A long, high-pitched groan.

“That’s it, wife. Ride my hand. Oh, I liked that… Ooh, and so did you. You know, if you would like, you could move up to my face. I rather think I want to taste you again and you know how easily I can-" Rustling and a deep, gasping breath. "Rose, what are you-"

"Move your hand. Get it out of there."

"But my hand's happy right where it is. See?" A zipper. " _Ohhh_. I see. Well, figuratively speaking. Hmm. Very well. I'll move my hand."

"This is... okay?"

"Am I complaining?"

A soft laugh. "No. Good to know."

"Whoa there, Rose. Slowly now. Don't hurt yourself."

"I'm fine."

"Please just wait until you're ready. I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not going to break and I want this. Now."

"Do you remember what I look like in the light? Bit bigger than the average human man, me." A groan. "Rose, I'm trying to stay still for you, but you have to stop doing that. Let yourself adjust. I beg you. I don’t want to hurt you."

"I seriously don't need it. I'm good. See?"

"Not literally."

"Smart aleck."

A husky laugh. "That's me. I hope you won't be disappointed, but I'm only risking this once under your mother's roof."

"Just one?"

"Yes. I'd like to start tomorrow morning looking the same as I do now. You seem so fond of this face."

A snort. "It's your face. I liked the one before it, too."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

"But my ears were too comical to be taken seriously. And, hello, did you see my nose?"

"And your eyes. Don't forget those."

"I suspected you liked them. Are my new ones alright?"

"Soulful."

"Well, got plenty of that going on... Ah. Hmm."

"Was that seriously a joke about regeneration?"

"You're so clever. It was a poorly executed joke about regeneration, yes."

"Uh huh. For future reference? Just no."

"Yeah. It fell a bit flat. I'll have to work on that."

"Or just don't do it. Oh!"

"Rose, you have to stay quiet. Your mum's right down the hall."

"I know. I'm the one who told you that."

"Do you want her coming in? Can you even begin to imagine what she'd see when she turned the lights on?"

A muffled moan. "God, she'd freak out."

"A little more than that, I think."

"Mmmm. Your hair smells so great."

"Do try not to pull it all out. I like having a full head of hair."

"Can't make any promises."

A breathy chuckle. "My mouth's over here, Rose. Little to the left. Follow my tongue."

"I'm already- So close- Doctor..."

"You really did need this, didn't you?"

"Yes..." A moan. "Please."

"Grab the headboard, Rose."

"That has to be the sexiest thing you've ever said."

"Really? The sexiest? I'm surprised… and a bit disappointed. I'm going to have to work on that, too, I see."

A shaky laugh. "I look forward to your attempts.”

“Actually, hold on.” Rustling sheets. “Much better. If I’m pushing you over the edge, I’m coming with you and it’s easier for me to get there with you on your back. Superior body, mine. Can come off after mere seconds or following several very long hours. My choice. Not human, as we’ve established, but that’s a good thing, I think. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes, not human. Love it. Superior. Perfect. Amazing. All that.”

“That’s nice to hear.” A chuckle. “A husband does require that feedback every once in a while, you know.”

“Oh, God, yeah. Right there."

"Ah, yes, there we go. Excellent. Rose, here in about, oh, not too long, I'm going to need you to kiss me. Hard."

"Why?"

"To smother the sound, of course."

"The wall. Doctor, the wall.”

A sharp intake of breath and a soft, lilting curse.

“What about it?”

“Banging."

"Don’t care. An army could storm through here this very moment and I wouldn’t stop.”

“God…” Panting. “Keep going. There. Right there. There, there, there, there, there.”

“Now, Rose, and don't let me pull back."

Moments later, two muffled cries of ecstasy and then merely heavy breathing.

"That was… the sexiest… and naughtiest… thing I've… experienced… in a while."

"It _was_ brilliant, wasn't it? Sensory deprivation. You lost your sense of sight, but enhanced your other senses. Should do that more often, I think. Now hold on. Switching places again.” Rustling, a grunt, and a giggle. “You rest a moment, Rose. Talk when you can breathe without panting in my ear, which, by the way, is giving me the chills."

A laugh and then minutes of silence.

"After what you just did- seriously, I think there's a hole in the wall- how were you not breathing hard?"

"Again, Time Lord. Respiratory bypass system. I told you about that. Oh, wow, would you look at that? There _is_ an indentation in the wall." A brief pause and then a mischievous chuckle. "Might have to personally show that to your mum in the morning. Wonder how deep it goes."

"Don't even think about it."

"What are you going to do to stop me?"

"Doctor."

"Yes? Oh! Oh, Rose, don't. Please. _Plea_ \- oh, thank you. Ehm, perhaps a poster would cover it."

"Better."

"Mmm. More comfortable?"

A yawn. "And sleepy."

"Sleep. We'll deal with it in the morning."

"Doctor."

"Yes, Rose?"

"You might want to zip yourself up, at least, before you fall asleep. Or, you know, take these things off. Can’t be too comfortable sleeping in ‘em."

"Quite right. Now where's your nightgown? It has to be here some... Oh, there it is. Your gown, milady."

"Thanks."

"Mhmm. Pull up a bit? Thank you."

"That's not your trousers."

"Just checking."

A snicker. "That's still not your trousers."

"Mmm. So it isn't."

"Doctor, that's really not your trousers."

"Correct."

"You said one."

"I lied. Are you complaining?”

“Nope. Don’t stop. Uh, please. Came out sounding more bossy than I thought it would.”

“I liked it. And, hello there. Are we still sensitive?"

"No. Responsive. Very responsive."

"Good. Oh, yes. Don't stay still at all."

"Didn't plan on it."

"Warn me when you're close, Rose."

"I will."

"Perfect. I was thinking we might head to Falsgate Quad VI tomorrow. The beaches are the best in the universe and the markets would make you drool."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. Purple skies, blue sand, pink waters." A gasp. "Yes, I thought you might like that."

"No, for you."

"Oh. Well, thank you, Rose. I'm flattered. Now, the markets on Falsgate Quad VI are famous around the universe. Oh, merely describing them could never do them justice. It’s a market planet. Falsgate Quad VI has almost everything you could ever want or need. Frilly pink clothing? They have it. A fluffy, sweet pet for your children? They have a variety.” A pause. "Are you always this wet? Actually, never mind. I love it. A lot, in fact.”

“Er, really?”

“Yes. I did this to you. Gods, I made it happen. Do you understand what that does to me? How it makes me feel? It’s… indescribable.”

“Good.”

“You smell lovely, by the way.”

“You can smell me?”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t get up. I did say you smell lovely. Always do. Please come back to bed. Please? Rose, _please_ come back… Ah, there we go. Good. Anyway, where was I?”

“The markets.”

“Um, right. The markets… Oh! I remember. The markets are chock full of everything you could imagine. Trinkets, clothing, jewels, food, animals, furniture, so on and so forth. They even have bananas. Bananas, Rose. Isn't that wonderful?”

“Remarkable.”

“Pfft. Yeah, it is. Can find a banana almost anywhere in the universe, but that’s because they’re so amazing. Back to Falsgate, though. Let’s see… Ah. I’m sorry. I got so caught up in talking about the markets, I forgot what I was doing. If you would, kindly let my hand… Why on Earth did you put knickers on? Well, these have to go. Unless you would prefer I not…”

“Do I… er…” A loud swallow. “I don’t- it’s not bad, right?”

“What? You- Oh. No, Rose. You smell amazing. Wouldn’t change it at all. Don’t be ridiculous. Would really rather be face to, er, well, you know, but perhaps another time. Now… back to what I was doing…” A laugh. “My hand would be quite happy to stay here the rest of eternity.”

“Probably be a bit sore if it did.”

“Most likely.”

“Oh. O-okay, wasn’t expecting that. That spot, yeah. Uh, you were saying?”

“The markets. They really do have everything one could want or need. This actually reminds me… In less reputable districts of the markets of Falsgate, you could find women and men of various races that would do anything to please you. For a bit of money, of course. Well, in your particular case, that won't be necessary. Think I'm doing a pretty incredible job right now.”

“Bloody great, yeah.”

“I thought as much. Was just making a point. Ooh, I love it when you do that. Please, by all means, continue. It inspires some very manly and very wonderful thoughts within my mind. Hmm. I wonder…”

“Oh, God!”

“Rose. Keep your voice down, you silly woman. Surely grinding my wrist against- Oh, f- O-or you could just bite my neck, yes. That’ll keep you quiet. I’m thinking we might try to find you some jewelry tomorrow.”

A muffled “Why?” and then a drawn-out moan.

“If I start bleeding, I’ll not blame you. Can’t say I won’t complain a little tomorrow, though, so be prepared for that. And jewelry, because you’ve been wearing the same rubbish pieces for a while now and I suspect they might have come from a certain idiot I won’t at the moment mention by name.”

“Keep grinding.”

“Alright. How about I use my thumb instead so I can get back to- Ooh, yes. Lovely reaction. Would you like that? Falsian jewelry is of excellent quality and it is rather cheap. I’ve no doubt you’ll find a few new pieces, ones that won’t make me cringe every time I see them.”

“’kay.”

“You’d like that?”

“Mmm.”

“Good. We’ll also have to check out the beach.”

“Harder.”

“Can do. It’s more of a series of beaches, but-”

“Close. Faster."

"Well, I suppose the markets are close to the beach, but-"

"No. Close."

"Already? I must really be getting better at pleasuring a human. Why, we haven't been doing this long at all. Are you sure, though? You wouldn't fake an orgasm, would you? I cannot imagine why anyone would want to, but I thought I may as well-"

A muffled keening cry and a sharp, drawn out hiss of pain. Then, a shuddery exhale and a very quiet whistle.

"Have you been completely sated, then?"

"For now. Maybe. Are you okay? I didn’t bite too hard, did I?"

"I’m alright. Sleep now, Rose."

"But you didn't... I thought you could... this soon after." A long pause. "Did you, um, did you just lick your hand?"

"I did. Licked it clean, too. You taste as delicious as you smell, Rose. It's intoxicating." A throat clearing. "Yes, I am able to go again, but I would prefer you slept now. You sound tired."

"You sure?"

"Would I lie to you? Uh, scratch that. Would I lie about something like this?"

"I don't think so."

"I wouldn't. Go to sleep."

"Mmm. 'kay. Just gotta pee first.”

“Such a human…”

“You love it.”

“Yep.”

***

Eyes wide, Rose could only stare.

"Would you like some toast, little missus?" the Doctor asked, wearing a flowery apron and holding a spatula. He looked so outrageous and she wondered if he’d done that on purpose. "Or perhaps you would like something a little more filling."

She blushed.

"There you are. Was beginning to wonder if you'd left me alone with that one."

"Morning, Mum. Eggs, Doctor, and toast. Lots of it. I think that sickness is catching up with me. Tea, too, if there's some already made. Please and thank you." She paused and sniffed, brows pulling together. "Is that ham?"

"It is. Would you like some?"

"Please,” she said gratefully. “Isn't he wonderful, Mum? Cooks breakfast and doesn't complain."

"Someone has to cook around here or we'll starve to death," the Doctor quipped a little too cheerfully. "And Rose shouldn't have to be the one to cook for three."

"Oi!"

"It's true, Jackie. Your cooking could fell the rock-eating giants of Corsco Nop. Jam, Rose?"

Rose pretended not to see her mum making a very rude hand gesture at the Doctor and, instead, turned to him with a smile.

"Do you have any of yours here?"

"Top shelf," Jackie replied. "Left it here last time."

Her smile widened. "Please?"

"If you insist."

Yeah, her first Doctor would have run away from this scene. Screaming. Like a lunatic, truthfully, which might actually have been entertaining to watch.

Imagine, the Doctor cheerfully cooking breakfast for his "wife" and "mother-in-law" ‘cause he was in such a great mood from last night, just like one of Bev’s ex-husbands used to do. He was acting just like some other husband might. Or, rather, "husband." It was just so... domestic and honestly felt pretty perf-

Her eyes widened.

They'd had sex last night.

Holy- they'd- and he'd definitely- but he wasn't- Rose's brain temporarily short-circuited. She'd had sex with the Doctor last night, no aphrodisiac or pretending they'd been dosed with one again, and he was acting completely normal.

Like this happened everyday.

Like they had incredible sex every night and that was all normal and fine, because they were married and that's what married couples did.

Except.

Except they weren't. Well, technically they were, but they'd just done it to save themselves some trouble. They both made sure to occasionally mention that the marriage wasn't real, they were just friends. That was the way things stood between them.

She didn't know how to handle this situation. The Doctor wasn't even acting the least bit guilty. That one time she'd had sex at Mickey's gran's house forever ago, she'd been acting so guilty afterwards that Mickey, Mr. Clingy-Wants-You-Around-Forever, had told her to go home!

"Eat up," the Doctor announced, breaking her from her thoughts, and then frowned. "Are you alright, Rose? You look ill." He reached out and placed his hand on her forehead. “No fever. What’s wrong with you?”

"Nothing."

"You do look a bit off," Jackie agreed.

"I'm fine," Rose stressed and walked out of the kitchen. "Not awake yet, I guess."

"You have circles under your eyes. Did you not sleep well?"

"You know I did," she murmured and he acknowledged that to be true with a nod. "Seriously, I'm fine. Stop fretting about nothing and come join me for breakfast."

"I would be honored." He sat on the couch cushion beside Rose and pulled her close with one arm while giving her mum a cheeky grin. "Jackie, food's in the kitchen. Help yourself."

She gave him a dirty look and he grinned back, Rose staring resolutely at her plate and acting like she hadn’t witnessed that little scene. Seemed they’d never get along, not that she should be surprised. When they were alone, Rose sighed and put down her fork.

"Really?"

"Oh, don't give me that look. Your mum would die of shock if I ever did anything nice for her. Besides, you know, saving her life when need be. Been this way from the start."

"You're right."

"Rose, I don't mean to keep asking, but... Is everything alright? Really?"

"Yes. Other than feeling a little sick- might need that medicine soon- and a little sleepy still, I'm perfectly fine."

"Positive?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Do you, ah, are you- ahem- sore?"

Rose giggled. "Why would I be sore, Doctor?"

"I'm being serious, Rose."

"Yeah? And so was I. I told you I was ready."

"You're fine?"

"You're such a sweetheart. Annoying but a sweetheart. Yes, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me."

"Good," he breathed. "I'm glad."

She waited, but that seemed to be the last he was gonna say about the whole thing. She tried not to feel too disappointed by that. Maybe someday soon, then. She picked up her fork and cut into her slice of ham.

"So, Falsgate Quad VI?"

"Yes. If you want an easy day to relax and pick through the market booths, I can have us there as soon as you're ready to go."

"An easy day? Doctor, those don't exist with you."

"I know, but that's what makes life interesting... and I promise I'm really going to try to keep us out of trouble this time."

***

"An easy day."

"Yes."

"An easy day," Jack repeated. " _An easy day_? Doc, do you even know what those are?"

"Of course I do. Rose, I know you're nearby so please stop hiding from me. Are you ready yet?"

"An easy day?"

"Jack, so help me, if you say that one more-"

"Guys, stop. Jack, yes, an easy day. I've not been feeling great all day and he's hoping a little relaxation will help. We're trying anything to avoid medicine. Whatever the TARDIS has stocked would knock me out for two or three days."

"And we're trying to avoid that."

"Ya think?" Jack said sarcastically and the Doctor picked up a spare bit of coiled metal.

"Doctor, work on your temper." He dropped the metal and Rose held up the beachy-looking bag that she'd found in the wardrobe. It had a transdimensional interior, just like the Doctor’s jacket. "I have everything we could possibly need today. Yes, bananas, too." The Doctor closed his mouth and then opened it again. "Yes, I have a change of clothes."

"What about-"

"Yes, Jack, I packed your pheromone sun oil. Though, what species are you trying to lure in with this stuff?"

The Doctor shook his head. "Best not ask, Rose."

"Probably right."

"Hey, did you think to grab my favourite towel?"

"Yes."

"That particular usage of the word barvlak is inappropriate on at least twenty-one planets, Jack, and banned from usage on twelve of those. Did you think to pack something to entertain me while you're baking yourselves on the beach?"

"Yes."

"And-"

"Are you both done?"

They took one look at her expression and the Doctor replied, "Yes."

"Thanks. Are you not putting on beachwear, Jack? Even if nudity’s acceptable on the beach, I don’t really wanna see you bobbing around."

"Rose Tyler, you naughty girl. You’ve imagined it, haven’t you?” She had the unwavering attention of two different men with that question and she rolled her eyes. “Oh, fine. Deny it for his sake. Just know that I know. I’m getting the message loud and clear, sweetheart.”

“Will you stop it?”

“Jack,” the Doctor muttered. “Quit provoking her.”

“And him,” Rose added. “Aren’t you changing, Jack?”

“You guys are no fun anymore. Can’t hit on either of you without getting in trouble with the other. He’s worse ‘bout it, I’ll grant, but still.”

“Jack, please. Clothes?”

“Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you be more worried about the guy in the suit and tie?"

"No, I'm not. There's no way he's gonna take off that suit."

"So he sleeps in it?"

"No. Special circumstance."

"Does he-"

"That's enough with that line of questioning," the Doctor decided. "'Special circumstance' seems to encompass any situation in which I wouldn't be wearing a suit."

"Agreed."

"You two seriously are no fun." Jack abruptly smiled as widely as possible. "How often do you and Rose cause one of those special circumstances? Every day? Every other day? Once a week?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Just this morning?"

Close enough, Rose thought, blushing. She caught sight of the Doctor’s expression. He did not look happy. What was it with him and Jack lately? Whatever was going on needed to stop before she smacked them both.

"Doctor, stop. Just calm down. Jack, he and I could shag against every surface in the entire universe and it wouldn't be any of your business. Not saying we are or are not, just that it's none of your business."

"Well said, Rose."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Are we ready?"

"If there's some sort of trouble outside those doors, I vote we leave Rose inside since she's not feeling well. We can handle things on our own this time."

Rose glared at him. "That's not funny, Jack. If there's trouble, I can help."

"He may have a point," the Doctor murmured to himself. "Rose, that won't be necessary. I can handle any trouble on my own."

"With my help," Jack added.

She really could not believe them. She crossed her arms over her chest and let out a scoffing sound, eyes narrowing and settling on the Doctor.

"Remember the last time you two tried to keep me from helping you, Doctor? No? Just a little hint- you had bigger ears at the time and something… weird… happened to Jack.”

"Might I remind you that if you hadn't come back, you wouldn't have nearly died?"

"Might I remind you that if I hadn't come back and nearly died saving you, you _would have_ died, you self-sacrificing dolt? No regeneration that time, either. I'd pieced that together afterwards- and the TARDIS! She would’ve wasted away and died. How could you do that to me? To her?”

Jack was grinning obnoxiously. "This is better than t.v."

"Shut up," Rose and the Doctor said together and the Doctor continued, "I wasn’t doing it _to you_. I was doing it _for you_. You didn’t need to die- I refused to let that happen- and you would have died if you’d stayed. I sent you back for your own good.”

“So you were content to let yourself die? Is that really for your own good? What would any of us have done then? The universe wouldn’t have been the same without you and-”

“Rose, I'm not important in the grand scheme of things.” She stared at him in shock while he pulled in a deep breath. “I made the right choice sending you away and I will never apologize for that."

"You- you're- Have you lost your mind? You’re more important than perhaps anyone else in the entire universe! Are you kidding me right now?!"

"No. I’m not.”

“Could have fooled me. I know I could have helped you find another way. Things didn’t have to be the way they turned out. Jack wouldn’t have become whatever he is, you’d still look the same, and everything. We could have done it together, Doctor.”

“Is that what this is about?” He circled the console and looked down at her, one brow cocked. “You didn’t want me to change? Is this newer version not to your liking, then?”

She reared back like he’d slapped her and debated actually smacking him in return.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all, you idiot. I’m saying I could have stayed and helped rather than being sent to Earth, breaking the TARDIS, and coming back to you. Still don’t exactly know what I did other than almost killing myself, but it must have worked. I should have been there with you from the start and avoided all of that.”

“You would have been killed the moment that room was breached, Rose. No one, especially you, should have to die for me. I don’t ever want you to feel that’s even an option."

"How sweet."

"Jack,” Rose said, eyes fastened to the Doctor’s. “Listen, it really doesn't matter what you think. I will do what I have to do to make sure you keep living, even if it means one day I might not come home with you."

"I would never forgive myself or you if that happened, Rose."

“Well, you’d have to, because it’d be stupid not to. I’m not asking for anything huge here. I’m only asking that you treat me like an adult who can make her own decisions, like deciding whether or not I want to go toe to toe with danger to help you survive the day.”

"It's like a soap opera! Come on, guys, just say it."

The Doctor scowled. "Shut up, Jack. Rose, I don’t want to hear it. I’m not treating you like you’re not an adult. Everything I do, I do because I know it’s for the best. And yes, that does include the time I sent you away to keep you safe. It was for the best. You would have lived and that’s all I’d wanted for you.”

“I would have lived without you and that would have been unbearable. Did you even think about what I wanted? I would have preferred to die trying to save the day with you than being forced to live year after year on Earth, without you, watching the TARDIS slowly die on a street corner.”

“Good point, Rose.”

The Doctor scowled at Jack and then turned to her with a serious expression.

“At the time, your wishes didn’t matter to me. I wanted you to live. You would have eventually moved on, been happy, forgotten about the TARDIS. You would have survived and led a great life, probably filled with kids and a husband and a house and maybe a dog or something. If you had stayed with me, it would have been my fault when- not if- you died. And you would have. I saw that ugly timeline and I wasn’t having it.”

There were so many things she wanted to say to all that, but all she could focus on was the bit about being his fault if she’d died. She looked at him, shaking her head.

“You’ve no right to blame yourself if I die. Ever. It won’t ever be your fault. I think we've established that I have free will and no one, not even you, can make me do anything if I don't want to.”

“Rose-”

“If you're standing there telling me not to do something and I do it anyway, how are you responsible if things don't go well? Huh? Does it really make sense when you think of it like that?"

"Yes, it does. I've always known being in my life would eventually lead to you dying much too young. It nearly happened at the bunker, it nearly happened at the game station. It nearly happens almost every time we step out those doors. It will be my fault.”

“No, it won’t, you- God, you’re so annoying! Not every bad thing that happens in the universe is your fault! And we’ve gotten so far off course with this conversation.” Rose shook her head to rid herself of the irritation. “If there’s trouble outside those doors, I’m not staying inside while you boys run off without me just ‘cause I’m not feeling well.”

“Yes, you will! If the trouble’s bad enough, you’re staying here where it’s safe.”

“No, I’m not and you can’t make me do anything, remember? You sent me away when all hope seemed lost and I still managed to do the impossible. I returned with the TARDIS, saved you from death, and still made it home for Christmas dinner.”

“Yeah, you did. Congratulations. But do you truly not understand how terrified I was when I realised what you'd done, Rose? No human could ever survive-" He swallowed thickly and set his jaw, speaking through clenched teeth and tight lips. "I don't want to argue about this anymore. I don't even want to think of this. Ever again."

Rose's heart ached. That look on his face would make her cry if she saw it much longer. She stepped forward and threw her arms around his waist while laying her head on his chest. He, in turn, hugged her tightly. Her eyes were burning.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, but it makes me think you don't believe in me when you talk like that."

"Oh, I believe in you more than anything else, Rose. More than you will ever know. I simply do not like thinking of you in danger."

"Well, that's what makes life interesting, isn't it?"

The Doctor chuckled. "I seem to remember hearing something similar this morning over breakfast."

“I know… and who’s to say there’s even danger out there? You did say you were gonna try to keep us out of trouble, right?”

“Right. You’re right. I’m being silly, aren’t I?”

“A little.”

“Mmm.”

"Bravo! Bravo! Encore! Encore!" Jack hollered, clapping loudly and ruining the mood. "You two were amazing! Was that performance real or scripted?"

"Jack, I will give you exactly ten seconds to get out of here," the Doctor said evenly. Rose heard Jack snicker and then heard the sound of the TARDIS door closing. "He's become a nuisance."

"Too bad he's such a great and loyal friend, huh?"

"Unfortunately." The Doctor ducked down, pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead, and then strode off for the console like nothing had just happened. "Let me finish up in here and we can leave. I wanted to set a few things up in case we need to make a quick escape. Good?"

"Yeah, sure."

Why did he keep doing that?! Sure, there'd been times before Garthune when they'd done typically couple-y things. He'd kissed her to save her life, she'd kinda sorta kissed him (though not really), then she'd definitely wanted to kiss him but had to settle for the forehead of a stupid helmet. They held hands, did everything together, and almost maybe cuddled on those nights when she would be cramping too much to even move off the sofa in the media room the TARDIS had created for her. Basically, they had always toed a thin line between really super close friendship and something just a bit more than that, but now...

They'd had sex twice without the influence of drugs, he had kissed her (never mind the fact that she'd done the same- twice), he cuddled her at totally random times, he seemed so relaxed and... maybe sorta happy... whenever he made mention of their "marriage," he'd arranged for them to eat out at a nice restaurant for her mum's birthday, he had yet to talk her mum down from her crazy ideas about this marriage of theirs (even though she herself did it every time Jackie mentioned it), and now he was trying to keep her from going with him on adventures (which was their thing! That's what they did. They saved people and planets!).

Rose would give almost anything to know what he had running through his mind at times like those. He wasn't acting like himself, the man fundamentally terrified of anything loosely resembling a stable family-type of life.

"Mrs. Smith!" Rose jumped. He never yelled at her! "Rose? Are you with me?"

"What? Why'd you call me that?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for literally five minutes now. I alternated between Rose, Rose Tyler, and my little daydreamer several times and even announced "Jackie's here!" once before pulling out the big gun." He snorted. "Well, figuratively speaking. I hate guns."

Rose wished he'd pulled out a different sort of big gun, one she now knew was hidden only by a single layer of clothing.

"Sorry. Guess I was lost in thought."

"Do you want to talk about whatever's on your mind?"

"Oh, I'd never bore you with my thoughts. Gotta be plain compared to yours." He frowned and she knew he probably wouldn't want to answer her questions if she did, anyway. "Are you done?"

"Have been a while, yeah. Does this have anything to do with our conversation this morning?"

"What?"

Was he gonna talk about it, then?

"Your illness. You mentioned feeling "off" since we visited Jarqouli and this morning at your mum's, you told me you might need medication soon. Is that what was on your mind? Do you want the medication now?"

Guess he wasn't.

"No. I'm hoping relaxing will help. Your medicine's the last resort. Don't fancy being unconscious for days."

"Alright. Let me know if you feel you do need it, though."

"I will. Promise."

***

"Just relax. It won't hurt at all."

Rose eyed the frankly monstrous-looking needle on the table beside her and grit her teeth. She hated needles. The Doctor knew that. The whole frickin' universe knew that.

"It won't hurt, my foot. Doctor, that thing's gonna leave a hole the size of an apple core. Isn't there another way?"

"No, Rose. I'm sorry, but there's not."

"I changed my mind. Let me stay sick."

"Quit being a baby," Jack encouraged. His too casual lean against the doorjamb told her he liked the looks of that needle about as much as she did. "A little prick, a long nap, and you're healthier than you were before. Simple."

"I promise, Rose, that you'll be completely healed and refreshed when you wake up. You chose to do this, remember? You gave it a week and then asked me to treat you. I'm not forcing you at all."

Now he was talking to her like she was a child. Great.

"Just stick the damn thing in and get it over with."

"Heard that before, Doc?"

The Doctor calmly replied, "I will kill you when I'm finished here, Jack, but for now, do shut up. I need to find a good vein."

“Promise you two will either get along or avoid each other while I’m out.”

“I will do my best.”

Jack scoffed. “I don’t do anything, Rose. I breathe wrong and it sets him off.”

“Jack.”

“Oh, fine. I’ll try to keep the big baby happy. For you. Maybe he’ll even tell me what I’ve done to piss him off.”

When she felt the Doctor cleaning her skin, she looked away. It didn't help, though. She knew the moment that needle pierced her skin and, yeah, it hurt like hell! Rose bit her tongue to stifle her cry and the Doctor avoided meeting her eyes. Well, at least he felt bad about hurting her.

"There. You'll be feeling much better when you wake up."

"I hope so. Jack, make sure he stays out of trouble during this whole thing. Have him park in the vortex or something. Threaten to call my mum maybe."

“Rose!”

“Yes, ma'am."

"Jack, would you mind grabbing my sonic from the control room?"

"Uh, sure. Be back, Rose."

When the door closed, the Doctor aimed that same screwdriver at it and then chuckled. Rose cocked a brow. 

"I wanted a moment without him hovering. I'm sure the old girl will lead him a merry chase through the corridors until I'm done in here."

"Done doing what?"

"Making sure you're alright, of course. Are you experiencing any pain in your arm?"

"No."

"Are you having trouble breathing or seeing?"

"Jeez, Doctor. You probably should have told me this stuff could happen before you shot me. Could send me into a panic attack."

"Nonsense. Are you warm?"

"Yes. Is that bad?"

"No. I was making sure you didn't need another blanket." With his glasses perched on his nose, he fiddled with some tubes he'd already hooked into her. "Nutrition and hydration levels have to be slightly higher than you might be used to. Ever been hospitalized on that Earth of yours?"

"Once. Pneumonia."

"Ah. Nasty thing, that. With this, the levels have to be slightly higher, because the medication you just took will burn most of it off as your immune system kicks a lot of alien virus arse. Well, I say alien virus, but I mean it will single out the harmful alien cells in your body and destroy them, leaving the harmless or beneficial cells behind."

"You sounded like Jack for a moment there."

"I know. I did it on purpose, though I'm experiencing the oddest urge to go brush my teeth. With soap... and perhaps acid. Pure acid. Hmm." He grinned. "Like I said, odd." He scooped up her hand- well, the one without all the tubes in it- and squeezed. "I think I should know where you want to go when you wake up."

"What was that one place with all the bananas?"

"There are many-"

"No, I know that. There was a specific place. You mentioned it when we were dealing with the nanogenes and that adorable baby boy back when we first met Jack. Seemed like someplace you liked a lot and I’ve wanted to go since.”

"Ah. Villengard."

"There."

The Doctor laughed. "A banana grove. Sounds brilliant. You’re a very good wife."

“Oh, yeah. Just making sure my husband’s happy. Has nothing to do with wanting to see an alien banana grove or anything.” He pretended to pout and she squeezed his hand. “Maybe. So how long does it take this stuff to kick in?"

"I'd say you have another two minutes or so, though you'll be feeling drowsy within the next sixty seconds."

"I don't like this. Feels too much like anesthesia. You know I'm scared of that stuff?"

"Why?"

"What if I was given too much and I never woke up?"

"Okay, that's enough of that kind of talk. This isn't anything like anesthesia. Besides, do you really think I'd give you something that might kill you?"

Rose yawned. "No. Mum'd kill you."

"And she'd have every right to. I'd surrender myself and all." He cracked another grin. "I’d even help her find the best way to do it, too, so it takes the first time."

"You're ridiculous."

"Ah, but you love it, don't you?"

"Mhmm."

"Getting sleepy yet?"

"Yeah... and I want some of your toast."

"I'll have a tray waiting for you, then." Rose laughed a little, though she was trying to focus more on keeping her eyes open. "Don't fight it, Rose." The Doctor leaned forward to press a kiss to the corner of her lips. "Sweet dreams."

"Swee' dre'ms."


	3. Deleted Scene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor's POV while Rose is being treated in the medbay. The man can't help feeling a little down. He misses his best friend. He needs comfort so he calls the last person Rose would expect... if she was awake.
> 
> Comfort found is comfort ruined by Jack Harkness, of course. The twerp.

The Doctor fingered the cell phone in his pocket and sighed. He was acting as ridiculous as Rose had accused him of being. There was no way he was contemplating this... and yet, something was telling him to go ahead. Sighing, he pulled the phone out and punched in a number from memory. It rang only twice.

"Rose?"

"Well, hello, Jackie. Last I checked, I am not, in fact, your daughter. I can check again, but I think the results will be the same."

"What's happened to her, then? Why're you calling and not her?"

"Oh, nothing. Turns out Rose is sick after all and I thought you might want to know." That wasn't entirely the reason he'd called, but he'd never admit that. "I've given her something that will make her sleep for a few days and I know I'd never hear the end of it if you'd been panicking the entire time."

"That's... thoughtful of you."

"No, that's self-preservation."

There was a slight pause. "Had to call a repairman in this week, you know, to look at Rose's bedroom wall."

"Oh, I'm so glad. We were worried about that, as well. Can't imagine where it came from."

"I'm sure you can't. Doesn't exactly explain the note I found on my pillow a few days ago, though. Writing seemed familiar and was telling me to get it worked on."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Coulda sworn I'd seen that handwriting before."

"You don't say?" The Doctor chuckled, his mood lifting for the first time in thirteen hours. Yes, this is just what he needed. "How odd. Did you happen to find our Christmas card, by the way? It's rather early, I know, but Rose wanted to be the first one to give you a card this year."

"No, I haven't seen it. Where'd you put it?"

"Oh, let's see. If I remember correctly-" Which he did. "We put it on your desk."

The Doctor waited impatiently, an absolutely eager grin on his face, as Jackie retrieved the card and opened it. He could still picture the note he'd added after Rose had finished adding her own little note. Jackie- In approximately three seconds, you're going to realize I am to blame for Rose's bedroom wall. Enjoy that thought. Happy Christmas! It was _exactly_ three seconds after he'd heard her mutter "Jackie, in approx..." that The Dragon (normally known as Jackie Tyler) screeched and, though he'd yet to catch her at it, likely breathed flames from her obviously dragon-like nostrils.

"You bloody alien! In my house? You couldn't wait to get back on your bloody ship to break down a few walls?!"

"Well, it's been a pleasure as always speaking with you, Jackie. We'll call soon."

He hung up on her mid-rant and positively beamed the entire way to the galley, having suddenly decided he was, indeed, hungry. Jack looked up when he entered and frowned.

"Didn't you just say you couldn't eat?"

"Oh, I'm in a fantastic mood now. Could probably eat a horse right now, though not my beloved Arthur. That'd be horrible."

"Arthur?"

"Er, probably shouldn't have mentioned him. Rose would have a conniption if she found out."

"Found out what?" Jack asked, a knowing smile spreading across his face. "What'd you do?"

"I have a horse."

"You have a horse. You have a horse _onboard_?"

"Rose might have told me I couldn't keep him, but Arthur- you had to see him, Jack. His eyes were begging me. I nipped back and picked him up at a later time, though I might have blurred a few things in the process. Nothing too drastic, but a few revolutions and revolts were pushed back a couple dozen years."

"What?"

"Nothing," he hurriedly answered, expecting Rose to pop up and bust him even though he knew that was 100% not going to happen. "I wanted the horse. Arthur was a very loyal steed and he liked me. Besides, I let Rose keep Mickey."

"Doctor, be honest for a second. You know Rose probably didn't want him on board, right?"

"What makes you think that? She said it was great that he was coming along."

Jack scoffed. "Oh, really? She seemed like she meant it? She couldn't have been, oh, lying?"

"No." The Doctor furrowed his brows. He wishes he'd known that then. Would've saved him several nights' worth of severe jealousy. "Why would she do that?"

"Are you kidding? I swear, both of you are so blind. It drives me nuts."

"What are you talking about?"

"You were never this much of an idiot in your old body." Jack cocked a brow. Rude. "Back then, you knew what was standing right in front of you. I've heard some stories from Rose herself. Little things she'd noticed about you. More to the point, little flings she'd picked up on."

Oh, hell.

"I still have no clue what you're talking about."

"She told me about them," Jack said slowly. "All of them. Does that mean anything to you?"

Yeah, it meant he wasn't as discreet as he could have been. It meant Rose had known what he'd been up to and hadn't bothered to say anything about it. Them. How disheartening. How expected. The Doctor maintained his confused look to cover his real emotions.

"She's observant?"

"You... really are an idiot. Wow. I just hope for your sake that you figure things out soon. Don't know how much longer things can go on like this before it all falls apart. Sad, too, because I actually like things the way they are. With you two, I mean."

The Doctor felt a little thread of panic building in his gut. Did he know something about Rose that he didn't? Well, he couldn't very well ask that, but- Oh, like hell he couldn't.

"What does that mean? What am I supposed to be figuring out and why do I have a time limit? What aren't you telling me?"

"You seriously don't have a clue?"

"That is why I am asking," the Doctor replied, carefully enunciating each word. "Talk, Harkness."

"Doctor, tell me something."

"Fine. What do you want to know?"

"Is Rose your best friend or your wife?"

"Well, she's both. Why?"

"Uh huh. Just curious again and feel free to answer this. Would you have married a different companion, just another random woman, if you'd been in the same situation on Garthune with her? Or would you have figured out a way to get back to the TARDIS before the locals lost it?"

"I see Rose has been telling stories again."

"She tells me everything and nothing at once. She's as blind as you are."

"Careful," he growled and missed Rose again. She always got aroused when he did that. "That's Rose you're talking about."

"I know. Did you think about what I asked?"

The Doctor frowned. He knew for damned sure he wouldn't have married a different companion. Marriage, as a general rule, scared the hell out of him. Despite that, he'd eagerly jumped at the chance to marry Rose when presented with the opportunity. She was his best friend, yes, and he had wanted to keep her safe (as he'd decided to tell Jack was the extent of things- and wasn't that curious? Since when had he been trying to protect her from danger, rather than letting her help him get rid of it?), but it was more than that.

After landing on Garthune and being told they must marry to please the goddess Kathra or, naturally, be killed for their sacrilege, he'd spent exactly sixty seconds imagining a life with Rose at his side. The idea of being married to her had been enthralling to say the least. She was beautiful, absolutely brilliant, witty, compassionate, had the loyalty and love of his TARDIS, and was the best friend he'd ever had. Literally the best friend he'd ever had. The best. She was literally- had he been thinking that word too much?- the best creature in the entire universe, his best friend was, so why wouldn't he want to marry her?

Making sure no unworthy ape caught her attention was just a bonus. See, if they were married, no other man back on Earth would have a better claim on her than he did, no other man would someday soon pull her out of his life forever so the two could settle down with a family, no other man could steal her, could have her for his own.

"I have."

"And?"

"I married Rose to keep her safe. She's my best friend and I couldn't imagine losing her."

That was very true but obviously not the whole of things. Not that he'd be telling Jack that.

"And do you think that might mean anything important?"

"It means she's my best friend and I wanted her to stay alive, because the alternative would be unbearable."

"Does it mean anything else?"

"I'm not sure what you're searching for here," he lied, because of course he knew what Jack was getting at. He wasn't thick. "Enlighten me?"

Jack sighed. "Let's try a different route, then. Have you and Rose had sex?"

"That is none of your concern."

"Was it sex or something else?"

"I'm not discussing this."

"Fine. Don't answer me, but think the answers to yourself. Maybe you'll be able to figure out what I'm getting at."

"Alright."

"Have you and Rose had sex?"

Yes.

"Was it just sex or did it feel like something else?"

Sex is sex is sex. It was sex, but their emotional connection had obviously made it much better. He supposed that would fall into the 'something else' Jack had mentioned.

"Did it seem better than previous encounters?"

Oh, yeah. He'd worked himself into a well-deserved exhaustion their wedding night and had loved every minute of it. He simply couldn't stop! What was it Rose had said, seventeen for her? Oh, and she had felt... perfect.

"Snap out of it, Doc." The Doctor focused again and Jack snorted. "Have you had sex since you guys were drugged on Garthune?"

"She told you that?"

"Focus, Doctor. Ask questions later."

"Fine."

"Have you had sex since you were drugged?"

Yes and it was spectacular. 

"If so, were you drunk? Drugged? Possessed? Something else making you do it?"

No, no, no, no.

"If you haven't, is there something keeping you from doing it? If you have, is there something keeping you from doing it again?"

Uncertainty. If he knew Rose wanted it as much as he did, he doubts he'd ever let her out of his room again. And there was an appetizing thought... Mm, blimey.

"Doctor, seriously, fantasize later. If you have had sex since, have you both talked about it?"

Ah. Well, that tripped him up a moment. Was he supposed to do that? Did Rose expect it? Oh, humans were confusing.

"If you haven't, you might wanna do it soon. If you have, keep on keeping on."

What the hell does that mean? Is Jack drunk?

"Can you picture trading Rose in for a younger companion when Rose inevitably starts to age?"

Hell no and he should punch Jack for even suggesting that.

"I can clearly see the answer's no to that one. Even though you both claim your marriage was just to save yourselves some trouble, would you have a problem with her bringing a lover on board as a fellow companion?"

He'd break the boy's neck if that happened. An accident, of course. Okay, so maybe he'd just fantasize about doing it, but still. He would not be happy some hormone-riddled infant dared look at Rose, let alone touch her... on his ship... That was _his_ wife, dammit.

"Uh huh. Do you think Rose would be upset if you decided to bring your own lover on board as a companion?"

The only woman he’d slept with recently was Rose… Mmm, Rose.

"I meant a different woman."

He gave Jack a dirty look. "Do you have unknown technology broadcasting my thoughts? Am I talking out loud?"

"You're just very expressive right now."

"Right. Stop looking at me."

"Not gonna happen. Seriously, do you think Rose would be upset if you brought your own lover on board as her fellow companion?"

Rose probably wouldn't like it, if Jack was correct about her feelings regarding Mickey's short stint on board. He also couldn't imagine wanting to have a jealous, petty woman around his best friend/wife all the time. Surely the bint would one day insult Rose and Rose would decide she wanted to leave. That's something he wouldn't risk. Besides, why would he want anyone else with Rose around? He barely contained a snort.

"I see. So as long as you have Rose on board, you're not interested in having another woman in your life. Honestly, it's your face. I really don't know what you're thinking."

"Rose happens to be fond of this face."

"No, I think it's just you in general, Doctor."

He chuckled. Obviously he knew that. "Not even I am vain enough to be fond of my own face, Jack."

"You really are an idiot in this body. She liked your face before and now. It's you, not just your face, she likes."

"Well, of course she likes me. We're friends. Are we done with twenty-one questions?"

"You just made a Rose-esque reference." Jack chortled. "But of course you did. One last question. Let's say you and she are having sex still. If she were to accidentally get pregnant one day, how would you handle that?"

"I would have a child." It's a simple as that. Oh, Rose pregnant... She'd look exquisite. "Well, I suppose I would have to make sure the child stays out of danger so it has a chance to grow up."

"Uh huh. And?"

"There's no way I'd be able to give up the TARDIS and _domesticate_." He nearly spat the word. "We would live on board, obviously. I'm sorry, Jack. I'm not really getting the point of this question. Are you trying to ask if I would want her to keep the child or abort it? Because the answer to that is so obvious that The Bearded Dragon would know."

"I was only asking to see-” Jack abruptly stopped. “What?"

"Oh, I call Jackie The Dragon. Seems fitting. I just added the bearded part on, but I rather fancy it. Do you think she'll hate it?"

"Unequivocally."

"Excellent. I'm sorry. Back on point. You were saying?"

"You treat her like she's your mother-in-law."

"She is my mother-in-law."

"Like a real mother-in-law."

"She is."

"I don't know why I'm even bothering. Seriously. Let me just be blunt. Do you love Rose?"

"Well, of course."

"Like in love kind of love, Doctor. She's all you want, the sex is universe-rocking, she knows all your secrets, you'd die for her kind of love."

"I have died for her." The Doctor made a show of apparently realising what Jack was getting at. " _Oh_."

Jack's grin was blinding. "Yes! God, it's taken you long enough. You’re so thick this time around. I can’t even fathom what went wrong with you. Just… keep in mind that she was ready to die for you, too. Just saying."

He was right, the Doctor had to admit, and it was certainly something to think about. 

"You think we're in love with each other."

"It's obvious to everybody. Why do you think everyone has always mistaken you for a couple?"

"I think you're wrong, Jack, but this conversation has reminded me that I have something to do."

"Are you kidding?" Jack groaned. "What could be so important that you won't even sit there and consider what I've said?"

"I have to feed Arthur. With Rose still sleeping, I'll even have time to take him for a long ride."

"How in God's name did that conversation remind you that you had to feed your damned horse?"

"He isn't a damned horse, Jack. He's been saved," the Doctor joked. "My thought process was rather simple. Speaking of Rose led me to the thinking of past adventures with Rose, which eventually led me to thinking of clockwork droids, which reminded me of the spaceship, which then reminded me of Mickey, which circled back to the conversation we were having, which got me back to thinking about me telling Rose I let her keep Mickey, which made me remember Rose saying I couldn't keep Arthur in the first place, which unsurprisingly reminded me of Arthur, which naturally led to thinking about Rose's reaction were she to one day find Arthur on board, which then led to me thinking about him on board, which reminded me that I haven't fed him today."

The Doctor grinned widely at Jack, who merely shook his head in exasperation.

"Will you at least think about everything we've talked about while you're riding?"

"It is pointless to think about it, Jack." Yeah, right. It'd be all he'd think about until Rose woke up. "Enjoy your meal."

"Hey, aren't you going to eat?"

"No. I lost my appetite again."

The Doctor hurried through the TARDIS, envisioning the room he'd left Arthur in and finding the door when he opened his eyes again. Stepping inside, he looked around a green field and found Arthur grazing near a little brook. He was already saddled and he sent the TARDIS a little thank you as he climbed on. Arthur seemed excited to be exercised and took off, galloping over hills and splashing through water.

And the Doctor thought.

Yes, he loved Rose. He knew she loved him, too. He didn't think it was a romantic love, but he could be wrong.

Yes, she sometimes got jealous if he flirted with someone.

Yes, Rose and he were married and she liked to remind him of that all the time. However, she'd been the one to first point out they'd only married to save themselves from trouble and, therefore, clearly didn't want the marriage to be too serious.

Yes, they'd had sex when an aphrodisiac wasn't involved. They hadn't talked about it and he hadn't a clue how he should bring it up, especially since he truly didn't want to admit it might just be sex for her. Not that something else Jack mentioned. 

Yes, he would be slightly ecstatic if Rose bore a son or daughter for him. He'd had children once and had lost them. He would welcome a child, especially if Rose had carried it. Because she was his best friend! No other reason.

Yes, he was hopeless. 

Yes, gods, he missed her. 


	4. Christmas With Jackie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly longer chapter this go around, but I can't help myself. It's Christmas!
> 
> Cute Christmasy stuff, Jackie finding a loophole to the "no talking about grandkids" agreement she struck with the Doctor, all of that cute shite.

Consciousness slowly came back to her, though Rose couldn't say for sure when it had started. All she knew was that a cool hand was wrapped around hers, her body hurt from lying still for so long, and her stomach was knotting up in a very unwelcome way. She convulsively swallowed a few times and heard a chair scoot backwards.

"Rose? Are you awake?"

"Bucket," she croaked.

"What?"

Unfortunately, she didn't have time to request a bucket a second time. She twisted over to her left and vomited over the side of the bed, praying the floor would rise up and swallow her whole when this was over. The poor Doctor wasn't able to move out of the way quickly enough and his shoes happened to receive the brunt of the assault.

"Sorry," she tried to say, but her throat was too dry.

"That's not supposed to happen. You should be cured." Rose cracked open an eye- why was it so bright?- and saw the Doctor rushing around, grabbing various pieces of equipment from around the room before hurrying back to her. "Lie back. Unless you're feeling sick again, of course."

She shook her head and reclined on the infirmary bed. A long arm- Jack's arm- extended a glass of water to her and she accepted it eagerly, sloppily drinking half of it in one go.

"Thanks, Jack."

"This doesn't make sense," the Doctor muttered. "The readings say she's perfectly healthy."

"But that's clearly not the case, because she just puked everywhere."

"Yes, Jack, I'm well aware of that. Have you seen my shoes lately?"

"Sorry," Rose whispered. "I tried to ask for a bucket."

"Oh, no, no. No, it's okay, Rose.” He ran his fingers through her hair and tossed some random poke-y equipment thingy onto the bed beside her. “Maybe you can help me figure things out. How do you feel?"

"Hungry."

She spotted the promised tray of toast across the room, but the Doctor ignored it.

"Any dizziness?” His hand moved from her hair to her forehead before he trailed a finger along her ear. “No fever. Still. I'm not getting anything from this stupid finger. It’s never failed to tell me what’s going on bef – Urgh. Is the nausea the only thing bothering you?"

"I'm sore from lying here, but that’s really it. No dizziness. Just hungry and sore. Can I get up?"

"Heartbeat's strong. What is going on?"

"Here, Rose." Jack helped her sit up and kept a hand on her shoulder. "Better?"

"She doesn't seem to have any trouble sitting up. Jack, let her go." Jack obeyed and the Doctor frowned. "Maybe a little trouble, after all."

"She's been knocked out cold for a week, Doc. Of course she's gonna have trouble sitting up at first."

"A week?"

"Exactly? Six days, nineteen hours-"

"Minutes and seconds and whatever else. Yeah, we know," Jack said and huffed. "Maybe you had her bags set too high and it made her sick."

"If they had been set any lower, she would have become dehydrated and malnourished and be in a much worse condition."

“Then maybe they were set too low?”

It'd been a week? Rose glanced down at her clothes and sighed. She was still wearing this stupid nightgown and she could confidently bet her hair was super greasy. Oh, yeah, because that was how she wanted the Doctor to see her. At least she hadn't started her period yet. That would have been embarrassing, because seriously, what would they have done? They would have been in a panic and she would never have been able to look at either of them ever again.

"Hey, it's like the seventeenth or something, right?"

"Close. It is the eighteenth of December according to your special calendar."

So she'd be starting sometime this week, then, unless this new birth control stopped her period. Talk about good timing.

"Mum's expecting us tomorrow, her time. You remember, right?"

"Rose," the Doctor whined, "no. No, that's not fair. You just woke up. Don’t make me go for at least two weeks. Give me time to recover from this before throwing me to that wolf. Please."

“Doesn’t really have to be tomorrow for us. Can wait a few days.”

“We could just say we forgot and not have to go at all.”

"We either show up or have to deal with the baby talk."

"Mother-in-laws," Jack chuckled. “Am I right?”

"Rose will be the first to tell you ours isn't a real marriage." Yeah, as much as she wished it were... kinda as much as she wished she knew where that thought came from. "We've both told her this many times, but still, the old bat- er, I mean, Jackie- wants to pressure us to have children. It's baffling. We're just friends."

"Can you even have kids with her?"

“Oh, no.” The Doctor clutched his stomach. "Restate that sentence so I'm not forced to mix my own vomit with Rose’s."

"You know who I'm talking about."

"For my own peace of mind, then. Please."

Jack snorted. "Can you and Rose even have kids together?"

"Better. Of course we can."

"Huh. If you two don't want kids, you could just lie to her mom and say you're not compatible or something."

"This isn't a real marriage," Rose unwillingly pointed out. "Us wanting kids or not doesn't matter. Mum should just let it go.”

"Exactly."

"Yeah."

"Right."

"So... yeah," she finished lamely. Jack looked back and forth between her and the Doctor. "No kids."

Jack whistled. "Wow. Things just got really awkward."

They did, but that wasn't her fault. She was still kinda half-heartbroken, half-thrilled she hadn't gotten pregnant on Garthune. Of everyone she'd ever met, the Doctor would have been worth all the pain, stretch marks, and worry that came with having and raising a child.

Though, of course, she'd rather cut her own tongue out than admit that to anyone. Especially to him.

And she did want kids so that explains why she was feeling like this... and how adorable would a baby him look? Well, she couldn't actually picture it, since the two versions of the Doctor she'd seen had been so different, but she knew his child would be adorable no matter what he looked like at the time.

"Um, well, I need a shower," she announced, squashing her thoughts into a mental drawer labeled Don't Even Think About It. "And then- well, then, I'm gonna eat. A lot... and I need to pack."

The Doctor groaned.

"Hey," Jack said, straightening. "What am I going to do while you two are off playing house?"

"I'm sure you'll find a way to entertain yourself. You've never had problems before."

Jack ignored the Doctor's comment. "Rose?"

"I don't know. You could stay here and just go out when you get bored, I guess. Mum would probably be okay with you joining us for dinner, too, if you wanted. And then there's Christmas..."

"No. Run far, far away, Jack. Don't even consider it. Jackie couldn't cook to save her life."

"She really tries," Rose defended and the Doctor grinned at her.

"I've had actual pig slop taste more appetizing than her food. Do you remember that unidentifiable mass of congealed goo she tried passing off as a casserole? I do. In fact, I'm pretty sure I restored peace on Jedd IX by threatening the people with those leftovers."

"Oh, you did not. Jack, don't encourage him."

Jack continued to snicker, anyway.

"That might have been a nightmare, now that I think about it. The point still stands, though. Her food is awful."

"Watch it or I'll make you cook dinner one night. See how you do with the pressure."

"Well, I've certainly proved myself capable enough to handle the task. After all, who made you a delicious breakfast the last time we visited your mum?"

"Mighta been you, but I was a little out of it. Falling asleep in the eggs, you know."

"I told you to go to sleep the night before, Rose, but you claimed you couldn't."

Judging by the heat in her cheeks, she must be blushing pretty bad at the mere mention of That Night. Were they going to talk about it, then?

"It was your fault I couldn't sleep in the first place."

"That is very, very true."

Would they really?

"I meant because of what I thought you said."

"Oh. Yes, of course. Well, I maintain you were hearing things, Rose."

They really were talking about it! In a roundabout way, at least.

"I wasn't hearing things, Doctor. I'm sure I wasn't. I was blind, not deaf."

"Hmm." He studied her a moment and then turned away. "Does it really matter what may or may not have been said?"

Considering what had happened after that conversation? Nope. Didn't matter at all.

"Guess not, though I wouldn't have minded if you had said it."

The Doctor chuckled. "Yes, I got the impression you wouldn't."

"You didn't seem too bothered by that at the time."

"Neither did you."

"That's because I liked it," she stated bluntly and the Doctor quickly looked at her while pretending he was straightening up an already tidy work table. "A lot, actually. Talking to you is..."

"Fantastic?" he supplied, lips twitching. She giggled.

"Something like that, yeah."

"Perhaps that's because we're already the best of friends."

"And we're married. Technically, I mean, of course."

"Which I personally think adds something to the conversation. More depth perhaps."

"Yeah, things have kinda changed a lot since the wedding."

"Oh, most certainly. They're more interesting, for one."

"And amazing."

"Are they really?"

"Stop," she said and laughed. "You knew that."

"Doesn't mean I don't like hearing it from time to time. Might keep that in mind."

The Doctor was nervously fiddling with something she thought might be a heart monitor, pointedly not looking her way, and she couldn't prevent a small smile from stealing across her lips. Was he suggesting they... talk... some more? Yeah, she could definitely be swayed to talk more, maybe even every day. Oh, who was she kidding? Given the chance, she'd demand it. Twice a day, every day.

"Remind me if I ever forget to tell you, alright?"

His head snapped up and, after staring at her for just the briefest of moments, he smiled brilliantly. Rose knew she was blushing madly and seriously could not stop grinning, but she didn't care. Best friend, guide to the universe, protector, husband... Why not lover, too? Besides, having sex with the Doctor had pretty much been on her mind 24/7 since they'd escaped Garthune. Before that, actually, but...

"You want me to... remind you?"

"Anytime. All the time."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely."

"Okay, this has been fun, but whatever you two are really talking about can wait until later. Rose, how about a shower and some food?"

Rose blinked and looked from the Doctor's startled expression to Jack's smirk. She'd completely forgotten he was there!

"Oh, good idea. Thanks, Jack."

"Quite right, Jack. Do you need help standing?" Rose shook her head and the Doctor added, "Or walking?"

"I think I can handle it." She tested her weight and then slowly stood. "See?"

"Take a step, Rose."

As much as she wanted to pretend to lose her strength so the Doctor could whisk her away and give her one hell of a talk, there was no way she was going to try anything before scrubbing herself raw. It had been a showerless week, after all. She managed to take a step.

"See? I'm fine."

"Good and another." This time, she did stumble, much to her chagrin. The Doctor immediately caught her and frowned. "As I suspected. Even though I've an entire list of things to do before we go to your mother's, it looks like I'm going to have to make time to take care of you first."

"Do you think she'll regain her strength after some food?"

"I do. Temporary loss of strength after the treatment is one side effect for humans, I've noticed. Would you possibly be willing to-"

"Cook? Yeah, but it won't be anything fancy."

“Anything is fine.”

"If you'll at least help me change, I'd be grateful. I can always shower later."

"He can help you take a bath, too, Rose," Jack remarked. "It's not like he hasn't seen it all before."

"He has a point, even though he could have been more tactful about making it. I'll be a perfect gentleman."

She really wished she didn't feel so gross, because she'd have otherwise been all over him the moment they were alone. He was barely smothering a grin, like he knew what she was thinking. Rose just smiled up at him.

"Thank you, Doctor."

***

“Pictures.”

“Yes.”

“Pictures?”

"Pictures," Jackie repeated impatiently. "Rose, talk some sense into your husband, will ya?”

Rose looked between her mum and the Doctor, held her hands up, and silently stepped back. She wanted to stay well out of that one.

“Ha.” The Doctor triumphantly smirked at Jackie. “Can’t believe you tried to turn my own wife against me. Rose, you could’ve been more supportive of me, but you were helpful all the same.”

“Lotta help you are, Rose. Listen, it’s no big deal. You've been married a while now and I still don't have anything to show for it.”

“What exactly were you expecting to have to show for _our_ marriage?” he asked incredulously. “Is this going to be another one of those thinly-veiled conversations about grandchildren, Jackie? Because if it is, I’m leaving and I’m taking Rose with me. What did I tell you, Rose? Day one of the Christmas visit and your mum-”

“No, this isn’t about grandchildren, though I wouldn’t-”

“Mum.”

“Sorry. The deal. I remember. No, this is about you two. No wedding photos, no random snapshots, nothing to show anyone.” Jackie’s jaw set, lips thinned. “So I'm taking pictures and you'll just have to deal with it. Be glad I’m not demanding a staged wedding.”

“I would not participate in that… and if I won’t stay for those pictures? I can just as easily sleep on the TARDIS, as can Rose. Don’t see some camera-wielding nutter attacking us in there.”

“Doctor! My mum’s not a nutter. Be nice.”

“Well…” He shrugged. “Fine.”

“My friends have been asking for photos, you know, and it's embarrassing not having even one of the two of you together."

“How is that my problem, Jackie?”

“It’d be nice to show everyone who my daughter married.”

It was interesting to note that at this moment in time, the Doctor’s bottom lip jutted out in a very decidedly pouty way. He would likely deny it if Rose ever brought it up, but it definitely happened. She saw it with her own two eyes.

"But I don't like having my picture taken."

"Grandkids or pictures," Rose muttered to him, finally intervening. "Pick your poison, Doctor."

"Right.” He straightened, mood falsely brighter and more cheerful. “How do you want us, then?"

"That's more like it." Jackie triumphantly picked up her camera and gestured to the sofa. "A couple there, some in front of the wall, maybe one or two while we're getting supper put out."

The Doctor grumbled something about food poisoning, but led Rose to the sofa, his hand in hers. After settling down, he rested his arm on the back of the sofa and she leaned into his side. She looked up at him and smiled when he glanced down. That very handsome face of his displayed how very not amused he was, a frown and grimace lines marring the normally jovial expression.

"Just relax," Rose coached. "It'll be over before you know it."

The camera clicked and their gazes swung up to Jackie.

"We weren't ready," the Doctor complained. "What'd you take a picture for?"

"Smile," Jackie instructed and snapped another photo. "Now Doctor, put your arm around Rose and Rose, put your head on his shoulder."

The camera clicked again.

"I hate this."

"It's Mum doing it. Of course you hate it."

"I hate being included in photo-taking in general… except for when you’re holding the camera, of course. That your mother is behind this only worsens that feeling. You owe me."

She peeked at him and saw a mischievous grin on his lips. Rose's smile widened and she heard the Doctor chuckle quietly, the sound giving her the chills. Jackie's camera clicked again.

"By the wall now. Stand there near the door."

"Think it's almost over," Rose said encouragingly. “Maybe.” The Doctor merely rolled his eyes. "Brownie points, remember?"

"I'm looking forward to cashing those in. I'm going to have to think about the best way to do it, too."

Rose giggled.

"Rose, stand in front of him, will you?"

"That's not a good idea, Jackie," the Doctor replied seriously.

"Yes, it is. Honestly, you two are acting like you don't know how to be close to each other."

"We're merely being cautious. Too close to each other and I have no idea if we could restrain ourselves, even in your presence- and that's saying something."

"You're not funny. Now shut up and smile. Wait. Doctor, hold her. You look strange just standing there like that."

“Closer? I’ll show her closer. Probably damn near scar her for life, too, not that she wouldn’t deserve it. Rose, I’m doing this for you. Better remember that and be thankful.” He pulled her in for a tight hug and his voice finally rose back to a level that Jackie could hear. "Better?"

"You could try a smile. Wouldn't kill ya."

"It might."

"Doctor, please. Let's just get it over with, okay? And quit needling my mum."

"I'm trying. I'm really trying, but she brings this side out in me, Rose."

The camera clicked again and Rose relaxed her pose while Jackie puttered around looking for only God knew what. Her head fell back against the Doctor's chest and he met her eyes, smiling and squeezing her for a moment.

"You look much better this morning. Have you felt nauseous since yesterday?"

"Here and there, but it's bearable and at least I'm not feeling as sick as I was before. That's good, right?"

"Yes, but I don't like that the treatment I administered didn't completely cure you."

"Hey, better a little nausea than full-blown sickness."

"I suppose so. Is there really nothing else wrong with you?"

Jackie's camera went off again and the Doctor scowled down at her, making Rose snort.

"That's attractive, Doctor. You should make that face more often."

"Oh, I should, should I?"

"No."

"Rose, I found you something to wear whenever you're visiting." Rose and the Doctor looked from each other to her mum. She was holding a ring box and Rose felt the Doctor stiffen against her back. "Suzie was asking 'bout your ring the other day and I realized I had no idea what to tell her,” Jackie prattled on, oblivious. “Found this in that little thrift store you like so much. It's kinda big, but it's vintage and it was relatively cheap. See, I only told her it was his grandmother's and-"

"Mum, you bought me a ring to keep up appearances _for your sake_? How many times do we have to-"

"Rose," the Doctor interrupted. "Just put it on. You only have to wear it while we're here, right?"

"Yeah, but are you sure? It's kinda weird... when..."

"I'll manage. At this point, it's simply easier to go along with her delusion, though I do recommend institutionalization if this keeps up for much longer."

"That's not funny."

"I wasn't joking."

"Try it on, then," Jackie commanded. "A few more pictures with that on and we'll be done. Wish I'd remembered before we started."

Rose slipped the ring set on, flashed her hand at her mother, and then slipped her hand in her pocket. The Doctor tugged her hand back out, studied the ring, and shrugged.

"It's flawed, but what Earth diamond isn't?" He peered closer at the ring and, before she could stop him, he licked the stone. "It's definitely real, though."

"You can't go around licking everything," Rose remarked and then shook her head. "Never mind. You're never gonna stop."

"Nope." He slipped his glasses on and pulled her hand nearly level with his nose. "Mid-nineteenth century or thereabouts. Bit old for you lot. You say you found this in a thrift shop?"

"Yeah. Why? What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing. As far as rings go, this is exquisite. Bit flashy, but stunning nonetheless. Considering your style choices, I'm absolutely stunned you would choose a ring such as this."

“Oh, no. Doctor.” Rose giggled despite the look on her mum's face. "Be nice."

"I was," the Doctor replied, looking surprised. "Why would you think otherwise?"

That just made her giggle some more as the camera went off yet again.

***

"Sink," Jack called. Rose spun around with a large mixing bowl full of boiled potatoes in her hands and quickly danced out of the way as a mixing spoon sailed through the air and landed in the sink with a bang. Jack’s arms flew into the air. "Goal!"

She laughed and he moved on to his next task. With her back to the counter, she took a moment to enjoy the sight of him wearing her mum's apron and checking the turkey and, perhaps even more amusing, the sight of the Doctor with something smudged on his left cheek and a cocky grin on his lips. She squeezed past Jack's wiggling bum, set down her mixing bowl, and hesitantly wiped the Doctor's cheek.

"What's this, then?"

“Well, let’s see.” He licked her thumb and smacked his lips. "Butter. Look what I've made, Rose. I went above and beyond on dessert. And before you ask, yes, I made the boring pies you requested. But look at this! Isn't it perfect?"

"Er, what is it?"

"Banana cream pie!"

"Really?" They exchanged grins and then she leaned closer to the pie. "Smells great."

"Agreed. I found the recipe in Jackie's cookbook. The thing looked brand new, by the way. The book, that is. It was printed in 1988. That's all I'm saying. 1988. Never been touched. Do you need help with the potatoes?"

"If you wanna help me, you can grab the milk and butter from the fridge."

"Rose, where- ow! Hot, hot, hot, hot!!- The dress- Hot! Where do I put- OWW!- it?"

"Let go of it, you idiot!" the Doctor commanded, rushing over to help. “You’re a bloody twit, I swear. Will you just-”

“It’s hot! My perfect hands!”

Jackie popped her head into the kitchen while Jack was running his hand under water, the Doctor was freeing some counter space, and the pan of bread dressing (cooked separately, because Rose wanted it that way) was innocently sitting on top of the stove.

"Oh. Ew." The Doctor made a face, his top lip pulling up. "I caught you, Jackie. Is there a reason you're trying to sneak into the kitchen?"

"Mum, what is it? We're all kinda busy in here."

"Just thought you should know Mickey's here."

Rose abandoned the half-mashed potatoes, rushed from the room, and leapt into Mickey's arms for a sort of dancing hug. She bounced back a bit and grinned at him.

"How are you?! I haven't seen you in forever!"

"You look great, Rose. Never mind me. Jackie tells me you got married." He paused. "To the Doctor."

"Yeah, I did. It's a long story." Rose heard a sound behind her and turned, just barely catching a flash of red trainers as the door slid shut. "Are you staying for dinner? We made plenty."

Mickey looked wary. "Who's we?"

"Jack, the Doctor, and me."

"As long as your mum didn't touch anything, I'll stay."

"Great. Why don't you help Mum set the table and get the drinks?" Mickey nodded and Rose hurried back to the kitchen. The Doctor was concentrating on perfecting the mashed potatoes and seemingly didn't notice her until she nudged him out of the way with her hip. "That was my job, remember?"

"Oh, hello, Rose. Mickey staying for dinner?"

"He is."

After his eyes darted between her face, the kitchen door, and her hand, the Doctor abruptly grinned widely, tried to be serious a moment, and then just chuckled. Feeling a bit thrown, Rose could only cock a brow.

"Perfect. No, I'm glad he's joining us tonight. I hope he finds everything to his liking."

"Yeah. Me, too."

"We'll see.” The Doctor chuckled again and covered his mouth. “Jack, how's that turkey coming? Need any help?"

"About done carving. You could check the green beans."

"Rose, have you seen my Christmas salt and pepper shakers?" Jackie asked from the door. "I can't remember who put them up last year, but I can't find them in the cabinet."

"Oh, a moment," the Doctor answered. "I brought them in here earlier to refill them. Jack, could you grab-"

"Here."

"Thank you." He passed the shakers off and smiled. "Happy Christmas."

"What's he so happy for?" Jackie asked suspiciously. "What'd he do to these?"

"Nothing. It's Christmas. Why wouldn't I be happy?"

"Aliens don't celebrate Christmas."

He shrugged. "Rose does."

"Which means he does, too," Jack added and the Doctor got a thoughtful look on his face.

"Still seems odd being referred to as an alien. I mean, to me, you all are aliens and I'm the normal one."

A brief moment of silence passed before Jack and Rose began laughing, the Doctor eventually joining them.

"Normal," Jack chortled. "Normal, he says."

"Like I could ever be normal."

"I know, right?" Rose wiped a tear from her eye and shook her head. "Can you have Mickey come here, Mum? I'm gonna have him help us carry all this stuff."

"Well, I can just as easily-"

"No!"

Jackie glowered at the Doctor, pouted at Rose, eyed Jack head to toe, and left to fetch Mickey. Jack and Rose gave each other a look and then Rose turned to the Doctor, brow cocked.

"I’m sorry, Rose. I really am, but I don't want her touching anything, because she might try to "fix" something. It's bad enough she has to serve herself. Although... She does think I'm your husband and-"

"You are. Technically, right?"

He grinned. "This is true. As the only living male relation in the family, perhaps she would give me the honours?"

"Yeah, she'd sooner eat her own foot for supper. I'll make sure the salt and pepper are out of reach until we have our food."

“For all our sakes, I hope that works."

"Please be a little more dramatic, Doctor."

"Unidentifiable Mass of Congealed Goo. UMCG, for short. Your mother informed me it was supposed to be chicken, rice, and broccoli casserole." The Doctor's brows inched up towards his hairline. "Now, let us consider for just a moment _why_ the broccoli wasn't visible even after dissection and then we can move on to _what_ might have made it smell like pears and cabbage."

"Did it really?"

"I hate pears, Rose. I could find one buried underneath the debris of a ten story building post-collapse."

Jack squinted. "Reckon he's kidding?"

"Somehow, knowing him as well as I do, I really doubt it. Pears, though?"

"And cabbage," he affirmed.

"But how?"

The Doctor nodded. "And what?"

"Jackie said you needed me," Mickey said as he strolled in the room. "Hey, Jack."

"Hello," Jack greeted, waving cheerfully.

Mickey sniffed. "Doctor."

"Ricky."

"Doctor," Rose chastised. "You like him. Remember? Mickey, we need your help carrying everything."

"Anything to keep Jackie away from the food," the Doctor informed him. "Rose is running interference on the salt and pepper."

Mickey nodded. "Good. I'll keep her away from the butter. Remember that Christmas when you were sixteen?"

Rose shuddered. "Those poor potatoes. They never stood a chance."

"What happened?" The Doctor asked, looking between her and Mickey a few times. “Was it as bad as the UMCG?”

“The what?”

Jack answered, “Some crap that was supposedly chicken, rice, and broccoli casserole, but didn’t appear to have broccoli and smelled like pears and cabbage.”

“That’s sick.”

“We know,” the Doctor spoke. “We’re the ones that had to eat it. Well, Rose did. I feigned influenza and begged bed rest. So what happened then? ”

Mickey snickered. "Well, Jackie burnt the potatoes and then smothered-"

"Drowned."

"Drowned them in butter thinking we wouldn't notice. But, of course, she went further and peppered them so much, Rose got heartburn. First time she’d ever had heartburn in her life and Jackie spent two full weeks randomly asking if she was knocked up."

The Doctor snorted. "Right."

"Probably could’ve left that bit out, Mickey. Anyways, you grab the green bean casserole Jack put together and make sure Mum stays away from it." Mickey nodded and ducked out the door with the dish in hand. "Doctor, will you please carry the potatoes?"

“She really thought you were pregnant?”

“Er, I guess. Will you-”

“It’s just ridiculous. Mickey Smith, of all people? I don’t think so. You were dating Mickey at the time, right?”

“No. And we get it. Okay? You don’t like him. Fine.”

“Oh, I like Mickey plenty. I simply find the idea that he might’ve- Never mind. This clearly isn’t something you wish to talk about.”

“You’re right. It’s not. The potatoes?”

"What are you carrying?"

"The bread stuffing and rolls. Jack, ready with the turkey?"

"Just finished. Ta da!" He held up the serving platter of turkey slices. "Smart idea carving it ahead of time, Boss. Saves so much trouble."

"I am merely preventing a headache. That first Christmas dinner after I regenerated, which Rose had thankfully cooked, Jackie was still hovering around and being her usual pesky-"

"She was really worried about you," Rose interrupted. "Slept at your bedside when you were out and you remember when she kept asking what you needed, right?"

"Pesky."

"She was worried. That's not a bad thing."

"I agree, but she does it in an incredibly annoying fashion."

"Mother-in-laws, huh?"

"Quite. Anyway, she was still hovering and every time I was close to finishing my food, she'd be there to carve me another piece."

"That doesn't sound bad."

"No, it wouldn't normally, would it?”

“However?” Jack pressed.

“However, she always made sure her… assets," he said delicately, only paling slightly, "were on display, even going so far as to drop the carving knife and making a show of bending-" He paused and swallowed audibly. "-to pick it up."

"Oh, she did not."

"Rose, think back to that day, will you? She dropped knives three times in one hour, made excuses to show herself off... Not that I blame her, of course. She'd just gotten used to being turned down by the older, less attractive version of me and then this young, handsome version comes into the picture? Was bound to catch her eye."

"I liked the old you, too."

"Would you have married him?"

"Well, yes. He is you."

"I think he's trying to figure out if you'd have married him before based on his looks."

"I'm not shallow, Doctor."

"Thanks, Jack, but that's not what I wanted to know."

"Then what did you want to know?" Rose asked curiously.

"It's not important."

"Jack." Rose turned to see him. "Can you help Mickey run interference?"

"Fine. I know when I'm not wanted around."

"Yes, that would be now," the Doctor commented dryly. "Go."

Rose waited until they were alone. "So what did you want to know?"

"I wanted, well, I was curious to- have you ever- Do you ever find yourself missing him?"

"What?"

"The first version of myself that you knew, I mean. Do you ever miss him?"

"He's you, Doctor, and you don't give me a chance to miss you."

"No." The Doctor ran his hands through his hair. "I'm not asking right, I think. How should I ask?"

"Maybe just ask exactly what you want to ask instead of trying to beat around the bush?"

"Brilliant, as always. Do you... prefer or, well, appreciate my personality and looks now more than before or..."

He stared at her for a few silent moments and Rose gave him a curious look. It kinda was like what Jack said, about the looks thing, but not really.

"I see. Well, I liked you both ways. The first you I met was like an older brother's best friend. Attractive, serious, and intelligent. Plus, you could dance really well, you were always saving some world... and you saved me, even though it meant that version of you would die."

"I couldn't let you die. You're too good."

She smiled softly. "This version of you, though... You're pretty great."

"No details?"

"Do you need them?"

"I would like them. There's a difference."

"Hmm. Okay. You're more compassionate these days, funny, still intelligent, and I have to admit you're pretty attractive. Sexy, maybe. Oh, and you're my husband now- for the rest of my life if Mum gets her way- and we're currently late for a family dinner _we cooked_. Should probably get out there before Jack comes back hoping to catch us doing something."

"He wishes."

"Bet he does, actually."

Rose laughed, scooped up the pan of bread stuffing, and carefully piled the rolls on top. The Doctor scooted up beside her, leaned against the counter, and crossed his arms.

"So... sexy, Rose?"

"Maybe."

He let out a cute little chuckle. "I knew it. I can still dance, you know. Might need to practice, but I know I can do it."

"Oh?" Rose tossed a look over her shoulder on the way to the door. "Prove it."

"What are you doing later?"

"Dancing, I would hope. Mum's got a good stereo in here. I wanna see your moves. 'sides, you owe me. Never got a dance on my wedding day."

"You didn't, did you? What a lousy husband I am."

"Right," Rose agreed, giggling quietly. "Completely lousy. How do I put up with you?"

"Beats the hell out of me, though I've always secretly thought you only stuck around for my body." He sniffed, eyes on the ceiling. "Always trying to steal my virtue, you are. Tsk tsk, Rose Tyler."

“Your virtue? Yeah, right,” Rose said, leaving the kitchen. “More like your ship.”

"What're you two talking about?" Jackie asked suspiciously.

"My moves, my poor spousal skills, my body, my virtue, and the TARDIS, in that order," the Doctor replied seriously. "Which reminds me, might we borrow your stereo and living room later? Need to get a little practice in. You know."

Jack snickered, though Rose had no idea why. That is, she didn't know why until she looked at her mum's face and it clicked. She laughed.

"Mum! We were gonna dance. That's all. He hasn't danced since he was the old him."

"I don't care what you call it, Rose. Just keep it to yourself or, you know, promise me a grandchild will be on the way before the year’s end."

"What- I was talking- Oh, never mind."

"So... you and the Doctor are gonna dance?"

"Yeah," she said excitedly.

"Dancing? Like the euphemistic dancing conversation you guys had when I first met you?" Jack asked, leaning closer so Jackie wouldn't hear. "That kind of dancing or the actual dancing you guys later did around the TARDIS control room? And I still think that looked more like a mating dance than anything else, Doctor. You might've been dancing and _dancing_ for who knows how long, you know? Sorry, Mickey."

"Not okay, Jack," the Doctor said, though he looked a little too amused to be taken seriously. "Mickey, disregard anything Jack says. He's usually lying, anyways."

"Hey, now, Doc. That's not a very nice thing to accuse people of."

"You just implied I might have been "dancing" with Rose during the time of her..." His eyes swept over Mickey's and then met hers. "Ill-fated relationship with Mickey. That's not very nice, either."

"Can't blame me for wondering."

"I can, in fact. I am. Right now. I am blaming you for wondering."

“Anyways,” Rose said loudly. “Christmas is in three days, Jack. We usually open presents before breakfast, pop in a breakfast casserole, watch Christmas movies or listen to Christmas carols. Sometimes we even sing and we definitely have a big meal.”

“I can do movies and music, but no singing.”

“Alright. So you’ll come?”

“For you? I’d love to.”

The Doctor shot Jack a nasty look, Mickey snorted into his glass, and Jack smirked unapologetically. It seemed the Doctor was gonna have to deal with Mickey egging Jack on, then. Wonderful. He’d perpetually be in a bad mood when they came home to visit. Just what she needed. 

It was then she noticed she was still wearing her fake wedding band set. With her mum sitting to her right, the Doctor to her left, and Jack and Mickey across from them, it was a wonder no one else had noticed yet.

Well.

Briefly smirking, she innocently grabbed the Doctor’s right hand and held on. He promptly put their joined hands on the table, rubbed her knuckles with his thumb, and then stopped, a grin curling his lips. He chuckled quietly and began eating with his left hand.

Was that why he’d been so weirdly happy earlier when they were talking about Mickey staying? He’d looked at her hand then, right? No, surely not. Probably not.

“Rose, I was thinking we might go shopping tomorrow,” Jackie remarked, stirring butter into her potatoes. The poor things. “Just the two of us, though. You can send your husband off to spend time with the guys.”

“He doesn’t have guys.”

“Hey,” Jack butted in and pointed both thumbs at himself. “ _I’m_ a guy.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess you are. Sorry.” The Doctor smothered a laugh and Rose smiled. She loved hearing him laugh, even when he was trying not to. “Well, Doctor, what do you think? You can spend some time with Jack tomorrow while I go shopping with Mum. I bet if you ask nicely enough, Mickey might even hang around.”

“You’re leaving me to spend time with your mother? Are you still ill?”

“Be nice.”

The Doctor looked at Jack. “Was I not?”

“Not even a little.”

“Oh. Sorry. If you really want to spend some alone time with Jackie, I’ll entertain myself.”

“We could always go down to the pub,” Mickey volunteered and Rose smiled encouragingly. “Usually got a game playing and the beer’s pretty good.”

“Beer? Count me in.”

Jack and Mickey both looked at the Doctor, waiting, and he eventually nodded the most unenthusiastic looking nod she’d ever seen.

“That’s good, Rose. Can’t spend every waking moment with him. You got the rest of your life, after all, and you’ll only get sick of him if you keep…”

“Tomorrow, I may die,” the Doctor interrupted quietly, not disturbing Jackie one bit. “I have to spend my time with both Jack Harkness and Mickey Smith while you’re off shopping with your mother. As my wife, it’s your duty to see I’m burned when I’ve gone. I don’t want to be buried on this planet. I have some books in the library describing the way Gallifreyans were cared for after death. The old girl will help you find what I’m talking about. I have a few emergency programs that will help you navigate the ship to and from my final resting spot.”

“Don’t be silly. You’ll be okay… and I’m not thinking about that last part. Ever. You’ll have fun tomorrow. It’s just Jack and Mickey. You like Jack, remember? And Mickey is cool. You’d like him if you gave him a chance.”

“No, I don’t think so. I honestly think I would prefer to spend my time in your mother’s presence tomorrow. No, Rose, I’d trade tomorrow with the guys for three days spent with Jackie.” He met her eyes. “Alone.”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No. At least then I wouldn’t have to listen to Mickey blubbering on like an idiot or have to deal with Jack hitting on every single decently attractive human that walks by.”

“That’s guy bonding time. Every guy needs it, even superior Time Lords and you can’t tell me the idea of having a few beers with the guys doesn’t appeal to you.”

“Not in the slightest. I metabolize alcohol too quickly to experience the drunkenness you lot do. Well, I suppose I can get drunk, but I can make it disappear like that.” He snapped a finger and grinned. “Sometimes on accident. Another nifty Time Lord trick. I should just stay here. I can redecorate… or fix the stove. Did you notice the heat seemed a bit too low to be entirely safe? I hope the turkey was thoroughly cooked.”

“Mmm. Doctor, you’re going out with the guys tomorrow. You’re not staying here and you’re not coming with me and Mum.”

“You are cruel for making me go with them. I hope you’re happy with the woman you’re turning into.”

“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong. I’d love for you to come, but I don’t get to see Mum all that often and she wants this to be a mother and daughter kind of thing, I think.” The Doctor frowned pitifully and she squeezed his hand. “I bet you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“Now that’s just a stupid thing to say. Of course I will.”

“Sure. Whatever. Just stay out of trouble.”

“What do you think, Doctor?”

“Right, Rose?”

Rose and the Doctor looked away from each other, one’s attention snagged by Jack and Mickey, the other focusing on Jackie.

“Sorry. What?”

They both looked at each other and started laughing, thoroughly amused about having said the same thing. The others just shook their heads.

***

“Oh, my goodness! That ring is gorgeous!”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, lemme see it. Oh, God, Jackie. Look at it.”

“I know. It’s amazing, isn’t it? She’s lucky, my Rose.”

“Mum,” Rose whispered. “Who is this again?”

“Margie. She’s started hanging with the girls recently. Bev’s sister.”

“Right.”

“And you said he’s a doctor?”

“Yes and loaded. Obviously. He flew me to Rome for my birthday… in his private plane. He comes from an old family, you’d say.”

Rose chuckled. “Really, really old family.”

“What was his name again, Jacks? Maybe I’ve heard of him.”

“John Smith,” Jackie promptly replied. “Doctor John Smith.”

While Jackie prattled on, telling one spectacularly fake story about the lives of Doctor and Mrs. John Smith, Rose kept adjusting her shopping bags one-handed. Margie was still holding her other hand and it was getting uncomfortable.

Thankfully, that’s when her phone began ringing so she had a good reason to pull her hand away from Margie’s sweaty, too tight grip. 

“Sorry. I have to take this.”

“Course. Yes, go ahead. Jackie, you said they’re not trying to have children yet? Why ever not? She’s not gonna stay this young forever.”

“I know that. I’ve tried talking to them about it, but-”

Rose thought she would gladly kiss whoever was on the other end of the call. She quickly changed her mind, however, when she saw Mickey’s name on the screen and answered with a sigh.

“What’s he done?”

“I resent the implication that I could’ve done something so terribly wrong to warrant a phone call from your ex-boyfriend, Rose.”

“Oh. It’s you, er, John,” she said, realising Jackie and Margie were staring at her. “Hello, um, sweetheart. Are you having fun with the guys?”

“John? Did you really just call me John? And was that a sweetheart? Though I do like that one. Do use it more often. What- Ah, the bag of bones has run into one of her friends, hasn’t she? Probably right there, too."

“Yes. _Mum_ ,” she said pointedly, wishing she could address that bag of bones bit. “Is doing fine.”

“Oh, that is too sweet,” Margie stage-whispered.

“Glad to hear it. Have you been feeling well? Any more nausea? Feeling tired? Feverish?”

“I’m fine. I told you that when you asked hours ago.”

“I’m just doing a check-up, if you will. Will you answer my questions?”

“No nausea, no tiredness, no fever. Happy? Maybe your treatment just took a while to finish up.”

“No, you should have been cured the moment you woke. I wish you’d let me run some more tests, Rose. We could nip out to the TARDIS later and-”

“No more tests. I’m feeling fine. Great. Promise.”

“If you’re sure?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Good. Have you bought out the whole of London, then?”

“No, I haven’t. I’ve only picked up a few things here and there. Christmas is coming up, remember?”

“We should give them some privacy,” Jackie suggested belatedly. “They might go on a while. Rose, we’re gonna be in that store right there. You can join us when you’re done.”

Rose nodded. “Thanks, Mum. See you then.”

“She’s leaving?”

“Yes, Doctor.” Margie smirked and Rose made a face. “Right. Bye, Margie. It was nice to see you.”

“I haven’t met that one, have I?”

“No.”

“Thought as much.” He stayed silent a few moments and began speaking right as Jackie and Margie were out of earshot, making Rose look around suspiciously. “You were wrong.”

“’Bout what?”

“I have noticed you’re gone. For the last three hours and twelve minutes. It wasn’t very nice of you to leave without letting me know.”

She giggled. “You would’ve just tried coming up with more reasons I should stay or you should come with us. Are you at least having fun?”

“…might be.”

“See, I knew guys’ night would be a good thing. You’re having fun.”

“I said I might be.”

“Uh huh.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Probably about the same time you are.”

“That is an outrageous lie.”

“What?”

“I’m already here. So if you’re coming home about the same time I am, _where_ are you, Rose Tyler?”

“Why are you at home? I thought Mickey said you were going to the pub.”

“We did. Even had a few drinks, but Jack didn’t like the local wildlife so we stopped at the flat to freshen up and regroup before heading to a different place. I’ve suggested they go on without me, but they’re not having it.”

“Oh, you poor baby.”

“I’m glad you agree, Rose.”

“So what’re you guys gonna do?”

“What are we gonna do? Hmm. If-”

_“Wives aren’t a part of guys night so don’t you tell her anything!”_

_"Are they actually married, then? I thought it was a joke. Hey, Rose.”_

_“Yeah, they’re married, Mickey Mouse. Sorry.”_

“Humph. Jack informs me I’m not allowed to tell you anything, because you are my wife.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes.” He briefly paused. “As I was saying, if relatively recent history repeats itself, we’ll be people watching. Or, more specifically, hunting women. I don’t know. Well, they’ll be watching women while drooling and tripping over their feet in the process. I’ll be missing you, watching the two of them, and likely wondering yet again how the human race has managed to survive this long with men like that contributing to the species.”

_“Hey!”_

_“You bastard.”_

“Oops. I think they heard you, Doctor.”

“I’m not surprised. Didn’t attempt to keep that quiet. They needed to know what higher life forms think of them.”

“You’ve been horrible company, haven’t you?”

“Not horrible. Honest, yes, which I suppose some might deem to be horrible.”

“Oh, no.” She snickered and leaned against a wall, watching Jackie and Margie move around the shop they were in. “You didn’t get into a fight, did you?”

“Me, in a fight? Pfft. Of course not.”

“Alright. So why did you call?”

“My only company right now is a pair of men who spent fifty consecutive minutes describing the best wing man strategies…”

“That doesn’t sound so bad. You might be able to help them.”

“…and are now comparing pictures of the breasts of their past conquests.” What followed were two undignified squawks of rage, an “oof” Rose thought might have been caused by someone getting hit with a pillow, and a throat clearing. “I will not apologise for telling the truth.”

“You okay?”

It was so hard not to laugh, but she knew he wouldn’t appreciate it.

“No. I’m being attacked, Rose, for no reason.” He huffed and Rose heard the click of what might have been a door closing. “Back to what I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. You’re not one of the women, I assure you. I checked their devices very carefully.”

She giggled. “I’m glad I’m not a part of that little show and tell. Thanks for checking. Where did you go?”

“Just now? Your bedroom. My eyes may be bleeding from all the pink, but it’s much better than suffering drunk, sex-obsessed little boys.”

“Oh, no. So Mickey’s that far gone?”

“And Jack is conscious.”

“Got it. Must be horrible. Why did you really call?”

“I wanted to speak with a fellow higher life form and, since you’re the best of this species, I called you.”

“You’re so funny.”

“I’m so serious.” He sighed, sounding both bored and in pain, and Rose rolled her eyes. “Are you having fun with Jackie?”

“Yeah. I’ve found some really cool stuff. Even something I never thought existed.”

She fondly thought of the fuzzy jimjams shoved into the bottom of one of her bags and grinned.

“What did you get me, then?”

“You’ll have to wait for Christmas to find out. You wouldn’t tell me what you bought me, right?”

“Wrong. If you asked, I would tell you.”

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you wanna know what I found.”

“You’re right, of course. Curse you for being- yes, yes, I’m coming. ‘s not like we’re in a hurry or anything. You’ll both likely strike out tonight, anyway. No, don’t hit me again! Gods, of all the- Sorry ‘bout that, Rose. Will you give me a hint for just one gift?”

“Okay. Yeah, I can do that.”

“Excellent.” He sounded so happy, she could well imagine exactly which smile was on his face. “Make it good.”

“It’s a _great_ hint. Ready?”

“Yes,” he said impatiently. “What is it? Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

“Alright. It’s… a Christmas present that’s gonna stay wrapped and under the tree until we open presents Christmas morning and I can’t believe you thought I’d tell you anything!”

“You’re mean, Rose Tyler. Very mean. Where do you get that, I wonder?”

“You really want a hint?”

“Very much so.”

“Fine. Give me one and then I’ll give you one.”

“Are we really gonna do this?”

“We are. Do you want to?”

“I do. This is exciting. Give me a moment. You be thinking, too.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Ooh, I like that. Sir.” He paused. “But don’t call me sir. I’m Doctor to you. Doctor Smith if you feel like being terribly naughty.”

_“Oi! Don’t go being gross. Neither of us wanna hear it, ya old alien pervert.”_

_“I do.”_

Rose laughed. “Doctor, seriously, quit saying ridiculous things just to get a rise out of poor Mickey. You’ve been doing that all night, haven’t you?”

“Yes. Like your mother, he just brings this side out in me. Did you expect anything else?”

“Yeah, I did. It’s crazy, but I’d hoped you’d act like an adult. Guess I was wrong.”

“Oh, dear. Are you angry with me? You sound angry. I don’t like it when you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry. Exasperated is more like it. Just think up your hint or I’ll hang up and forget our agreement.”

“Yes, ma’am. Ooh. Really like that one. I’ll have to use that again. Hmm. Okay, yes, sorry. Hint. A hint.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m not drunk. Think, you.”

“I’m thinking. Don’t get your pants in a bunch.”

Which was truly an odd thing to say to a man who didn’t wear pants, but eh. They both stayed silent and Rose bit her lip, trying to think up a good hint for one of his presents. Which one, though?

She quickly decided on the remarkably childish, fuzzy jimjams with the dancing bananas- and she still couldn’t believe she’d managed to find something so… him- ‘cause he’d never be able to guess what they were. What should she say?

‘Um, it’s something that’ll warm more than your hearts?’ That was too corny, right?

‘It’ll please at least one of your senses.’ Ehm, he might think she was talking about something naughty or edible. Or naughty _and_ edible.

“Rose, you ready?”

She could just combine both of those. Hell, why not?

“Yeah. You first.”

“You’ll be able to guess it right off if you try hard enough.”

“Good. What is it?”

“Your gift easily conveys your heartbeat to one of mine, is bigger than a stamp, smaller than a pill bottle, light as a feather, and stronger than steel.”

“Holy crap. What am I supposed to make of that?”

“I don’t know. It’s a riddle. Thinking of it, seems pretty obvious to me. Now you and it doesn’t have to be for something you found on Earth. Can be anything.”

“Alright. That changes things. Hold on,” she said just to mess with him. She counted off sixty seconds and said, “It’ll warm more than your hearts and will please at least one of your senses.”

“Oh, that _is_ good. Didn’t even hint if it was alien _to you_. Because of course, it’d be alien to me. Everything is!” He chuckled and she frowned a little. “If I guess correctly before Christmas, can I have it?”

“No.”

“Thought not, but I truly was hoping. Will you at least confirm if I’m right?”

“I don’t know. Will you do the same for me?”

“Only seems fair, yes.”

“Yeah, but will you really tell me if I’m right?”

“Rose, I’m deeply offended you think so ill of me. Of course I will.”

“Cross your hearts?”

“ _Yes_ , both of them. You?”

“Yup, cross my one and even one of yours.”

“Excellent. I’ll have to think about this. You gave me a very good clue, by the way.”

“Thank you. You go think and play nice, will ya?”

“I’m always… Right. I’ll be nice.”

Rose snickered. “Bye.”

“See you tonight.”

She hung up and stared at her phone. It would be funny he never told her goodbye… if it wasn’t so sweet. She actually loved that he was unwilling to tell her goodbye, because aren’t goodbyes meant to be said when another meeting between two people isn’t expected or wanted? Maybe she should start avoiding goodbyes, too.

For her own peace of mind.

And speaking of peace of mind- or lack thereof- her mum was gesturing for her to come into the shop.

She was holding a Babygrow and smiling.

Yeah, she so could not wait to get home. Or, rather, get back to the Doctor, because home was by his side with her hand in his. And when had that happened? It crept up on her, she was sure.

“Rose? Rose, you really must come see what Margie’s found and they’re all on sale!”

Good God, help her.

When they made it home later that evening, they found the flat in a mess. Rather than clean up, though, Jackie and Rose went their separate ways to quickly wrap up their gifts. The Doctor, with his usual perfect timing, strolled into Rose’s bedroom after she’d wrapped the last of his presents. He reeked of beer and cigarette smoke, which was unsurprising since he’d spent a few good hours inside at least two pubs.

No, what was surprising- Actually, no, that word didn’t begin to describe this situation, but she didn’t have a good enough word in her limited vocabulary. What threw her was that he was carrying half a dozen baby outfit sets and three dummies in muted pink, blue, and yellow. He silently sat on the bed and stared at the items in his hands, mouth slightly open.

“Er, Doctor?”

“Yes, Rose?”

“Uh… I guess the first question is who?”

“Your mother.”

“Ah. Explains a lot. Second, um, when?”

“Just now.”

“Okay. Third, where?”

“She ambushed me when I was getting Jack and Mickey laid out on the sofa and floor.”

“Oh. Fourth now. Huh?”

“Both drunker than a pair of skunks.”

“Sounds ‘bout right.” She moved closer to the bed and studied his expression. “You okay?”

“Trying to recover from the very uncomfortable and very pointed things your mother just said to me. Don’t think I’m gonna make it so no, I’m not okay.”

“Oh, God. What’d she say?”

“Said she was sleeping with earplugs tonight just in case we get up to anything that’ll make these-” He held up his hands. “Useful in ‘bout nine months or so. Her talking about us having sex is disgusting… and she broke the agreement. We should leave.”

“Oh,” she repeated and then, after a second of silence, snorted. He looked at her, brows furrowed. “You never said she couldn’t give you baby stuff. You only said she couldn’t talk about it.”

“Damn. I knew I should have been more thorough.” Rose laughed outright this time and the Doctor scowled. “This isn’t funny. Your mother just psychologically scarred me and that’s hard to do with a man like me. Why are you laughing?"

“All she did was give you some baby clothes and hint at wanting grandkids again. That’s not bad. Not really. Even though we have told her we’re not more than _technically_ a husband and wife. Could be worse.”

“Oh, it got much worse than what I told you, Rose. Much worse.”

“What, she started giving tips about conception? Showed you passages in a pre-pregnancy guide? That sort of thing?”

“I wish. No, she winked at me, said you were conceived after a night at the pub, too, and then told me she had no doubt my “little swimmers” would get the job done right even if I was three sheets to the wind and tried going in the wrong way at first.”

He gagged a little and Rose’s stomach twisted up. No wonder he was acting so weird.

“What the hell?”

“Yep. Excuse me. Sorry.” He covered his mouth and heaved. “I’m trying not to vomit right now.”

“Me, too.”

She sat down heavily next to him and swallowed back bile. He laced the fingers of his free hand with hers and shook his head.

“I never want to discuss any sexual matters with your mother ever again. Ever again, Rose. I didn’t need to know how and when you were conceived. It’s revolting. I imagined it! Ugh. And she can’t talk about my semen like that. It’s just wrong.” A laugh escaped her and his eyes settled on hers. He looked _so_ unhappy. “I’m being serious. She called them _little swimmers_. A Time Lord’s semen doesn’t deserve to be called something as stupid as little swimmers.”

“Right. So something grand and majestic like… microscopic kings?”

His lips quirked. “Perhaps. ‘s much better than the other.”

“Much better,” she agreed. “From superior stock, they are. Better impregnators, better nicknames.”

“It’s like a slogan. ‘Better impregnators, better nicknames. Time Lord sperm. They’ll get the job done right.’” He paused, momentarily frowning, and chuckled. “‘If you want them to, that is.’ Because then, of course they would, Rose. Bit long for a slogan, though, don’t ya think?”

“A bit. Forget the slogan, then. It’s like a show or something. ‘With not much time and too much space to traverse to fertilize a solitary egg, the situation might seem bleak to lesser species, but your uterine travellers are little Time Lords. They’re masters of time and space and are used to things being bigger on the inside.’”

The Doctor absolutely lost it. He laughed so loud and for so long, Rose was sure he’d wake the dead. Or, as it turned out, a pair of sloppy drunks.

“Hey, guys. Wha’s goin’ on?”

“Get out of my room, Jack,” Rose laughed and unsuccessfully dodged his grabby hands. When he released her from a hug, she couldn’t help saying, “You smell.”

“‘s alcohol, tha’s all.”

“Jack, hey!” Mickey exclaimed, grinning and hugging Jack (and nearly knocking the two of them to the floor in the process). “Wha’s so funny?”

The Doctor wiped his eyes. “Rose just created a rather hilarious and slightly inappropriate fairy-tale concerning my sperm and her uterus. She’s so clever. Would you like to hear it?”

“Hell, no, I don’ wanna hear it!”

“I do,” Jack spoke immediately. “If proper Rose Tyler said something inappropriate, the whole world- no, the whole universe- needs to know.”

“There’s a bit of back story, I’m afraid. See, Rose’s mum is determined to have children out of us. I’ll spare the details of our encounter earlier, but, during said encounter, she referred to my sperm as little swimmers.” Jack made a face and the Doctor nodded. “Yes, I know. I came straight here to try to recuperate and Rose and I started talking.”

“Don’ think I wanna hear this.”

“Shut up, Mickey. The Doctor’s talkin’ ‘bout Rose.”

“Quite right. I- well, I suppose it got a little out of hand,” the Doctor allowed and Rose snorted.

“He was pouting ‘cause Mum called them little swimmers. Said something like a Time Lord’s sperm can’t be called something stupid like that.”

“And since Rose is so naturally witty, she suggested a ‘grand and majestic name’ so instead of little swimmers, microscopic kings could be used. Now, that was funny-”

“But you see, I said, you know, superior stock and all that, right? What was it I said?”

“Exactly: ‘better impregnators, better nicknames.’ And I said it sounded like a slogan. ‘Better impregnators, better nicknames. Time Lord sperm. They’ll get the job done right.’” Jack snickered. “Yes. However, I felt the need to clarify that they’ll only get the job done right if you wanted them to, but that was a bit long so Rose-”

“I told him to forget the slogan and it’d be like a movie or a show. I don’t know.”

“Are we getting to the really funny part now?”

“Yes, Jack. Patience _is_ actually a virtue. Shut up. So Rose had just said to forget the slogan, yes?”

“Right.”

“Well- Rose, would you like to say it or may I?”

“No, you say it. I’ve already forgotten, like, half of it.”

“Humans,” he said and rolled his eyes. “She said, word for word, ‘With not much time and too much space to traverse to fertilize a solitary egg, the situation might seem bleak to lesser species, but your uterine travellers are little Time Lords. They’re used to things being bigger on the inside.’”

Jack started laughing, leaning on Mickey, who was chuckling despite himself. Rose giggled and hid her face in the Doctor’s neck, enjoying the sound of him laughing, as well. Right as she began to calm, Jack scooped her up for another hug, her feet dangling off the ground and the two of them swaying to and fro.

“Lemme go!”

“Oh, God!” He guffawed. “Good for you, Rosie Posie. Never knew ya were such a pervert. ’m so proud of ya. ‘s like my baby’s all grown up now!”

“Put her down ‘fore ya hurt her, ya big drunk,” Jackie commanded from the doorway. The Doctor noticeably avoided looking at her and instead watched Rose slide down Jack’s body, his right eye twitching. “And why’s all these men in your bedroom, Rose?”

“She’s emulating you… or pretending to.”

Jackie glared at the Doctor, who was grinning, though still not looking her way. He held up his index finger triumphantly, pointed at himself, and then gave Rose a thumbs up.

“Rose?”

“They just came in, Mum. Not like I invited them in or anything.”

“Because that’s only something the older Tyler would do,” the Doctor said in a rush, looking proud. “Oh! I am on a roll tonight. Doctor two, Jackie zero.”

“Shut up. Right, well, nothin’ ‘gainst them, but I don’t want my grandchildren to look like Mickey or some hulking…” Jackie’s eyes ran over Jack from head to toe. “But frankly attractive man.”

“Thank ya.”

“Alright. That’s it. Mum, you go to bed. Alone. Jack, Mickey, back to the sofa and floor with you. Doctor.” Rose paused and looked at him. He was sitting there on the bed still holding the baby stuff and patiently- albeit amusedly- awaiting instructions. “Ehm, get out of that suit… and put those things away. Somewhere. Not near the bed.”

“Yes, dear,” he replied cheekily.

“Ooh,” Jack remarked. “Sure I can’t stay? Fin’lly getting good ‘round here.”

The Doctor glared at him, Mickey groaned and disappeared, and Rose herded Jack and her mum back to their own sleeping areas. Jack would never forgive her if she let him drunkenly have one off with her mum.

Rose stopped off in the bathroom for the quickest shower she’d ever taken in her whole life, threw her hair up, and hurriedly brushed her teeth. She hadn’t thought to bring any clean clothes with her, but she’d only be in these for a bit. She forewent her underclothing, slipped back into her denims and shirt, and bundled her other clothing into the crook of her arm.

The Doctor was only wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms and was turning down the bedding when she got back to her room. He turned to her as the door clicked shut.

“Oh, there you are. ’s ‘bout time. You had time to shower? Impressive. Have you perhaps seen my shirt?”

“No.” Lie. It was hidden at the top of her closet. “Have you lost it?”

“Must have, though I’ve no idea how.”

She had an idea. They hadn’t had sex since her mum’s birthday or talked about it since she’d woken up in the TARDIS infirmary days ago. She was hoping more skin might kick start things so his shirt really had to go. It was only logical.

“Are you planning to change out of that or not? Denims don’t seem like they’d be too comfortable to sleep in.”

“Oops. Got lost in thought.” She tugged an old nightgown out of her bureau and turned her back to tug off her shirt. “Did you, uh, what all did you guys drink tonight?”

“I had just a few beers and metabolised it all the moment we left the pub. Didn’t bother wasting Mickey or Jack’s money on anything else. They, however, are a different story.”

“Care to explain?” After he climbed onto the bed, Rose watched his eyes slip shut and she sighed. Seducing him would be a lot easier if he would just watch! Jeez. “Doctor?”

“Sorry. Replaying the night. They started with beers, but quickly moved to hard liquor. Told them it was a bad idea… and it was. I’m glad you weren’t there to witness it.”

“Why?” She sat on the end of the bed with a bottle of lotion. “What happened?”

“They made utter fools of themselves. Hit up women- and the occasional man in Jack’s case- and were failing spectacularly at that. They danced between the tables to music that wasn’t playing, sang those same songs to each other, spilled their drinks all over themselves, took their budding “bromance” to a level Mickey might regret in the morning-” Say what? “-and tried getting the bartender to come back here for a threesome.”

“Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“I wish I could. Pretty sure telling her the location it would “go down” was Mickey’s ex’s mum’s place ruined the deal, but how am I to know? Could’ve been the fact that Jack kept attempting to put his hands down both the front and back of my trousers- even though they’d both repeatedly told Sharon-- that’s her name-- that I’m married to Mickey’s ex-- the same ex whose flat they would using- or that Mickey continuously called her the wrong name. Karen. Honestly. By the way, I overheard you being described as a “foxy, sinfully delightful imp that surely satisfies me on a nightly basis” and I thought you would like to know.”

“Oh.”

His eyes popped open. “Please don’t make me do that ever again, Rose. Or at least come along next time so I’m not bombarded with deeply personal questions and shameless come-ons. Mostly from Jack.”

“You really didn’t have fun? I thought you said earlier-”

“Before they began drinking hard liquors, you mean.” He made this scrunched nose face that was just too cute and plucked her lotion from her hands to take a sniff. “Perhaps. Ooh. Smells lovely. Anyway, I think I made my point. Also, Mickey is still an irritating Neanderthal. How you dated him…”

“Yeah, yeah.” Rose crawled up the bed, slid in next to the Doctor as best she could (it was ridiculous her mum insisted they share her too small bed, but with her current plans to seduce her “husband” ASAP, maybe not so ridiculous…), and carefully reached out to turn off the lamp on her bedside table. “So… Have you thought about my clue?”

“I have an entire list of potentials, but I’m not ready to begin guessing. Need to eliminate the things I don’t believe you would have had the time, money, or opportunity to procure.”

“Good idea.”

“Have you thought about mine since I last asked?”

“When would I have had the time?”

“Ah, that’s right. Funny little brains you humans have. I forget you can’t think of a dozen things or more at once.”

“Hey, don’t you forget this funny little human brain’s helped you time and again.”

“You’re the exception, Rose. Always.”

“ _Now_ you say that, sure.” She laughed and, after almost falling off the bed, felt a cool hand snake around her waist. “Thanks. I think it’s shrinking, Doctor.”

“It most certainly is not!”

She silently laughed. “I meant the bed.”

“Oh. Yes. Yes, of course you did. I did, too, you know. Silly to say the bed’s shrinking when it’s clearly not.”

He totally hadn’t meant the bed.

“Right. Silly me.”

It would be so easy for them right now and he might be thinking along the same lines if that misunderstanding of his was anything to judge by. She hadn’t put on any panties when she changed into a nightgown, the guys were probably gonna be passed out until mid-afternoon, and her mum was apparently wearing earplugs to bed…

She hoped he hadn’t been lying about having a keen sense of smell.

In the dark and quiet, she let herself get lost in fantasy, that heavy and delicious feeling quickly growing in the bottom of her belly, but was interrupted when the Doctor shifted closer and sighed against the back of her neck.

“You smell lovely, Rose Tyler. Enticing, actually. Very. What _are_ you thinking about?”

“You,” she replied honestly. “Just you. Why?”

“Were you really?”

“Yeah.”

“Mmm. Interesting.”

“I thought so, yeah.”

He quietly chuckled into her hair and slid his thumb across her belly button.

“Mind telling me what you were thinking about?” She remained silent, uncertainty wreaking havoc on her waning bravery. He sounded so calm. Maybe he was just curious, couldn’t tell she was turned on. “No? Alright, tell me. On a scale of one to naughty, where were you?”

Oh, thank God.

“What do you think?”

“I’m thinking.” He sniffed deeply and hummed. “Mmm, you were somewhere between seven and naughty. No, nine and naughty. Yes, definitely nine and naughty. Possibly just naughty. Maybe even filthy. Am I right?”

“Might be.”

“Might be,” he echoed, thumb tracing a path down her belly and over her hip. “And you were thinking about me. How promising. What am I to do with that information, hmm?”

Something deep in her belly did a little jump and quiver.

“Whatever you want,” she breathed. “I’m sure you’ll figure out something.”

“And if I want to do something closer to the naughty end of the scale?” he asked. His breath fanned across her ear and ruffled her hair and she shivered in response. “What then, Rose? Would that still be okay with you?”

“If that’s what you want…”

She could tell he was breathing her in again- could hear him doing it- and felt a thrill course through her. Would they really do this? Again? His fingers joined his thumb in caressing her curves.

“Oh, it is… and I can tell you are more than willing. Eager, even.” His voice lowered to a deeper register. “Are you wet for me, Rose Tyler?”

“Oh, God,” she whimpered as his hand slipped between her legs, her nightgown a barrier he didn’t bother to move. He teased and teased and teased until she literally couldn’t take it anymore. “Doctor, please.”

He tugged her nightgown out of the way without a word, sucked in a sharp breath, and cupped her groin.

“So very wet and sans panties, too. Did you hope for this, then?”

“Hard not to.”

“All you had to do was ask,” he murmured. “Wherever, whenever. Just ask.”

She could feel his lips brushing the skin of her neck with each word and a little thrill of pleasure pulsed through her.

“Really?”

“Yes.” A single finger pressed between her folds and ran from her opening to her clitoris. He slowly stroked the little nub and said in a husky voice, “Time has really flown by, hasn’t it? Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve Eve, Rose. Two days to figure out what we bought each other.”

“I know. Good luck.”

Wasn’t very fair to him if she was the only one being touched. She should remedy that situation. In a second.

“I wonder if your mother bought me anything.”

“Did you for her?”

“Look a bit bad if I didn’t, right? This is my first Christmas as the son-in-law and all.”

Son-in-law. Her stomach swooped and she felt herself grow wetter.

“Right. She did, you know.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah… and then there was the baby clothes and stuff. She’ll count those, too.”

His free arm burrowed under her body, wrapped around her waist, and pulled her tight against him. She threw her leg over his as the light strokes around her clit became a steady massage.

“I’d almost forgotten about those."

“Don’t know how. They’re really cute… if you’re into that sort of thing, that is.”

His hips jerked forward and she used her leg to hold him to her. He groaned, deep and quiet, into her hair and her breath stuttered.

“They were. Without a doubt. Frankly adorable. See the one with the fuzzy lion?”

“It was my favourite.”

“Mine, too.”

Rose moaned and arched her back as the Doctor’s touch became much more purposeful and quick. She felt embarrassingly wet and she was actually throbbing with the absolute need to have him take her, but he seemed more determined to pleasure her, holding her still when she tried to rock back into him.

“What’re we gonna do with the baby stuff?”

Dammit. She meant to tell him to quit the foreplay.

“Use it,” he grunted. A sound too pitiful for words escaped her and the Doctor’s breathing grew rough. “Never know. Might need it one day.”

“How? Oh, God. Oh, please, please.”

“Who knows? We might end up saving the universe with a dummy… Possibilities are endless with you and me.”

She really did try to get him to stop and just shag her already, but he was relentless. He wouldn’t and she was getting to that point that she either needed to take a break and cool off or she’d be thrown into a climax without him being inside of her… and that was just wrong.

“Need you,” she finally begged. “Now. Please. Doctor, gods, please.”

He quietly cursed. “Lift your leg higher.”

She obeyed and within seconds, he’d managed to tug down his pyjama bottoms, hook his arm under her knee, and nudge her unstretched opening. He slowly pressed into her, his breathing fast and shallow, and froze halfway in. It burned, but she’d kill him if he tried to pull out now.

“Don’t you dare,” she warned. “Keep going.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes!”

Without warning, he fully seated himself and immediately withdrew, setting up a fast and rough pace. She tried to follow, but some primal part of him took over. The arm around her waist tightened almost painfully and his other arm tugged her leg further up. Unable to move, she revelled in the physical onslaught, feeling each thrust roughly graze against her g-spot before sliding deeper and deeper.

He grunted and gasped, thrust and withdrew, panted and groaned over and over again. She was surprised he hadn’t latched onto her neck with only his teeth or pinned her face down to the bed. The Doctor was acting and sounding like an animal in her bed.

It was honestly the sexiest thing she’d ever experienced in her entire life (and that included being shagged in this same bed by this same man not too long ago).

The Doctor briefly uncoiled his arm from her waist to drag her hand to her clit and then was back in position. She obeyed his unspoken command and felt his hold on her body become impossibly tighter. She’d be bruised come morning, no maybes about it.

It took only half a minute more for her to peak and she hadn’t even gotten around to touching herself.

Her body wanted to arch backwards, but the Doctor’s hold was too unmoving. She had never experienced an orgasm that way, forced to feel each wave of pleasure without moving into or away from each wave. It was more intense somehow, more incredible, more breathtaking. Why hadn’t they done this sooner?

By that point, the Doctor clearly didn’t give a damn about who may or may not hear him, because his groans were growing louder and longer with the occasional grunt thrown in. He kept up the pace, but the force of his thrusts increased two-fold and Rose rocked forward with each. She wondered if she’d be pushed right off the bed. Decided it didn’t matter. He was holding her too tightly and, even if he wasn’t and she did fall, he’d just follow her right off the bed in his current state.

It- everything about this situation- was such a turn on. Hardly surprising her second hit her without much warning.

One moment, she was moaning quite loudly, tugging fistfuls of his hair to her, needing him to be as close as possible, and enjoying the way he bit down into the flesh of her neck and literally growled around the skin trapped between his lips and teeth. The next moment, wave after wave of sharp, almost painful pleasure crashed into her and through her. She only vaguely noted the fingers and thumb digging into her cheeks, the palm crushed against her mouth, a yell vibrating against the skin the Doctor’s mouth hovered over.

When it was over, their breathing seemed extra loud in the silence of her bedroom and she briefly worried they’d made more noise than she thought. The Doctor gently lowered her leg to the bed, loosened his hold around her body, and leaned his forehead against her shoulder. His breathing immediately regulated and she felt his fingers trace little circular patterns over her lower abdomen for a time.

“Rose, are you alright?”

“Yeah. You?”

“I’m fine. Did I hurt you?”

“No.” They fell silent again and Rose didn’t want that so she spoke quietly. “You turned into an animal, you know. Like a primal, dominant… beast of a man.” She paused. “Oh, my God. You didn’t even say a word.”

“I didn’t, did I?”

He sounded ashamed.

“It’s okay. Great, actually. Really. But where did that come from?”

“I’ve no idea. Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”

“I’m sure.” Bruises didn’t count if she couldn’t see them. “You were amazing just now. Seriously, Doctor, that was… I can’t even describe how perfect, amazing, and sexy that was. Do you realise I couldn’t move?”

“I’m remembering now. That just happened, but I’m getting the memory and seeing bits and pieces, similar to an old memory one has difficulty remembering. It’s as if… well… It was me, Rose, but it felt like I wasn’t totally in control of my actions. I mean, of course I was, but…”

“It was like an instinct took over, yeah, and you just went with it?”

“Exactly! I knew you would understand what I was trying to say.”

“But… what triggered it?”

“Perhaps the subject of Christmas presents really, really excited me.”

They both laughed at that.

“Hey, um, Doctor?”

“What’s wrong? Are you bleeding?”

Her brow arched. “No, you silly goose. I was just gonna ask if you could let go of me. I have to, er, go. You know.”

“Oh! Oh, yes. There you go. Sorry.”

“Thanks. I’ll be back and you better not be hogging the bed when I do.”

He merely chuckled in response. Rose straightened her nightgown and slipped into the hallway, getting momentarily blinded by the light coming from the kitchen. She crept down the hall, frowned at Mickey’s sleeping form slumped in front of the open refrigerator, and nearly jumped out of her skin when a sleepy male voice came from behind her. Close behind her. Right against her hair, actually.

“Rose.” Arms wrapped around her and she cried out in pain. Definitely tender. “Whoa, babe. It’s just me. It’s Jack. Are you alright?”

“Sorry. You- I- I must’ve forgotten you were here.”

“What’s- Jack, what did you do to her?”

“Nothing, I swear it. I don’t know what just happened.”

Rose pulled out of Jack’s arms and grimaced at the Doctor.

“It’s my fault. He startled me ‘cause I forgot he was here.”

“Are you sure that’s all?”

“Yes. Jeez, Doctor, it’s not like Jack would ever hurt me or anything.”

“Nah,” Jack affirmed. “Like her too much.”

“Yes. Right. I’m glad to hear that.” The Doctor looked between them a moment, his gaze lingering on her, and offered his hand, which she immediately took. “Good night, Jack, and close that door before the food spoils.”

“Night, Boss. Night, Rosie Posie.”

“Good night,” the Doctor repeated and tugged her from the room. “Now tell me why you really yelled, Rose.”

“It’s like I said. I forgot he was here and a man that wasn’t you said my name and hugged me from behind. It scared me.”

“I didn’t hear surprise, Rose, or fear. I heard pain.”

“He kinda kicked me when he hugged me.”

The Doctor very obviously thought her story was a load of bull, but he let it go after studying her for several moments.

“You had to go?”

“Yeah. I’ll meet you back in my room.”

He nodded and she ducked into the bathroom. She quickly took care of business, cleaned herself up with a soapy flannel, and only then dared to lift her gown past her hips. Her skin was mostly just red, but there was a darkening there that foretold of a large bruise appearing sometime in the near future.

Should be gone by the next time they build up the courage to have sex again. She’d just have to be careful with hugs for a day or two. Should fade relatively quickly. Always did.

The Doctor was leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom and was staring at the door when she exited. He smiled and kicked off the wall.

“Hello. Feel better?”

“What’re you doing out here?”

“Making sure no one else sneaks up and scares you.” He started walking backwards down the hall and she followed. “It’s funny you forgot Jack was here. I didn’t know I was that good.”

Mind = blown. Talking about sex this soon after sex? They hadn’t done that since their wedding night.

“Shut it, you, and don’t go gettin’ cocky on me.”

He chuckled quietly. “Perhaps not _on_ you. Not much fun that way. Though, I’d be willing to try getting cocky in front of you, as long as you reciprocated with a bit of a show yourself. Perhaps at the same time…”

“Doctor,” she whispered loudly and pretended to be shocked as they entered her room. Well, maybe not so much pretended. “You have a dirty mind.”

“Is that a bad thing?” he asked curiously.

“I’ll let you know when I decide.”

“See that you do.” They resumed their spooning position, but not for long. Without speaking, the Doctor flipped to his back and tugged her onto his chest so he could stretch out in the bed. “Oh, much better. Make yourself comfortable.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

She crawled completely on top of him, legs on either side of his hips, and tucked her face into the crook of his neck. He crossed his arms behind her back and hugged her a moment before letting his arms go slack.

“Sleep, Rose.”

“Mmm. G’night.”

“Good night, sweet girl.”

***

Morning came much too soon in Rose’s opinion. Could the Doctor manipulate time like that?

She was alone in bed, sprawled out and face down in the pillows, but the bed smelled like the Doctor. Rose sniffed deeply- he always smelled like something she couldn’t quite describe, but it was incredible whatever the smell was- and heard voices drifting in from maybe the kitchen. She heaved herself out of bed, pulled on a pair of lounge bottoms under her nightgown, stopped off in the bathroom, and then strolled into the dining area.

Jack was cheerfully smiling at Mickey, who looked miserable. She could just see the Doctor whistling and stirring something on the stove in the kitchen and her mum was falling asleep over a cup of tea at the table. A glance at the clock confirmed it was, in fact, very early. Half past six kinda early. She hadn’t yet moved, but the Doctor must have sensed her, because he swivelled around in her direction and poked his head into the room.

“Rose, why are you awake already?”

“I don’t actually know.”

“Are you alright? Do you need anything? Medication?”

“No. Why is this lot up?”

“Jack woke the same time I got up to shower, a headache woke Mickey, and Jack’s vomiting woke your mother.”

“It was disgusting,” Jack told her, “and loud, but I feel like a million now.”

“Meanwhile, I think I’m dying,” Mickey complained. “I’m never drinking with you again.”

“Probably a good idea, Mickey boy,” the Doctor agreed. “Just wait until I remind you of everything that happened last night.”

“Don’t listen to him, Mickey. Just make yourself vomit. I’m telling ya, it’ll make you feel so much better. Tell ‘im, Rose.”

She grimaced. “Can we stop talkin’ ‘bout vomit?”

“Knock it off, you two,” the Doctor commanded and offered Rose a hot cup of tea with a soft smile. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving and thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Also, you’re looking healthy this morning. Think that sickness is behind you, then?”

“I hope so. Are those eggs I see? Ooh, can I have some?”

“Of course. Felt any symptoms in the last twenty-four hours?”

“Symptoms?” Her mum perked up, eyes wide open. “What kind of symptoms? Are you pregnant, Rose?”

Mickey and Jack both seemed as interested in her answer as her mum.

“Jackie, not right now. Please. She was ill, remember?”

Rose turned suspicious eyes his way.

“And how would she have known that? I didn’t tell her.”

“I, er… thing is…”

“He called me,” Jackie grumbled, but didn’t explain why that was a bad thing. “Coulda told me yourself, you know.”

The Doctor snickered, but was straight-faced by the time she glanced back at him. What had she missed? Better question, though, was would they ever tell her what she’d missed? Unlikely.

“How would you like your eggs this morning, Rose?”

“I’d like one of hers to be fertilised,” Jackie muttered.

“Mum!” Rose yelled over the Doctor’s guffaws and Jack, who was half-laughing and half-choking on tea. “And why are you laughing?”

The Doctor didn’t stop. “’Cause that was so quick! Oh, give it up, Rose. I know you think it was funny. Just laugh.”

“No.”

She covered her smile with a hand. He was right. She did think it was funny. She just didn’t want the Doctor thinking she was encouraging her mum’s nutty ideas.

“Ah, there’s a smile. Good. Can’t imagine a fertilised egg is on the menu this morning, Rose, so what’ll it be?”

She could go for one of those, actually, but she daren’t say that. Ever.

“Surprise me.”

“Yes, ma’am. Ooh. I still like that.” He chuckled. “Mickey or, well, any of you really. Eggs?”

Mickey moaned. She should have seen it coming. Mickey only ever looked that bad when he was close to vomiting. Still, she thought he’d make a run for the bathroom if the urge hit. She didn’t expect him to throw up right there on the table.

Gagging and spilling her tea in her rush to get out of the way, she didn’t realise she’d been hit until she was by the Doctor. He took one look at her nightgown, glanced at her face, and looked back down as she copied him with a horrible feeling. She nearly got sick in the eggs on the table and, instead, ripped her nightgown off regardless of her lack of a bra underneath. The Doctor, much too quickly to actually see her new bruise, immediately put his body between hers and everyone else, staring at her as if she was insane, and blocked her from view the entire way to the bathroom.

Luckily she didn’t actually get sick.

When she finally made it back to the dining room, after a very long and very hot shower, she was still feeling a bit nauseous and didn’t feel bad at all for glaring daggers at the empty seat Mickey had occupied before. The Doctor popped up out of his chair, looking concerned, and held out the chair next to his. She frowned after sitting down.

“Still smells in here.”

Jack shrugged. “I don’t smell anything. Thought we did a pretty good job cleaning up.”

“Well, I can still smell it,” she snapped and then grimaced. “I’m sorry, Jack. Didn’t mean to snap at you. I’ve always had a problem with vomit. Where’s Mickey gone?”

“Home to shower, shave, use a full tube of toothpaste, and gargle an entire bottle of mouthwash,” Jackie replied. “Said so himself. He’ll be back later, though. He wanted to help us finish decorating. Are you really alright, love?”

“I’m fine. You know how I am with that stuff, Mum, especially when it’s on me.”

“I know. I was just asking.”

“I probably would have done the same,” Jack said after a moment. “I saved your breakfast, by the way, in case you were hungry.”

The Doctor looked irritated. “Liar. You tried eating her breakfast, claiming she wouldn’t be hungry. Rose, _I_ saved your breakfast. Are you still hungry?”

“Now, yeah. Thank you.”

While the Doctor was off warming her food, Rose watched her mum turn to Jack with her Very Interested smile, the one Rose usually tried her best to avoid seeing.

“Are you gonna stick around and help us decorate, too? Another pair of hands would be nice.”

“I, uh, no. I’m… meeting friends for afternoon drinks. Probably be out all day.”

“Can’t blame a girl for tryin.’”

“Oh, Jackie. For that statement to make sense, as a human, you would need to be younger than fifty-something or however old you are.”

“I’m only forty-one,” she replied tetchily.

The Doctor grinned. “Sure you are.”

“I’m younger than you, I might point out.”

“And you’re still urging me to reproduce with your daughter. Says a lot, don’t you think, Rose?”

“Keep me out of this.”

“Oh, surely you can back me up this once. No?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Fine. I don’t need her to, Jackie, though an impartial third party opinion would have been nice…” He again looked at her. “Still no?”

“Correct.”

“Damn. Jackie, you’re older than dirt. End of story. Toast, anyone?”

Jack let out a choked laugh, which her mum thankfully didn’t hear. Couldn’t over the indignant squawk that escaped her.

“I’ll have you know, Doctor, than I’m not old enough for menopause yet. That’s plenty young in my book.”

Rose winced and glanced at the Doctor, who was pushing his plate away with an expression of forced calm.

“Well, there’s another thing you’ve ruined for me.”

“I’m glad you- Another?”

“Yes. Rose has to exercise in the nude now, because I cannot stand to see her wearing anything that even remotely looks like it might have come from your closet. Wait a moment. Actually, no, thank you for that, Jackie.”

The Doctor then stared at his plate with a satisfied grin. Her mum choked.

“Oh, my god,” Jackie groaned. “Truce.”

Her mum’s expression was priceless so she decided not to call the Doctor out on his lie. Though, she might exercise nude next time just to see how he’d react… She felt a thrill rush through her and blushed when he slowly turned to her and cocked a brow.

“Care to share that thought, beautiful?”

“Rather not, no.”

“No, I didn’t think so.” His lips twitched. “Pity. Would’ve liked to hear it.”

“What’d we miss?” Jack asked. “She didn’t say anything that we heard.”

“You’re right. She didn’t. Rose, would you like to go for a walk after you finish eating?”

Jackie frowned. “You can’t leave. We have to decorate.”

“She and I will be window shopping for the nursery we’ll one day need.”

Rose’s stomach definitely jumped.

“You can do that later.”

A beat of silence passed and then a loud sigh escaped the Doctor.

“You caught us, Jackie. Rose is ovulating.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so sooner?”

Before Rose really got a chance to process anything, she was standing outside her mum’s flat and staring at the closed door with her breakfast plate in hand. Whistling, the Doctor caught up her free hand and started walking, her tripping along with him. She was still in the sweater, lounge bottoms, and slippers she’d put on after her shower. She didn’t even have a coat.

“Um, what just happened?”

“Your mother mistakenly believes you’re ovulating- I accidentally on purpose told her as much- and she quite abruptly kicked us out with orders to return to the TARDIS to try for Baby Number One. I’m quite clever, you know. My lie got us a day free of your mother.”

“Uh huh. And what’s gonna happen when we don’t make Baby Number One?”

“Already thought of that. ‘There’s always next month.’” He grinned cheerfully and swung their clasped hands back and forth. “This is actually brilliant, Rose, when you think about it. Now your mother will stop nagging us about grandchildren ‘cause she’ll think we’re trying. Like I said, I’m quite clever.”

“Or the nagging’ll get worse. I can hear it all. ‘Why aren’t you pregnant yet? What’s wrong with your husband? Are you trying on the right days? Here, I found you both some helpful tips.’ Welcome to hell, Doctor.”

“I’m confident that’s not going to happen. If I’m wrong and she gets to be too much to handle, we have our fallback. We’re simply not compatible. By the way, how do you feel about faking pregnancy scares?”

“Are you serious?”

He snorted. “Of course not. That’s deplorable. So where to first?”

“The TARDIS, definitely.”

He literally tripped over his own feet- the toe of his left shoe catching the heel of his right- and he whipped his head to the side as he righted himself.

“Are you truly- I- what?”

“We have to stop at the TARDIS first. I can’t run around in these clothes and house shoes all day. Plus, I’m gonna start gettin’ cold without a coat or anything.”

“Oh. I thought- Never mind. Good idea, yes. To the TARDIS we go.”

Did he think she meant for them to go back to the TARDIS and… Was that what that was all about? She peeked at him, but he looked nothing more than impassive now. Had he seemed okay with Baby Number Anything or was that wishful thinking on her part? Wait. Not wishful thinking. Much.

The Doctor silently unlocked the TARDIS and followed Rose inside.

“So I’ll just, uh, go change. Does anything sound particularly fun to do today?” He gave her a curious look and Rose shrugged. “Thought I’d ask, see if I needed to wear anything special.”

“Oh. I wasn’t really thinking about… Er, is there anywhere or anything you wanted to go or do?”

“No, not really. ‘s why I asked you.”

“Well, as it turns out, I still have to find something for Jack… We can be thinking about something to do while I look around. If you want to, that is. I’m fine with not giving him anything for Christmas."

“No, that’d be mean. We’ll go do that and figure out something afterwards.”

“Yeah… and if that fails, we could always come back here and do something.” He paused, looking around at every last inch of the control room, and Rose held her breath. “Big ship, always something to do and somewhere new to do it.”

“Uh huh,” she said brilliantly and then shook herself. Literally, much to the Doctor’s amusement. “You’re right. We should come back here, anyway, for two reasons.”

“Oh?”

“One, we need to put up the baby stuff.”

The Doctor patted his jacket pocket. “Right. Good thinking. We’ll both find a good spot, I’m sure.”

“Probably. Two, we don’t wanna risk being seen by anyone who knows Mum. Word might get back that we were seen out and about…”

“Ah. Too correct you are. Wouldn’t want my mother-in-law to know I wasn’t out shagging her daughter. Our children better not inherit your trickster ways, Rose. That’d be a nightmare.”

They shared a laugh and Rose headed for the wardrobe, grateful to have a moment alone to silently question the Doctor’s new behaviour. More and more, he was acting like her husband, not her “husband,” and she didn’t know what to make of it. Was it all still a big joke to him- a good one between great friends- or was it… not?

Truth be told, if only for now, she’s pretty sure she wouldn’t mind being married to him for the rest of her life… or at least until she got too old for him, though he was much too nice to ever dream of dumping her back on Earth just because she was too old. Rose fingered an old pair of houndstooth check trousers and pushed out a sharp breath.

She no longer knew what to think about any of this marriage business and the Doctor certainly wasn’t helping her figure things out. He was only making things worse by touching her, shagging her, looking at her, joking around with her, being him, being alive and breathing…

"Rose? Are you still in- Ah, there you are. Oh, uh, are you alright?"

"Huh? Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"You've been gone a while and, well, you haven't changed your clothing. Is something wrong?"

"No. I must've been really distracted by my thoughts. Silly me. Um. Sorry. Lemme just..." She crept behind a shelf of her skirts and whatnot, slipped out of her clothing, and yanked a thick pair of denims off the shelf. While pulling them on, she asked, "How long was I gone?"

"Close to twenty minutes." He sounded distracted and she resisted the urge to look at him, to figure out what had captured his attention. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing terribly important." LIE. A whopper of a lie. "Sorry I worried you."

"I honestly wasn't until I walked in and found you standing there, looking untouched and yet a thousand miles away from here. Are you sure you weren't thinking about anything important?"

"Sure. Just the usual kind of thoughts." The usual for these recent days, at least. "Have you been thinking about what you might buy for Jack?"

"I have. At first, I was thinking about a gag gift, but then, I realized he is actually a good friend and he deserves something with a little thought behind it. I was thinking about a box of condoms or perhaps a toy of some sort when I absolutely refuse to stop on a planet just so he can go interact with the natives."

Rose snickered. "Thoughtful, very, but would he know how to use a condom?"

"I could explain it to him."

Had he ever... Nope. She didn't wanna know. Not at all. Never ever. She was never going there. Ever.

"If you tried that, wouldn't he, you know, try to be pervy about it?"

"Valid. Perhaps you should explain it to him."

"Yeah, but then he might try to take his lesson a little far, if you know what I mean."

"Ah, but some might consider that cheating, my sweet. If your mother ever found out, which she would with Jack being the other half of that particular party, she would lose her mind completely and someone might end up becoming some sort of morbid version of a bear rug. Although, to be fair, a bear rug is pretty morbid on its own."

"Regardless, I wouldn't do that to you. How about getting him a nice watch?"

“Oh, yeah, let’s get a time traveller a watch.”

Rose laughed. “You wore one when I first met you.”

“It was ornamental!”

“Oh, fine. Ooh, I know. Get him an industrial-sized bottle of hand lotion and some new socks. A ton of them.”

The chunky sweater she was pulling on muffled the sound of the Doctor’s laughter, but she still heard it and was grinning when she poked her head out of her dressing area.

“Cheeky as always, Rose, but I want to stick to something a little less… Jack.”

“Then get yourself some socks, too.”

“Rose Tyler!”

***

There were only two presents left to be unwrapped, the two items Rose and the Doctor had given each other clues about. They sat cross-legged in front of the tree staring at the gifts, trying to come up with their answers. Jackie, Mickey, and Jack were off in the kitchen grabbing tea for everyone (Jackie) or getting dinner into the oven and on the stovetop (Jack, Mickey).

_‘Your gift easily conveys your heartbeat to one of mine, is bigger than a stamp, smaller than a pill bottle, lighter than a feather, and stronger than steel.’_

Rose had no idea what her gift was supposed to be. Everything the Doctor had given her were relatively easy to find, mostly from Earth, and were things she’d told him about or pointed out to him before so she had no idea what this gift was.

Was there something she’d seen that would convey her heartbeat to one of his? He could have been talking about the TARDIS so it could be a teleport thing of some sort, but she was just grasping at straws now. The box was small, about the size of a jewellery box or something, and didn’t rattle when she shook it. It did kind of bump around inside, though.

“Unless it’s a ring with maybe some teleporting ability or something, I don’t know what it could be,” she finally replied and he grinned at her. “Well, what’s mine?”

“Hmm. Something to warm more than my hearts and to please at least one of my senses? It’s lumpy, doesn’t shake, rattle, or roll-” He winked at her. “And seems like it might be soft. You didn’t say it was alien to you, but you also didn’t say it wasn’t. I’m going to hazard a guess and say it’s… clothing of some sort. Perhaps jimjams, because you’re always complaining about me owning only one pair, which is now missing its shirt.”

“You’re right. They’re pyjamas.”

He flashed a grin. “That’s great. You were actually spot on, Rose, by the way. It’s a transport ring I found on Falsgate. It’s keyed to send you to the TARDIS when you’re in danger.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yes. You need only activate it by touch- the mechanics are a bit technical, but I’ll show you how to do it later- or I can activate it with the sonic. Either way, you will be brought onto the TARDIS without needing to be close to her. We can’t afford to lose you again.”

Rose briefly thought of all the times in the past where they’d been separated, once by an entirely different dimension, and swallowed thickly. She leaned forward, began to hug him, and was pulled off balance when the Doctor tipped them backwards to the floor. She laughed, pulled her nightgown back down, curled up beside him, and kissed his chin.

“Thank you so much.”

“You don’t need to thank me. Should have thought about doing that forever ago.” He hefted his lumpy gift into the air. “Do you think I’ll ever wear these?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I bet you’ll take one look at them and never want to wear your suit again.”

“Well, now I’m curious. Come on. Get up.” He eagerly sat up, pulling her into a seated position beside him, and nudged her as he began opening his own gift. “Rose, come on. Open it! I wanna see if you like it.”

“I already like it.”

“Rose,” he complained. “C’mon.”

“Oh, fine.”

While she was busy pulling the ribbon off her box, the Doctor began tapping against his own gift. The longer she took, the faster the tapping became until finally she had the box open.

“It’s about time,” he groused. “Took you forever to open it. So tell me what you think.”

Rose looked down at her gift and saw a dainty ring with a disc in place of a stone or anything. She slipped it onto her right ring finger and studied the odd symbols engraved into the metal disc. It wasn’t anything she recognized.

“What are these markings?”

“The simple explanation is it’s the TARDIS’s… Hmm. Her name? Well, it’s not like she has a name, but- I actually don’t know how to explain it so you understand, Rose. Sorry.” He grimaced. “The inscription will make sure you arrive in our current TARDIS instead of anywhere else or any other version of the TARDIS, which would be _really_ bad. I, uh, I engraved it myself.”

She smiled warmly. “Alright. How’s it work, then?”

“First go, want me to do it? I can explain how you can do it later.” Rose nodded eagerly. The Doctor grinned and pulled his sonic screwdriver out. “Ready?”

“Do I need to be standing or anything?”

“No. Just brace yourself for a landing.”

“Okay. I’m ready.”

He aimed the sonic at her ring, Rose saw a blue light flash, and she landed on the TARDIS grating a second later. She laughed, stood up, and headed for the door. The Doctor met her there and gestured for her to enter her bedroom.

“That was so cool. I’m glad you thought to park that in here after Mum kicked us out the other day, because I didn’t fancy walking outside in my nightclothes. Again.”

“I agree. Now it’s my turn.” The Doctor grinned widely, dropped onto the bed, and ripped apart the paper shoddily wrapping up his pyjamas. “No. Rose? No!” He came off the bed, waved around his gift, and laughed. “NO! Rose, these are- These are- What?”

“Dancing bananas.”

“Dancing bananas!”

He scooped her up for a tight hug, spun her around, and then let her go so he could pull off his jacket and tie, unbutton his shirt, and step out of his shoes. When he began unbuttoning his trousers, Rose almost turned to give him some privacy, but decided to hell with that.

“So what are you doing?”

He glanced at her, hand on his zipper, and gave her an odd look.

“Well, I’m putting them on, Rose. They’re dancing bananas. Why wouldn’t I want to put them on? That was just a silly question.”

His trousers hit the floor and her mouth went dry. Incredibly, she’d forgotten he never wore pants and-

“Holy hell,” she said in a hoarse voice. His head snapped back up, pyjama bottoms at his knees, and frowned. “You really are big, aren’t you?”

She really should have thought about that before saying it aloud. Oh, God. Did he think she was a pervert?

“Oh.” He abruptly chuckled adorably. “Yes, I am. Compared to humans, that is. Have you really never looked before?”

Was her face literally on fire? Because that’s what it felt like. She lifted a hand to her cheek to check and the Doctor’s brow lifted.

“Er, uh, anytime you’ve ever been, um, unclothed around me, I haven’t… um, had much time to, uh, look. Been a bit busy… feeling… instead of seeing.”

“By all means, look if you wish. I’ll wait until you’re finished.”

“No. I mean…”

Should she? No. She couldn’t… Could she? Well, he was offering and… Rose looked… and looked some more. She felt herself growing wet just from looking at him and saw his pyjama bottoms slide down his legs. The Doctor stepped out of them, moved towards her, and stopped right in front of her.

“Well, Rose?”

“What?”

“What do you think?” he asked curiously. “Am I to your liking?”

“Yeah,” she breathed and then shook her head to clear her mind. “You’re… great. Perfect, really.”

“Yes, I can tell.” He tapped his nose, looking smug. “Didn’t really need to ask. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

Rose bit her lip, looked back at the TARDIS sitting in the corner of her bedroom, and licked her lips while turning to look at the Doctor. He went to take a step away from her, but she caught his arm.

“Wait.”

Was it too soon to ask?

“Yes?”

They’d gone long periods of time between having sex since that night on Garthune... and she _hated_ that so maybe it was time for her to be brave. She could just keep her shirt on to hide the fading bruises on her waist.

“Could we?”

“Are you asking what I think you’re asking?” he asked, grinning. She nodded and he looked pleased. “Oh, thank God.”

The Doctor hauled her against his chest and captured her lips. He walked them to the wall, pulled one of her legs around his hip, and ground against her.

Dammit. Why was she wearing panties? Score for the nightgown, but fail for the panties. His tongue felt cool on hers and she pulled back, gasping.

“Wait. Doctor, wait. Not in here.”

“Alright.”

He quickly got both of her legs wrapped around his hips, moved to the TARDIS, and fumbled with the doorknob. When they got inside, he spun and pressed her against the door while locking it.

“Against the door?”

“Do you object?”

“No. Never been against a door before.” His hand slipped between their bodies, travelled underneath her nightgown, and paused atop her panties. “What? What is it?”

“Oh, Rose. Why? Damn. I am so sorry for what I’m about to do.” He quite literally ripped her panties off, tossed them away, and Rose gasped in surprise as she watched them flutter to the floor. “Please forgive me.”

“Not necessary. Rip all of ’em up if ya want. I liked it.”

“Yes, I can tell you did. How odd. Why? Did you not like them?”

“No, loved them. That was just sexy as sin.”

“Really? Hmm.”

The Doctor ran his fingers along her core, brought his hand to his face, and licked away the wetness. He then suddenly lowered her legs to the floor and backed up from her.

“What are you doing?”

Please say he hadn’t changed his mind.

“Something I’ve wanted to do again for a very long time and I will not be denied any longer. Just relax for me.”

Kneeling before her, he tugged her hips closer to his face and Rose’s eyes closed of their own volition.

“Ohhh…”

***

Rose, lying on her side with her head propped on one hand, watched the Doctor sleep. Had been watching him for the thirty minutes since he’d fallen asleep talking about all the baby paraphernalia her mum had given them for Christmas. Her eyes flashed to the large stockpile of items in one corner of her room and then returned to the Doctor’s contented face before drifting lower to eye his pyjamas. She smiled. Following that morning’s rather breathtaking activities in the TARDIS, the Doctor had put on his new jimjams and hadn’t removed them since.

They were a size too big around the waist and a tad snug around the shoulders, but she knew he really did love them, because he’d opted to stay home- _alone with her mum_ \- when she’d needed to run out earlier. He claimed if he wasn’t allowed to go out in his jammies, he would much rather stay home with the maneater than change (and _that_ had earned him a terribly painful-sounding slap).

She felt another wave of affection for that man, something which had been happening a lot more often than usual as of late if she was being honest. Smiling and deciding to risk it, Rose leaned over and pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of the Doctor’s mouth.

As she began to pull away, she felt fingers weave through her hair and gentle pressure urging her back, bringing their lips into contact once more. The Doctor wasted no time and boldly slipped his tongue passed her parted lips, his tongue caressing hers and tasting of chocolate and mint. Rose moaned quietly, shifted closer to him, and the Doctor pulled her on top of him. Rose came up for air, enjoying the heat of the Doctor’s hand on her hip, and quickly leaned back down for another intoxicating kiss.

With her eyes closed, Rose was able to enjoy the sensations as his free hand swept up her side, brushed her breast, travelled over her shoulder, and grazed up her neck to join his other hand in her hair.

The Doctor slowly moved his hands until his palms were pressed against her cheeks. Their previously passionate kiss gentled and the unexpected sweetness of the moment took her off guard. His thumbs stroked along her cheekbones and she sighed against him.

She could get used to this.

He gently pushed her away so he could look at her a moment, one leg leisurely bent at the knee, and then Rose was being rolled onto her back. They resumed kissing, still that slow simmering kind of kiss, and Rose felt one of the Doctor’s hands sliding down her body to bunch her nightgown.

After a long moment of just holding the material in his hand, he drew the material up one thigh, his nails rasping against her skin, and Rose lifted her hips and arched up while he revealed more and more of her skin to his gaze. He dropped the gown on the floor by the bed, pressed a kiss to her lips, and moved up to pull his pyjama top off. Rose smiled as it fell on top of her own nightwear, pushed his pyjama bottoms down as far as she could, and then used her foot to push them the rest of the way down. The Doctor hooked a finger in the waistband, tugged them off, and blindly released them over the side of the bed.

Silently, afraid to break the moment, Rose pulled him completely on top of her and tentatively gave him one of those unhurried kind of kisses that he’d been favouring. He immediately made a happy sound in the back of his throat and gently rocked against her. Pleasure rushed through her as he did it again and, starting up a rhythm, he took his time exploring every inch of her mouth. She, in turn, started rolling her hips in a circular pattern against his hardening length and let out a whimper.

This went on and on, his exploration returning to kissing and his fingers slipping into her body one by one to stretch and tease her, everything building until Rose couldn’t take it any longer.

The Doctor’s stomach muscles clenched when she reached down to guide him to her entrance. He withdrew his fingers, caught her lips in a heady kiss, and carefully thrust forward, rocking in and out until he was fully seated. Their eyes met and held as he slowly withdrew and slid back in, doing this only twice more before Rose leaned up to capture his lips.

Yes, she really could get used to this.


	5. A Few Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two month anniversary, an urgent landing, a market brawl, and some medical scans.

“Well, aren’t we a lively bunch?”

Rose cracked open an eye and watched the Doctor cheerfully whistling a nameless tune as he moved around the galley. Jack soon caught her attention, however, and she turned fully to see him. At some point, he’d slumped back into his chair and was now sleeping with his head tipped forward and chin pressing against his chest.

She jumped when a particularly boisterous snore rent the air. In retaliation, Rose bopped him with a box of packaged pastries from Tristaing.

“Wake up, Jack. Jeez.”

“Wha?”

“I said wake up. If I can’t sleep, you can’t, either. ‘sides, you were snoring and your food’s going cold… hot… whatever.”

“So what’s going on with you two, then?” the Doctor asked curiously. “Were you so excited the holidays are over and we’re gone from Jackie’s that you celebrated all night? I have to say I’m a bit disappointed you didn’t invite me.”

“No, I think I slept too much yesterday. Always makes me feel sleepier. I have no idea what’s wrong with him. Didn’t ask.”

“Ah, I see. Let me think a moment here. This is Jack Harkness we’re talking about and we’re the only ones aboard ship so… terrible hangover, Jack?”

“I have never been so happy to get away from any woman in my life. I celebrated well into the night, if you must know. Well, the morning. Frankly, I celebrated the hell out of last night.”

“Good man. Would’ve joined you had I known. Onto a new subject now.” Wait. What? “I’ve the perfect place to go today and I hope you’re excited.”

“Ooh.” Jack sat up a little straighter, looked between her and the Doctor, and snickered. “Is it your two month anniversary already? What is that, lint?”

“Weeeeell,” the Doctor drawled. “Close. Diamonds.”

She swivelled around to see him. “Excuse me, but what did you just say? Are you insane?”

“Oh, Rose. Course I am. Prob’ly never was sane, come to think of it. Not much fun, anyway.”

Jack smirked. “You know, Doc, diamonds are valuable on Earth.”

“I do know that.”

“Ah, but then… Mairze Urd. That’s where we’re going, isn’t it?”

“Yup! Rose, how would you like a necklace to match your engagement ring?”

“…what?” She looked between Jack and the Doctor, frowning. “If this is a joke, it isn’t funny. Seriously.”

The Doctor’s smile fell and Jack directed a curious look his way.

“Hey, Boss. You ever tell her about Mairze Urd?”

“Ah, well, no. I see the problem now. Rose, diamonds are worthless on Mairze Urd. They’re ‘bout as useless as pebbles or sand on Earth or- or, as Jack said, lint.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “They’re literally everywhere. Just laying there on the ground.”

“Really?”

Jack nodded. “Sure thing. We could go collect bucket loads and wouldn’t get any second looks.”

“Well, we might. Back on Earth, wouldn’t you give someone a look if you saw them loading up buckets of dirt like it was treasure?”

“Probably,” Jack allowed. “You know where we ought to go after Mairze Urd?”

“Already have a place in mind. Today is Rose’s lucky day, Jack.” The Doctor turned to her, grinning. “Not only will I be showering you with as many diamonds as you want, Rose, I will be taking you to one of my favourite planets: Falsoon, the occupation planet.”

“Hey, I’ve heard about that place,” Jack said thoughtfully. “Occupation houses, teleportation, two ruling families, an orphanage- which, by the way, Rose, is mostly unheard of throughout most of the universe.”

Her brows rose. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” the Doctor spoke. “We’ll take your diamonds to get fitted into settings on Falsoon and then go for a wander. I do, also, want to make a trip to the orphanage. I think that’s something you’ll really love.”

She smiled to herself. Alien babies. That was definitely something she’d wanna see.

“Sounds like a plan.”

***

“They look just like us,” she remarked some hours later. “Except for, ya know, the eyes.”

“Interesting, isn’t it?” The Doctor quietly closed the doors to Jeweller’s House behind them and grabbed Rose’s hand. “It will take a while for Jeweller Phlime to finish everything so I was thinking we might head to the orphanage first, grab some food afterwards, and then fill the rest of our time touring various houses. What say you, oh wife of mine?”

She snorted. “Great… as long as I’ll enjoy at least one of those houses.”

“I think I can manage that. Fashion House is actually near the orphanage, if you’re interested.”

“Ooh! Alien babies and alien fashion? Yes, please!”

The Doctor gave her an affectionate look and led their group of three to the nearest teleportation pad. He spent a moment studying the transport directory and then glanced at the pad itself.

“Er, sorry, Jack. This is a two person ride and Rose…”

“Yeah, yeah. Take your woman and go. Leave me to fend for myself. Never think I might wanna be the one you take as your plus one, do you?”

“What fending will need to be done? It’s a two second ride, Jack. Even you cannot get into trouble in that amount of time and furthermore, why-”

“Ahem,” Rose said just loud enough to be heard. “Barrgid.”

The Doctor nodded. “Valid point, Rose. Though that time was more like five seconds.”

“That was one time,” Jack complained. “How was I supposed to know asking a mermaid… ish… thing how she mated was punishable by death?”

“A few seconds alone and the next thing we know, you’re strapped to a totem block with an open flame at your feet.”

“So? I had the situation under control.”

“You were unconscious,” Rose spoke up. “Perhaps you should go with the Doctor. He knows I won’t cause trouble.”

“No, you go. We both know he’ll choose you, anyway.”

Rose sighed. “I’m telling you two to go, Jack. Clearly, you have trouble behaving and are getting a little jealous that he always chooses me. Perhaps you should start going with him all the time, that way he can keep an eye on you and you can have your time with him.”

“I’m not a baby nor am I incapable of handling myself. Take her. I’ll survive.”

“If you’re sure?”

“I can handle myself. You, on the other hand, are a fragile woman and should be protected.”

That last bit kinda rankled Rose’s more independent side, but she let it go. Instead, she smiled sweetly.

“Are you absolutely sure, though? We could start sharing in situations like this…”

“No. Let’s keep doing what we’ve been doing.”

“Good,” she said cheerfully. “See you there!”

The Doctor was chortling by the time they arrived where they were supposed to be. Rose grinned and strolled away from the pad, the Doctor hurrying after her.

“That was brilliant! You will make a terrific mother one day. You said a total of nine sentences and made him pull a complete 360 _and_ got him to stop whining! Amazing work, Rose.”

“Thank you. It was too easy, really.”

“What was too easy?” Jack asked, having suddenly materialised nearby. “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing much, Jack. We’ve just been waiting for you. Run into trouble?”

He looked a bit sour. “No, I didn’t, _Mommy_.”

“Americans,” the Doctor muttered.

“I’m not actually American, you idiot.”

“I’m aware of that, Boe, as much as I know Jack isn’t your real name.”

“I’m still not telling you my name, Doc. Sorry.”

Rose cleared her throat, immediately getting both males’ attentions. “Thank you. We were talking, Jack.”

“Oh, yeah. Humph.”

“So no trouble, then.” He shook his head. “Good. And you’re sure you didn’t feel left out by the Doctor taking me? You can be his plus one every now and then…”

“I’m sure and I never wanna be his plus anything. Nothing would irritate me more, Rose.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll never suggest it again.”

“Good.”

The Doctor quietly whistled and turned to wink at Rose. She wished she knew what he was thinking, because That Face. She giggled.

“Jack, do you want to tour the orphanage, too?”

“Yeah, actually. I’ve heard stories about the kids and I gotta see it myself.”

“Stories?” Rose looked between Jack and the Doctor. “What stories?”

“The Jettamon- the people of Falsoon- birth their offspring much sooner than humans do. The result of such a birth is an infant who could comfortably lie in my palm.” Rose must have looked as confused as she felt, because the Doctor grinned and started leading her to the doors. “You’ll see what I mean, Rose. Come along. And Jack, do keep your voice down. Their little ears will be sensitive.”

“Why are you telling me? You should be telling Rose. She’s the one that’s gonna freak out.”

“I will not.”

“You very well might, Rose,” the Doctor said thoughtfully. “The Jettamon are incredibly adorable when they’re in their first few months.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

If the Doctor thought they were adorable, she definitely had to see these babies.

“Hello,” a friendly receptionist greeted. “Would you be the Doctor and Mrs. Tyler and companion, Mr. Harkness?”

“Mrs. Tyler?” Rose murmured to Jack, who chuckled quietly.

“Can it, you two. I’ll explain later. Yes, we are. Who might you be?”

“I am Mother Mauna. Mother Tarrin is awaiting you in the greeting suite. Follow me.”

“Oh, I get it,” Rose said quietly. “They’re all Mother something, because they work at the orphanage. Guess that makes sense.”

Jack nodded, smirking a little. “Wonder if there’re any fathers around here and whether they ever put their own offspring in here.”

“Watch what you say, Jack. You could get us kicked out of here.”

“Sorry, Boss.”

“Hello,” another woman greeted as the three of them entered a new room. “I am Mother Tarrin. I believe we spoke earlier today, Doctor Tyler. Is that correct?”

“Yes. This is Mrs. Tyler, Mr. Harkness.”

“Please follow me. We will adjourn to this room after our tour.”

“Excellent. Thank you.” Mother Tarrin led the way from the room, walking ahead to give them some privacy, and the Doctor pulled Rose closer. “Mother Tarrin believes we are here to possibly adopt an infant. I didn’t really think about the name thing until I said you were Rose Tyler and my wife and she just…”

“Will we be adopting?”

“Oh, no. Don’t be silly, Rose. Your mother would actually kill me if you brought home a child you didn’t birth yourself.”

“It’s true,” Jack said when Rose started to argue. “Said so herself and I heard it.”

“How did that even come up in conversation?”

“Well, I suggested you two should just adopt a humanoid infant and leave it with Jackie if she was so determined to have a grandbaby. Made sense to me-”

“I would never do that,” Rose argued. “And Mum knows that.”

“Exactly. Unfortunately, your mother heard Jack going on about all the humanoid colonies we could check into and she lost it. Said she wanted to see you carrying your own child, she didn’t want an adopted grandchild- especially an alien that didn’t even have a little of you in it, that she said I’m to impregnate you as soon as possible or else, and she would kill me if I dared bring home a child that wasn’t actually grown in your body… which just makes your future children sound like a bunch of plants. It’s strange. She also described in detail how she would kill me." The Doctor met her gaze seriously. "I don’t like your mother.”

“Oh, my God, Doctor.” Rose rubbed her face and groaned. “I told you she was going to get worse.”

“Oh, no, Rose. That happened before my clever lie. Your mother hasn’t said a word to me about you bearing my children since.”

“Has she really not?”

“Not a word.”

“That’s probably because you told her Rose was ovulating while we were there,” Jack commented. “When we finally got out of that hell hole, it would have been too soon for Rose to know if she was pregnant or not. She’s probably going to ambush you the next time you stop in, guys.”

The Doctor paled considerably and Rose was afraid he was about to fall.

“I hadn’t considered that. What have I done?”

“Well, for one, you’ve implied to that nutcase that you and Rose _are_ trying to get pregnant instead of continuing to say you’re not really married. Really, you’ve brought this on yourself, Boss.”

“You’re not helping, Jack. Doctor, how long are you going to tell her ‘there’s always next month’ before we bring up the incompatible thing? Just so I can keep our stories straight.”

“I have no idea. It all depends upon how terrible your mother becomes. She thinks we’re married, Rose, and she expects grandchildren. What would you do?”

“Marry a man who would actually want to have children, maybe,” she said truthfully. The Doctor shot her a look and Rose lifted her hands in a placating gesture. “But since that’s not the case right now, I think I’d probably sit her down and tell her everything we’ve told her before. Maybe if we repeat it often enough, it’ll finally stick.”

“We’ve been married for two months now and have been telling her all of that every time we see her. It hasn’t stuck yet, Rose.”

“I have a suggestion,” Jack remarked and they both looked at him. “You could just suck it up and have a baby for her sake.”

“Because that’s a good reason to bring a child into the world, Jack,” the Doctor groused. “Hey, Rose. Your mother is as crazy as a soup sandwich so let’s have a baby just to keep her happy.”

“I’m just saying it might make your life a little easier, is all. Think about it.”

“Yeah, the first child I’d had in centuries would naturally have to be conceived because some loon demanded it of me, right? Not because I was in love, no, but because Rose’s mother wanted a grandchild.”

“Who said anything about love? Have the baby, shut Jackie up, be happy as a new dad. End of story. Love would come if you let it.”

Rose glared. “You know what? You’re both being arseholes right now.”

“I was just saying-”

“I was making a point to Jack, Rose. I wasn’t slighting you in any way. Why are you making that face?”

“I know ya don’t like my mum, but lay off her when she’s not around. It’s not fair to always be putting her down when she can’t defend herself… and we all know you don’t want kids. Jack’s just being stupid and you don’t need to argue with him about it so shut up, the both of you, because you’re giving me a headache.”

The Doctor and Jack exchanged looks and Rose walked on, catching up to Mother Tarrin.

“Hello, Mrs. Tyler. We are almost to our first stop. When your husband called this morning, he did not mention having any particular age range in mind. Is there a certain age you are looking for?”

“Well, honestly, Doctor Tyler might not live through the rest of the day, Mother Tarrin, so I don’t think he and I will end up adopting anything. I would, however, like to see the youngest children you have.”

“Is Doctor Tyler ill?”

“No, but I might kill him. He’s been insulting my mother.”

Mother Tarrin nodded. “On my family’s previous planet, slighting one’s mother in such a way was rewarded with death by drowning. Unfortunately, Falsoon does not have such laws, otherwise my sister’s husband would have been drowned long ago.”

“Oh.” Rose tittered, feeling better. “I don’t think I should be laughing about that.”

“I won’t tell anyone. Here we are. Our first stop. Within this room are our oldest charges. We keep our youngest on upper floors.”

“May I?” Mother Tarrin nodded and Rose opened the door. “Oh, my goodness. They’re so… small.”

“If I’m not mistaken, they’re all around one years of age,” the Doctor remarked. “Am I correct, Mother Tarrin?”

“Yes. We never usually keep a child longer than a year.”

“Why’s that?”

“Like on Earth, Rose, some couples can’t have their own children either due to sterility or the gender of both parents.”

“Oh… you mean like that time Jack brought a friend back from Thorsos?”

“Exactly. Happens everywhere all the time.”

Ah, so gay couples were a universal thing, then. That’s pretty cool to know.

“I will let you look around for a time and then we will move on.”

“Thank you.”

Rose quietly walked around looking at the small bodies of the one-year-olds. It was amazing. They looked just a bit older than newborns. Maybe like an average three-month-old human baby?

“I’m sorry I made you mad earlier, Rose.”

She debated ignoring the Doctor, but he did sound like he meant it.

“I don’t really know why I got so mad in the first place so I’m sorry, too. I guess I’m still tired or something. You know how I can be.”

“I do, yes,” he said cautiously. “But are you sure it’s that? You’re not coming down with something again, are you? You do get a bit… testy when you’re ill.”

“No. I’m just tired and I guess it’s making me grumpier than usual. Like I said this morning, I think I slept too much yesterday and it’s making me sleepy, which is making me grumpy. I hate feeling sleepy and…”

“I know. Would you like to go back to the TARDIS to rest? We don’t have to finish the tour.”

“Are you kidding? I wanna see those babies. If these are one-year-olds, I can’t wait to see the newborns.”

“We keep our newborns on the third floor. We will go there now.”

“The second floor,” the Doctor murmured. “They use a different system of floor identification.”

“Ah.”

Jack and Mother Tarrin stepped onto a telepad down the hall and disappeared. Rose and the Doctor went next and arrived underneath an archway with odd symbols painted above it. The Doctor glanced up at the marks and hummed.

“Newborn wing. We’re here, then, so… where are Jack and Mother Tarrin?”

“Maybe Jack’s just being Jack. You know.”

“Possibly. Let’s have a look around while we wait for them.”

Rose wandered down the hall to the first door and peeked inside. Another Jettamon woman- dressed in what she suspected was a requisite blue gown all Mothers wore- was holding the hand of a sweaty Jettamon woman who was very clearly in labour.

“Er, sorry.” Rose closed the door before the women inside could really notice her and backed up. “Best not go in there. Think someone’s havin’ a baby.”

“Now there’s something worth seeing,” the Doctor exclaimed, his eyes brightening. A cry came from behind the door and his brows furrowed. “Perhaps another time, though.”

“Good luck finding a woman who’ll let you stand and watch them push a baby out, Doctor. Bit of a private moment and it’s not pretty by any means.”

“When you birth a child, will you let me watch? It’s something I’ve always wanted to see.”

Rose just stared at him for a long moment. “You’d want to watch me have a baby?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you think the baby’s daddy would have something to say about that, though?”

He shrugged. “If your mother gets her way, it'll be my child, anyway, so no worries. Can I watch? I really want to. Please?”

Whoa.

What the hell?

No, seriously, what the hell? Rose honestly didn’t know what to say so she opened her mouth and hoped something semi-intelligent fell out.

“If the baby ends up being yours somehow, yeah, sure.”

“Otherwise, no?”

“Er, yeah. Seems wrong having you watch me bring another man’s child into the world. I mean, would you be okay with a guy you don’t know watching your girl have your baby?”

“Hmm. You make a very good point. No, I wouldn’t be okay with that. I think I’d be furious, to tell you the truth. Huh. I never knew that about myself.”

“Well…”

“Alright. Thank you, Rose. If the child’s mine, I can watch. If the child isn’t, I can’t.”

“Right.”

 _Seriously_ , what??

“Oh, here.” The Doctor flashed a wide grin her way and opened a door to their left. “Shh. Keep your voice down. I wasn’t joking when I said their ears will be sensitive.”

“Okay. Lemme see.”

He led her inside, watching her peculiarly, and then stepped out from in front of her. She looked around at the tiny infants and covered her mouth with both hands to smother a cry.

“I told you they were adorable.”

“Mmmmphhh mmph mphh!”

“Are you about done freaking out?” A nearby baby rustled around in its bed and Rose’s eyes immediately zeroed in on the movement. “Since they think we might be adopting, I’m sure they’d let us hold one or two, just to see what we think about the child.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Rose said, words muffled by one hand. She ran a finger of her other hand along the baby’s spinal cord. “I might just take the baby and run.”

“As cute as they are, you can’t bring any on board, Rose. Your mother would actually kill me. Does that sound familiar? ’Cause I told you as much just a bit ago.”

“Maybe…” She finally dropped her hand and sighed. “They’re meant to be this small. I just can’t believe it. Oh, they’re so adorable.”

The Doctor gave her an affectionate look as she began walking around the room. When she’d done a full circuit of the room and was back by the Doctor’s side, he caught up her hand and lightly tugged her out of the room.

“Let’s get out of here and grab some lunch. I’m sure Jack will eventually catch up to us.”

“Wonder what he’s doing.”

“I’m sure you don’t want to know, Rose. None of it can be good, I’m sure.”

Rose quietly snickered. That was probably very true.

It only took them a few minutes to get out of the orphanage. Once the Doctor had explained to Mother Mauna that he wasn’t sure they were quite ready to adopt and had ushered Rose outside, he pulled her close and kissed her temple. Rose frowned up at him when he pulled away.

“What was that for?”

“Oh, just felt like doing it. Why?”

“No reason. Curious, is all.”

“Mmm. Do you still want to tour some of the occupation houses or do you want to lie down for a nap after we eat?”

“Ask me again later. Food might wake me up or it might put me to sleep. Never know.”

“Alrighty, then.”

***

When Rose woke up from her nap, her clock read 4:08 AM and her brows arched. Apparently she’d slept all night. Well, that made sense. She’d laid down around six. Maybe their adventures had really worn her out.

She rolled over and the first thing she noticed was the arguing. The second was her rumbling stomach. The third was an odd warm, tingling sensation that seemed to move from inside her entire body to the outside. The fourth was the chain of her new diamond pendant tickling her skin as she breathed. The fifth was her engagement ring set.

Why was she still wearing that and how had she only just noticed? They’d been gone from her mum’s almost two days now. Just about five hours or so until a full forty-eight. She needed to take this off. Rose sighed, forced herself out of bed, and headed out of her room so she could follow the sound of Jack and the Doctor’s raised voices.

Where exactly were they?

“You could’ve at least given us some warning, you inconsiderate-”

“Hey! How was I to know she’d jump me the moment we were away from you two? This time, I really didn’t do or say anything provocative. Seriously, she bullied me into a room and had her way with me. Not that I was complaining, but…”

“Right. Surely your libido could have waited long enough for you to tell us you were leaving. Rose was worried about you.”

“I like to think I’ve been pretty tolerant of you and Rose running off to have sex whenever the mood strikes even though you claim your relationship is platonic- and don’t bother lying to me, because I know the signs- so why are you getting onto my case the one time I do the same?”

Rose blushed vibrantly. Leave it to Jack to say something.

“Watch yourself, Jack.”

Ooh. The Doctor growling was a rare and very tasty treat. She wished she’d been able to see his face. He always got all dark-eyed and sexily serious when he was pushed to that point.

“I’m only telling the truth! Believe me, I’m glad Rose is finally getting some- and you, too, because you’re so much easier to deal with when you’ve been laid- and I swear I’m not complaining about it, but that is what you two have been doing. Don’t think I didn’t notice you guys were gone an hour and a half Christmas morning, Doc. I did notice. So did her mum and Mickey. Jackie started picking out nursery colours after thirty minutes. After an hour, she started ordering maternity clothes from a catalogue.”

Holy hell.

“Was it really that long?”

“Technically, an hour and forty. Yes, it was. And it’s not my fault I couldn’t wait today. For the first time in my life, I’m hanging around people with better sex lives than mine and it’s driving me crazy! It’s like every time I start thinking about needing to have sex, you’re the one who goes and does it while I’m left just fantasising about it. Sex, not you and Rose. Although…”

“Don’t you even dare. I think it would do you some good to go without from time to time.”

“Then you do it if you think it’s so great. I hate it. And where exactly is Rose? You’ve been so busy yelling at me and getting onto my case that you never answered my question earlier.”

“What question?”

“Where is Rose?” Jack asked, sounding exasperated.

“She was planning to take a nap, but I believe she retired for the evening.”

There was silence a long moment.

“Is she alright? She’s been sleeping a lot lately. Have you noticed that?”

“I have and I don’t know. She seems healthy enough to me. She hasn’t exhibited any symptoms of any sicknesses I can think of. She’s just… tired. All the time.”

“Yeah.”

Rose frowned. That wasn’t true, was it? Well, sort of, she supposed. She had needed a nap or two lately.

“What do you think?”

“I can’t even remember anymore how much a human is supposed to sleep, Doc, so I can’t really say, but it seems like it’s been a lot. Too much, actually.”

“I agree. She’s averaging about an hour more every night plus an hour or two during the day.”

“So… eleven hours?”

“Instead of her previous seven or eight, yes.”

Really?

“Huh. Well… that doesn’t sound good. Maybe you should scan her or something.”

“I might soon if she doesn’t stop sleeping so much.”

“…you don’t think…” Jack stopped to clear his throat and said in a quieter voice, “Doctor, you don’t think it’s anything serious, do you?”

“I sincerely hope not, Jack. I don’t think I could handle that.”

As Rose was standing there fighting tears brought on by their very obvious concern, a strange fuzziness came to her mind and she swore she could hear soft, familiar singing. Whose voice was that? Where had she heard that song before? As swiftly as the fuzziness came, it was gone.

Klaxon 12? Was that a planet of some sort?

Rose headed towards the galley- that’s where her Doctor was, she knew it- and entered the room, immediately going to the cabinets above the counter. She knew the Doctor had some bananas hidden here somewhere and she was going to have one, whether he liked it or not.

“Hey, you’re awake. Sleep well?”

“Yup.”

“Rose, what are you looking for? I might be able to help you.”

“Just a second.”

Under the sink. The soup pan.

After lifting the metal lid to their only soup pan, Rose found a large bunch of bananas and snagged the biggest one. Oh, thank you! The TARDIS hummed and Rose paused, frowning at the floor. That was weird. She rose to her feet, unpeeled the banana, and turned as she was taking a bite.

“How did you find those?” the Doctor asked. “I thought I’d hidden them well.”

Rose shrugged. “What’s Klaxon 12?”

“A rather unimportant planet, really. How did you know about Klaxon 12? Has Jack ever told you about it?”

“I think I… made it up?” Rose guessed. That was the only explanation that made sense, after all. “Guess I wondered if it was a real place or not.”

“Oh, it is. Did you want to visit to see how real it is?”

“Sure.”

“Alright.” The Doctor leaned back in his chair. “Chocolate’s still in the coffee bin if you want some.”

Rose paused. “Why’re you hiding chocolate in the coffee bin?”

“I thought you did that,” the Doctor said, looking confused. They both looked at Jack, who shook his head. “How odd. The old girl’s playing with us, I think. How cute. Wait a moment. Rose, it’s been in there for a while now. How long has it been since you’ve had any coffee?”

“I don’t know. You know I prefer tea. There wasn’t chocolate in there the last time I had some.”

“So at least two months, if I remember correctly. In fact, yes, the chocolate showed up there the morning we returned from Garthune.”

“Really?”

“Don’t know why he’d lie about that.”

“Be nice to her, Jack.”

“Don’t start fighting again or I’m kicking ya both out into the vortex.”

The Doctor eyed her. “You knew we were fighting earlier?”

“Yep.”

“Which means you heard what we said about you sleeping too much?”

“Yep.”

The Doctor nodded. “Will you let me scan you?”

“Nope.”

Klaxon 12. Go to Klaxon 12.

“Klaxon 12? First Rose, now you?” the Doctor grouched and Rose looked surprised. She’d just thought that so how had he heard it? “Alright, I’m going, I’m going. Prepare to head out in ten, you two. Something’s happening on Klaxon 12 and I can understand the TARDIS picking up the call for help, but how did you know, Rose?”

“I don’t know. I thought I made it up.”

“Hmm.” He frowned and then shook his head. “I suppose we’ll figure it out.”

The Doctor breezed from the room, lightly jogging down the hall towards the control room, and Jack warily turned to her.

“Hope you’re not mad at me about what I said. I wasn’t falling for that little act you guys have been pulling and I probably shouldn’t have said I saw through it, but… the man drives me crazy, makes me say things before I can think better of it. What happened to the days I thought he was a hunk?”

“I don’t know. It’s alright, though. We should probably get ready, huh?”

“Yeah. Dress warmly. Klaxon 12’s a cold planet.”

“Lovely.”

Exactly twelve minutes later, Rose strolled into the control room with three bananas hidden in her coat and one in her hand and watched the Doctor fiddle with a lever. He immediately looked up as she took her third step into the room and smiled, his brows briefly dipping down as he noted the banana.

“Suppose I’ll have to pick up more, Rose?”

“Probably a good idea.” Rose thought fondly of the two bananas still sitting in their hiding spot and the Doctor harrumphed. “So where’s Jack? He already gone?”

The Doctor nodded. “Like a gentleman, I volunteered to wait for you.”

Rose’s brow arched. “You mean you sent him ahead to check for danger. Didn’t you?”

“No… but I’m sure that’s what he’s doing. Can’t control him, can I? ‘Sides, if the old girl’s that worried, I’m sure we’ll want to know what we’re getting into the moment we step foot out the door."

“What’s going on with you?” Rose asked bluntly. “Ever since we had that fight on Falsgate, you’ve been acting strange.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean you’ve been voting to keep me out of danger, have kept landing us on a lot of deserted planets where there’s absolutely no chance of running into danger, and you secretly send Jack out to scout when we land on a regular planet. This is the third time he’s just happened to go on ahead of us on a non-deserted planet.”

“So what if he’s gone on without us? It’s only the third time.”

“Of all the planets we’ve visited since Falsgate, only three have been populated! And Earth was one of them!”

“You’re imagining things, Rose. I go where the TARDIS leads, that’s all. I have nothing to do with our most recent adventures.”

“Nothing, sure… except for when you input the planets’ locations like you’ve been doing since Falsgate,” Rose argued. “You have no leg to stand on, Doctor.”

He grinned. “I have two, in fact. You seem to be rather fond of them. I’ve caught you looking often enough.”

“Fine. You don’t want to tell me, that’s just fine. Just know that I’m on to you, Doctor. Something’s going on with you and I will figure it out.”

“If you say so, Rose.”

Scowling, she preceded him out of the TARDIS and smacked right into the right side of Jack’s body. She immediately clutched her aching breast- his damned fist caught the nipple in just the right spot to cause instant agony- and clenched her other hand to keep from slapping him. No, punching him.

“That hurt! What are ya doing just standing there like that? And what are ya made of, steel?”

“Well, some women have said my-” The Doctor vociferously cleared his throat as he locked the TARDIS door, much to Rose’s amusement. “-steel, but if you don’t believe them, I invite you to try it yourself. I won’t mind. At all.”

“Let it go, Jack,” the Doctor lightly warned, offering Rose his arm. She hooked her arm around his, gently rubbed away the last of the pain from her breast, and he began leading her from the TARDIS, looking back at Jack. “Find anything out?”

“Oh. Yeah, no. There’s absolutely nothing out the ordinary going on. Same old kind of day. Not even an upcoming festival or anything.”

“Well, there must be something. We wouldn’t have been sent here if it wasn’t important.” The Doctor stopped walking and the three of them looked around the small field they were in. Rose shivered and debated pulling out another banana. “Keep on the lookout and let me know if anything seems off to you.”

“Like the weather?” Rose suggested. “I see suns everywhere, but I’m freezing.”

“Rose, it’s not that cold out here,” Jack said, looking confused. “We were lucky. It’s kind of like their summer season right now so the weather’s not hellish. Winter’s the worst.” The Doctor nodded his agreement. “Temperature’s reading as fifty degrees Fahrenheit, ten degrees Celsius. Whichever you prefer to use.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Rose pulled her coat tighter around her and the Doctor grabbed up both of her hands. He frowned and then vigorously rubbed them between his own.

“Her skin feels cooler than it usually does, Jack,” he commented, looking concerned. One finger brushed her ear. “Body temperature’s lower than usual. That’s concerning. Do you have any gloves on you?”

“Where would I fit them in these pants? Try your pockets.”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest as the Doctor began digging around in all of his pockets. He even managed to go nearly shoulder-deep in his inside jacket pocket, which she thought was impressive. He unearthed a purple glove with bright red polka dots in one trouser pocket (and where in the hell did he get that and how did he manage to lose it in a pair of pants?) and found a dark blue glove in his left coat pocket. He handed both to her, grinning as she stared at the two different sized gloves and snickered.

“I won’t even ask. Hope that doesn’t disappoint you.”

“On the contrary. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

Taking care to ignore the wedding ring set she _still_ wore- she apparently forgot to take it off when she got up earlier- and wondering what the Doctor would say if he were to see she still wore it, she slipped the bigger blue glove on her left hand, because it’d probably just end up being in her coat most of the time so she wouldn’t have to worry about the glove falling off, and then put the smaller, polka dotted glove on her right. The Doctor caught up her right hand and blew warm air on it.

“Warming up any?”

“A little. Do you have a hat and scarf in there somewhere?” Jack doffed the scarf he’d put on earlier and wound it around Rose’s neck twice. “Oh, no, Jack. It’s fine. I don’t want you to get cold.”

“Rose, I’m not even a little bit cold.”

“Neither am I.”

“Guess that makes sense. The guy who can’t die and the Time Lord aren’t cold while the human will probably end up freezing her bum off.”

“Please don’t let that happen,” Jack teasingly begged, very obviously staring at her backside. The Doctor elbowed him and Rose giggled. “What? It’s a nice ass, Doc. You can’t keep me from looking.”

“Be respectful.” The Doctor turned his head sharply as Rose noticed movement from the corner of her eye. “Ooh. Perhaps there’s our trouble. Should we check it out?”

“As good a place to start as any.”

“My thought exactly, Rose.”

They hurried across the field, approaching as quietly as they could, and Rose jumped when a cry rent the air. The Doctor held up a hand and crept forward, parting some forest undergrowth to see what was going on. He quickly backed up, turned, and looked at them with raised brows. His mouth opened and closed several times, but no words came out.

“What is it?” Rose prompted.

“Birth. There’s a woman over there having a child.” He abruptly looked concerned and turned to look behind him again. “She’s alone. Why’s she giving birth alone? Rose, you’re a woman.”

“Glad of you to notice.”

“What do we do? I’ve not a clue.”

“Well, she can’t go it alone. What if something goes wrong or she passes out mid-contraction or something?” Rose pulled in a deep breath and licked her top lip. She was gonna try to help. It was only right. “You two stay here and do not, unless I specifically call for you, come past those trees and stuff.”

“Should we retrieve anything?” Jack asked, looking lost. “First birth here.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. It’s my first, too. Hot water sounds like a safe bet.”

The Doctor nodded. “Cloths, too, amongst other things. Jack, run back and get some clean cloths, some sterile scissors from the medbay, a towel or two, maybe a small blanket of some sort, and as much hot water as you can carry. I’m going to stay here with Rose just in case she needs me.”

Rose nodded and stepped into a clearing mostly blocked off by thick trees and bushes.

“Er, hello?”

A woman cried out in pain and then asked, “Who goes there?”

“I’m, uh, Rose. You sound like you need help. I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’ll try. Are you having a baby?”

She thought it best to be sure. Wouldn’t be the first time the Doctor had gotten something wrong on one of their adventures, after all.

“Yes,” the woman screamed as an apparently rough contraction hit. “Please, just hold my hand.”

Rose dropped to her knees next to the woman crouching beside a tree and grabbed her hand, watching the stranger’s other hand scrabbling at rough tree bark. As the woman squeezed Rose’s hand and sobbed in pain, Rose glanced down at the threadbare but clean scrap of cloth open below the woman’s legs.

“Talk to me,” Rose said. “Tell me your name, what you do, anything.”

“Antula.” At this moment, Rose thought the pregnant woman was actually trying to break her hand, but she kept her tongue. “My name is Antula. My son is to be named Vantor. He will be a prince amongst men.”

“All mums think so at one point or another.”

“Another,” Antula said. “Soon.”

Okay. She should keep talking to try to distract her, then. God, she was doing this without painkillers or anything. Rose thought if she were in the same shoes as the woman, she’d be pleading for something by now.

“I, um, have two friends waiting for me beyond the trees. They’re both men, but one specifically can help us without making you feel uncomfortable. He’s, uh, my husband? He had our friend fetch hot water and stuff.”

“Call for him, your husband. It is easier with two.”

“Uh, Doctor?” Rose called uncertainly. Despite what he’d said before about staying in case she needed help and about once wanting to see a birth, she wasn’t entirely sure he’d actually be willing to do either once presented with the opportunity.

She was wrong.

The Doctor swiftly came into view, a large tub of water sloshing around in his arms and a bag slung over his shoulder. He set the tub down away from her and Antula, unloaded everything from the bag (including a baby blanket Jackie had given him for Christmas), and cautiously stepped forward. He looked between Rose, Antula, and then back at Rose.

“What should I do?”

“Take her spot,” Antula begged. “Please hold my hand. She can deliver the boy.”

The Doctor looked relieved with her request and quickly switched places with Rose. Uncertainly, Rose knelt down in front of Antula and exchanged an incredibly nervous look with the Doctor. She had no idea how to deliver a baby! Oh, God. What if she screwed this up and somehow hurt the baby??

Antula didn’t give her much time to fret, though. When the next contraction hit, the Doctor started saying a constant litany of encouraging words, Rose helplessly tried to find something to do to help, and Antula bore down on the contraction with a scream of agony.

It took nearly half an hour, but eventually, Rose was holding a very bloody, very angry-sounding humanoid baby in her hands. The Doctor pulled the tub closer so Antula could clean herself up- she’d vehemently denied their help- and so Rose could wash off the bloodiest parts of the baby. Both Antula and baby semi-decent, Rose handed over the baby and Antula immediately began nursing the infant.

“It’ll help stop the bleeding,” the Doctor said quietly, pointedly looking at the green sky. “Well, not all of it, but you don’t really need to think about that right now.”

“I already know what you’re talking about, Doctor.”

“So you know what’s in store for you post-pregnancy?” He briefly glanced at her before his eyes were once more on the sky. “Huh. And you’re still sexually active. That’s frankly mind-blowing. Shoe on the other foot, I’d stay celibate indefinitely. No way, no how. You couldn’t pay me enough to risk it. All the changing during pregnancy and the constant bleeding afterwards? No way in a thousand hells.”

“Good thing you’re a Time _Lord_ , then, huh?”

“Bloody fantastic, yeah.”

***

Rose woke the next morning, stretched, and jarred fully awake when her elbow smacked into something solid. A groan came from her left and she turned over to see the Doctor sitting up and clutching his nose. He was thankfully not bleeding.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she cried. “I didn’t mean to. I thought you’d be gone by now, else I would’ve been more careful.”

“No, still here, as you can see. I fell asleep before you, I think, Rose. I was exhausted last night… for good reason, I’d hope.” He sniffed and wiggled his nose. “Not broken. Remind me not to anger you, alright? I’d hate to see what you’d do were you trying to harm me.”

She laughed a little, still feeling bad. “I really didn’t mean to.”

“I know.” He let himself drop back on to the bed and scratched his chest. “I think I saw a bath on our way up here last night. Do you need to go?”

“Really bad, yeah.” Nodding, the Doctor climbed out of bed and pulled his trousers on. Rose shimmied into her panties and slipped her arms into his button-up shirt. “Don’t give me that look. It’s longer than my shirt and you tossed my denims… somewhere. It’s this or going naked.”

The Doctor shrugged. “I was just going to say you might consider buttoning it before we leave the room, that’s all. I’ll look for your missing clothing while you’re taking care of business.”

Well, then. Maybe she should consider stealing his clothes all the time. He didn’t seem to mind and she loved wearing them.

“Oh. Okay, thanks.”

He smiled at her, silently led her from the room, and cautiously opened a door halfway down the hall after a quick knock. It was the same toilet she'd used last night. He and Rose peeked inside at the darkened interior of a large bathroom and Rose sent him a thankful look while she slid inside. When she returned to their borrowed bedroom, the Doctor had managed to locate all of her clothing, which was sitting in a pile on the end of their remade bed.

“I reckon you should dress before we find Jack, say goodbye to Antula, et al, and head out.”

“Probably a good idea, yeah.” She drew the Doctor’s shirt over her head and passed it off. “I still can’t believe she was being serious yesterday. Her baby really will be a prince among men.”

The Doctor snickered. “Yes. Imagine our luck, stumbling upon the queen mid-labour. We got experience with childbirth, a free night in the palace, excellent food, and some remarkably smooth liquor.”

“Which you probably metabolised the moment you drank it.”

“Oh, I didn’t bother until long after we came… to bed, that is.” He grinned widely and Rose tripped over one leg of her denims. “Do be careful, Rose.”

There was a rap-a-tap-tap at their door and Rose quickly yanked her bottoms on. While she put her shirt on- backwards, of all things- and called out for their visitor to wait one moment, the Doctor finished buttoning his shirt. His shirt on and Rose’s almost facing the right way, the Doctor opened the door and blocked Jack’s view into the room.

“Morning, Boss, and woohoo. Good morning indeed, sexy.”

“Jack,” the Doctor warned.

“Oh, fine, you spoilsport. Queen Anty-”

“Don’t call her that,” Rose interrupted. “She didn’t like it, remember?”

“-wanted us to eat with her before we left. Just thought I’d come get you before I ended up spending the entire day by myself instead of just most of the morning.”

“Wait a second.” Rose pulled her last boot on and stood straight. “What do you mean most of the morning?”

“Well, I mean, it’s closer to midday than dawn, Rosie.”

The Doctor looked up from Rose’s shirt and gave Jack an incredulous look.

“Is it really?” He paused and gazed at the ceiling. “Huh. I suppose it is. How odd.”

“How did neither of you notice how late it was getting?”

“We were sleeping.”

Jack looked between the two of them for several seconds. Finally, he focused on the Doctor and cocked a brow.

“ _Both_ of you were sleeping?”

“Yes. I woke up when Rose elbowed me in the face. Mmm, no. Technically, just my nose.”

“It was an accident,” she immediately defended, following Jack into the hall. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, Rose. It’s fine.”

“Oh,” Jack abruptly said, laughing. “I get it. Late night, then?”

Rose blushed and fidgeted.

“What we may or may not do on our own is none of your concern, Jack,” the Doctor said easily. “So food before we go, eh? Can’t say that doesn’t appeal to me. Don’t forget your coat, Rose.”

She doubled back to the room to grab up her coat, checked the pockets for her borrowed gloves, and hurried out into the hall. The Doctor and Jack were walking down the hall, though going at a much slower pace than usual, presumably so she could catch back up with them. Jack hooked his arm around Rose’s while the Doctor patted at his pockets.

“What’re ya doing?” she asked curiously.

“Checking. Sonic, psychic paper, slinky, yoyo, bananas-”

“Ooh, can I have one?”

The Doctor shrugged and passed one to her. “Now let’s see. Where was I? Oh, that’s right. Bananas, socks, spare TARDIS key… How in the world do I have a spare? Oh, no, wait. I think this one might actually be yours, Rose. Sorry. I’ll find you a new chain, I promise. Hmm. Binoculars, glasses, banana, cuff links I didn’t know I had, banana, more socks, spare tie, and… a book? What is it? Hom. That’s an odd title.”

Rose looked at the back of the book and immediately noticed the bare-bellied pregnant woman posing in a picturesque ray of sunshine.

“Since when have you had a pregnancy book in your coat?”

“What’s it say?” Jack asked louder.

“What to Expect When You’re Finally, Finally, _Finally_ Expecting Because Rose Won’t Stay Young Forever and I Want Grandchildren So Hurry Up Already. The title seems to be written in red marker.”

“Oh, my God. My mum’s gone crazy.”

“Years ago, yes, but she’s recently worsened.”

Jack snagged the book from the Doctor’s hand and flipped through it. “Oh, look. There are notes in the margins. How help… gross. How gross. Never read this.”

“Two questions before I agree.” Jack nodded and the Doctor pressed on. “One, does the book seem genuinely interesting? I’ll read anything, me.”

“Seems okay enough, I guess.”

“Okay. Two, how bad are the notes?”

“Well, for example, this one tells you that if Rose is anything like her mother, you might try having sex with her legs thrown over your shoulders, because- and I quote- “that is how Rose came along.” I can read you more if-”

“No, thank you.” The Doctor ran his hands over his face, clawed at the skin above his brows, and pushed out a deep breath. “That was revolting. Are they all as bad and do I have a chance of ignoring them?”

“They’re not too noticeable. Bright blue pen. As long as you keep your eyes firmly focused on the actual book stuff, you might be okay.”

“Or I can find you a different copy,” Rose suggested, “if you’re so interested in reading it, though I have no idea why.”

“Pregnancy is interesting and humans are fascinating so it makes sense human pregnancy would be worth reading about.”

“You know, ladies _are_ pretty hot when they’re expecting,” Jack voiced, nodding thoughtfully, and the Doctor made a soft agreeing noise. “And when they get so big they start to waddle? I’m not gonna lie. I think it’s the most adorable thing in the universe.”

Rose looked between Jack and the Doctor, who had started sharing their opinions about pregnant women of all species. She arched a brow and started walking ahead of them. They didn’t seem to notice.

“And when the women of Jalka Prime are close to birth, their skin turns-”

“Purple! I know. It’s such a pretty glow. And have you ever seen a human’s skin? Don’t get me wrong, some of them, you know, get all pimply and stuff, but a lot of them just look beautiful.”

“You know, I’ve not seen too many pregnant humans in my day, Jack, but the few I do remember seeing have been quite taking now I think about it.”

“Makes me wonder what Rose will look like if she ever pops out a pup, ya know.”

“Don’t call her potential child a pup, Jack.”

“Still, you know what I mean. I bet she’ll look ravishing.”

“I would have gone with exquisite here,” the Doctor said loudly, letting his voice carry. “Because I find Rose always looks ravishing.”

“I don’t think she can hear you so stop sucking up, Doc. Unless, of course, you’re trying to suck up now so she’ll let you suck up later in an entirely different way.”

“I will kill you, Jack. I have no qualms about it.”

Rose silently laughed and continued listening. She could smell hot food a few doors up so she followed the scent.

“Hey, I applaud you. Most men don’t like doing it for their ladies. You’re a great man. No wonder she keeps coming back for more. Man like you, always talking and licking stuff and exercising his tongue? Must be a god by now.”

“I was serious, Jack. I will kill you.”

“Or perhaps you’re just wanting one hell of a shag later. Which, by the way, is just ridiculous. Awake to the wee hours of the morning and already trying to get more. I envy you. I’d be worn out by this point. Guess there’s something to be said for having two hearts. Just keep jumping right back on the horse, don’t you?”

“Keep talking, Jack. I’m plotting your death as I speak.”

“Alright. I’ll drop it. You can only take so much teasing a day, I’ve found.” The Doctor released a put upon sigh and Jack chuckled, both of which were actions Rose found highly entertaining. “Hey, Rose. Where’s the fire?”

“I’m starving.”

“One word, Jack,” the Doctor warned. Rose finally laughed aloud as she entered a large, sunny room. Antula sat at one end of a long table, baby Vantor in a sling against her chest.

“Hello,” Rose called out as she approached. “How are you both doing?”

“Well. Thank you. Kindly join me before you depart.”

“Would love to. Thanks.”

Rose dropped into a seat beside Antula’s and eagerly removed the domed lid covering her meal. Her mouth watered at the scents wafting towards her. She had no idea what most of it was, but it didn’t stop her from immediately scooping up a bite of something vaguely meat-like. Er, she hoped. Someone brushed her left arm as they sat and Rose turned, still chewing, to see the Doctor settling down to eat.

“You weren’t joking about being hungry, were you?” She shook her head in the negative and swallowed. “Then by all means, forget we’re all here and focus on your food. Polite conversation can wait until you’re full, Rose. Shut up, Jack.”

Jack swallowed an aborted laugh and sat across from her and the Doctor. Rose finished her entire meal mere minutes later and sat back in her chair, drink in hand, to let her food settle.

“So Antula, where is everyone this morning?”

“Tending household matters. We all have a job to do and none shirk responsibility due to rank in life. My husband is gathering grain for breads such as you see before you. Our children are collecting woods for the fires and water to drink and bathe within.”

“That’s extraordinary. Not many people would be willing to do their own part like that. What do you do?”

“I collect berries and the like for the meals. It is what I was doing before Vantor decided to be born.”

“Wow. Working right up to the birth.”

“Yes. After you three have taken your leave, I will go collect.”

“You don’t think you need to take some time off to recover?”

“I have never done such a thing.”

Well, now she felt pitiful. She knew if she ever had kids, she’d totally be taking it easy after having to go through the whole birthing process. No one would catch her working the day of- let alone the days after- the birth.

“I admire you,” the Doctor told Antula. “Personally, if I had been a woman, I would have milked my recovery from birth for months. Then again, as Rose and I were discussing yesterday, that would be unnecessary, because I would remain celibate indefinitely. Couldn’t pay me enough to do what you’ve done.”

“It takes a strong being,” Antula said humbly. “You may be strong as a gorder, but would be useless in this. It is a woman’s privilege.”

“Hear, hear,” Jack agreed. “And may it always be so.”

They all, Antula included, shared a laugh.

***

Rose entered the TARDIS at a sprint and ran past a very surprised Doctor. Jack slammed the door behind them and met the Doctor’s eyes, looking wary now that danger had been avoided.

“She started it, I swear,” he immediately said. “I had nothing to do with it.”

“You did, too!” Rose argued. “You could’ve just walked away. I had everything under control until you butted in and started-”

“Well, if you hadn’t-”

“Okay,” the Doctor interrupted. “What happened? Rose only wanted to stop to pick up a few things and you volunteered to go with her since I was busy. How did that end with you two starting a brawl and is that spit I smell on you, Jack?”

“Some guy spat in his face. Jack started it.”

“What? I- Doctor, there’s a very good reason. Rose was yelling at a vendor and-”

“Only because the guy had the nerve to ask for a quick shag in return for some biscuits!”

The Doctor looked angry. “He did what?”

“I know, right?! But I was calming down until Jack punched the guy in the face and then the guy’s friends joined the party, but then these other guys- rival vendors or whatever, I guess- joined our side and then… people were fighting and-”

“Are you hurt?”

“Not a scratch.” She grinned proudly. “I even took a couple of ‘em down before Jack made me get out of there.”

“That’s my girl.” The Doctor winked at her and then turned to Jack. “Alright. What say we get out of here, huh? One of those vendors will have a very bad night if we don't. Hope you managed to hold on to your belongings, you two, because we’re not going back."

“Oh, I did. You wanna know the best part?”

“What?” he asked, curious. She held up a plain white box and smiled triumphantly.

“I got the biscuits and they taste like banana.”

“Ah, you are a woman after my own heart. Hang onto those. I wasn’t done calibrating so the ride’s gonna get bumpy.”

Rose sat down on the ramp, put the box on her lap, and grabbed the rail above with both hands. No smashed biscuits for her, thank you. She watched the Doctor and Jack attempt to keep their footing while working to get the TARDIS moving. Eventually, they were parked in the vortex and the Doctor headed over to offer her a hand up. She instead handed him the biscuits and, using the rail, hauled herself up.

“How… acrobatic,” Jack admired. “Mind doing that again?”

Rose grinned. “Jack.”

“You said these were banana? Hmm. We’ll see.” The Doctor plucked a biscuit from the box as Rose did the same and both took a bite at the same time. “I’ll be damned, Rose. They do taste like banana. Marry me?”

They laughed at his joke and then Rose said, “Been there, done that. Now, if you can manage to find some chocolate syrup or something to go with these, I’ll agree to marry ya on a different planet. Deal?”

“Done.” He chuckled and glanced over at Jack. “Have you tried these yet, Jack?”

“Yeah. They’re pretty good, but I’m not really a banana kind of guy. Well, not the fruit.”

“God, Jack.” Rose rolled her eyes. “So, Doctor?”

“Chocolate syrup, yes. Follow me.”

Rose took a step after him, but stopped when her phone began to ring. The Doctor continued on to the galley as Rose pulled her phone from the pocket of her shorts. She answered and put the call on speaker.

“Mum?”

“Oh, Rose! I’ve been ringing for ages. Are you avoiding my calls?”

“Um, no. What’s going on?”

“It’s been a full week since you all left and I haven’t heard any news yet,” Jackie hinted. Jack smothered a laugh and Rose, sighing, sat in the jump seat. “Thought you might’ve forgotten about me so I tried ringing you up to ask.”

“Mum, even if I was, um, pregnant, er, it’d be too early to find out. Least I think so.” She shrugged at Jack’s look and brilliance struck. “‘Sides, we’ve only been married a little bit, right? Who says we have to have kids right away? I’m young, yeah? It can wait.”

She prayed her mum would go with it. Unfortunately, Jackie didn’t agree at all and started shrieking about grandchildren, failing marriages, and lacklustre sex lives.

“Oh, the banshee called,” the Doctor said, strolling up with a jar of chocolate syrup, as promised. “Hello, Jackie.”

“Why is my daughter saying she doesn’t have to have kids right away? Why wouldn’t she want to have children, Doctor? Is that your doing?”

“Oh, Rose. You just had to poke the dragon, didn’t you? Jackie, if it happens, it happens. Yelling at Rose will accomplish nothing.” He perked up, smiling. “I also needn’t point out that if she is miraculously pregnant, I don’t think your yelling is helpful at all. In fact, it’s quite stressful and stress is the last thing an expectant woman needs to deal with. Am I right?"

Jackie stayed silent a long moment and, as the seconds ticked by, the Doctor slowly raised his arms in victory, an open-mouthed grin blossoming on his lips.

“You’re right,” Jackie finally agreed. “How annoying. Rose, will you promise to keep me up to date? I want to know the moment you know anything.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Sure, Mum. Whatever you say.”

“Did your husband ever find that book I put in his coat? Did he see my notes? They could be useful if you’re having trouble-”

“No, thank you, Jackie,” the Doctor smoothly interrupted, grabbing the phone, because Rose no longer wanted to hold it, and taking it off speaker. “I found it, yes, but I shan’t be looking at your notes.”

“Should’ve stuck to repeating you’re just friends,” Jack murmured, singsong.

“Shut up, Jack. No, Jackie, I said Jack. Yes, I’m quite certain. Alright now. Ta. Bye bye. Yeah, Rose loves you, too. Bye.” The Doctor ended the call and rubbed his forehead. “See, this is what happens when I try to be clever. A spur of the moment lie and karma immediately sics Jackie on me.”

“Again, you should’ve-”

“Yes, Jack. Thank you for pointing that out. Okay, Rose. The next time she calls, you’re not pregnant. 100% certain. Tell her something, anything. I don’t care. Just make her believe it.”

“ _Is_ she pregnant, then?” Jack asked curiously.

“No, but Mum won’t believe it unless I make sure there’s no wiggle room for her to hope,” Rose answered. “Remember hearing about the heartburn incident when I was younger? That was around the same time as a certain girl thing was going on and my mum, even though she bought all my stuff at the time, still kept asking if I was pregnant.”

“Wow.”

“I know, but that’s Mum for ya.”

“Quite,” the Doctor agreed. “Now, Rose, your chocolate syrup.”

“Well, thank you. Remind me I owe you another wedding, alright?”

He chuckled. “Will do.”

***

“Good God, Rose. Jack could come in here at any moment. What are you doing? Well, I obviously know what you’re doing, but-” Rose settled more comfortably on her knees and continued. “Ah, well, I can’t control you. Carry on if you wish, but only if you wish, because I’m a gentleman and- and-” Rose ran her tongue along his length and heard the Doctor audibly swallow. “And I wouldn’t want you to think I was- was, er, pressuring you to do this be-be-because you- Do- do you mind if I not… talk?”

Rose freed her mouth. “Alright.”

“Thank you.”

“Mmm.”

The Doctor stayed silent and slouched down behind his desk in a corner of the library. He met her gaze, eyes dark in the dim light of the room, and Rose shivered. She was glad she’d finally found him alone. She’d been thinking about doing this since she woke up this morning and there wasn’t anything going to stop her now.

They had a while, too, because Jack had just gone for a swim, which would be followed by a very private shower. Poor guy. It’d been a while for him.

Rose was really starting to enjoy herself, loving the taste of him on her tongue and the feel of him in her hands and growing wet from the knowledge that the Doctor was this aroused just because of her, when she heard his hands scrabbling at the far edge of the desk.

“Rose, I’m re-really t-t-trying t-to hold on-”

“Don’t,” she murmured around his length and then doubled her previous efforts. Her next words came out garbled, but she was sure he heard her say, “I need to taste you.”

The Doctor leaned all the way back in his seat, tightly grasped the armrests, and caught her eyes. Hands moving in sync with her mouth and eyes locked on his, Rose continued until she sensed he was right at the edge. She then pulled up, wrapped her lips around his tip, and sucked just hard enough to see his eyes roll back.

“Rose, I’m… Rose… You… I’m…”

He never finished his warning, not that she needed it. He tightened up, knuckles white with tension, and wordlessly cried out to the ceiling. Rose eagerly caught his release, slurping and licking until he was properly clean once more, and pulled back to look him over. He sat sprawled out in his chair and didn’t attempt to cover himself or even open his eyes.

She sat back on her heels and, after the Doctor still hadn’t made a move to cover himself a full minute later, Rose tenderly tucked him away and pressed a gentle kiss to his thigh.

“Are you okay?”

“Brilliant, yeah.”

“Can you open your eyes?”

“Don’t think so, no.” What followed was an obvious struggle on his part to crack his eyes open the tiniest bit. “This is as good as it will get for the next few minutes.”

“Oh, just close them until you’ve recovered. I won’t mind.”

His eyes slipped closed once more and Rose crawled out from under the desk. The Doctor blindly caught her hand, tugged her to him, and, after a quick adjustment of legs and manhood, pulled her down onto him. She was mostly lying against his chest, her bum on one thigh, but she was fine with that. It was really quite comfortable.

The quadruple thump of the Doctor’s heartsbeat had nearly lulled her to sleep by the time he seemingly recovered. He shifted beneath her and Rose’s eyes unwillingly opened.

“That was astounding. I know you’ve done that for me a few times before, always as a precursor to other activities, I’ll grant, so I didn’t have the full effect until now, but this time just about killed me.”

“Oh, my god. Are you kidding?”

“Exaggerating, perhaps,” he allowed.

“I was gonna say. I thought I was good, but not _that_ good.”

“I promise it felt like a close call for a moment there.” She laughed and leaned back into him. “Are you absolutely sure you want to take a nap? I could return the favour. In fact, I demand to return the favour.”

“Before bed. I promise I won’t try to stop you.” She yawned widely and wiped her eyes. “I’m tired and just want a nap right now.”

The Doctor instantly looked worried. “Are you alright? You know I think you’ve been sleeping too much lately, Rose. Will you please let me run a scan or two?”

“I’m perfectly fine, Doctor. I just went swimming earlier and something about being in the water always makes me feel sleepy and then, you know, I came in here and nearly killed you. Not that it was much work, but I was already sleepy and you just laying here with your hearts beating away in my ear afterwards almost put me to sleep…”

“I’ll let you sleep now, Rose, but I’m not letting this go. I genuinely think we should run a few scans to make sure you’re completely healthy.”

She nodded against his shoulder and, minutes later, was sound asleep.

***

Three days later, Rose and the Doctor were standing in the middle of the galley staring at each other.

“What?”

“I said I will make Jack restrain you, Rose, as distasteful as the thought might be. Don’t think I won’t.”

“You’re serious? Seriously?”

“Seriously, I’m serious.”

“I’m fine,” she insisted. “I feel perfectly fine.”

“But if you were fine, you wouldn’t be sleeping nearly as much as you are now, Rose,” he said sombrely. “I don’t like it. Something could be very- excuse the repeated use of this word- seriously wrong with you and I would feel better if you’d let me at least check.”

“Really?”

“I would rest easier.”

“Oh, fine. Scan away, Doctor.”

He grabbed up her hand and she tripped along after him for nearly two corridors before yanking at his hand. He didn’t even stop.

“Mind slowing down a bit? Not everyone has long legs like yours, you know.”

“There’s nothing at all wrong with your legs.” He flashed her a grin. “But I’ll slow down, because I’d hate for you to trip and take us both down.”

“What a gentleman.”

His only response was a chuckle and they continued down three corridors and two flights of stairs in silence. Once in the med bay, Rose sat down on the edge of the examining table while the Doctor moved around grabbing various whatever those things were. He lined everything up on the table beside her and looked up grimly.

“I have a few questions before I start.”

“Hey, it’s just a few scans, not a funeral, Doctor. Quit acting like that… and stop with the face.”

“Rose.” She blinked and seemed to feel, if only for a moment, the maelstrom of emotions he was experiencing. She nodded, finally taking this seriously, and he pressed on. “I dearly hope there isn’t, but if something is incurably wrong with you, would it be better to tell you… or not?”

“Basically tell me or let me die without knowing my hours were numbered?” He nodded, expression not changing. “Don’t… No. No, tell me. I’ll want to know.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes. I’ll want to say goodbye to everyone I care about. I owe everyone that much, right?”

“You’re right, of course.” He forced a smile. “If there is something seriously wrong, but is something curable, should we alert your mother of the fact? Depending upon what that something might be, the treatment could last much longer than your last.”

“We’ll see.”

“Okay.” His smile now seemed more natural, more him. “And if it turns out you’re perfectly healthy and Jack and I are worrying about nothing, will you continuously gloat about it?”

“Plan to, yeah.”

“Is there a way we can, say, work out an agreement where you don’t make fun of me in return for something-” He wiggled his brows, grinning widely. “-a little more private?”

“I’ll think about it, but you win that way, too. I’m not sure I can let that happen.”

“Oh, I’m willing to do anything, Rose, to make sure you win and win and win,” he said meaningfully. “I’m not a sore loser at all.”

She laughed. “Just scan me ‘fore I change my mind.”

“Yes, ma’am. Ooh, I _still_ like that. Why haven’t I been using that? Remind me later, will ya?” He winked and she looked down, smiling. Silly she still felt like a girl with her first crush even after all the times they’d messed around. Crazy, actually. “Now getting down to business. Rose, I will need you to remove one shoe, one sock, your shirt, the rest of your clothing if you’re willing to make my day-”

“Doctor!”

He snickered. “And your belt. Also, your hair will need to come out of its intricate clippy thing and no jewellery unless you’re willing to see it destroyed. A few of these machines might melt them.”

He handed her a container to throw her things in and then walked a bit down the table to start pressing buttons on some… thing. Rose slipped her wedding ring set off- and really now, why was she just now taking that off? No, really. Why?- and put them in the container. Her diamond necklace they’d had made to match the ring set went in next, as did the matching earrings. Her hair clip and cell phone were set to one side, a sock and shoe went to the other side. She didn’t want anything from her feet touching anything meant to be in her hair.

The Doctor started turning and, not wanting him to take notice of her ring set sitting in the box (because then he’d realize she’d been wearing that after all this time and she didn’t want to deal with the freak out), Rose abruptly pulled her shirt off. The Doctor’s eyes immediately settled on her and held. He stared and let her drop her shirt on top of her jewellery, conveniently blocking her rings from view, before he blindly put the box on a worktable behind him.

“Test one?”

“Yes. Test one. Er, you’ll need to remove your belt, too, Rose. Specifically for this one.”

“Um, ‘kay.”

“Also, I’ll need you to lean back on your hands.”

She didn’t like the sound of any of that, but complied with both requests.

He took the belt from her, wrapped it around his neck, and immediately pressed a… something… right above her pubic bone. He slowly dragged the… machine seemed easiest to call it… the machine around in small circles until letting it rest below her heart. He eyeballed a view screen to the left of the bed, wordlessly picked up another machine, and somehow managed to fit it to her head. And to be honest, she could have sworn it was a solid metal ball when he first picked it up, but it now fit like a helmet. It stayed perched on her head for several long minutes until, with a brisk nod, the Doctor picked it up and dropped it to the table.

Rose was getting bored and therefore tired by the time the Doctor was close to finishing with all of his scans and tests and whatever the hell else he was doing. By that point, she was laid out on the table on her back just letting the Doctor work. Maybe she could take a nap while he bustled about. Double win in her book. Her eyes slipped closed as something vibrated against the side of her ribs.

What felt like moments later, the Doctor shook her awake and Rose sighed.

“Was sleepin’ and wakin’ people’s rude.”

“Rose, I’m done.”

“Yeah?” She forced her eyes open and sat up. “It’s about time. I got so bored that I fell asleep. So tell me. What’s the verdict, Doctor?”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, according to these tests.” He frowned, eyes back on his screen. He scrolled through the screen, using his index finger to sweep away a few things that must have annoyed him. “In fact, Rose, it’s saying you are perfectly healthy. Perfect. Not even one harmful cell buried anywhere inside your body.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?”

“It should be, yes, but I know for a fact that every human in the universe- indeed, almost every single creature in the entire universe- has all sorts of harmful cells lying dormant in their bodies for years and years. Some remain dormant their entire lives, which is good, but I’ve never heard of a human without any at all. I don’t know what to make of this.”

“Well, whatever it means, at least you know I’m healthy. Perfectly, apparently. I wouldn’t worry about that cell thing, Doctor. I mean, I must have been exposed to something that- I don’t know- cleaned me up or something. Surely that’s possible.”

“I’ve never seen it happen.”

“But _can_ it happen?” she pressed.

“I’m assuming so, Rose. It is the only explanation for what’s going on inside your body.”

“I’m glad you agree. Now.” She jumped off the table and pointed at his machines. “You need to clean up in here, yeah? Well, when you get done, meet me in my room. I’ve just thought of the perfect thing for you to do to get you out the teasing thing.”

The Doctor perked up. “Oh? And what is this mysterious thing I get to do?”

“Free labour.” She grinned, tongue in teeth. “My room needs new light bulbs, a good cleaning, and a vacuuming. Oh, and I wouldn’t turn down one of your back massages.”

And if she just so happened to shag him stupid when he was done with all of that, well, he didn’t need to know yet.

“Very well. If it spares me from continuous teasing, I’ll take it. Though, I’m just saying, Rose, you could have gotten a bit more imaginative than that. Just a touch more creative."

“Seems like a fair trade to me.”

Oh, but she had creative plans, alright. Rose studied his profile as he put up a weird, square slab of metal. God, he was so handsome. More than he thought, actually. She smirked. After he’d finished her room, because it really did need it and she just didn’t feel like doing it right now, she fully planned to ride his face. A lot.

She looked towards the wall, zoning out, and smiled. That was gonna be amazing. Exactly what she wanted at this very moment in time. She could wait, though. Her room first, then so much fun. So it was a win for both of them and despite what she’d said earlier, she wasn’t sure she couldn’t deal with it considering she’s pretty sure the Doctor’s tongue had a mind of its own. Or maybe he was just that damned good.

Either way, it was so much win in one short period of time…

And screw the cleaning.

He could do that later. As soon as he was done putting all of this stuff back where it came from, she was putting him to work. Besides, he’d been complaining since that night in the library, because she’d never actually let him return the favour and now seemed the perfect time to cash in.

“Miss Tyler, my nose tells me you have been thinking naughty thoughts and I feel I must point out how very rude it was of you not to warn me first.” The Doctor, casually leaning against the table with his arms crossed over his chest, looked especially tasty and terribly amused. “Did you forget I was here?”

“Briefly. I changed my mind. You can do that room stuff later. I have something a lot better for you to do right now. You’re even gonna like it.”

His brows rose. “Do tell.”

Rose leaned up to the Doctor’s ear and whispered, in detail, exactly what she wanted him to do for her. She didn’t have a chance to lower off the balls of her feet before the Doctor scooped her up and practically ran from the room. She could hear him babbling something about her not letting him do this nearly enough for his tastes and how unfair that is- for her _and_ him. Somewhere between her supposed hangups and how he’d love to do this at least once a day- even just once a week, Rose, and that’s not much at all- if she’d let him, her mind started wandering back to thoughts of what was coming.

The Doctor entered the first bedroom he could find, a sparsely-furnished bedroom that hadn’t been entered in a long while, and nearly threw her on the bed. He barely took the time to yank her denims and knickers completely off before he was crawling up the bed and rolling them, his mouth immediately setting to work the second he was on his back.

Rose grabbed the headboard and held on for dear life…

…four times.


	6. The Stupidest Fight in the History of the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute stuff, a trip to Thera, the Doctor making a decision and doesn't care what Rose thinks about it, another visit with Jackie for Rose's sake alone, some surprising news from an old friend, nursery talk.

Someone fiercely pounded at her bedroom door and Rose cracked open one eye. She glanced at the clock on her bedside table and groaned.

“What?” she yelled and the pounding stopped. Jack flung open the door, his mobile in hand, and held it towards her. “If you think I’m getting out of bed at 3:15 in the morning to take a call, Jack, you’re out of your mind. Go ‘way.”

“It’s your mom.”

“Why’s my mum calling you?”

“You’re not answering her calls.”

“I was sleeping,” she replied. Okay, maybe she yelled that. “Tell her I’ll call her back when I wake up.”

“It’s nine o’clock her time. She might be asleep then.”

Rose buried her head under her pillow. “Good.”

“Rose-”

“What’s this?” Rose heard the Doctor ask. “Jack, why are you standing in Rose’s bedroom doorway and- well, I suppose I should have asked this first- is she asleep?”

“No and her mom called me looking for her. Got my number from Mickey.”

“Ooh, tough break. She’ll be calling you all the time now. Give it here. Ahem. Yes, hello? Jackie, as it is a little after three in the morning according to Rose’s clock, she is currently sleeping and I have no intentions of waking her up. Ah, well, no, she isn’t. Yes, I’m telling the truth. Why would I lie about that? I’m positive. Yes, they would and I can feel the disappointment. Oh, spare me the hysterics. Yes, I’m sure she has everything she’ll need. Always prepared, she is. She’ll call you when she gets around to it.” The Doctor paused for a long while. “You know, I could keep her busy enough to keep her from ever again calling you. Yes, I thought that might calm you down. Huh. If I choose to answer that, would you like specific details? If so, I can tell you that last time, I had your daughter braced over my- Oh, and here I was thinking you did. Shame.” The Doctor chuckled. “Yes, it was a pleasure talking to you, too. Unlikely. Ooh, really unlikely. Don’t be stupid, Jackie. Thank you for the warning. Bye.”

Halfway through, Rose had pulled the pillow off her head and had been listening to the Doctor talk to her mum. Now she leaned on her elbows and cocked her head, peeking at Jack’s attempt to wipe away a grin.

“What’d she say?”

“She’s upset you’re not pregnant, she thinks I’m keeping you from calling her for my own amusement, she asked if we’d been intimate recently, she got snarky, asked if I could drop you at her place for mother-daughter bonding time, asked if I would do it if she extended the invitation to me, asked if our marriage was failing, and said she’d be calling again. Pretty normal, now I think about it, for your mother.”

“She thinks I’m not pregnant?” Rose asked, fully sitting up in bed. “Did she sound like she believed you or like she was just playing along until she can grill me?”

“That would be all you heard,” he joked. “I’m sure she believes me. After all, she started listing certain items you’ll need for your, er, monthly.”

Jack started whistling quietly, snagged his phone, and walked from the room. Rose smothered a laugh and refocused on the Doctor. He was making himself at home in an easy chair by the door.

“Two seconds talking to her and she’s got it, but it once took me weeks for her to trust I wasn’t lying to her. I don’t believe it.”

“Hey, I’m a very persuasive person, Rose. I really should have thought about that the last time she called. Would have saved us so much trouble.”

“Yeah, guess we should’ve. So… it’s after three in the morning. Just curious, but what were you and Jack doing? I’ve always wondered what you do when I’m sleeping.”

“I was in the library reading. That book your mother sent, while being filled with disgusting anecdotes from her, is very interesting. I was right. Human pregnancy is worth reading about. Have you ever?”

“No.”

“Ah. Well, I suppose it wouldn’t be quite as fascinating for a human female,” he allowed. “Back to our conversation, though, I do believe Jack mentioned making himself something to eat so I assume he was in the galley at some point this evening.”

“Oh. So you weren’t busy?”

“Beyond reading, no. Why are you so curious about my activities tonight?”

“Would you maybe, um, lay with me until I’ve fallen asleep?” The Doctor looked surprised by her request and Rose rushed to explain lest he think she was being weird, was getting too domestic. “It’s just it took me forever to fall asleep last night and I’m really tired and I’ve always slept better with someone with me. I mean, me and Shareen used to do it all the time ‘cause we’re best friends and-”

“Alright. I’ll do it. You don’t need to explain, Rose. It’s alright.” The Doctor moved to the side of the bed and began removing his shoes, jacket, and shirt. “Budge over, won’t you?”

Rose moved over a fraction and the Doctor climbed into bed beside her in only his trousers, socks, and undershirt. She rolled to her side and he immediately drew her into his arms, kissed the back of her neck, and settled his head on her pillow.

“Thank you.”

“Whatever for?”

“For not thinking I was being weird by asking. I know how you feel about this kind of stuff.”

“Rose, various parts of my body are very intimately acquainted with your body. I think it weird that you thought I’d think _this_ was weird.”

“Really?”

“Really. Now sleep. Grumpy human is not my favourite mood and I refuse to be held responsible for it.”

Rose smiled and leaned back into the Doctor’s embrace. He was so warm and smelled amazing. She knew she could get used to him being in her bed all the time and wondered how to ask how he felt about doing this maybe every night. Rose fell asleep soon after, feeling his lips brush her ear as she drifted off.

She slept wonderfully that night.

***

When Rose entered the control room in the late afternoon two days later, dressed and ready for an adventure of epic proportions, she was quickly disappointed.

“What do you mean by no adventures today? Why not?”

“The TARDIS isn’t moving at all. I tried to nip out to Earth last night, because you said we were out of milk. Remember?” She nodded. “She acted like I didn’t exist. Wasn’t even acknowledging the coordinates I was inputting. An hour ago, I tried again and she zapped my fingers. I thought maybe something’s happening on Earth that I’m not meant to be part of so I tried New Earth about ten minutes ago and she nearly set my groin on fire! I’m not trying a fourth time until I figure out what’s going on with the old girl.”

“Oh, no.”

Rose looked concerned and rubbed her hand along a bit of nearby coral. The TARDIS hummed, lights momentarily dimming, and the Doctor frowned while looking at the console.

“Hey, Rose. Do that again, will ya?” She obeyed and the Doctor hummed. “Interesting. It tells me nothing helpful, but you’ll be glad to know she’s very, very fond of you.”

“Isn’t she fond to a certain degree of everyone you bring on board?” Rose pointed out. He’d told her so once.

“There’s a difference between fond, very fond, and very, very fond. That I can remember, you’re the first very, very fond and you know my memory is faultless.”

“Oh. Wonder why she likes me so much.”

“I know why I’m very, very fond of you, but I don’t think it’s for the same reasons as her. Least, better not be. Can’t have my ship feeling that way about you, too.” Rose bit her lip to contain a small smile and the Doctor’s brows furrowed, eyes on his monitor. “And this is the oddest thing, but I can’t figure out what you’ve done to deserve it. Oh, did that sound rude? I didn’t mean it to sound rude, Rose.”

“I know what you meant. It’s okay.”

“Good. Well, this is all very strange. I’m sorry. Until I can figure out why she’s refusing to land, we’ll be staying right here.”

“Maybe it’s not that she won’t land, but that she won’t land on Earth.”

“Brilliant, Rose Tyler. I never thought to check. Let’s see if she’ll land elsewhere.”

Minutes later, the TARDIS jolted and stilled. Rose rushed to the door and peeked outside.

“We’re on some planet,” she told him and saw his distracted nod. “There are lots of trees. Yellow trees.”

“Oh, so we did reach Acrobid Beta. Think I should try Earth?”

“Well, we did land here. Try.” The TARDIS shuddered, humming what sounded to Rose like an angry pitch, and jolted to a stop. She again looked outside and then closed the door in a hurry. “There’s a moon outside the door. Like, an actual moon looking close enough to touch.”

“That’s not supposed to happen.”

The Doctor touched something on his monitor and Rose pulled out her mobile to call her mum.

“Oh, Rose, what’s wrong?”

“I was gonna ask you the same. Why do you ask?”

“It’s one-thirty in the morning.”

“Oh, sorry. It’s just we’re having some trouble landing for milk and I wanted to know if you’ve heard anything weird happening on Earth.”

“Nothing weird that I’ve heard, no. Everything’s been great for the past few weeks, actually. Is your ship broken, then?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure nothing’s too wrong.” The Doctor was watching her now and Rose held up a finger. He nodded. “Well, I’m gonna go. I’ll try to come home soon, okay? Love you, Mum.”

“Love you, too, sweetheart. Make sure that man keeps you safe.”

“He will. You know that. Bye.”

Rose ended the call, walked to the jump seat, and sat down with a sigh. The Doctor turned and leaned against the console.

“So?”

“Mum says nothing weird’s going on. In fact, she says it’s been peaceful lately.”

“That’s odd. There’s nothing wrong that I could find, either. I’ll just have to try all the Earths, original and News.”

“I’ll do door duty.”

“Thank you.”

After the fourth failure to land, Rose opened the door to see the planet they’d landed on before.

“It’s that Acrobid planet.”

Frowning deeply and double checking the monitor apparently did not clear up his confusion. The Doctor hurried over and glanced outside.

“Oh, this isn’t Acrobid Beta. It’s Thera. Hmm. No milk, I’m afraid, but they do have this honey-milk type of beverage that I’ve found is excellent in tea.”

“I’m sure you can do without milk for now. Wanna go?”

“Why not? Think we should fetch Jack?”

“For a sort of milk run? Nah. We’ll go. I do love learning about new places.”

“And that is one reason I am very, very fond of you.” The Doctor laced their fingers together and led her outside. “First, yellow trees. Not very interesting at first glance unless yellow happens to be your favourite colour, which I know it is not. However, if you happen to look at these particular trees from the corner of your eye…” Rose did and gasped. “Colour shifters.”

“That’s amazing.”

“Agreed. Shall we take the path less travelled?”

She nodded. As they walked through the forest, Rose saw the trees around her turning different colours. Some turned green, some turned blue, one or two turned orange, and one even turned purple.

“Are all the trees like this?”

“Oh, no. This is the Forest of Haceema. A “magical” forest, as the locals call it. Haceema was an ancient ruler on planet Thera and was said to have witch-like capabilities. It’s rumoured she bewitched the trees to reward her first child, Pagaton, for bringing great honour to his family in the battle between the Therans, obviously the people of this small planet, and the Dagafars, the people of Dagan on Titonia.”

“Why the Dagafars, then, if it’s Dagan?”

“They’re strange. Anyways, it’s all poppycock, of course. It’s the chemicals inside an atmospheric pocket changing your perception of things. Only affects this forest.”

“So did the battle actually happen?”

“It began to, yes. Communication issues led to the preparing of arms, but it wasn’t as big a deal as some would have it be known. There was never any actual fighting. Just a lot of mean comments.”

Rose stared at him a moment. “You started it, didn’t you?”

“Now why would you assume-” Her brow arched. “Okay, yes, but in my defense, Emperor Flagva was mumbling and I thought he said something other than, er, pucker. Turns out he was talking about the fruits in his hand and not Haceema’s husband at all. It’s an easy mistake to make and I righted it as soon as I figured out I was wrong. Also, no one died so yay!"

“My God, Doctor.” Rose giggled and shook her head. “You thought he’d called that woman’s husband a… well, you know and almost started a war. Sounds about right.”

“Yes, I did. He was mumbling and I thought he had pointed at Baram, Rose. He hadn’t. He was just waving his hand at the fruits. They were sour, apparently, and Baram had been standing directly beside Flagva.”

“And you didn’t get banished from Thera for that?”

“Of course not. Turns out Baram was shagging Haceema’s sister, which she’d suspected but could never prove until I caught them going at it on the bank of River Dunoon later that night. She was thankful I brought the matter to her attention and told me I was forever welcome on Thera.”

“Whatever happened to Baram?”

“Huh. Now that I think of it, I’m sure he was- er, well, you don’t need to hear about that. I’ll just say Haceema had a certain skill that she found handy in permanently dealing away with foes and traitors. Ensured she had a long reign.”

“What was it?”

“Not sure I should tell you, but if you’re truly interested… she could sever a head from its body with one sweep of her sword. I thought it extraordinary. Not my cup of tea and I don’t condone it, but extraordinary all the same.”

“Wow. Yeah.”

“Enough about that, though. Let me tell you all about the-”

“State your names and your business on Thera before I am forced to assume you enemies.”

Rose watched the Doctor incredulously stare at the breathtakingly beautiful woman in front of them. Did he know her or was he simply taken by her beauty?

“But- Haceema?”

What??

“Yes. Who are you?”

“I’m the Doctor! I’ve changed… er, again.”

“I do not know a Doctor.”

“How is that possible? I first met you when you were a young girl visiting Deltori.”

“I apologize. I could not resist teasing you. I’m glad you remembered.” The woman smiled, sheathed her sword, and idly glanced at Rose. “Hello, kind Doctor. Welcome back to Thera.”

“How long has it been? A Theran’s life span is only five hundred years on average. Surely it’s been well past that.”

“Surely you are mistaken. It has only been two hundred years since your last visit.” The Doctor glanced back the way they came and then down at her. “Won’t you and your companion walk with me? We are camped out in Field Twelve tonight. The lytons will be on the move come morning.”

“Ooh, moving east for the spring, are they? Rose, that might be something you would be interested in seeing.” Rose gave him a pointed look and the Doctor looked confused. “What? Why are you looking at me like- Oh, of course. Rose, this is Haceema, ruler of Thera. Haceema, this is my… well, my wife, Rose.”

The Doctor directed a grin at Haceema and Rose’s mouth fell open. Had he really just introduced her as his wife or had she imagined that? She looked at Haceema, who was smiling widely. She looked pleased for some reason.

“So you have finally wed yourself off." Ah. Yep. She hadn't imagined it, then. "I am glad to hear of it. I hope she keeps you out of trouble, Doctor.”

“Wouldn’t risk setting this one off. Her family is very volatile when angered. You should meet her mother, Jackie. The only woman to ever smack me and it was for something I hadn’t even done. Not really and it hurt. You’d get along well with her, I think.”

“I’ve no doubt. Welcome, Rose.”

“Er, uh, thank you.”

“Come.”

Haceema turned and started walking away from them. Looking happy, the Doctor tightened his hold on her hand and followed. It took Rose a second, but she finally made her legs work. When she saw a fire through the trees ahead, the Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close against his side.

“This is the trouble with traveling in the TARDIS. You just woke up not too long ago, but the sun will be going down in a bit, Rose.” He sighed. “It will quickly cool down and I’m not sure how you’ll handle that so if you get too cold, promise you’ll tell me that way I can return to the TARDIS for your coat. I remember what happened on Klaxon 12.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

They cleared the forest line and Haceema led them towards the fire.

“So tell me, Doctor. Why are you and your wife visiting Thera? Twice you have come and both incidents brought trouble to many.”

“I’m still sorry about last time,” he said as he sat down. Rose plopped down in the dirt beside him, still holding his hand. He hadn’t let go. “Thing is, the man mumbles. Badly. Well, mumbled. Titonians don’t live quite as long as Therans.”

Haceema smiled. “This is true. You never answered me. Are you avoiding the question?”

“Goodness, no. Rose and I stopped for some quarnie. Tastes delicious in tea and, you see, Rose doesn’t like her tea without milk, which we’re out of at the moment.”

“You’re the one that can’t have tea without milk. That’s all you like in it, just as it’s been since I first met you. ‘member? That second day, all you wanted was milk.”

“Never tell me your memory’s terrible ever again,” he said, smiling. “That was how long ago? And you still remember.”

She shrugged.

“Doctor, will you and your wife be staying with us?”

“Oh, I think not. We have a friend on board and he doesn’t know we left.”

“I will welcome him if you wish to join us this evening,” Haceema offered. “I wish to introduce you to my children.”

“I’ve already met your children, Haceema, but I would love to see them again.”

“I have produced more children in your absence. They grew listening to tales of the Doctor and would surely love to meet you.”

The Doctor straightened. “More children? But you’ve remarried! Oh, brilliant. So where are they? And where is this new husband of yours?”

“Hawlon, my husband, is collecting firewood with Pagaton and Persette and the younger children usually follow wherever Hawlon goes. They will all return shortly, I’m sure.”

“Persette is one of her daughters,” the Doctor explained. “She was a young girl the last time I saw her. She’s probably grown by now.”

“She recently wed herself to Klictow.”

“Klictow, Klictow… Ah, the young guardsman she fancied. I remember her following him ‘round day and night.”

Haceema smiled indulgently. “He has grown into himself.”

“Big ears,” the Doctor mouthed.

“Like you’re one to talk.”

“Rid myself of those a while ago, ta.”

Rose giggled.

“Ah, they come.”

Haceema stood, approached her husband, and briefly touched his cheek.

“Their way of showing public affection,” the Doctor said in a murmur. “Much like a kiss or hug on Earth, depending upon who you are with.”

“Oh. How sweet.”

The Doctor smiled and touched her cheek. “Agreed. Let’s go meet and greet, eh?”

He stood and pulled her off the ground. Before they could take a step, Haceema returned with a small group of people.

“Doctor, my husband, Hawlon.”

“Hello,” he replied with a little wave. Hawlon inclined his head. “And there’s Pagaton. You’ve grown a beard, I see.”

“Doctor,” Pagaton said, smiling widely. “I was not expecting you to have changed faces. Mother was correct, though. Your eyes reveal your identity.”

Rose agreed. That’s how she’d known the Doctor hadn’t really changed when he regenerated. There was just something about them that would always be the Doctor, no matter the eye colour or shape.

“Well, you know me. Never know what I’m gonna do. Ah, I see what must be Persette. My, but you’ve grown into a beautiful woman. There’s not a speck of dirt on your nose at all! I’m terribly disappointed, you must know.”

A pretty young woman smiled shyly. “I would offer to dab my nose to entertain you, but I mustn’t.”

“Oh, that’s quite alright. Now who is the rest of this lot?”

“These are the rest of my children, naturally excluding Clayma, Marizst, and Urdan, who are not present.”

Rose started counting heads and gaped. This woman had thirteen kids??? She peeked at the woman’s bare belly, which looked flat and toned and not at all like she’d had this many kids, and grimaced. How the hell did she do it?

“I hope all is alright with them.”

“Yes. They are helping Klictow build a home for him and Persette.”

“Ah. Right. So introductions?”

“Yes. These are my children, Anxley, Rovler, Malva, Miwtor, Navan, Vitanga, Gioba, and Airos. There is, of course, another on the way.”

“Oh, congratulations!” the Doctor exclaimed. Rose was pretty sure this woman was a freak of nature, but smiled when he elbowed her. “That is exciting news.”

Fourteen kids. Four. Teen.

“Thank you, Doctor. Go on, children.” Haceema watched them go and then turned back to the Doctor. “Do you and your wife have many children?”

Rose kept her eyes on the kids, laughing and playing with each other, and she wished she could join them.

“Er, no. None yet, much to her mother’s disappointment.”

“I am quite sorry.” Haceema gave her a sad look. “If you are in need of help, we have a tonic that might help cure your infertility, Rose.”

It was the first time the woman had directly spoken to her and it had to be about her hypothetical infertility. Swell.

“Not necessary.” She noticed the Doctor was curiously silent now and felt the intense urge to elbow the hell out of him. “I’m not infertile. Just not pregnant. Er, yet.”

“How long have you been wed?”

“About two and a half months.”

She really wished the Doctor would say something. This was getting awkward.

“And you have not conceived yet? I was with child within a week of my joining with both Baram and Hawlon. Are you certain you don’t wish to take a tonic?”

“Yes, it’s fine.” And seriously, still nothing from the Doctor? What the hell? “It sometimes takes humans longer, anyway. Took my friend, Becky, almost three years to get pregnant.”

Of course, _that_ had been a total accident. She hadn’t been trying at all and was always good about her birth control, but miss a week due to sickness and then hop in bed with your roommate’s brother before getting back on your pills…

“Is it normal for humans to have so much trouble conceiving?” Haceema asked, interested. “How many children is normal per family?”

“That’s just how humans are. It’s not trouble. People who have trouble getting pregnant either don’t have kids or have to visit special doctors and do all this stuff just to have one baby and then sometimes end up with a bunch. I’m sure I’m not gonna be like that. And I don’t know what’s considered normal, but I’d guess two or three kids maybe.”

What the hell was going on with the Doctor? Now, not only was he not coming to her rescue, but he was just staring at her.

“That is tragic. Do you know of anyone with as many children as Therans?”

“I’m assuming that’s a normal number?” she asked, gesturing to her children. Haceema nodded. “Um, I’ve never met anyone with that many kids. Like, ever.”

“I see. How many children do you wish to have with your husband?”

Rose glanced up at the Doctor’s face. He was still just staring at her, seeming interested in what she was gonna say. She frowned at him, but his expression didn’t change. He clearly didn’t want her saying they weren’t ever having kids ‘cause he and she weren’t together like that, otherwise he would have said so earlier. So what was she supposed to say?

“Um, well, I don’t know.”

“You do not know how many children you wish to have with him?”

“Er, well, I know how many kids I want, but…” The Doctor’s eyes were still on her, were burning into her, but Haceema’s piercing look was unnerving her enough to make her say something. “Four,” she blurted out. “I, uh, I want four kids. Can we stop talking about this?”

“I was unaware I was making you uncomfortable,” Haceema said apologetically. Rose didn’t dare look up at the Doctor so she instead kept her eyes fixed firmly on the other woman. “Join me by the fire. The sun will be setting very soon and you will appreciate its warmth. Perhaps your husband will retrieve your friend while we sit.”

“Right. I’ll be back. Stay warm, Rose.”

Rose didn’t say anything and felt the Doctor let go of her hand, but she couldn’t look at him. The moment he’d let go, she felt so cold and hurried towards the fire. She could hear and then finally see him disappearing into the woods. He was probably gonna either freak out on her later or tease her so much about her hasty answer about the number of kids she wanted. Really, he could go either way.

After sitting by herself for several long minutes, Haceema stepped out of a wood and skin hut. She sat down beside Rose, handed her a woven blanket, and smiled kindly.

“There is one thing, Rose. I want you to have this.” She handed her a pretty big drawstring-type pouch. “I can never guarantee you will return and I want you to have this in case you ever need it. It is the ingredients for the tonic I mentioned earlier. Use it as you would leaves for tea. Steep these things, I think the Doctor would say, and it will help you conceive.”

“Haceema, listen, I’m…” The woman was so kind and was just trying to be a nice person and help a 'young' couple have kids. Rose couldn’t say anything about her being wrong about the nature of their relationship so she changed her response. “Thank you. If this ever becomes necessary, I’ll be glad I have it.”

Haceema smiled in relief. “You are welcome. I wish to confess something. When the Doctor first said you were his wife, I did not quite believe him. I thought he was teasing me, as well, but I see now he was not.”

“How?” she asked a bit rudely before checking her tone. “Sorry. I mean, why do you think that?”

“He did not stop me talking about your future family and left his overclothing with Jara just in case you became cold.” Rose gave her a look and Haceema smiled. “Jara informed me when I was in my tent. He is standing just beyond the tree line. He will be on watch tonight, but will wait until either the Doctor returns for his overclothing or you have need of it.”

“Did he really do that?”

“Yes.”

“Huh. Wonder why he didn’t just leave it with me.”

“I believe his actions were a result of you refusing to meet his eyes. He did try to catch them, I believe. Perhaps he thought you lost to thoughts of your own and he did not wish to disturb you.”

“Alright. So where’s this Jara?” Haceema looked towards the trees and Rose thought she might have seen the shadow of a body in the waning light. “Thanks. I’ll be right back.”

“Hurry back. The sun will be setting any moment now.”

When Rose reached the trees, she saw a handsome young man holding the Doctor’s jacket.

“You must be Jara. May I have that now?” Jara wordlessly handed the jacket over and Rose smiled at him. “Thanks. Sorry the Doctor made you late for the watch.”

“It was no trouble. You are friends of Haceema. It was an honour to hold your husband’s clothing for you.”

“Of course. My husband.”

Was he going to tell the entire universe they were technically married? And why was he even saying anything to begin with? Their marriage wasn’t a real marriage - he’d totally agreed it wasn’t and hadn’t argued about it ever. He either needed to stop making people think it was a real marriage or start telling her it was. That was it.

Granted, she’d never tell him he needed to choose one of those things, but still. Felt nice to vent to herself for a second. Rose slipped the Doctor’s jacket on and enjoyed the warmth and scent of the Doctor all around her. Now this was nice.

Okay so maybe she’ll forgive him for not stopping all that baby talk earlier. Maybe he just hadn’t known what to say… and maybe Haceema had told Jara they were married. Might not have been the Doctor that did it at all. And there was probably a good reason the Doctor told Haceema she was his wife. Who knew? Maybe women weren’t allowed to go anywhere alone or weren’t safe here on Thera unless they were married.

Rose sat back down by the fire and stared at the flames.

Really, if that was the reason the Doctor said that, she owed him big. She hadn’t gone down on him in exactly one week and she really did love his taste and watching him lose his composure. Maybe they could sneak off into the trees if they were staying here tonight. Someone suddenly tripped behind her and she heard Jack laugh.

“You’re lucky I caught you. You damn near fell on your face, Boss. Talk about graceful.”

“I did not. Haceema, this is our friend, Jack.”

“Well, hello.”

“She’s on her second husband,” Rose said before turning around. She met the Doctor’s gaze and smiled, not looking away from him as she said, “she beheaded the first one.”

“Ah.”

Jack sat beside Rose and the Doctor sat between her and Haceema.

“I’ve brought a jacket should you need it.” He licked his lip as Rose put it on over his jacket. “And I would love to know what you were just thinking, Rose. Would you be willing to tell me later once we’re alone?”

“I plan to.”

“Oh, goodie. I literally don’t think I can wait.”

Neither did she. Haceema came to their rescue, then, and Rose could have hugged the woman.

“If you wish for privacy, why don’t you go for a walk while we prepare the evening meal?” she said kindly. Judging by her expression, she had no idea what they would really be doing. “I promise to keep Jack entertained while you are gone.”

“Oh, thank you. Doctor, would you like to join me for a walk through the forest?”

“Yes, I would. Very much, actually.”

Rose let the Doctor pull her to her feet and then led him through the camp, tucking the bag of baby herbs in the pocket of her jacket so she wouldn’t lose it. Not that she needed it, but she didn’t want Haceema to see it and think she’d rudely rejected her gift.

When they were far enough from the campground that all sound was lost, Rose pushed the Doctor against a tree and fell to her knees. He was already hard and she smiled predatorily.

He swallowed thickly and she set to work.

***

“Oh, glad you’re awake.” Rose opened her eyes and blinked a few times. “The rest of the camp’s been awake for an hour now, sleepyhead.”

“How long have you been sitting there?”

“Over an hour. Jack never did come in last night, you know. I wonder who he bunked with.”

“Probably shouldn’t ask, because then he’d tell ya.”

“How right you are.” The Doctor briefly cupped her cheek and then put his hand in his lap. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. What’d you do last night?”

“Watched the sky. Theran constellations are rather fascinating. Then when I got bored with that, I read by the fire. I reread the book your mother gave us.”

“Don’t know why you’re still reading that,” she murmured, pulling her denims back on. “It can’t be that interesting.”

“Well, if I had given you a book about Gallifreyan pregnancy, would you think it worth a read?”

“Maybe. Did Gallifreyan pregnancy actually exist?”

“A long, long, long, long time ago.”

“Is there a book about it somewhere in the library?”

“There might be. Truth be told, I’ve never thought to check. I’m sure the old girl will help if you ever wish to look.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Hopefully I’d be able to read it.” Rose pulled her shoes on and pushed herself off their little pallet bed. “How many books do you have in the library about your people?”

“Again, I’ve never thought to look. I know enough that reading a book never seemed necessary.”

“Well, maybe I’ll look sometime. Seems worth a read.”

He grinned at her. “Don’t know why you’d want to. I’m sure it won’t be that interesting.”

“Oh, ha ha. Get up ‘fore I go find myself a husband that won’t mock me all the time.”

“That reminds me,” the Doctor said while standing. “You, Rose Tyler, owe me a wedding.”

“What?”

Rose turned from the door and stared at the Doctor, who was standing there looking calm about reminding her she’d promised to marry him again.

“Do you remember your promise the day Jack caused a marketplace brawl on Faunton? I asked you to marry me and you said if I could find chocolate syrup, you’d marry me on a different planet. Don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of if another Garthune happened, I wouldn’t smack ya for it. ‘sides, I’m not marrying someone ‘cause of a bet or a joke or anything like that."

“I didn’t expect you to. It would be terrible to wed for those reasons.” The Doctor ushered her towards the door, but Rose put her foot down and gave him a pointed look. “Oh, fine. We’ll deal with being forced to wed if that ever happens again, though it is very unlikely it will happen a second time. Therefore, you owe me a wedding. I’d also like to point out you didn’t smack me the first time we were married. Why bother the second time? Did that answer everything?”

Rose continued staring at him. Was he seriously trying to get her to marry him a second time? If that happened, they wouldn’t be able to say they were only technically married. If that happened, if they willingly married without being forced to, they’d actually be married, actual husband and wife, an actual couple that did actual married things like have sex all the time and share a home and pets and kids.

What was he thinking? This was the man afraid of commitment, the man who’d once been afraid to share tea with her mum, the man who’d just been persuading her to get married to him for a second time. A man who just said it’d be terrible to get married for a bet or a joke.

What the hell?

“Doctor, you’re talking crazy. Are you hungry?”

“Why would my being hungry or not have anything to do with talking crazy? And I wasn’t talking crazy. I was reminding you of a deal you made me. Not a bet, but a deal. In the interest of keeping the peace, I really think you should either make good on your promise or let me figure out something else for you to do. I suppose you could simply rescind your promise, but that’s just unacceptable behaviour for someone who claims to be my friend.”

She smiled sweetly. “Perhaps last night could be my repayment for the chocolate syrup.”

“No, I don’t think so. You were enjoying it too much, Rose, and don’t try lying to me. I could tell you were. It’s partly why I couldn’t control myself for very long. You smell enticing all the time, but when you’re aroused, I’ve no hope of thinking straight for very long.”

“Well, thank you. You’ve got a point, though. Hmm. So… wedding or what?”

“I haven’t a clue yet. It will have to be something you don’t enjoy, though.”

“You know, if Haceema were to hear this, she’d probably say something about a second wedding or a baby,” Rose joked and then froze. Damn. She’d been doing so good not mentioning it, too. “Sorry. It just slipped out. Seems all we do these days somehow comes back to babies in one way or another. Have you noticed that?”

“I am now.” The Doctor looked thoughtful a moment and opened the door for her. “How odd. Children were mentioned only rarely before, but since getting myself a wife, all I hear about are children. Sounds about right, too. Sorry, Rose. You’ll just have to suffer through the baby talk. If I have to, so do you.”

“How’s that fair?”

“You’re my wife, that’s how. Just be thankful we haven’t been married a second time. Can you imagine how much worse everything could become? Instead of merely hearing about children everywhere we go, you could actually become pregnant. Gasp!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she laughed. “You have bad luck sometimes, Doctor, but the universe isn’t that cruel, I think.”

He looked curious. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, you know. You’d freak out if that happened. You’d lose it.”

“Ah. Yes, of course. Oh, good morning, Jack. Where have you been?” The Doctor smacked his forehead. “Damn. Told myself I wasn’t going to ask.”

“I was sleeping by the river,” Jack said, surprising her and the Doctor. “I fell asleep listening to an old woman telling the kids a story.”

“Was it good?”

“I thought so.” Jack paused and frowned at them both. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Basically, Rose seems to think I’m talking crazy due to hunger and that I have yet to piss off the universe in a big way.”

The Doctor smiled and Rose, brows furrowed, looked up at him. Now what was that all about? Jack glanced between them, looking confused.

“Right. Do I want to know?”

“Don’t you always?”

“Okay,” Jack said slowly. “You’re acting weird.”

“I am not,” the Doctor insisted. “That is a fact. Everything I have been saying this morning is fact. If something happens between Rose and I, no matter if it’s innocent or not, you always want to know. Which, by the way, is just odd.”

“I don’t think so. You guys are my friends. I’m living on your ship and kinda need to know if you’re fighting or off having sex or something. Much as I’d love to see Rose naked, you’re not my type these days, Doc, and I refuse to be drawn into your fights. I will not be the kid that mommy and daddy try using against each other.”

“Why in the world did you just refer to us as your mother and father?”

“See, he’s not even your kid and you’re already freaking out about it,” Rose said quietly.

“What’d you say?”

“Nothing, Jack.”

“I am not even close to freaking out, Rose. I’m merely wondering why he chose to call us “mommy” and “daddy” out of everything he could have called us. Seems a bit odd since he’s just our friend.”

“I’m right here,” Jack reminded. “You could’ve just asked me instead of going on and on.”

“I still think you’re freaking out a little bit. Jack, does he seem like he’s freaking out at all?”

“I don’t know. Want me to call him Daddy and see? Or hey, maybe I can- Wait a second. Are you two fighting right now? Ah, dammit. I’m leaving.”

Jack started stomping away, but stopped when the Doctor immediately spoke up.

“We are not fighting,” he said calmly. “Rose merely thinks she is making a point, though she should know better. I’ve had children before, remember? I can assure you, Rose, I didn’t freak out about fathering _them_.”

“Oh, my God! _Is_ Rose pregnant?” Jack nearly yelled. “You said she wasn’t!”

“No, I’m not and keep your voice down. The Doctor and I were having a conversation this morning-”

“About kids?”

“It seems to be the only thing we hear about these days.” The Doctor, still appearing calm, looked around. “Point is, she mistakenly believes I would lose it if she were to become pregnant and I’m still curious to know why you likened us to parents. Also, Haceema is waving us over to eat, I believe.”

“I might have been feeling a little sour about you two always disappearing on me, _like last night_.” Jack shot a pointed look at each of them. “And now I’m curious. You’re saying you wouldn’t be scared stiff and more than a little panicked if you found out Rose was pregnant?”

“No. As I’ve pointed out, I have been a father before and I’ve never once been terrified of the possibility.”

“Yeah, but that was then and this is now. It’d obviously be your kid, you know. As much as you two hook up, she doesn’t have time to be getting any on the side of your so-called technical marriage. And that’s another thing I don’t get. If you guys only married to save your skins and are apparently just friends, why do you keep messing around with each other? Sex does lead to pregnancy and it’s probably gonna happen someday if you two keep sleeping together.”

“Rose is on birth control and while I’m not one-hundred percent positive this is true considering the difference of… species, I’m sure it will continue doing its job if she continues taking her pill. After all, its job is to prevent pregnancy and it’s been doing a good job so far.”

“Literally the only thing I just heard you say is that you weren’t sure the pill would work with your little soldiers.”

“Ew, Jack.”

“I’m just saying, Rose. If he’s not sure the pill works against him, who’s to say you’re not pregnant right now? Have you had your, er, “monthly” lately?”

“Harkness!” the Doctor snapped.

“I started a different kind of pill when we left Garthune. I guess it keeps them from coming.”

“You haven’t had a period in over two months?”

“I just said I guess the pill keeps them from coming.”

“You didn’t ask?”

“Why would I? A lot of pills do that. Besides, Shareen’s on it, too, and hasn’t had one in months. Last time I talked to her, she’s not had one in three months, I think.”

“See?” the Doctor asked. “Not pregnant. Quit causing trouble, Jack.”

“Trouble. Right. Just gonna put this out there. You’ve had sex or screwed around a lot since we returned from Christmas at Jackie’s and you obviously care about each other.”

The Doctor briefly glanced at Rose and seeing it, she felt a nervous flutter in her stomach.

“What’s your point, Jack?”

“My point, Doc, is why not just… be married? Why don’t you just give up and admit things are different? I mean, really, what’s left? You already live together, you care deeply about each other, you sleep together, you’re both already making sure another human being- me- continues to live, you’re there for each other when you need it…”

“I knew he thought of us as parents. What must your childhood have been like, Jack, to turn to us?”

“Oh, look,” Rose said, pointing. “Haceema’s _still_ waving us over to eat. Let’s go.”

“I mean, it’s exhausting watching this thing between you sometimes,” Jack continued, like he hadn’t heard them. “One day, you’re just friends and the next, I’m not allowed to go into the galley until the Doctor’s off his knees and Rose’s skirt is on the right way.”

“Shut up, Jack.”

“Fine. Do what you want, but don’t bring me into it if things go badly. Don’t cry to me if the Doctor runs off to talk up or screw another broad, don’t bitch and moan to me if Rose finds herself another boy toy to play around with, don’t freak out to me if you get pregnant, don’t ask me for advice if the pressure of being a new father scares the hell out of you. Just don’t. I’m done with this thing between you. I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.”

Jack walked off, quickly joining Haceema, and Rose and the Doctor shared a look.

“What the hell is wrong with him?”

“I have no idea. Figure he’s been hit on the head? I mean, he’s talking crazier than you were earlier.”

“I wasn’t talking crazy.”

“You were.”

“I’m not arguing with you, Rose.”

“I’m not trying to get you to argue with me. I’m just saying.”

“Will you stop?”

“What?”

“I’ve been trying to-” The Doctor yanked his hair. “Know what? Fine. You’re just saying. It’s okay. Let’s just eat with the gang and then we can get out of here and maybe go visit your mum or something. Would you like that?”

“Actually, I’d love that. I really miss my mum. Like-” Rose swallowed thickly, abruptly homesick. “A lot. I just wanna see her for a little bit.”

The Doctor frowned. “Would you like to stay a few days?”

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. As she blurted out, “Stay with me?” in a rush, the Doctor tentatively said, “I’m sure I…”

They stared at each other for a long moment and then the Doctor’s brows quirked.

“You want me to stay with you?”

“I mean, if you’d rather not…”

“No, I can stay,” he hurriedly replied. “I was just… thrown at first. I wasn’t expecting you to ask me to stay with you… at your mum’s… again.”

“Is it weird? Am I making this weird?”

“Not weird. No, never weird. Besides, we’re married, you and me. Er, I meant your mother thinks we’re married.”

“We are,” Rose said quickly. “Married, that is.”

“Right, yes. We are. It’d be weirder for me not to stay, right?”

“Definitely.”

“Your mum’ll probably make us share a bed again,” he said thoughtfully, looking down on her face. “Did you think of that?”

“I can deal with it… um, if you can.”

“Oh, I’ve no doubt I can, yeah. D’ya think Jack had a point earlier?”

Her stomach flipped. “You mean about the marriage stuff?”

“Yeah. We are, uh, technically married and all that.”

“Will you stop saying that?” she asked, a brief flash of annoyance surging through her.

“You’re the one always saying we’re only technically married. In fact, you were the one who said we were only technically married _first_! I’ve just been repeating you.”

“Well, stop it.”

“Fine,” he spat. “Whether you like it or not, we’re actually married, Rose Tyler. Not technically. So get over it.”

“You get over it.”

“I told you to first.”

“Like I care.”

“Ooh, you-” The Doctor took a step back from her. “Why do you keep fighting with me today?”

“You’re the one causing all the trouble! Quit provoking me.”

He deeply inhaled and slowly exhaled three times before he could speak without his teeth clenched.

“The fact is we’re legally married, we live together, and are being intimate, just like Jack pointed out. Until we stop doing that, you’re going to be my wife and I’m going to tell everybody you are no matter what you say and I don’t care what you think about any of that. So get over _that_ , why don’t you? And you _still_ owe me another wedding.” He waited a moment and said, nearly spitefully, “ _Wife_.”

Rose couldn’t help it. She began to laugh. After a moment, the Doctor’s lips curled and then he was laughing right along with her. Rose put a hand over her eyes and shook her head, still giggling.

“This has to be the stupidest fight in the history of the universe. What were we even fighting about?”

“Being married,” he said, chuckling. “I think we were seriously fighting about being married and I’m pretty sure we might even have been on the same side.”

She laughed harder. “God, what is wrong with us?”

“Clearly, sex addles the brain. It’s making us stupid.”

“Hey, though, I can’t think of a better way to do it.”

The Doctor grinned widely, snatched up her hand, and pressed a kiss to her palm.

“I quite agree. Now since we’re done with this, let’s go put some food into our bellies and then head off for your mum’s. Oh, Lord. I’m not looking forward to this.”

“Oh, stop.”

He seemed amused by her exasperation. As they made their way to the fire to eat, the full impact of his words hit her and Rose’s eyes widened. He hadn’t given her a choice. He’d simply decided they were really married and had informed her of his decision without so much as a by-your-leave.

She studied him as subtly as she could and was shocked he was acting so relaxed. Had she just told the Doctor they were really married no matter what he felt about it, especially not knowing how he felt about their marriage to begin with, she’d be a nervous wreck and everyone would be able to see that.

The man really was impressive.

***

“Jack, Rose and I have worked through our differences and shan’t be fighting any longer. Well, much. Hopefully. I thought you might like to know.”

“Oh, you did, did you?” Jack glanced between them. “How? By burying it under a rug until it trips one of you up and starts a whole new row?”

“Nope. I informed Rose we’re really married, not technically married, and she’ll just have to get over it.” The Doctor pumped something on the console and shot a look Jack’s way. “And I shall be telling whomever I want whenever I want and wherever I want that she’s my wife and I don’t care if she doesn’t like it or not.”

Through the Doctor’s ramble, Jack’s smile slowly grew into a large grin. A chuckle escaped him.

“So did you think to ask Rose how she felt about that?”

“Why would I? As I mentioned, I don’t care what she thinks about it.”

Rose leaned back in the jump seat and watched the Doctor get them into the vortex. He’d mentioned parking them until she was ready to go visit her mum and she thought that was a brilliant idea. He happened to glance up while she was studying his lips and winked at her. Rose swallowed thickly- he was so handsome- and felt her wedding ring set rubbing against her fingers as she clenched her hands into fists.

“So,” Jack said, drawing the word out and looking between them. “You’re really married. You know, married couples sometimes get lax about birth control, might miss a few pills or forget the condom a time or two. Rose could get pregnant.”

“Surely I don’t need to explain what might happen when two fertile adults join together. Well, fertile and sexually compatible. Pregnancy has always been a possibility, Jack. Marriage does not alter that possibility one bit.” The Doctor gave Rose a look. “If he hasn’t had The Talk yet, you’re up to bat, Rose. I refuse.”

“Like I’d be any better. He’s older than I am, anyways, so it’d make sense for you to do it since _you’re_ older than _him_.”

“Refer to the man as your daddy just once and it goes to his head,” Jack lamented. “I was making a point, Boss.”

“Yes, I am well aware. I was, as well.”

“You’re really not worried it might happen?”

“I never was.” The Doctor finally stepped away from the console. “Rose, I’m heading off to pack and I suggest you do the same. Rassilon knows it’ll take you an eternity to finish so I’ll be in the library when you’re done.”

“Read that loud and clear,” Jack joked. “Avoid the library at all costs or risk seeing the Doctor’s naked ass. Thanks, Boss.”

“Go away, Jack.”

Rose giggled and slipped from the room ahead of Jack and the Doctor. As she entered her bedroom, she thought back on the day.

It’d been less than two hours since the Doctor had decided she was now his wife in more than name alone and he still hadn’t claimed it was all a big joke or anything. In fact, almost immediately following their little fight earlier, the Doctor had pointedly refused to use either her name or “she” when speaking of her. Instead, he’d said “my wife” every single time, which had honestly been hilarious when he’d ended up saying “my wife” twenty different times in one short story he told to Haceema. Rose had nearly wet herself laughing.

It took an hour, twenty remembered moments, several dozen giggles, two bags, one suitcase, one trip to the bathroom, one immensely naughty flashback of a borrowed bedroom, embarrassingly wet panties, and one very intentional change of clothing for Rose to finish. It was the first day of her marriage being real and she fully intended to enjoy it. She found the Doctor reading her mum’s gifted pregnancy book, comfortably leaning back in the chair behind his favourite desk.

He looked absolutely delicious and arousal pulsed through her again. The Doctor, previously unaware of her presence, inhaled normally and suddenly looked up. The book fell onto his leg, was blindly put onto the desk, and a small smile curled his lips as he backed his chair up.

“May I ask what you find so terribly arousing and why the devil am I not a part of this?”

“You are.”

“Ah, an answer to both questions with two little words. Very nice. You know, I’ve only ever smelled you this aroused closer to your climax.” The Doctor pointed an accusatory finger at her. “If you’ve started without me, I will be very disappointed.”

“No. Just you sitting there like you are in that suit and reading with your glasses on and everything is pretty hot.” She slid onto the desk in front of him and he promptly leaned forward to run his hands up her thighs. “I think I finally see why guys have sexy librarian fantasies.”

The Doctor snorted. “Sexy librarian. That’ll be a first.”

“I’m being serious.”

“I’m flattered, Rose. I’m also incredibly grateful you’ve changed into a skirt, because you look- What’s this? Are you purposely not wearing any knickers? My God, it’s my fantasy come alive.”

He started pushing her skirt up and Rose, after pulling in a shaky breath, decided to derail any foreplay thoughts he might have had.

“Doctor, as much as I’m in love with your tongue- seriously, I would marry your tongue in a second flat if that was possible or, you know, legal- and as much as I love it when you go down on me, I can’t wait. I need to feel you.”

He remained frozen, hands against her thighs, for approximately three seconds. Then he was rushing to undo his trousers and push them down as far as he could over his hardening length. It involved a lot of wiggling and Rose immensely enjoyed the show he was unintentionally giving her. He groaned when he caught her looking, groaned even more loudly when he deeply inhaled the air near her, and Rose praised the whole “two heart alien thing” he had going on.

Almost instant erection? Win. Barely any recovery time? Super win. Just the thought made her thighs feel slick as she rubbed them together in a failed attempt to gain some relief.

“Please tell me.” He sounded desperate when he asked, “Have you stretched?”

“Yeah.”

"Thank God. No, thank the gods. Every last one of them."

He grabbed her arse with both hands and hauled her into his lap, positioning himself at her entrance and thrusting in to the hilt with no warning. She cried out and the Doctor wrapped an arm around her back as they began to move together. In Rose’s opinion, he really should have been sitting in any other chair than a rolling chair. She reached back to grab the desk for leverage and felt a book instead.

“Not the baby book,” she said breathlessly and shoved it away from her so she could grab the desk’s edge. Her body inadvertently arched and the Doctor’s next thrust nearly made her see stars. “Ah, God, the angle…”

“What’d you say?

“The angle,” she moaned.

“Before that.”

“The baby book.”

“What about it?”

“I grabbed it.”

The Doctor’s thrusts slowed and that was nowhere close to what she wanted. Like, at all.

“What?”

“It was an accident. Keep going.”

“Right. Got it.”

Dammit. Now she was thinking about babies. And oh! She just remembered what she’d meant to remind the Doctor of after breakfast the other day, but… she should probably wait until they were done.

But what if she forgot again? Urgh. She groaned. If she didn’t say it now, she’d most likely forget or keep trying to remember it and not be able to completely enjoy this.

Right. Say it, then.

“Bit of a bad time, this,” she said as the Doctor’s sinful eyes met hers. “The baby stuff Mum gave us?”

“Yeah. What?”

“Still needs a room. ‘s in the way in mine.”

“Soon as we’re done.”

“Good. Thanks.”

He shook his head, amused. “Why now?”

“Forgot once now.” Both of the Doctor’s hands cupped her arse and his next thrust made her eyes close. “Just remembered.”

“Ah. The book.”

“The book.”

“Nursery,” he suddenly panted and roughly drove his hips up. Her rhythm faltered. “We can take pictures for Jackie.”

“Oh. Get her off our case maybe.”

“Yeah. Hope it works.” Rose swivelled her hips again and his head fell back against his chair. "Walls?"

"What?"  
  
"The nursery. Your mother'll know if it's a fake. 'S gotta be us. The walls- blue, pink, gold, orange, what?"  
  
"Orange?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Don't know. Lemme think."  
  
And whoa. There were pastel orange walls (he'd seemed partial enough to mention the colour), yellow trim, white furniture, armoire full of nappies and Babygrows, thick white carpeting... the Doctor rocking a small child to sleep... her waddling in with a giant belly... Him putting the child in bed and kissing her belly…  
  
Rose felt the beginning tremors of her orgasm and apparently so did the Doctor, because he stopped moving and her tremors stopped.  
  
"You're not going without me, Rose Tyler," he warned. "Don't you dare."  
  
The next thing she knew, she was on her back on the floor with her legs hooked around the Doctor's arms. He spent a moment just staring at her and then captured her lips in a bruising kiss that left her panting and right on the edge. He pulled back and groaned against her neck, latching on to the skin, as his hips thrust forward again and again and again.

Soon her orgasm began racing through her body, forcing her to arch against him, disengaging his teeth from her neck, and her nails scrabbled at his back. In response, he jerked forward, thrusting deeper, and momentarily froze. Moments later, he began emptying himself into her with a deep groan, hips jerking forward, and Rose found herself intently watching his face.  
  
There was nothing more beautiful than the Doctor's face mid-orgasm, especially when he was wearing those glasses. Holy hell.

***

"Rose? Sweetheart, you've got company."  
  
Grumbling, Rose rolled over and buried her head underneath the Doctor's cool pillow. She sighed happily and immediately started drifting back to sleep.  
  
"Come now, Rose. Wake up. You've been sleeping for ages and I miss you. Also, it's rude to keep guests waiting."  
  
She planned to ignore the Doctor, too, but irritably opened her eyes when he ripped the blanket and top sheet off the bed. She scowled at him.  
  
"Who is so bloody important you had to wake me at the crack of dawn for a house call?"  
  
"Well, it's more like the crack of nine," the Doctor teased, grinning a little. "Your visitor is your mate, Shareen. We thought you might want to see her. She's been here for almost an hour now."  
  
"What?" Rose sat up and rubbed her face. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"  
  
The Doctor snorted. "Your mother tried, but you were grumbling incoherently and burrowed underneath the bedding. Your mother assures me it was quite cute."  
  
"That was an hour ago?" She asked while crawling out of bed. The Doctor handed her some clothing from her bag as she said, "Feels like seconds."  
  
"Not quite an hour, but certainly not mere seconds. You did stay up rather late last night," he said thoughtfully. "Do you remember? We were talking about your childhood and you mentioned a little ice cream parlor-"  
  
"I wanted ice cream and it kept me up."  
  
"Now you're just being nice. I wanted the ice cream. I had to beg a few times for you to relent."  
  
"So it's your fault I’m so tired."  
  
"Oh, no. Grumpy human?"  
  
"Sleepy human."  
  
He relaxed. "I can handle that. Strong tea? Coffee? Food?"  
  
"All of the above and maybe a nap later." Rose opened her bedroom door and sniffed. "Never mind the coffee. Mum's making it."  
  
"She is? Oh, I suppose she must be. Good nose, Rose."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Rose?" Shareen called. "I hear you, but where?" She stepped into view and squealed, running to latch onto Rose's body with a tight hug. "Oh, I've missed you. Since you met himself, I barely see you. 's not right."  
  
Rose sniffed and smiled into Shareen's curly blonde hair. "I know. I'm sorry, but I wanna make it up to ya. How's 'bout just you and me go out and do somethin' today? Just the two of us hangin' out like old times."  
  
"God." Shareen wiped her eyes. "Ya make us sound like old crones. You're gonna leave that handsome devil at home alone, are ya?"  
  
"Oh, I'll be alright," the Doctor said uncertainly, looking beyond them at her mum. "Rose can't spend all her time with me, now can she?"  
  
"Does a good job trying."  
  
"Shut it, you two. Lemme get some coffee or something and we'll go. Want any?"  
  
"Tea for me. Thanks."  
  
Rose gave Shareen a curious look, but didn't say anything. After all, she hadn't seen her best mate in months. Her tastes in a lot of things had probably changed.  
  
Thirty minutes later, after a breathtaking- no, breath _stealing_ \- and nearly desperate goodbye kiss from the Doctor, Rose and Shareen were making their way to the shops when Shareen abruptly stopped walking.  
  
"Rose?"  
  
"What is it? What's wrong?" Rose looked around, but didn't see anything suspicious. She looked back at Shareen and was shocked to see her friend crying. "What's going on? Talk to me, Sh'reen."  
  
"I'm pregnant," Shareen blurted and Rose's eyes widened. "I've known for a month now, but I don't know how to tell Trevor and I didn't know who to talk to, but then Mickey mentioned you were home and I just- I'm sorry I woke you up this morning, but- but-"  
  
Rose pulled her friend into a hug and held her tightly, shooting dirty looks at anyone that stared too long.  
  
"This is gonna be a good thing," she finally remarked. "You'll see, Shareen. And Trevor's a really great guy. Remember me saying that?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"See? I think he might wanna know. He might even be excited."  
  
"Or he might run."  
  
"And if he does that, I'll find him and make him pay, just like always."  
  
"It was always me looking out for you," Shareen said, laughing a little and pulling away. "I feel stupid just crying, but I can't help it. These days, I can go from laughing to crying for no reason."  
  
"It's okay," Rose assured her. "How far are you?"  
  
"Four months gone."  
  
"Four! Sh'reen, that's-"  
  
"I know," she laughed shakily. "I'm really happy, Rose. Ya can't tell it just yet, but I am."  
  
"Oh, my God. Me, too, but... You're pregnant. You're gonna be a mum."  
  
"I know. I don't even know what to do. I mean, I'm wearing my mum's denims now 'cause I can't go into one of those stores and... I wouldn't know what to do or what to get or anything. I mean, I can't dress like I used to."  
  
Rose briefly thought of Shareen's old wardrobe, all heels and short skirts and revealing tops no matter the weather. She laughed.  
  
"No, you can't." Her thoughts travelled to the maternity clothes and whatnot her mum had ordered for her on Christmas. She would kill her if she gave those away, but... "I'll help you," she offered brightly. "Mum's been pushing us to have a baby for ages now so I have a pretty good idea what you'll need. At least for now. Just basic stuff, you know."  
  
"Well, ya did wanna shop."  
  
Rose smiled widely. "Yup and I can't think of a better way to spend the day."  
  
"I love you," Shareen remarked quietly as they started walking. "And to think I've been on birth control the last few months. When I first thought of that, it scared the hell outta me. Doc Burden didn't even know I was pregnant when he gave me that new pill script."  
  
Rose frowned. "He didn't do a test?"  
  
"Wasn't necessary. I was bleeding when I went in, but I'm guessin' it wasn't my period after all. Hey, will you get some stuff, too? I don't want everyone looking at me or judging me. You know."  
  
"Course I will, even if it's just for you."

***

Uh oh.

"Rose?"  
  
The Doctor licked his lips and looked at the things scattered on the bedspread. She fully turned to him. She'd expected to have a little more time to put everything away before he came looking for her.  
  
"Um, hi. How was your day?"  
  
"It was alright. I think the better question is how was your day?"  
  
"Unexpected," she said honestly.  
  
"Ah." His eyes stayed on the maternity denims thrown across her pillow. "Rose, is there anything you need to tell me?"  
  
"Sh'reen's pregnant."  
  
"Alright. Congratulations to her." He sat down and fingered the stretchy band of a cute little skirt. His eyes met hers and he held the skirt up, brows raised. "Anything else?"  
  
"She didn't wanna shop alone and, I mean, they are really cute. You wouldn't know they're maternity unless you lifted my shirt up or something."  
  
"Oh. So you only bought these because they're cute? Not because you're hiding anything incredibly important from me?"  
  
Rose laughed. "I'm not pregnant. I just thought they were cute."  
  
"Okay. They are very cute," he said with a smile. "I particularly like this shirt. It will look lovely on you, I think."  
  
"It's pastel orange."  
  
"Yes, I can see that. It's very pretty."

She knew he’d love the colour.

“I agree. Think it might be my new favourite colour.”

“Mmm.” The Doctor put the shirt down and picked up a pair of the maternity denims. He inspected the stretchy waist and then looked up. "Mind putting these on? I'd like to see what they look like."  
  
"They look just like regular denims when I'm wearing them," she insisted. "I promise."  
  
"I believe you. I'm merely curious. Women's fashion has always been an intriguing subject and I'm curious about this material. What does it do? How does it look?"  
  
"Alright. Give 'em here." Rose kicked off her lounge bottoms and stepped into the denims. After pulling the maternity band up, she let her shirt fall back down and held her arms underneath her breasts so the Doctor could see. "What do you think?"  
  
"They look no different from your other denims. Ooh, hold on a moment. I want you to do one more thing for me."  
  
"What?"  
  
Without answering, the Doctor pushed himself off the bed and hurriedly disappeared from the room. A few minutes later, he returned with the pregnancy belly her mum had ordered to make sure her maternity clothes would fit. He held it out to her.  
  
"I would like to see what those look like on a pregnant woman. Since staring at random pregnant women in the shops is generally frowned upon, I thought you might show me since you're already in them. Do you mind?"  
  
Rose stared at the belly a long moment, glanced up at the Doctor, and then hesitantly took it. He seemed like he genuinely wanted to see what they'd look like and it really wasn't a big deal showing him. Was a lot easier doing it instead of making him go check out a few expectant women.  
  
So why was she so nervous?  
  
Rose pushed the denims down, strapped the belly around her stomach, and yanked them back up. She hadn't bought these to accommodate a belly so they were a bit tight around the last bit of denim, but the belly band itself had a lot of give and perfectly shaped around the belly model. Looking curious, the Doctor walked a full circle around her just studying the stretchy material. Once facing her again, he pulled her once loose shirt down and cocked his head to the side.  
  
"So?"

“It is an impressive feat of design. Stylish denims, nice fit, nice colour, makes your bum look amazing, and it still has room for a growing child. Hold on one more moment and then you can change.” The Doctor unearthed Jack’s apparently stolen phone, took a photo of her from the side, and smiled at her. “Thank you. You may change now if you wish.”

“What, you think I want to take this off?” she joked, pointing at the foam belly strapped to her. “Don’t know. Think it’d be funny to scare the hell out of maybe Jack and Mickey. Think we could dump Jack somewhere, leave, change clothes, and come right back looking like this?”

The Doctor chuckled. “That would be too funny for words. We might just have to do that.”

“Yeah, well, I’m losing this thing for now. It’s hot.”

“Mmm.”

Rose gave him an odd look and cocked her head as she thought back. She vaguely remembered hearing the Doctor and Jack talk about pregnant women when they’d been visiting Klaxon 12. Jack had said they were hot and the Doctor had sounded like he agreed. He’d even gone on to say he thought she would look exquisite when she was expecting. Her eyes widened and then she grinned widely.

“You think I’m sexy like this, don’t you?”

The Doctor looked startled. “What?”

“You think I look sexy with the belly and everything. Admit it. You do, don’t you?”

“You’re talking nonsense, Rose.” He looked away from her, but she still saw him flush. “Utterly absurd, you are.”

“It’s not a bad thing. Lots of guys think pregnancy is sexy.”

“I’m sure they do.”

“Well, maybe you’re not one of them. I’ve been wrong before. Here I was gonna suggest a kind of role-play thing using this, but if that’s not something you’re into, would be pointless… and kinda weird, I guess.”

“A role-play?”

“You know. See what sex is like for you and, well, me kinda with a belly in the way.” Rose turned away, hiding a smirk, and reached down to tug her shirt up. “See, I’ve always wondered how women did it, but it was silly of me to even think you’d be interested.”

She heard the Doctor take a step toward her and Rose’s smirk blossomed into a grin. She knew it.

“So I know I’m not hearing things wrong, you want to have sex with the belly on so you know what it’s like?”

“Well, yeah. It’d be for you to know what it’s like, too. Aren’t you curious? Have you never wanted to shag an expectant lady? Maybe see how hard it is to navigate around the belly?”

“Ah. Your offer is interesting, Rose.”

She grabbed the first strap to begin removing the model belly and jumped when the Doctor’s hand unexpectedly landed on her arm. She spun, sure she hadn’t heard him move at all, and blinked in surprise at his expression. The Doctor slowly looked her over head to toe, eyes lingering on the belly.

“Doctor?”

“I find myself growing curious, as well, now that you mention it. This role-play,” he said strangely, eyes seeming to burn her as he again devoured her with his eyes. “Will we truly be acting the part or is this merely a practice in choreography?”

“The point of role play is to act out a part.” Her mouth felt dry. Lord, his normal intensity… had quadrupled. It was so sexy. “We’d be acting the part.”

“Of expectant parents?”

“Unless you don’t want to. Could just be choreography, see what it’s like without pretending it’s mine.”

“Ours,” the Doctor corrected. “And no. If I’m to try role-playing, I want to do it right.”

“Alright,” she said as he began nipping a bit too hard down her neck. It felt great and gave her gooseflesh. “Um, are you wanting to do this now? ‘Cause I was thinking I might put on a dress or something to keep the illusion going.”

“Perfect.”

The Doctor yanked her denims and knickers down, pulled off her shirt, and unclasped her bra. He grabbed a short dress from the box of maternity clothes her mum had ordered and slipped it over her head. Rose had to admit it would make a good dress if she ever needed it.

“How do I look?”

He licked his lips. “Edible.”

He slowly dropped to his knees, ducked beneath the hem of her dress, and licked her in one glorious sweep of tongue. Rose moaned as he spent a long moment playing his tongue over her clit and barely resisted the urge to keep his head in place. She had no idea what had gotten into him, but she hoped it meant she was in for one hell of a shag and she didn’t want to come too soon. Anticipation made everything feel twenty times better when it finally happened.

The Doctor threw her leg over his shoulder, made her grab the hem of her dress to keep it from getting in the way, and then laced his fingers with hers. Their hands came to rest on her thigh, her crinkled dress conveniently hiding the bottom edge of the pregnancy belly, and he unleashed his tongue.

Seriously. _Unleashed_. She wasn’t joking when she once told him she’d marry his tongue if she could. He could move his tongue in ways she’d never even dreamt of, let alone experienced… and she’d been with a few guys who were excellent at oral so that said something.

What sounded like a growl slipped from the Doctor’s mouth and Rose shivered. She remembered him making that noise the time he’d come back from guys’ night out.

Wait a second… Hadn’t they been talking about baby stuff, too, that night? And holy hell! Two days ago, when they’d returned to the TARDIS from Thera, they’d talked about the baby stuff while they’d been having sex.

Rose moaned loudly as the Doctor’s tongue fluttered against her and she connected the dots. It was hard to keep her thoughts in line, but she forced herself.

Talk of children, pregnancy, and the like tapped into something almost primal inside the Doctor.

Curious to see what his reaction would be, Rose pulled her hand free from the Doctor’s and guided his hand to her belly model. He immediately stopped suckling her clit and leaned back to silently watch her, head cocked and her juices shining indecently on his chin. She slowly moved his hand up from the bottom of the foam belly to the centre, pressed his palm into the soft material, and carefully watched his reaction.

His fingers curled over the belly and he kept his hand there for the longest time, just watching his hand move against the foam. The Doctor’s breath caught. In an instant, Rose found herself laid out on the floor beneath him with his length pressing a bit too quickly into her unstretched opening.

She cried out, but arched her hips up to meet him when his progress faltered the briefest of moments. Still, he looked conflicted and she knew she had to say something.

“Don’t stop. Don’t think you can, anyways, not now, but don’t.”

“I’m so sorry, Rose. So sorry. Really couldn’t stop. I will finish what I started.”

“Later.”

She hissed as the burn continued, but desire was quickly chasing away the dull pain. The way the Doctor was looking at her, was braced back in such a way so as to see her and be able to touch her fake belly, which he did nearly the whole time, was erotic as hell. He was either excellent at role-playing or he secretly wanted a little him. Thinking of her new theory about his current behaviour, she was almost 100% positive it was the latter.

He secretly wanted a baby. Possibly. Could just be his primal instincts or whatever, but still…No, it had to be him. She remembered he hadn’t stopped Haceema asking about their children back on Thera. If he didn’t want a baby, he would have immediately said something. Right?

The Doctor immediately smelled her unbelievably increased arousal and his hips snapped forward, roughly seating himself for all of two seconds. He withdrew a tiny bit and sharply thrust back in to the hilt. Again and again and…

Rose had to lean up and yank his head down so their mouths could meet and she knew kissing during sex in late pregnancy would be a problem if she ever did accidentally get pregnant, but it was worth it now, because of the Doctor’s reaction. When his lips met hers, he let out an indescribable sound and seemed to turn half-mad with desire. Not too much later, she was really getting into the swing of the Doctor’s vigorous lovemaking and was so close to coming when he abruptly froze and looked horrified.

“What am I doing?”

“What?” she asked, literally breathless. “No, don’t stop. That was great. That was bloody perfect. What’s wrong?”

“What _the hell_ am I doing?” His eyes fell to her foam belly and Rose swallowed. Without warning, he rolled them over and Rose fell against his chest. He looked up at her, smiled predatorily, and grabbed her hips in both hands. “In late pregnancy, you wouldn’t be able to have sex on your back, Rose. You’d risk breaking blood vessels and I couldn’t bear to see you hurt.”

She didn’t have a chance to respond. Holding her hips in position, the Doctor thrust up and Rose threw her head back as a loud moan escaped her.

Maybe that baby book was worth a read after all.

***

“Rose, will you two still be here Saturday?” her mum asked from the kitchen doorway. From her spot on the sofa, lying between the Doctor’s legs and against his chest with his fingers drawing circles on her abdomen, Rose nodded. Jackie copied the nod. “Good. It’s Bev’s rehearsal dinner and we all were asked to be there. That means you, too, Doctor. You’ll have two full days to prepare yourself.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes. Do it for Rose, will ya? She’s going.”

The Doctor sighed. “Fine, but I won’t like it.”

“I don’t care. We just want you there.”

Rose smiled. Despite his words, something told her the Doctor was pleased her mum wanted him involved in such a special occasion. The circles he’d been rubbing on her belly had been small and slow in coming before, but were now large and fast in coming. And had that been a smiley face? Abruptly, he poked her stomach and Rose shot up straight.

"Quit it!" she laughed. "I almost peed myself."

"Jackie, how mad would you be if I made Rose wet herself?" he asked, trying to poke her again. Rose slapped his hand away with a giggle.

"Not mad, but you make her pee, you're cleaning it up."

"Aww, shucks." He finally managed to get in a hard poke and Rose jumped up and headed for the bathroom. "You were serious?"

“Yes!”

She laughed as she closed the door and hurried to the toilet. She could hear the Doctor laughing at whatever her mum was saying and grinned down at her hands. The last forty-eight hours had been incredible. Since she'd finally connected the dots about the Doctor's shift to primal Time Lord (or maybe primal Gallifreyan; she hadn't figured out if there was a difference between the two), he'd been happy to simply be in her presence no matter what she was doing.

He'd come to bed the past two nights, had innocently held her until she fell asleep, was there when she woke up in the morning, had greeted her with a kiss to the temple (which was almost too sweet yet absolutely perfect coming from a man who could inspire the filthiest of fantasies), and then tried sitting in the bathroom while she showered simply because she'd been sleeping so long and he'd missed her. That’d happened two mornings/nights in a row.

After they'd finished having sex the other day, he hadn't said anything about his abrupt intensity or about having sex with her wearing the belly, but he had spent a lot of time watching her and asking if everything was alright while lying on his side beside her and rubbing little circles all over her belly. Poor guy apparently thought he was going to scare her away.

The closest he'd come to acknowledging he'd really liked the role-play was last night after their movie ended. He'd asked if there was anything about him that made her uncomfortable, maybe something that’d recently happened, or if there was anything she wished she could change. She'd jokingly told him his ears were too small and asked if he could get a big set of ears that could pick up the radio. He'd bopped her with a pillow and then curled up beside her on the couch, using her thigh as a pillow. In return, she’d played with his hair and he’d slipped into a light doze.

Rose dried her hands on a peach-coloured towel and smiled at her reflection.

He'd become gung-ho about decorating their nursery as soon as possible, too, claiming it was something he could do while she slept and that her mum would without a doubt get off their backs about reproducing. She'd laughed at him and told him to get pastel orange and light yellow paints, because he naturally wanted to paint the nursery by hand. He'd been pleased with her colour choices.

He'd even snagged a catalogue from her mum last night and they'd flipped through it before she fell asleep. He said if he was very crafty, he'd be able to convince her mum to purchase the furniture. She'd briefly considered it, but then reminded him he doesn't earn the money he gets anyways so why make her pay for it? And besides, that way, her mum would definitely think they were trying their hardest to have a baby and were actively preparing for one.

"You have been gone an eternity," the Doctor complained the moment she opened the bathroom door. She jumped back and he snagged her hand. "I got so bored, I nearly went looking around the TARDIS for Jack."

"I was only gone long enough to pee and wash my hands. It was three minutes total."

"Ha! You lie." He gave her a look and pulled her down onto the couch. "It was five, Miss Pants On Fire."

Rose snorted and snuggled into his side. "You poor baby. Whatever did you do before I came along? That you didn't die from boredom is shocking."

"You jest, but I did feel pain in my chest, Rose. Perhaps it was one of my hearts finally giving out." He snapped his fingers. "Oh, there. You see? _It_ got so bored with _me_ being bored, it just decided to die. My hearts die when I get bored. Please don't let me get bored again."

"You're being ridiculously dramatic, Doctor."

“You were gone a full five minutes, Rose. I'm not being ridiculous. Possibly a bit dramatic, but not much."

"Why are you so clingy today?"

The Doctor grimaced. "You left me alone with your mum so I’m not truly being clingy, more like saving myself from incredibly dull and awkward conversation, but I'm sorry it’s annoying you.”

“It isn’t. Was just curious.”

“Oh.”

“Alright, lovebirds. It’s time to dress and then we’re going dress shopping. I want Rose to be dressed up proper for the dinner Saturday.”

“Ah, yes.” The Doctor straightened. “I meant to ask before. Suit or tux?”

“Tux, Doctor. It’s a formal rehearsal dinner.”

“Oh, no,” Rose groaned. “Not the tux, Mum. Please not the tux. Can he wear a black suit instead?”

“Now I look dashing in a tux, Rose. It’s not cursed, despite what you think.”

“Yeah, so you say, but something bad always happens when you wear it.”

“Because I only ever wear it while we’re travelling. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Her mum frowned. “No. If Rose thinks it’s bad luck, best dress in a black suit… or buy a new tux.”

“Alright. I’ll buy a new one. While we’re out, mind pointing me in the direction of a paint shop?” He flashed Rose a grin. “I’m going to start painting the nursery soon and-”

Her mum nearly dropped their takeaway in her rush to get to the food on the coffee table and a thick stack of catalogues in hand.

“I’ve found so many things,” she exclaimed as she sat on the sofa beside Rose. “Oh, what are your colours? Look at this. My grandchild would love to sleep in this. Don’t you agree? And this buggy is absolutely adorable! Have you started taking folic acid, Rose? You never told me your colours, Doctor.”

“Er, yes, that’s lovely. We’ve decided to do pastel orange walls with a light yellow trim.”

“Unisex. It’ll work for all of your children so no repainting needed. Smart. Very smart.”

“Oh, Rose,” the Doctor said as he was turning a page. “What do you think of this carpeting?”

“Looks plushy.”

“It would look lovely in the nursery and it looks like it would perfectly match the colours we’ve chosen.” He pulled the catalogue closer for a moment and then showed her. “Do you like it?”

“It’s pretty, yeah.”

“Yes, but can you see this being in the nursery?” her mum pressed. “Can you imagine walking into the nursery and seeing your husband holding your baby and walking on _this_ carpet? Is this carpet _the one_ , Rose?”

She glanced up at the Doctor, who was eying the carpeting, and then down at the catalogue. Could she imagine walking on that carpet with a baby?

“Yeah, I think that’s the one.”

“Excellent,” the Doctor enthused. “I’ll just mark this, then. You might go get ready to go, Rose, while I hold your mother at bay. Better she annoy me with her opinions than you.”

Her mum smacked him with a pillow. He just laughed.

***

Two mornings later, Rose woke up with the Doctor’s head between her thighs. His tongue sensuously rolled against her clitoris as the cobwebs of sleep were shaken away and Rose realised she wasn’t actually dreaming this. She selfishly let him bring her to climax before asking questions.

After all, they hadn’t messed around for three and a half days and that was a really long time in “The Doctor as a lover” years.

“What was that?” she breathed when it was over. She pushed a hand against her racing heart and propped herself up on the other. “Don’t get me wrong. I loved waking up like that, but it was a little unexpected.”

He sat cross-legged in front of her, her legs still opened and splayed wide, and grinned shamelessly.

“I absolutely _love_ that you waited to ask me that. The short answer is that I wanted to. The long answer involves you, the smell of you aroused while you were sleeping, spectacularly naughty daydreams, and an inability to contain myself any longer. It was this or taking you long and hard. Against any surface. Every surface. In the entire universe. I settled for a shower at first and that relieved my own arousal, but it didn’t quite chase away the desire to see you climax so that brought me back here.” He grinned at her. “Just what were you dreaming of?”

“I can't remember. I feel like it involved cake, but I’m thinking I might be wrong about that.”

“Pity. I would have loved to hear all about it. Do you know Jack called me late last night from the TARDIS? Seems he’s aware I borrowed his phone.”

“Was bound to notice, yeah. Why’d he call?”

“Well, he was three- no, at least six- sheets to the wind and demanding I tell him why you’re not pregnant. I was speechless. How was I to answer him?”

She arched a brow, smiling curiously. “How did you answer him?”

“I hung up on him. I don’t know why he keeps pressing the issue. He’s becoming as bad as your mother, Rose. Worse, I think, at times.”

“Maybe he just really wants to have a baby around and pregnancy kind of has to come before the baby.”

“Yes, but why you?”

“Hey, you both agreed that pregnant ladies are cute or whatever and I’m currently the only one on board so makes sense he’d focus on me. I even heard Jack say he bet I’d look ravishing pregnant.”

“Ah, so you heard that conversation?”

“Yup.”

“And did you hear what I said?”

“All of it, yeah. You weren’t being quiet.”

“I meant it,” he assured her. “I can imagine you would look exquisite carrying someone’s child.”

“It’d be yours,” she said honestly. “Remember? You’ve decided we’re actually married for now and I don’t cheat.”

“Yes, that’s true, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Rose climbed out of bed, her bladder insistent now, and her stomach growled. “Oh, I’m starving. I told you we should’ve eaten dinner last night.”

“I really thought our late snack would hold you over. After all, we did decimate a very large order of chips… _each_.”

“Well, I’m starving so guess not. Come on, husband. Let’s go eat.”

The Doctor tripped gracelessly as he was rising out of bed and Rose turned to him, feeling concerned.

“I think that’s the first time you’ve ever called me husband. It was too arousing for words, Rose, and I demand- politely, of course- that you occasionally use it in place of my name.”

“You politely demand?”

“Be rude not to, ma’am. Ooh and I _still_ like that, after all this time. Goodie. Oh, and please.” He grinned, strode up to her, and stole a kiss. “And thank you.”

“You are too much sometimes, I swear.”

“One of the reasons you are very, very fond of me?”

“Of course.” She pulled out of his arms. “Now, unless you plan to sacrifice a leg or something to feed me…”

“I’ll join you. I’m starting to feel a little peckish myself.”

“See what I mean? Those chips weren’t nearly enough.”

After she had run to the bathroom and then dressed, the Doctor followed her and then walked off to the kitchen. She doubled back and found him donning her mum’s pink, flowery apron. Without even trying, he still looked outrageous in the thing and she laughed.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m preparing to cook breakfast. Why are you asking what I’m doing?”

“I was gonna cook. I just wanted to ask Mum if she’s hungry and, you know, apologise for earlier.”

“Oh, your mother left hours ago. Beverly needed to get her nails done and that’s apparently a two woman operation. Three if you count the person doing the, uh, nail stuff.” The Doctor pointed a spatula at her. “And one of these days, you’re going to have to tell me whether you women really need an army to do anything or if it’s just to see we men scratch our heads. I mean, you can’t even urinate on your own. That’s a skill young children have mastered, Rose, and none of you seem to be able to do it alone in public.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He gave her a pointed look and Rose grinned. “So you’re telling me Mum didn’t actually hear me earlier?”

“No, she didn’t, and I’m quite happy about it. That was some performance, Rose, and I wouldn’t want to share the memory with anyone but you.”

She blushed. “Wasn’t anything to do with me. That was all you.”

“Yes, it was,” he said smugly. “ Know what? Let’s go out for breakfast. I’m feeling adventurous. We’ll have a little food and then find something fun to do.”

“I _was_ thinking about running to a shop or two today.”

He sighed. “I suppose while you do that, I can pick up more paint. I’ve nearly finished, but I don’t think the paint we have left will quite finish the job.”

“It’s almost done? You’ve been painting it without me?”

“Yes. You sleep too much.” She gave him a look and he shook his head. “I’m not joking.”

“I’m human. Humans sleep. It’s not my fault you’re an oddball.”

“My wife thinks me an oddball. Terrific.”

“Shut up,” she laughed and then eagerly asked, “so when can I see it?”

He helped her into her coat and gave her a stern look. “When it’s done. After you.”

“Thank you,” she said and waited until they were out of the flat to finish with, “husband.”

“Ooh, you little-”

He reached for her, but Rose took off running. He chased after her, both of them laughing as they ran down the stairs. She really did love teasing him. He finally caught her on the pavement and swept her up for a searing kiss.

The rest of the world faded around her and Rose just held on until he pulled away from her lips. He leaned his forehead against hers, took in a deep breath, kissed her lips again, and then stepped back.

She’d married herself a tease. Bloody perfect.


	7. The Nursery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wedding, concerns about her weight gain due to the TARDIS's refusal to let them on adventures that require running or danger, near daily runs on deserted planets, the three month anniversary, and the nursery reveal.

Rose looked from the dress hanging beside her mum’s on the closet door to the pile of bags she’d just put on the end of her mum’s bed. When her mum came into the room moments later, she was clearly surprised to see her there.

“What are ya doing in here, Rose? I’d have thought you would be getting ready with your husband.”

“He’s in my room getting dressed with Jack. By the way, thanks for inviting him, Mum. I felt bad leaving him here while we all went out.”

“Oh. Yes, well, anything to make you happy, sweetheart.” Rose snickered and her mum looked through the things she’d brought in for the dinner. “Is this new?”

She held up the bag of underclothing Rose had bought after breakfast yesterday and eyed the various pieces. Rose blushed. She hadn’t meant for _her mother_ to see that. Ever.

“It is, yeah. It’s kind of a surprise for the Doctor to say thank you for coming with us. I was just hiding it in here until we got back tonight so he doesn’t find it while I’m out of my room. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Rose, we’re not coming back tonight. Bev’s booked us rooms at the hotel, because me and the girls are planning to have an after party. Surely I told you that.”

“No, you didn’t. What about Jack?”

“I suppose he could bunk in my room.”

“You can be the one to tell him, then.”

“I will.” Her mum took one last look at the lingerie and then put it down. “I suggest you wear that under your dress tonight, Rose. Something like that might just light a fire under your husband’s bum and give me the grandchild I so desperately want.”

“Mum,” she groaned. “Stop. You’re my mum. Mums aren’t supposed to talk about their children’s sex lives.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop, but you needn’t be embarrassed. You’re a married woman now and I can’t think of you as my little baby girl anymore. You shouldn’t think I do, either.”

“It’s just weird. You used to freak out anytime you thought I was messing around with someone and you almost lost it that one time you thought I was pregnant so to hear you talking about it and even giving suggestions like with the lingerie just feels weird.”

“You’re a married woman, Rose, not a child. You’re a grown woman trying to have her own child now.” Her mum smiled tenderly and patted her cheek. “Now start getting ready or we’ll never leave in time. I’m going to take a shower. Hopefully you all left me some hot water.”

When her mum was gone, Rose stripped out of her clothing and carefully stepped into her new silky panties. It was an incredibly naughty pair of panties, ones designed to be worn during sex, which made it all the more humiliating her mother had seen them. She prayed she hadn’t noticed that detail.

The panties were a gorgeous baby blue colour and perfectly matched the accompanying garter belt and brassiere. She’d had to buy a size larger, because her breasts were getting bigger (probably because she was getting fat), but she still thought it’d look great on her. She briefly fingered the pretty lace overlay and pearls on the bra, wondering how the Doctor would react when he saw it, and then put it on before strapping the garter belt on. To finish, she got a little waist corset in place, something that had matched the lingerie set and had seemed necessary what with all of the running they- no, she- _hadn’t_ been doing lately. She’d simply remove it when she was taking her dress off later. As she sat on the bed rolling the nude stockings up each leg, she eyed her dress for the evening.

According to her mum, Bev had specifically requested they wear a particular cut of dress for the rehearsal, but she didn’t care about the colours. She’d had several dresses on hold for days, just waiting for them to pick one. Her mum had chosen a pretty green colour and the Doctor had begged her to get the pretty golden-coloured one. He’d beamed when she’d agreed, saying he had just the bowtie for it. She hoped it’d match, otherwise he was changing that tie.

Her mum returned as Rose was dropping the dress over her shoulders. Perfect timing, in her opinion. She’d have died if her mother had caught a glimpse of those panties. She’d nearly died herself when she’d looked in her mum’s mirror.

The dress cascaded passed her hips and swished as it settled on the floor. It fit her every curve. Awesome.

“Oh, Rose, you look so beautiful!”

“Thanks, Mum.” Rose sat on the bed with her back to her mum and gently pulled on one heel. “What time is the car supposed to be here again?”

“Bev said it’d be here at half past six.”

With her other heel on, Rose stood and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders. From the corner of her eye, she could tell her mum had her underclothing on and turned to her. She glanced at the clock and then gave her mum an incredulous look.

“That gives you just twenty minutes, Mum. What were you waiting around for?”

“You and your family, but I’m nearly done now, Rose. I did my hair and face earlier and didn’t wet them during my shower. I just have to do a few touch ups before we go.”

“My family?”

“Your husband and Jack. Your husband treats him like a wayward child more often than not and I felt it best not to ask why. Don’t want to imagine being the step-grandmother of that man.”

Rose laughed. “He’s not the Doctor’s son or anything, Mum. He’s simply our friend. The Doctor does that to annoy him.”

“Well, that’s just odd.”

“That’s no different than you and the Doctor always picking at each other. Anyway, you finish getting ready. I’m going to go wait for the guys. I’ll keep an eye out for the car and call if I see it.”

“Alright.”

Rose slipped from the room, put her purse and shawl on the coffee table, and walked to look out the window. No car. She checked her makeup in the reflection- absolutely no smudges- and then focused her attention outside once more. A few minutes later, a male wrapped his arms around her and pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her hair, taking care not to rustle her curled hairdo.

“Hello, dear wife of mine. You look even more lovely than usual this evening.” The Doctor ran one hand up her chest and lightly touched her necklace. “Oh, this is the one we had made for you on Falsoon. I’ve never thought to check. Does it truly match your wedding ring set?”

“I don’t know.” She held up her left hand and heard him pull in a quiet breath. “You tell me.”

“Bit impossible with you facing the window, I think.” He gently turned her around and made a grand show of inspecting the necklace, though she very well knew he was staring at her breasts more than the necklace. When he looked up, he was grinning. “Perfect… and the necklace matches, too.”

She giggled. “You’re terrible.”

“Guilty.”

“You look good. Turn around?” He did a little spin for her and she tried to calm herself down. He looked like walking sex in a tux… and his bowtie matched her dress! Weren’t they supposed to be black or something? “Where did you get this?”

Resisting the urge to check for any missing fabric on her dress, Rose lightly held the bowtie and gave it a little tug in emphasis. He pretended to tip forward, making her laugh, and caught her lips in a too brief kiss.

“It was in the front of the shop. I’d remembered seeing it when I was looking around and had told myself that colour would look delightful on you. When I saw the dress, I knew that’s the one you needed.” He grinned. “We match.”

“Yes, we do. So, uh, where’s Jack?”

“Dressing. He claimed the shirt I bought him was “dreadfully uncomfortable” and that I have no taste in good clothing so I left him to deal with his bowtie on his own.”

“It’s not a clip-on, is it?”

“No.”

“He can’t tie them, can he?”

He grinned. “No.”

“You’re gonna help him, though, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. I can’t have him running around improperly dressed. People might start to question if mine’s a clip-on if he’s going without and I’m wearing an immaculately tied bowtie! And let me tell you, I mastered the art of tying both a tie and bowtie ages ago.”

“You’re being silly.”

“Yes and making myself feel incredibly ancient. Gods, I just realised I’ve become one of those old men who marry a sexy, young woman to make themselves feel young.”

“That’s just absurd. You don’t look old at all so no one but you will ever think that and you didn’t marry me to make yourself feel young.”

“I thought it was amusing all the same.”

“Why do I put up with you again?”

“Because I’m terribly dashing and one hell of a lover.” He winked. “Wanna come back to my place? My wife’s out at the moment so it’s safe.”

“If I find out you ever say that to another woman while you claim our marriage is real, I’ll kill you. I hope you know that. I won’t deal with a man cheating on me.”

“I have no plans to ever say that to anyone.” He paused and frowned. “Er, well, excluding you, of course.”

“Good.”

He pulled her tight against him. “I like this possessive side of you, Rose. You should let it come out to play more often.”

“Why would I do that?”

“I suppose it makes me feel you’re actually invested in me and our marriage.”

“Are you worried I’m not?” He didn’t say anything and she abruptly felt grumpy. “That’s just stupid. What would even give you that idea?”

“Why would you want to be?” he asked curiously. “Our marriage only came about ‘cause we were forced into it and I’m the one that proclaimed the marriage to be real. You had no say in that."

“You have been one of my closest friends for years and now you’re my husband.” She purposely made no mention of the marriage ending when the sex did, as he’d once stipulated, and she wondered what he’d make of that. “I’m invested. I promise. Are you?”

“Since day one.”

Which day one? Day one of knowing her or day one of their marriage? Jack and her mum breezed into the room before she could ask.

“Oh, I see. Your husband’s distracting you again. Did you think to check if the car’s here yet?”

The Doctor looked over her head. “Hmm. Black stretch car with a chauffeur? If so, I believe the car is indeed here.”

“That’s the one,” her mum said, joining them by the window to double-check. “Good. Get going. Oh, and here, Rose. I grabbed some things for you and the Doctor. Figured you’d forgotten about tonight when I ran into Jack in the hallway and he had no idea what I was talking about.”

“Tonight?” The Doctor looked wary and accepted the bag. “Why did your mother pack us a bag for tonight?”

“Bev’s booked us rooms at the hotel. I did forget so thank you, Mum.”

“Ooh. Love a good hotel room.” Jack helped her into a dressy jacket while the Doctor frowned spectacularly and pulled on his own jacket. “Thanks, Jack, but I could have done that for her myself.”

“As easily as I did, I’m sure, but you were busy. I already had a jacket on.”

“If you both start picking at each other, I’m not going to be happy.”

“And you don’t want Rose to be unhappy with you, Doctor.”

“ _Mum_.”

“Jackie, don’t. Just…” The Doctor grimaced. “Please just don’t.”

“And we’re moving,” Jack announced, dragging Rose out the door. “You two follow if you feel like it.”

Rose giggled and turned back to see the Doctor following very close behind and her mum locking the door. As soon as she’d stepped off the stairs, the Doctor snagged her hand away from Jack’s and led her to the stretch car. Jack climbed in and he and the Doctor helped her in (which she felt was unnecessary since she was pretty sure she could get into a car without two men needing to help her). The Doctor waited until her mum had climbed in to finally take his seat beside Rose.

“Never let it be said I’m not a gentleman, Rose,” he said in response to her unspoken question. “Now, Jackie. Just to be clear, I’m going to be called John tonight, right?”

“Yes. Oh, Bev, darling. Yes, we’re on our way.”

Rose sighed. “I’d completely forgotten about that.”

“No, John’s coming, too. He’s even brought along a friend, which I suppose is good.”

“John?” Jack asked, trying to ignore her mum’s phone call. “Why John?”

“No, I never asked him. I had my reasons, Bev. Yes. She’s not ready for that.”

That had their attention for several long seconds, but her mum didn’t say anything else. Rose could vaguely hear Bev saying something on the other end of the call and the Doctor turned to Jack, abruptly smiling cheekily.

“Doctor John Smith at your service. This is my beautiful, witty, clever, and perfect wife, Rose Smith.”

“Hello,” she said, laughing. “See, Mum told everyone his name’s John Smith, because she didn’t want me to stay a Tyler so if you talk to him, Jack, call him John. People will think you’re odd if you constantly call your friend by his professional title.”

“Exactly,” the Doctor agreed.

“No, you don’t have to do that, Bevvy. He’ll be asleep long before we’re done so we don’t mind.” Her mum looked at Jack briefly, made a face, and shook her head. “Yes, I’m sure and if you call him, I’ll not forgive you for it.”

The Doctor leaned closer to her ear. “Who’s she talking to?”

“Bev. I just don’t know who she’s talking about.”

“Well, I was in there for a second. Were you aware I’m sleeping in your mom’s room, Rose?”

The Doctor chuckled.

“It wasn’t my job to tell you, but I knew, yeah.”

“We’ll see, darling. Yes, I’ll see you when we get there. Oh, and tell Gary I’d like a word with him before the dinner.”

“Gary’s the fiancé,” Rose informed them. “Mum told me about him while we were getting our dresses altered. He seems like a good guy.”

“Yes, I’m doing it. I’ve done it the last six marriages. Why not this one?”

“Six? Rose, did she really just say six marriages?” She nodded and the Doctor’s brows arched. “You’re not planning to do the same, are you?”

“Good. Yes, I’ll see you soon. Goodbye.”

“How can I? I don’t plan on getting a divorce and my husband’s going to outlive me, no question about it. Not much chance for a second marriage, is there?”

“Not that she needs to keep looking,” her mum added. “She’s got the best man out there. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

“Agreed, Mum.”

The Doctor grinned. “Ha. Jackie Tyler just admitted I’m the best man in the universe. I shall now lean back in my seat and gloat. Rose, please don’t let them disturb me for the next several minutes.”

She rolled her eyes, trying and failing to hide an amused smile, and turned to Jack.

“I see your bowtie’s perfectly tied. Do you know how to do that?”

“No. Your mom did it, because a certain someone said they would do it and then left me in a snit when I criticised them only a little.”

“If you are referring to the whole having no taste in clothing, I can promise you have it wrong. He has excellent taste in clothing, Jack. After all, he’s the one who picked out my dress tonight.”

“Impossible,” Jack argued.

“Mum?”

“He did. I was there.”

“Maybe you’re just not used to fancy clothes… or you don’t like dressing up. No shame in that, I guess. I’d prefer to stay in denims and the like, too, but… you know… close family friends and all that. Have to make sacrifices to keep them happy.”

She sullenly thought of the waist corset underneath her dress and grimaced. Speaking of sacrifices, huh?

She really needed to convince the Doctor to take them somewhere they’d have to run, because she couldn’t start getting fat. It was becoming hard to ignore how her clothes were a little more fitted than they’d ever been.

Maybe she should make an exercise room on the TARDIS.

“Rose, darling, come on,” her mum urged. “You can’t spend all evening sitting in the car. We’re not keeping it.”

Rose blinked and looked up. She saw the Doctor holding the car door, her mum standing on the pavement beyond him, and Jack holding out a hand for her.

“I’m sorry. I must’ve gotten distracted by my thoughts.”

Jack helped her to the door and the Doctor took over, carefully helping her out. She sighed and shook her head. Why did they think she needed any help at all getting in and out of a car? She saw her mum move off to speak with Margie as she got her footing on the pavement.

“What were you thinking about?”

“I need to exercise,” she said honestly. “You either need to take us somewhere dangerous so I can run or I need an exercise room on the TARDIS.”

The Doctor gave her a look. “I’ll make you an exercise room for now. Alright?”

“Seriously, are you back to keeping me out of danger for some unknown reason? Don’t bother lying to me, either, because I know that’s what you’ve been doing.”

“Honestly, Rose, I have no idea what you’re talking about. Nothing’s changed with our adventures.”

“We used to save planets and people all the time and now you won’t even land on them unless you think I’m sleeping or Jack can somehow distract me while you slip out. All you let me do now is explore mostly uninhabited planets.”

“Jack, have I ever asked you to distract her?”

“Keep me out of this,” Jack said, hands raised.

“Rose, I’m not keeping you from anything, I swear it.”

“Except saving the day, which included a lot of running, and I’m gonna get fat if I don’t start doing something soon. My clothes are already getting tight and it hasn’t been but, what, two, almost three months? I don’t wanna get fat!”

The Doctor blinked. “Alright. I’ll… we’ll go running together? Would you like that?”

And now she felt terrible, because the Doctor looked openly confused and concerned by her outburst and had been talking to her in his soothing voice. Then there was Jack looking at her like she’d lost her mind, her mum and Margie were walking back to the hotel entrance to see what was going on, and the bellhop looked uncertain if he should call for help or not.

She sighed. “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything. Please.”

“Are you feeling alright, Rose? Do I need to get you anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Seriously, I don’t even know why I just yelled that.”

“Maybe you’re hungry,” Jack suggested. “You tend to act a little crazy when you haven’t eaten in a while and none of us have had any food since breakfast.”

“Good suggestion, but you could’ve left some of that out of your response,” the Doctor said tightly and then dropped back into a soothing tone. “Rose, would you like me to find you a snack?”

“Will you quit speaking to me in that voice? I’m not about to flip out or anything. Like I said, I don’t even know why I yelled that before.” He didn’t say anything when she’d finished, just kept steadily looking at her, and Rose slumped a little. “Yes, please.”

He kissed her forehead, headed her mum and Margie off, and led them into the hotel. Jack and Rose followed them at a slower pace and Jack looked down curiously.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Rose? It’s not like you to freak out about stuff like that.”

“Yes, I’m fine, Jack. I promise. I’m just wearing a waist corset right now, because I _have_ been gaining weight from not running or anything lately and I guess I just freaked a little when the Doctor kept insisting he’s not keeping me from the stuff we used to do together.”

“So you focused on the weight thing instead of that?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I know the Doctor wouldn’t kick me off the TARDIS if I put a little weight on, but…”

“Oh, I get it. You think he won’t be attracted to you as much- or maybe you think not at all- if you put on any weight.” She looked at him in surprise. She hadn’t wanted to admit it, but that’s how she’d felt for days. “That’s just crazy talk, Rose, and I’ve gotta tell ya. I don’t know what you’re talking about. You look just the same as you ever did. Well, weight-wise. Beauty-wise, you’ve gotten even sexier as the years went by.”

“You think so?”

“About all of that, yes. You’ll literally have to beat him with a tire iron to get him to leave you alone.” He grinned. “A stick just wouldn’t work. It’d break and he’d be right back.”

“Thanks, Jack. I needed that. Guess I should apologise, huh?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

They both looked up and saw the Doctor approaching with a muffin. Rose saw his steps slow, his eyes moving between them. Jack ducked down to kiss Rose’s cheek and walked off. She gave the Doctor a hug when he reached her and he returned it for a moment before pulling back to hand her the muffin.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked after a moment. She shrugged. “Alright. Whatever was wrong, did you work through it?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure?”

“It was stupid and I figured that out. I’m fine now.” She smiled. “Thank you for the muffin. It’s delicious. Want a bite?”

“No, thank you, Rose.” He leaned against the nearby wall and gave her a small smile. “Whatever that was earlier, I won’t ask, but I promise to make you an exercise room if you still want it. I also have to tell you I think you’d be beautiful no matter how much you weigh… and I’m sure Jack feels the same way.”

He looked away and she thickly swallowed the last of the muffin. Too bad she didn’t have another.

“It had nothing to do with you and especially not Jack. He’s only my friend and I’m not looking to impress him. It was more me panicking about my clothes not feeling as loose as they used to. Like I said, it was stupid."

A look of relief relaxed his features.

“If you were that worried, it wasn’t stupid. It’s clearly been bothering you for a while, too, or you wouldn’t have acted like you did. Why didn’t you say anything to me? You had to have known I’d listen to you, maybe offered advice if I could.”

“I don’t know. Guess I thought you didn’t need to be bothered by my made up problems.”

“Your worries, no matter what their cause or how inconsequential you may think them, are worth talking about.”

“Really? So if I randomly came up to you and started babbling about how I thought I was getting fat, you’d have listened?”

“Yes and I would likely have said you clearly cannot see yourself as you really are. Personally, I think you look delectable.”

“Really?” she repeated, though this time in a small voice.

“Always. Well, except for that time you barely escaped off Karabo. Covered in slime and mud? Not so delectable, but I was still oddly attracted to you.”

Rose finally laughed and the smile the Doctor gave her made her insides feel warm and fuzzy. Unable to stop herself, she walked up to him and pressed a kiss to his lips. He hugged her for several long seconds, still leaning on the wall and her head pillowed on his chest, and Rose smiled against his shirt.

“Should probably go in ‘fore they send out a search party, don’t ya think?”

“Ah, let ‘em. You’re not in a hurry, are you?”

“Might be,” Rose answered quietly. “Don’t know. Probably shouldn’t eat again, even though I’m hungry.”

“You’ll stop that kind of talk right this instant, Rose. If you’re hungry, you’re going to eat, no matter what unfounded fears you might have concerning your weight. Do you understand me?”

“Ooh, I like it when you’re bossy.”

He looked down at her. “Do you really?”

“What’s your nose say?”

“My nose says…” He sniffed deeply. “My nose says we should ditch this boring rehearsal dinner and make good use of our room right this very second.”

“Uh huh. What’s your brain say?”

“My brain unfortunately says I should get a good stranglehold on my libido, suck it up, go to dinner, and then ravish you when I get you alone.”

“Which one do you think we should listen to?”

“For your mother’s sake alone, I’m going to listen to my brain. Does that make you happy?”

She grinned. “More than you know.”

“Come along, then, Rose Smith. We’ve people to impress and your mother to please. Now how did we get to town? Boat, plane, train, or car?”

“We took the plane and I shagged you rotten when the flight attendant wasn’t looking. Right?”

“I believe I will have to personally tell that story when your mother’s nearby. Point me in the direction of the best person to tell, make sure your mother’s there, and I’ll be content to keep quiet the rest of the evening.”

“You’re going to get me in so much trouble.”

The Doctor smothered a laugh as they entered a large room filled with two dozen people, food, and classical music.

“Here goes.”

***

Rose slowly awoke the next morning with the Doctor pressed against her back, both of them still naked (well, excluding her naughty panties, of course) and buried beneath two thick blankets. Oddly, she wasn’t sweating, which was frankly unbelievable.

She could tell the Doctor was asleep, his breathing relaxed and quiet, and she smiled to herself. Her eyes caught on her wedding band set and, still smiling, her thoughts drifted back to last night. Naturally, the Doctor had been a hit with everyone and had even gotten to tell their made up story about the plane half a dozen times, four times with her mum around.

The meal had been great, the Doctor looked splendid (and bloody arousing all night) in his tuxedo, she’d been told she looked radiant in her golden dress, and there’d been a little dancing after the rehearsal dinner was formally over. The Doctor had spun her around the floor for three different dances before she’d decided to ask if they could leave. Her mum had kissed her goodnight, Jack had smiled at them from across the room, and then they’d come to their room…

Where he’d made love to her.

Last night, they’d actually made love. It had been different than usual. Rather than their normal fast pace and at times rough moves and passionate kisses, it had been all slow moves and unrushed, fiery kisses and everything just lasting and lasting. The only other time they’d moved together like that was a while ago. On Christmas, now she thought of it, so almost a month ago.

In his sleep, the Doctor’s arms briefly tightened around her and his lips tickled the back of her head. She turned slightly so she could see him and stifled a giggle. Whatever he was dreaming about must be good, because he was wearing her favourite crooked grin and murmuring something so quietly that she couldn’t hear one word.

She settled back down on the single pillow they were sharing and let herself doze until he woke up an hour later. She drifted from that strange limbo between being awake and asleep when the Doctor laced his fingers with hers and drew her hand back to kiss it.

“Mm. Morning.”

“Oh, you’re awake. Good morning, Rose. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Splendidly. I dreamt we were ice skating on Palamdir and you kept throwing snow balls at me. You thought it was the funniest thing in the world.”

“I would, I think. D’you retaliate?”

“I tried, but you were exceptionally spry and kept dodging them. It was all very amusing. Did you dream?”

“Yeah. We were dressed up like we were going to a renaissance party, but all we were doing was riding horses in this big field. There wasn’t any buildings or anything as far as the eye could see and Jack was eating chips in a tree-house. He kept trying to get us to come eat some with him, but you were more interested in trying to make it to this specific place that had all these fluffy bunnies for sale, because you wanted a pet to keep on board the TARDIS and you needed my help picking the fluffiest and cutest one. Jack asked if we could bring him some more chips and beer when we were done picking the bunny, but you said no and called him a drunken wastrel.”

“That’s far more interesting than my dream. Did we ever find the perfect bunny rabbit?”

“Well, we didn’t pick one out. Not really ‘cause when we got where we were supposed to go, you saw a pond or something with big trees around it and a swing made from a tire in one of the trees and I wanted to go swimming, which you said was brilliant. We used the tire swing thing to fly into the middle of the water and then Jack magically appeared in a small boat that had a mountain of chips in it. He kept throwing them into your mouth when you’d say something.”

The Doctor chuckled. “And what did I do?”

“You somehow found more of those banana biscuits I got from Faunton and launched pieces into Jack’s mouth. When you ran out of those, you threw whole bananas- and I have no idea where those came from- at him until I said you were wasting bananas we could actually eat, you know?” Rose let go of his hand and rolled to face him. “And then, this adorable bunny somehow gets into Jack’s boat and steals one of the bananas laying on the chip mountain and you declared we must have that specific bunny or life wouldn’t be worth living.”

“Oh, good. I was worried we never found ourselves a bunny rabbit. Was it a good pet?”

“Yeah. I named it Mr. Funny Whiskers ‘cause every time you went to kiss its nose, it’d turn its head and its whiskers would tickle you, but he never did that to me.”

“Mr. Funny Whiskers. What a name… and what a dream! I’m honestly jealous. Are all your dreams always this entertaining?”

“Lately, yeah.”

“Life is so terribly unfair. I get a comparatively boring dream about ice skating and you get that masterpiece of comedy. I simply must start asking about your dreams from now on.”

“Some of ‘em are pretty weird. Like the night before, I dreamt my fourth year schoolteacher was trying to teach me how to walk on stilts and there was a monkey named Freddy and a zebra I called Jeb, but you insisted his name was Bob.”

“That’s comical. A zebra and monkey indeed. Stilts, too.” A single laugh escaped him. “Tell me, did you learn to walk on the stilts?”

“No, I gave up and we went for Chinese. Even Freddy and Jeb.”

“Ah, but wasn’t his name really Bob?” he asked with a smile. “Although, I do admit Jeb is much more interesting.”

“See?”

He snorted. “Yes, I do. Was it a circus of some sort, your schoolteacher and the animals?”

“Not even close. We were at the estate and Mum was selling cold burgers to Mickey.”

He laughed, belatedly turning his head so he was laughing into the pillow rather than her face. Rose giggled a little and the Doctor abruptly moved his face away from the pillow and kissed her.

“You are just too funny sometimes, Rose. I love your mind so much. It can produce these wonderful dreams I’ve no hope of ever coming up with.” He suddenly frowned, though it looked forced. “You really must tell me your dreams from now on. I feel you’re actually abusing me by not sharing.”

She grinned. “I’ll keep a dream journal you can read when I’m sleeping. There’ll be a new story every night.”

“That, my sweet, is an excellent idea.”

The Doctor went to kiss her again, but someone started knocking at the door and Rose groaned.

“Who is it?”

“Jack. Let me in.”

“Just a moment,” the Doctor answered. “Rose, you might want to pick those up.”

He nodded and she followed his line of sight, seeing her lingerie littered across the floor. She slipped from the bed, only remembering she was wearing just her naughty panties when she bent to pick up her brassiere and the Doctor let out a strangled whine.

“Sorry. I forgot.”

“Don’t apologise. Feel free to do that as much as you want.”

She blushed and coyly turned to pick up her garter belt. As she collected her stockings, she glanced over at the Doctor. He was standing on the other side of the bed and wearing his tuxedo trousers, but they were hanging open and seemingly forgotten.

“Anytime now,” Jack complained.

Rose scooped up her waist corset and shoved everything into the bag her mum packed. Her mum hadn’t packed anything in their bag except for toiletries and the like, not even a robe, so she’d be wearing last night’s dress home later. She settled for staying in her panties and putting on the Doctor’s shirt. Only after she climbed back into bed did the Doctor open the door for a scowling Jack.

“I am so glad you’re both up now,” he said as he strode into the room. The Doctor shut the door as Jack threw himself into a chair and rubbed his face. “I’ve been sitting in the hallway for hours now. Rose, your mom brought some random guy back last night and I, who was innocently sleeping when she finally got in, was forced to vacate the room so they could hook up.”

The Doctor made a face.

“Gross, Jack. You didn’t need to tell me that. I don’t want to know what she gets up to when I’m not around.”

“I didn’t want to know either, Rose, but now we both do.”

“No, we three know now. Thanks, Harkness.”

Jack shrugged. “Welcome, John. Dammit. Doctor.”

Rose giggled.

“You just called me John.” The Doctor sounded amused. “I can’t decide if I want to tease you or not.”

“Just don’t. I’m sleep deprived and attacking a man when he’s weak is not fair in the least.”

“He has a point,” Rose agreed. “It’s just mean…”

“If you call me John, too, so help me.”

“Nah. It’s not your name. That’d be like continuing to call me by another name just ‘cause I happened to use that name during a play or-”

“Role-play,” Jack suggested, grinning widely. The Doctor choked back a laugh, but Rose couldn’t stop hers. “I’m serious. I’ve gone by aliases before. You two might consider it. It’s kind of hot.”

“And that’s enough from the peanut gallery,” the Doctor decided. “Jack, do you happen to have any extra trousers?”’

Jack inspected the Doctor’s trousers and frowned. “Why?”

“Jackie didn’t pack any clothes for Rose.”

“Or the Doctor.”

“Ah. And you’re worried people might think you’re doing the walk of shame, huh?”

“Not at all. I just don’t want Rose to have to put her dress back on. She didn’t seem to enjoy it.”

“What gave you that idea?” Rose asked curiously. “I mean, I liked it well enough.”

“You mentioned sacrifices in the car yesterday and I thought you were referring to the dress. Was I wrong?”

“Yeah. I meant the waist corset.”

“I see.” The Doctor’s eyes flashed to their bag and he frowned. “Why wear it, then, if you didn’t like it?”

“No,” Jack groaned.

“Do you want to revisit the getting fat conversation?”

He spluttered a moment before finally saying, “That’s just ridiculous! Rose, I refuse to hear you say this any longer. Trust me, you’re not getting fat.”

“I am, too.”

“Doctor, no,” Jack said and then mouthed, “stop.”

“No, I’m not letting this go. Jack, cover your ears or something for a moment. Rose, I have seen you unclothed often enough from the time we were first married to be able to definitively say you’re not getting fat. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Where is this crazy idea coming from?”

“No,” Jack groaned again, louder this time.

“Crazy? You think I’m being crazy?”

“No, you’re very much sane. This idea you have is crazy.”

Rose deflated, her ire evaporating just like that. If the Doctor thought she was talking crazy, maybe she really was. Could he be telling the truth?

“Are you sure I’m not getting fat? I mean, my clothes are getting tighter, I had to buy a bigger bra size, I’m not running anymore or even working out, and me eating and sleeping all the time isn’t helping at all, I think… You wouldn’t lie to me, would you?”

“Not about something this silly, Rose.” She looked at Jack and the Doctor gave him a look. “Tell her, Jack.”

“Trust the Doctor, Rosie. You know he’s right.”

“I just feel… like I’m putting on weight and it’s making me uncomfortable and crabby and… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, sweetheart. It’s alright.”

Rose’s heart tried to double in size in her chest, she was sure. She just kept staring at the Doctor. That was the first time he’d ever called her sweetheart and she really liked the sound of it.

“Anyways, back to your question, Doc. I have some sleep shorts in my bag. I managed to change before Jackie kicked me out. If you want ‘em, Rose, you can have ‘em. Doesn’t seem like the Doctor has an undershirt around here, but I luckily do.”

“That _is_ more appealing than squeezing back into my waist corset and dress,” she replied, eyes on their bag. “You don’t mind?”

“Course not, sexy. I’d love to see you in my clothes more often.”

The Doctor’s jaw tightened, but he stayed quiet.

“Quit provoking him, Jack.”

Jack sighed. “You never let me have any fun anymore.”

“That’s because your idea of fun is mean. He didn’t tease you earlier so stop it.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n.”

***

“So what’s this planet called?”

Rose paced herself and pulled in a deep breath before answering Jack.

“The Doctor called it Courtana. It’s a deserted planet.” Her muscles were screaming, but she forced herself to keep going. “Not even any dangerous animals to worry about.”

“Ah. That’s why he finally let you go without him.”

“Yup.”

Rose had to slow her running as they passed through some slick leaves on the ground and then resumed her faster pace. Beside her, wearing a sweat suit and a tee-shirt, Jack matched her pace and scanned the horizon.

“We’ve been running a while, Rose. You might want to take a break.”

“No. I don’t need to.”

“I think you do. Your hubby will have my head on a silver platter if I let you overdo it.”

“Oh, fine.” Rose forced herself to slow, eventually just walking along a path by the river, and shot Jack a look. “Happy now?”

“Immensely. Thank you.” Jack handed her one of the two bottles of water in his hand and Rose took a grateful sip. “Remind me again why you’re running for the fourth day in a row.”

“Because despite what the Doctor thinks, I know I’m gaining weight and I don’t want to get fat.”

“You feel just as light as you always have, Rose. It’s either all in your head or going straight to your breasts.” He cast an exaggeratedly wistful look at her breasts and sighed. “And how beautiful they are. Seriously, they’re perfect. Well, maybe a little bigger than I like, but I’d love to feel them. Come on. The Doctor’s not around and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Bare ‘em, won’t you?”

Rose’s eyes narrowed, instantly feeling suspicious. That sounded like his usual teasing, but the Doctor was nowhere around to hear it and she knew he wasn’t actually trying to get her to show her breasts. He hadn’t truly tried since she was nineteen.

“Jack, are you wearing an earpiece or a wire or something?”

“No, of course not.” Jack smiled, but she now knew he was lying, because his answer had been a bit too fast. “Why would you think I’d be wearing one, anyway? Who does that while they’re running?”

“Oh, really?” Rose sauntered towards him and fitted herself right against his suddenly tense body. He kept his right ear out of view and she knew she had them. “In that case, you’re absolutely right. Though, you know I’d love for you to be the one to strip me… and while you’re at it, maybe you could strip yourself and we could shag right here. It’s been too long. The Doctor doesn’t ever need to know about us, does he?”

Jack jumped nearly a foot into the air and ripped an earpiece from his right ear. He’d purposefully kept her running on his left side and now she knew why.

“You’re just too smart for your own good. I think the Doctor nearly ruptured my eardrum.”

“Where is it?”

“Why?”

She gave him a look and Jack sighed and pointed at a previously unnoticeable bulge in his jacket. Rose carefully pulled the piece of equipment out, Jack put the earpiece in her ear, and she spoke directly into the microphone. Jack stumbled after her, wire still hidden down his shirt, as she walked towards the river, her eyes on the TARDIS parked across the water.

“You are in so much trouble.”

“Rose? Can she hear me?”

“Yes, I can hear you. Jack can’t. What were you thinking?”

“I just wanted to make sure I’d know if something happened without me being around. That way, I could come help if Jack wasn’t able to help you by himself. It’s not like he would leave to find help if you were hurt.”

“Is that the only reason you bugged Jack?” she demanded.

“Yes. I trust you and Jack isn’t stupid.”

“So really the only thing that’s going on right now is that you didn’t think I could keep myself out of trouble without you around. Is that right?”

“No, Rose. That’s not it at all. Anything could happen when one goes for a run in unfamiliar territory. Remember on Yalyria? We both tripped on those tree roots and nearly broke our ankles.”

“I remember.”

The Doctor, looking like a speck, appeared in the TARDIS doorway and Rose resisted the urge to wave.

“I know you can take care of yourself, but accidents happen all the time. I just wanted to be prepared in case something did happen.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes. I swear it. I wore a wire and earpiece, too, when we went out so Jack could help if something happened.”

She smiled. “Okay, fine. I believe you.”

“I’m glad,” he said in relief. “Are you angry with me?”

“No. I think it’s sweet, even though you could have told me so I didn’t have to assume you didn’t trust me or anything.”

“Oh, no. I trust you implicitly. You are right, though. I should have told you.”

“Yes, you should have.”

“You said Jack couldn’t hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you certain he cannot?”

“Yes,” she insisted. “Why?”

“Well…” The Doctor went on to describe- in detail- a few things he wanted to do in return for her forgiveness and Rose was blushing badly by the time he said, “and then, to finish, I fully plan to draw you a bath so you can relax while I procure us a decadent meal from Dolifor. Would that be acceptable?”

“Oh, yeah. More than, I think.”

“Excellent. Enjoy the rest of your run, Rose. I’ll be waiting.”

Rose turned to Jack, handed him the microphone, and made sure the earpiece was snug in her ear.

“Am I in trouble?”

“No, but he is for now.” Rose retied her shoes, fixed her hair, and straightened her clothing. “Alright, Jack. I’m keeping the earpiece so the Doctor doesn’t yell at ya for hitting on me.”

“Thank you.”

“Yep. I’m ready now.” She grinned. “First one back to the TARDIS gets two desserts tonight.”

She took off at a run, leaving Jack behind, and the Doctor started laughing in her ear. When his laughter stopped, he sighed.

“I’m assuming you can no longer answer me, but I did just want to tell you I’m so glad you married me, Rose.”

“Me, too,” she said, though she knew he wouldn’t hear. “So happy.”

“Were you aware that four days hence, Monday, will mark our three month anniversary? Well, three and a half days.”

“Already?”

“I wish I could hear your voice. You really should have taken the wire from Jack, you know.” He sighed again. “You will have to tell me if that’s something you wish to celebrate, Rose. I know we didn’t celebrate our first in November, but I did take you to Mairze Urd and Falsoon in December. Remember? We had your necklace and earrings made.”

“Yeah,” she said, feeling an urge to cry. How annoying. “We did.”

“Hmm. In case you do wish to celebrate, I’ll be thinking of something fun to do. Maybe we could go back to Falsgate Quad VI. You really seemed to enjoy the trip and we did find you a few bracelets you liked a lot. I saw you wearing them yesterday.”

She glanced down at her wrist and smiled. “Love ‘em.”

After a while, when she was about a third of the way back to the TARDIS, the Doctor spoke again, though it sounded like he was talking more to himself than her.

“Where on earth did Jack go?” Rose glanced behind her, but she didn’t see him anywhere. She slowed down, soon coming to a full stop, and started walking back. “I haven’t heard anything from him. In fact, I haven’t heard from him since he said something about your bum looking magnificent ahead of him.”

“He would,” she huffed.

“Surely if he’d hurt himself, he would have said something by now. Rose, I know you can’t answer me, but will you please figure out what’s going on over there?”

“Jack?” she called. “Jack, where are you?”

“I’m going inside for a moment to run a scan for life. If something doesn’t seem right, get out of there, Rose. Just run.”

“Okay,” she agreed. Felt better to talk back, even if he couldn’t hear her. “Jack! Where are you? What’s going on? Jack?”

“I’m hearing something. Wait a moment, Rose. Stay right where you are.” Two minutes later, she heard something slamming and looked up, seeing the Doctor in the TARDIS doorway again. “I can see you. Excellent. Now run to me. I’m going to watch you and I’m sorry about this. You know I’d come for you, but I daren’t take my eyes off you for even a second.”

Rose took off at a sprint. “What’s going on?”

He stayed silent a long moment and then said, “It was just heavy breathing. I was hearing heavy breathing through the microphone, but it stopped… Rose, the only life on this planet is you and me. The TARDIS couldn’t find Jack. I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I wish I could hear you. Dammit. He’s not on the planet anymore and I have absolutely no idea how that happened. I refuse to think he might have been hurt badly enough to… Please hurry, Rose, and keep your eyes peeled for danger.”

“I thought-”

“I know I said it should be safe here, but one of our own disappeared. Clearly, this planet isn’t as safe as I thought.” The Doctor’s voice cracked as he said, “He’s gone.” He pulled in a deep breath. “Please be careful.”

She felt a tear streak down her cheek. Jack was inexplicably gone and the Doctor sounded as upset as she felt. What were they going to do?

An eternity later, she barrelled right into the Doctor and he yanked her inside the TARDIS, kicking the door shut and hugging her tightly. She struggled to regain her breath and held on tightly, afraid one of them might disappear if she let go. The Doctor lifted his arm, pressed the sonic, and the TARDIS juddered. Rose fell into the door and the Doctor righted her, led her across to the jump seat, and pushed her down into the seat.

“Where are we going?”

“The vortex. One of the programs I created when I thought we might have to quickly escape Falsgate Quad VI.”

“Good thinking, that.”

He said nothing, just held her cheek for the longest moment, and then turned away.

“I’ll wear the earpiece for a while, see if I can get anything. I’ll be able to move around the ship that way…”

Rose sniffed. “I’m going to go shower and then lay down. Will you…”

“Join you?” he asked, turning.

“Please.”

***

Late Saturday evening, after Rose had just lain around not doing much since their quick exit from Courtana, the Doctor again came to check on her. He sat beside her on the sofa in her favourite media room and pulled her into his arms.

“Are you alright?”

“No,” she said honestly. “How could we just lose him? It was supposed to be safe and he was right behind me, but he just… vanished. Hopefully.”

“I know.”

“Anything on that?”

“Nothing. I’m just hearing static. Have been since the life scans showed only you and me.”

Rose sobbed and wiped her eyes. “How long are you going to wear that thing? It’s doing nothing but hurting you.”

“I don’t know, Rose. I’ll take it out soon.”

“Will you really, though?”

“Probably not. Would you?”

“No.”

He nodded and pressed a kiss into her hair. Her stomach gurgled and her bladder was fit to bursting, but she didn’t want to move. When she was in his arms, Jack’s disappearance didn’t seem so bad. Maybe he was safe, wherever he was, and they’d find him the next time they left the TARDIS.

“Come on, Rose. Let’s go eat, take a shower, and then maybe you could call your mother. She always makes you feel better.”

“Alright.”

He helped her off the sofa, didn’t say anything when she held to his hand like a lifeline, and silently led her to the galley. While he moved around grabbing plates, utensils, and the like, she looked for something easy to cook.

She settled on chicken and rice.

After they ate, they took a shower together, but neither seemed in the mood to do more than kiss and stroke each other. Rose washed the Doctor’s back and he returned the favour by washing her entire body, pressing little kisses to her skin at random.

She was just sitting in the Doctor’s favourite fluffy bathrobe in the middle of his bed, waiting for her mother to answer her phone, when a loud crash came from beyond the Doctor’s personal door of the wardrobe. She hurriedly disconnected the call, jumped out of bed, and rushed to the door.

He threw it open before she could reach it and held up a hand, looking excited. Rose nearly started crying again and the Doctor began bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Jack, Rose.” The Doctor listened for an eternity and then pushed out a deep breath. “Right. Coming?”

“Yeah. Where is he?”

“According to him, he never left Courtana. He claims we disappeared. I don’t think he knows I’m listening. It’s not like I have a way to speak to him.”

“What?” Rose asked, rushing after him. “Why would he think that?”

“I don’t know. He’s been trying to contact us for days- a week to him, apparently- and finally ran back to where I parked the TARDIS. When he made it there, he suddenly found himself right back in the forest where you left him. The same forest, in fact, that was directly across the lake from the TARDIS.”

“How did that happen?”

“I have no idea, but I’m going to find out. Press that button there and then hold that lever down.”

She disregarded the fact she was wearing the Doctor’s bathrobe and only that and hurried to do as he’d asked. A few moments later, the TARDIS landed with a thud and Rose went careening backwards. Unfortunately, she hit her head on the jump seat and the Doctor hurried to her.

“I’m alright. Go. Find Jack.”

“Are you sure? Anything hurt? Can you see straight?”

“Just go. I’m fine.”

The Doctor unwillingly left her, keeping his eyes on her until he was out the door. When the door clicked closed, Rose groaned and clutched her aching head. The door immediately opened, Rose guiltily dropped her hands, and the Doctor’s head popped back in.

“Sorry. Did you say something?”

“No. Go find Jack before he disappears again.”

“Alright…”

It took him longer to close the door this time and Rose breathed out a quiet hiss, holding her head in her hands. She thankfully wasn’t bleeding, but she had the start of a lovely bump. Best not sleep anytime soon. She heaved herself up, staggered to the door, and looked outside.

Jack was running towards the Doctor. As she watched, he bowled the Doctor over and pressed what she could only imagine was a sloppy, loud kiss to his lips. The Doctor shoved him off, laughing, and helped Jack up.

When they finally got back to the TARDIS, Jack pulled her off the ground and spun her around in two circles before stealing a kiss from her that involved a lot of tongue. He winked at the Doctor, who was surprisingly (albeit tightly) smiling, as he lowered her down. Feet on the ground, Rose staggered and clutched the doorway.

“Hell, didn’t know I was that good,” Jack joked. Rose grabbed her head and tried to remain focused.

“That wasn’t your kiss.” The Doctor grabbed her up and carried her inside. “Rose, what’s wrong?”

“Dizzy.”

Jack and the Doctor exchanged a look while Rose leaned back into the jump seat. She rubbed her forehead and then reached back to look for the bump. She straightened, eyes going wide, and felt around again.

“What’s wrong? Have you a knot?”

“I did, but it’s gone.”

The Doctor frowned. “When did you hit your head?”

“When we landed.”

“I knew you weren’t telling me the truth! Rose, how could you?”

“Focus more on her health, Doc.”

“Right. Right, of course. Where was the knot?”

“It was right here.” She directed the Doctor’s hand to her scalp and let him feel around. “It was there. I wasn’t imagining it. I felt it right after you closed the door the second time.”

“There’s nothing here. How is that possible? Are you feeling dizzy still?”

“No… and I can focus on you two now. I thought I was dying when Jack put me down.”

“What does that mean?” Jack asked, worried. “Have you ever seen a human do anything like this?”

“No. I have no idea what’s happening. She’s healed herself.” The Doctor snapped. “Just like that. That isn’t a skill humans have developed. Rose, can I take you to the med bay?”

“No. I’m fine now, for whatever reason. That can wait. I’m more worried about Jack and his unexplained disappearance.”

Jack looked annoyed. “You’re the ones that disappeared, Rose. I was taking a shortcut to beat you out of the forest and surprise you, but when I cleared the tree line, the TARDIS was gone and you were nowhere to be seen or heard. I walked around the forest for days looking for you. I thought maybe the Doctor had seen you get hurt or something and had left to help you. When that didn’t yield anything, I started running back to the spot the TARDIS had been parked. When I finally made it, I blinked and found myself in the spot I last saw you. I just started talking and an hour later, you guys arrived.”

“You took a shortcut through the forest?” Rose sat up, a strange thought entering her mind. “Doctor, could it be possible an atmosphere pocket was able to transport Jack to a sort of alternate version of planet Courtana and that’s how he seemed to disappear off the life scans?”

The Doctor seemed shocked by her question and Jack glanced at him in curiosity.

“Well, yes. I was… How did you come up with that possibility? I’ve been mulling over the idea for two days now, but it was so fantastic, I didn’t at first give it any consideration. It was only when the TARDIS left a tome waiting for me in the library that I actually realised… How?”

“I don’t know. Just came to me.”

The Doctor’s brows pulled down and his head cocked, eyes going between the console and her a few times.

“I see. Well, I think you’re right, Rose.” He frowned and then shook his head. “Whatever happened, Jack’s back now.”

“Yup. I’m happy to be back, too.”

“We’re happy to have you back, Jack. Now. Rose, med bay.”

She sighed.

***

“Okay, I don’t know what’s going on with you guys, but you better stop it.”

Jack and the Doctor blankly looked at each other and then directed their attention back to Rose.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought it was weird when you both felt you had to help me in and out of a car on Earth and I held my tongue, because I thought maybe you were just being cautious since I was wearing heels, but this is ridiculous. I can promise you that I don’t need help walking out of the TARDIS.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s just the grass is wet and I didn’t want you to slip. I’m sure Jack was thinking the same thing.”

“I was.”

“See?”

Rose huffed, pulled her hands free, took a step… and almost fell on her face.

Both Jack and the Doctor grabbed her by an arm, pulling her back, and Rose glared at the patch of grass she’d slipped on. She wondered if the grass was sentient and had planned to make her fall.

“Thanks,” she said unwillingly.

“Don’t mention it. By the way, happy three month anniversary!”

Despite her lingering irritation with the grass, Rose giggled. “Happy anniversary. So are we celebrating with Jack?”

“Hardly,” Jack scoffed. “I’m a man on a mission. Specifically, a man trying to get laid so if you could avoid me for a few hours, I’d appreciate it.”

“Oh, my God, Jack.”

He grinned unrepentantly. “It’s Edgar today.”

“That’s more than I needed to know.” She shook her head, smiling. “Go on, then. Make bad decisions and have too much fun, but you better be home by midnight.”

“Ah, Ma. You never let me have any fun,” he joked. “Long as we’re giving orders, you two go have fun and then come back to work on a baby. Be nice to have one around, I think, and you know it’d be cute with Rose for a mom."

“Go away, Jack,” the Doctor demanded. He locked the door while Rose watched Jack walk off, laughing to himself. “I don’t know what your mother has said to him, but this baby business is getting pretty bad. Are you quite sure you find faking a pregnancy scare to be as reprehensible as I do?”

“Yeah, I do,” she sighed. “Kinda wish I didn’t, though.”

“Mm. I know what you mean.” The Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his side. “Let’s just forget about that for the time being, alright?”

“Sounds good.” Rose looked around. “You never said. Where are we?”

“This, beautiful, is Hermanara. The people of this planet are famous for their fine dining and romantic atmosphere. And um, well, they are less well known for their excellent craftsmanship with, uh, furniture, which is a shame.”

“Furniture?”

“I am particularly interested in their furniture fit for infants, toddlers, and small children.” Rose stared at him for several long seconds and the Doctor licked his lips while looking around. “I brought you here for the fine dining and romantic atmosphere, but I was going to nip back out after you had gone to bed, because I did find a few things I wanted for the nursery.”

“You’re already picking out furniture?”

“Ah, yes, well… I forgot to tell you, what with everything going on. You remember how the nursery was put on hold those days following Beverly’s rehearsal dinner? Well, I finished painting the day you and Jack went for a run on Courtana. It was going to be a surprise, but then…”

“The nursery’s finished?” she asked excitedly. “Does it look adorable?”

“I thought so and it’s been four days since I finished so I wanted to start decorating. You know, because we should get those photographs done to give your mother the next time you visit.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Well, maybe I could help you pick the furniture out? I mean, you did say it had to be us, right?”

“I did, yes.” He smiled. “Alright. After…”

“After dinner?”

“Are you sure? Picking out baby furniture after a romantic dinner for two?”

“Why not? Guess we could always wait until we’re done celebrating, but I won’t want to leave the TARDIS once we get back.”

The Doctor glanced at her, seeming confused, caught her meaningful look, and his brows lifted.

“You’re right,” he commented quickly. “I won’t, either. Dinner, baby furniture, TARDIS in that order.”

“Good plan.”

***

Exactly ten minutes after midnight, according to her bedside clock, Rose heard Jack whistling loudly from the control room. She nudged the Doctor, who was dozing completely naked atop the bedspread beside her, and levered up on an elbow when he barely cracked one eye open.

“Hey. Jack’s back.”

“Ah, good news. ’s not dead.”

She snickered. “Yeah. Sounds like he’s waiting for you.”

“I doubt that.”

“He hasn’t left the control room since he slammed the door to the TARDIS. Twice.”

“I heard.”

“You’re about to fall asleep, aren’t you?”

“Might be. Won’t be long, but you exhausted me, Rose. I need a quick nap.”

Ooh, ego boost.

“Alright. I’ll go see what he wants.”

The Doctor replied with something unintelligible and Rose slid out of bed. She quietly pulled on a thick long-sleeve shirt, lounge bottoms, and a pair of house slippers. She was freezing tonight, had been since dinner. She hoped she wasn’t getting sick, but was sure she wasn’t. She felt fabulous. When she made it to the control room, Jack looked up and smiled.

“Hello, you saucy vixen. Where’s the Doctor?”

“Taking a nap. What’s going on?”

“I’m in an excellent mood and I was hoping to bribe you or the Doctor to entertain me. Since it’s you, want to watch a movie?”

She laughed. “I guess I can do that. I’m wide awake, actually, so that sounds great. Let me grab some food, you pick the movie, and come find me. Plan?”

“Plan.”

Rose moved off to the galley, found a tray, and piled soft drinks and some crisps on it. Next came a few bananas, a chocolate bar from Earth, and an unopened package of pizza pepperonis. Jack was standing in the doorway when she turned around and she almost dropped the tray.

“You scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry, Rosie Posie. I’ve picked a good movie and you… have some interesting snacks. Ready?”

She nodded. Jack took the tray from her, led the way to one of the bigger and more masculine media rooms, and put the tray on the coffee table. He sat at one end of the sofa, Rose leaned into his side, and Jack aimed a remote at the telly. He then picked the tray up and Rose immediately opened the package of pepperonis and emptied some onto the tray. She snagged a banana and the chocolate and directed her attention to the screen. She alternated bites of banana, chocolate, and pepperoni until Jack opened her soft drink and put it down.

“Thank you so much. I didn’t realise how thirsty I was until you opened that.”

“I’m not surprised. You’re really packing away the bananas and whatnot. Were you hungry?”

“Starving. Last time I ate was hours ago.”

Jack smirked. “I’m sure.”

“Jack, stop,” she laughed. “We’re not talking ‘bout that.”

“Alright, alright.”

They settled in to watch the movie and Rose enjoyed being able to just hang out with Jack. When he wasn’t busy giving the Doctor hell, he was fun to be around and she’d missed hanging out with him one on one. She rested her head against his shoulder and he moved his arm to wrap around her side, pulling her closer.

She appreciated it, too, because he was putting off a lot of heat and she was so cold.

Halfway through the movie, some horror film from 3000-something on Earth, the Doctor shuffled in wearing his banana pyjamas and flopped onto the sofa. He laid his head in Rose’s lap and she immediately started playing with his hair, eyes still on the screen.

However, a few minutes later, she felt his jaw moving against her thigh and looked down. She laughed at what she saw.

“You couldn’t sit up to eat the banana?”

“Well, no. You were playing with my hair, which you’ve now stopped doing. Shame on you.”

Jack snickered and returned his attention to the telly. Rose rolled her eyes, buried her hand in his hair, and smiled as he let out a happy sigh. He soon finished eating his banana, pressed a kiss to her thigh, and settled down to watch the movie. When it ended an hour later, Rose opened her eyes and blinked the fog of sleep away. So much for being wide awake. Oh, she was alone.

Curious, she climbed off the sofa and walked into the hallway. She couldn’t hear anything, but something was urging her to walk left down the corridor. She realised she was heading towards the sleeping corridors and knew she should enter the room right beside the Doctor’s, the one right across from hers.

She paused at the door and listened, hearing laughter from inside.

“-so I tipped my stolen hat at her husband and got the hell out of there.”

The Doctor laughed loudly. “The man could have killed you for shagging his wife and you’re completely unfazed.”

“Eh. In my defence, I didn’t know she was married when she brought me back to her place. Much as I joke about it with you and Rose, I’m not interested in messing around with anyone that’s taken. It’s just wrong. Small bit of morality, I guess.”

“I knew you weren’t that much of a sod.”

“Damn! And I was trying so hard.”

The Doctor snorted. “Not hard enough.”

“So when did you figure it out?”

“That you’re not actually trying to seduce my wife?”

“Or you. Yeah.”

“Oh, let’s see… The 1st of November according to the calendar hanging up in Rose’s room.”

“That was only three days after you found me walking in that market on Farisow.”

“I know.”

“So why the hell have you been freaking out anytime I hit on Rose?”

“Call it instinct. She’s my wife,” the Doctor explained. “I won’t apologise for it and I hope she doesn’t find me repulsive for being so possessive.”

“I don’t think that’s really a bad thing. Not like this, at least.”

“Hope she feels the same.” She did. The Doctor cleared his throat. “Anyways, would you mind holding this steady while I mark the wall? I don’t want the shelf to abruptly fall and fling nappies everywhere.”

Rose pressed both hands to her mouth. Right now, she wanted to both laugh and cry. On the one hand, the thought of clean nappies flying everywhere was hilarious. On the other hand, they were in there putting up the furniture for the nursery.

She settled for smiling and swallowing past the lump in her throat.

“Have you thought about it?”

“Little higher, Jack. It’s not even. Have I thought about what?”

“You and her having a baby.”

There was silence for several seconds and Rose strained to hear any sound from inside. Finally, the Doctor sighed.

“I have. As I once told you, there’s always been a chance Rose could become pregnant. You may lower the shelf now.”

Someone, presumably the Doctor, started hammering a nail into the wall and Rose didn’t hear anything else. She was about to walk away or walk inside when the fourth round of hammering stopped.

“Damn. If the shelf falls now, it’s going to be a miracle.”

“Yes,” the Doctor remarked smugly, “it will be.”

“I’ve thought about it, too,” Jack said after a few silent moments. “You and Rose having a baby, that is.”

“Have you really? Why?”

“Seems like something you’d really love and Rose… Well, you’re fixing up a nursery on your own to surprise Rose, because you both wanted one. That says a lot.”

“You are mistaken. I am doing this so we can take photographs for her mother and to have a place to store all the items that woman keeps giving us. They were cluttering up Rose’s bedroom.”

A little part of Rose’s heart hurt. She didn’t know what she’d been expecting the Doctor to say, but it hadn’t been that.

“Are you sure those are the only reasons you’re working so hard to make this room perfect? I mean, I don’t even want kids, but this room’s making me want to adopt one or something.”

“There are three reasons I am working so hard on this room, Jack. One, so the photographs we take for Jackie don’t look fake. Rose and I both agreed the nursery needed to look like us, like something we did together. Two, we have collected nearly enough baby gear that we need an entire room to store it all. Three, in case Rose ever does become pregnant, the nursery will be one less worry for us to deal with.”

“Alright. You don’t have to get all red-eared. I was just asking. Though, if you did want a baby with your lovely wife, I don’t think that’d be a bad thing. I bet you’d love being a dad again and Rose would probably be the best mom in the universe.”

Rose smiled. Bless his heart.

“She would.”

“Are you saying you wouldn’t love being a dad again?”

“No, I never said that.”

“So you _would_ love to be a dad again?”

“I never said that, either.”

“You can’t honestly tell me you have no opinion about it. No one can be neutral about this sort of thing so which is it? Would you or would you not love being a dad again?”

Rose held her breath and eagerly awaited the Doctor’s response, which seemed preternaturally long in coming.

“What do you want me to say, Jack?” he finally asked, voice very quiet. “I cannot say I would hate being a father again, because it would be a lie. I would love to be a father again.”

“So what’s the hang up?”

“She’s human and I’m not. She will die with less than a hundred years under her belt, I will survive several hundred more if I don’t throw myself into my last regeneration too quickly.”

“So? You’ve known since day one that she was human and yet you still fell in love with her.” Rose’s heart nearly stopped. “Or, well, maybe not, but close enough. Right? You’re at least very, very fond of her.”

The Doctor made a noise. “Yes, I’ve always known she’s human. How exactly does that help me?”

“Because it does. You’ve always known she’s human and you know she’s going to die much too soon for your tastes so… Wait a second. That’s why you keep landing in safe zones, isn’t it?”

Rose’s brows arched. Would he finally admit it?

“Jack, I have literally nothing to do with the places we’ve been landing. I don’t know what the TARDIS is up to. Every single time I input the coordinates for a planet, the old girl lands us somewhere else. I’ve been trying to get Rose out of here for some good, old, saving the day kind of fun, but I can’t.”

Could that possibly be true?

“Are you lying to me?”

“No, I’m not. I know nothing’s broken. I’ve been down in the belly many times looking at everything. Under my direction, she’ll land on relatively safe or absolutely deserted planets with no problem, but it’s like she throws a fit and lands us somewhere completely different whenever I try to land her on, say, Graszut X. I haven’t been able to stop there to nip out _on my own_ for Rose’s favourite hard candies since we got married. I’ve tried many times. I even tried telling the old girl I wouldn’t take Rose with me, because God knows the pollen steals her breath, but with no results. The closest I got to Graszut X was a rough landing on their moon.”

“So the TARDIS has just decided you’re not allowed to go anywhere unsafe?”

“That’s what it feels like. Somewhat. With Rose, at least. Okay. Here’s another one. Do you remember the other day when Rose was sleeping and you just returned to the control room from the library?”

“The day you got the distress call from Pompana?”

“Exactly. I was able to land, restore peace, and pick up those little red booties sitting on the dresser there. Right? Remember?”

Wait. He’d bought booties on a rescue mission? Her heart was actually in her throat. No exaggeration. It was hard to swallow past the lump.

“Yeah.”

“I tried to go back Sunday night with Rose, because I thought she might want to see the various nursing shawls they have…”

WHAT???

“And we randomly landed on Growstang.”

“Exactly.”

Seemed they weren’t coming back to the baby conversation, though she wished they would. She really wanted to know why the Doctor was now picking up baby things on his own. Rose sighed, briefly wondered about the necessity of having double doors to a nursery, and then reached out for one of the door handles.

“So do you think the TARDIS is doing it ‘cause she knows something you don’t?”

Rose froze.

“Hmm. She is very intelligent.” The lights dimmed and the Doctor chuckled. “Oh, you knew that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is trying to tell us something.”

“Like maybe that Rose could be pregnant and you’re not allowed to take her anywhere dangerous?”

“Or more likely that she’s getting tired of being dragged through hell.”

Jack didn’t say anything and Rose took the opportunity to open the door, suddenly feeling guilty for having eavesdropped for as long as she had. If they’d wanted her to know any of that, they would’ve told her. Before she could see anything of the room, she quickly covered her eyes and bumped the door open with her hip. Sort of unspoken apology, she supposed.

“Rose, what are you doing in here? It’s not done yet so you better not uncover your eyes, little missy.”

“I won’t. I just woke up alone and I didn’t like that. Have you seen Jack?”

Okay so now she felt terrible for making them think she hadn’t heard anything at all.

“Yes, he’s right here. Did you need him?”

“Not really. I was just curious. What are you guys doing?”

She was so bad.

“We were, uh, hanging a shelf,” Jack replied. “Enjoy your nap?”

“It was alright. Missed a lot of the movie. Was it good?”

The Doctor sniffed. “Not my cup of tea, but Jack seemed to like it. Oh, here, Jack. Mind giving me a hand with this?”

“Hold on.” There were two hands suddenly spanning her waist and Rose squeaked as she was led backwards to what felt like a rocking chair. “Sit here, Rose. You’ll be out of the way.”

“Okay. Thanks, Jack.”

“Might also tell your husband if you like that rocker or not,” the Doctor remarked casually. “It was one piece of furniture I picked out on my own and it took me nearly an hour to decide on that one. It was actually quite funny thinking back on it now. I had four rockers lined up in a row and kept testing each one. The shopkeeper nearly smacked me after the sixth go, I think.”

“It’s very comfy. I think I do like it.” She dropped her hands and, eyes closed, rocked herself back and forth. “I really do. Is it pretty?”

“Very. Jack tried stealing it earlier.”

“Only because I thought it’d look better in my room than in a room you’re not planning to use.”

“Jack.”

“Just saying, Boss.”

Rose made sure to keep her expression blank, still just rocking. If they were looking for anything from her, they’d have to ask.

“Uh, right. Ready?”

“One-”

“Lift.”

Someone- sounded like Jack- groaned loudly. She wished she knew what they were moving. Sounded heavy, whatever it was.

“Down,” the Doctor demanded. “Harkness, put it down before you break your damned back _. Put it down_. This is where I want it.”

“Thank God.”

“If you had let me finish the count… Imbecile.”

If she kept sitting here with her eyes closed and rocking in this comfortable chair, she was going to fall back asleep. It was probably past her bedtime by at least a few hours, but she didn’t want to go to bed just yet. If she didn’t want to sleep again (and she really didn’t), she’d better talk. That’d keep her awake.

“Have either of you ever planned a baby shower?”

Jack and the Doctor stopped moving.

“What?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Well, we need to plan a baby shower obviously.”

Excited about Shareen’s future baby, she smiled sweetly and someone staggered, hit some part of his body, and groaned. Loudly. Poor Jack.

“Ffffffffoooo.”

Her brows furrowed. “What?”

“I think Jack was attempting to ask for whom we would plan the shower. Was I correct?” He paused. “Ah, yes, I was. Good. Who is this party supposed to be thrown for?”

“Oh, it’s for me, obviously.”

She didn’t snort but she did roll her eyes. The Doctor knew about Shareen’s pregnancy. For the longest time, she didn’t hear so much as a breath from the two men in the room from her and was really starting to feel bad about her response. Damn sarcasm doesn’t translate well when your eyes are closed and they can’t see you rolling your eyes, apparently. She was just about to tell on herself when someone took a shuddering breath and quietly pushed it out.

“I thought you said you weren’t pregnant, Rose.”

“I’m sorry, Doctor.” She let out a nervous laugh. “It was a joke. Well, not a joke. I was being sarcastic. Was a sarcastic joke, I guess. I’m really not pregnant. I promise. The shower’s for Shareen. Remember me telling you?”

“Ohh. That makes so much more sense. I didn’t think you would lie to me about something that important.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, nearly opening her eyes. “I really am. I just said it to mess with Jack, because it sounded like he really thought I was pregnant and he should know I wouldn’t’ve sprung a baby on him like that. I didn’t think you’d believe me, too. I mean, I’d have told you guys if I was pregnant. Including me, you’d be the second person to know if I was or not, Doctor.”

The Doctor chuckled. “You’re right. I was being incredibly silly. Next time, warn me. Won’t you? I’d like to enjoy Jack’s response, too. Jack, mind grabbing that end for… What? Why are you- What’s wrong?”

“Rose, that was just mean.”

“Now wait just a second, Jack. She wasn’t trying to be mean. She was playing a bit of a joke and she’s explained that. Let it go.”

“You thought that was funny?”

Rose’s eyes pricked. Hindsight being twenty-twenty, she realised maybe it hadn’t been as funny to them as it had been to her, not that it had been all that funny to her, but still. Even the Doctor hadn’t laughed. Not much. More like forced a chuckle. She swallowed, her throat feeling tight.

“Yes, I did. I was a bit taken aback at first, but it was funny. We _were_ acting like a pair of dolts and deserved that. After all, Rose would have told us she was pregnant, just as she said. She was making a point, Jack.”

“Well, I didn’t think it was that funny, but… I guess you’re right. We did deserve that.”

“Yes, we did.” The Doctor suddenly cursed and Rose heard him coming closer. “Look what you did. You made her cry, Jack. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

“What? But I- Ah, hell.”

Rose felt herself being gathered to the Doctor’s chest. Why had she said that? She should have known they wouldn’t have picked up on the sarcasm. And why the hell was she crying about it? She was being a big baby.

“Shh, Rose. It’s okay. Jack is just an idiot. You know how he can be.”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry, Rose. Honest.”

“Shut up, Jack.” The Doctor picked her up and sat down in the rocker with her on his lap. “It’s alright. Don’t cry. I think it’s funny. I really do. It wasn’t mean in the slightest. It was just a sarcastic response, right? Right, yes. We’ve all done that before. Me more than most, I should think.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh, Rose. Shh. No, don’t apologise,” he said soothingly. “As stated, Jack is just an idiot. Aren’t you, Jack?”

"A big one. Whole universe knows that. Even rocks. Non-sentient ones, I mean.”

“See? Please stop crying. I feel powerless when you’re crying. I never know what to do to help you.” Rose choked back a sob and her breath caught a few times as her tears slowed. “There. That’s my girl. Just calm down. You needn’t cry. Neither of us are upset with you. _Are we_ , Jack?”

“Not even a little, Rose. Kinda pissed at myself for making you cry, actually.”

The Doctor kissed her eyelids and then wiped away her tears. She heard Jack walk away from them and sit on top of something, a quiet sigh escaping him as he stilled.

“Are you alright now, sweetheart?”

That little endearment made her smile and she could feel the Doctor relax against her. Second time he’d ever called her that and she still loved it.

“Yeah. I feel like a big baby for crying over nothing really.”

“I would have cried, too, if Jack made me feel so terrible for a measly sarcastic remark. What a jerk.”

She laughed shakily. “No, you wouldn’t have, but I appreciate you saying that.”

“So you need help planning a baby shower?” Jack asked brightly, voice sounding a bit forced. “Think we can manage that, Boss?”

“A baby shower? Pfft. I’ve gone toe to toe with some of the universe’s most fearsome creatures. A baby shower doesn’t scare me.”

“Just my mum,” Rose joked.

The Doctor laughed. “That’s right. Just Jackie Tyler. Alright. Jack, I’m taking Rose to the galley for some tea and then we’ll finish this. Well, no. Since she’s awake, we can finish it once she’s gone to bed for the night.”

“In that case, I’m going to take a shower. I never got one and I feel unspeakably disgusting.”

“After hearing a recounting of your day, I’m not surprised.”

“Oh, ha ha. Uh, night, Rosie.”

She smiled. “Night, Jack.”

***

“You have to promise to keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them,” the Doctor said seriously. “Will you promise to do that?”

“I promise.”

“Good. Stay right here.”

Rose heard the Doctor open both doors to the nursery and while the TARDIS happily hummed, he very carefully walked her into the room. She anxiously waited for him to move behind her, his hands on her body the entire way, and then he clasped her shoulders. His lips caressed her neck, her jaw, and her cheek before moving to her ear.

“You can open them.”

She obeyed and gasped.

The large room had been transformed into her dream nursery. Seriously. It was just like she’d imagined it that first time, excluding the carpeting and shape of the furniture, but the furniture had been white when she imagined it so that was close enough. The walls were a beautiful pastel orange and there was a pretty light yellow trim, as they’d decided, a light yellow ceiling, and white furniture. There were some pieces she’d helped pick out, but the bulk of it had been the Doctor’s choosing.

He’d somehow obtained the shaggy white carpeting they’d both admired not too long ago, which was frankly impressive. Rose opened a drawer to the dresser and peeked inside. He and Jack had obviously moved the furniture into the locations they were now, but she wondered if the Doctor had filled the drawers with the baby clothing, put the nappies on the hanging shelves, and set up the rest of the baby stuff all by himself.

She particularly thought the little pyramid of different coloured dummies was adorable. Though how it was remaining in place without tipping over was a mystery. Was there a stand under there somewhere?

“This is…” Rose slowly spun to take the room in one last time, spying the Doctor’s smile as she did. “Oh, my gosh. Doctor, it’s amazing.”

“Do you approve?”

“Ha. Do I approve?” She turned and kissed him. Deeply. “It’s perfect. All of it. I know why we decided to do up a nursery and yet I almost believe we’re really trying for a baby so I know Mum’s totally going to believe us. I bet she’ll not say another word about grandchildren. Maybe ever again.”

“Do you really?”

“Yeah. This room looks exactly like something I’d want for my baby and I’m sure-”

“Not that, Rose. I’ve no doubt your mother will believe us and stop the harassment. I meant to ask do you really “almost believe” we’re trying?”

“Oh. Well, it is a pretty great room.” She looked around again, eyes lingering on the little row of tiny baby shoes on a shelf above the dresser. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. There was a tiny pair of trainers just like the Doctor’s. Miniaturized versions of the ones currently on his feet, in fact. “This is the kind of room a couple puts together when they’re trying and hoping for a baby, you know? It’s the kind of room you can imagine bringing a child home to. Seriously, it’s so good, it’s messing with my head and making me believe we are.”

“And that doesn’t frighten you?”

“No. Does it you?”

“Never." The Doctor looked around. "And do you know? It’s beginning to mess with mine, as well, I think.”

The Doctor chuckled and Rose opened her mouth to maybe pursue that line of thought, but her gaze landed on a door across the room. She cocked her head.

“What’s that?”

“Well, Rose, it looks to be a door.”

Smart aleck. She shot him a look and went to investigate. Rose grabbed the knob, turned it, and pushed open the door. She had expected to see a closet or maybe the baby’s own little corner of the wardrobe.

She hadn’t expected to see the Doctor’s bedroom.

“But…” She walked into the room and stared at the wall. There they were, two identical doors. One that opened to the Doctor’s bathroom, and one that now led to the nursery. “This used to be your door to the wardrobe. Still was, actually, just three days ago.”

“Yes,” he said quietly, now standing just beyond the door frame. “However, the TARDIS moved that door for me. That’s not… weird, is it?”

“That the TARDIS moved the door or, well, the room? No.”

“That the nursery is connected to my bedroom, Rose,” he corrected hesitantly. “Is this alright?”

She briefly thought back on the conversation she’d overheard between the Doctor and Jack. He would love being a dad again… and he kept saying there was always a chance she could get pregnant as long as they kept having sex. He’d even bought or found little baby things like those adorable red booties on the shelf or that nursing sling he’d mentioned, all while out by himself.

It hit her that this nursery might not be much of a ruse to him, after all. That it might be him actually preparing for their possible future.

“I think it makes perfect sense.”

He straightened in surprise. “You do?”

“Well, yeah, because you know…” she hedged. “Just in case anything happens, it makes sense to have the nursery be next door and, um, you did say there’s always a possibility it could happen. I’ve heard you say that, you know.” He nodded. “And- and, uh, you do, um, spend a lot of time in here when I’m sleeping so you’d be able to…” The Doctor was grinning now, but didn’t seem inclined to take pity on her. “Well, you’d hear the baby if it woke up. If there was ever a baby, I mean. Accidentally, I mean. I mean-”

The Doctor laughed. “I’m terribly sorry, Rose. I should have stopped you sooner, but I couldn’t. I’m a mean, old man and I was enjoying that very much. I apologise. Yes, I know what you mean and I wholeheartedly agree.”

“You do?”

“I do, with everything you said.”

“Oh.” She grinned. “Good, because I was starting to feel stupid.”

“Not stupid. No, you’re my very clever little wife. You could never be stupid.”

“Until I say something that’s genuinely stupid.”

“Not stupid,” he repeated. “Never that. Well, not anymore.”

She rolled her eyes. “Glad you think so.”

“I do. Now, since I’ve been working very hard getting our nursery into order and it has finally come together, I think you and I need to celebrate.”

“Oh, yeah? What do you have in mind?”

“You, me, the door, and absolutely nothing between the two of us.”

He wiggled his brows and grinned shamelessly. Rose giggled.

“You mean this door?”

“It is the closest one that doesn’t have a toilet on the other side.”

“You know there’s a bed right over there? We could celebrate over and over without worrying about jelly legs.”

“Ah, but I want to shag you brainless on a door right this second, but the bedroom door’s out ‘cause Jack might walk by and decide to listen in and the door in the nursery’s definitely out ‘cause of one, Jack and two, I refuse to do anything naughty in our potential child’s first room. The bathroom door’s not even worth mentioning.”

“Which leaves the nursery door in here.”

He grinned. “Exactly.”

“Well, if you’re gonna twist my arm…” She pretended to sigh. “I suppose.”

“Now that’s the spirit!”


	8. Prank Part 1: Mickey

“Oh, my,” her mother breathed. “It’s breathtaking.”

“Yeah.” Rose eyed the photos spread over the table and smiled happily. “I know. The Doctor worked very hard on it. It’s our dream nursery come true.”

“It was a surprise for my Rose.” The Doctor smiled and Rose’s belly fluttered. “Finished it the day after our three month anniversary. Worked through the night, too, to make sure it was ready before breakfast.”

“Did you? What a lovely gift.” Her mum faced her. “Did you thank him properly, Rose?”

“Mum.”

“Jackie, we’ve talked about this. You are not allowed to mention our sex life. Ever. Might irrevocably harm my reproductive system and then where would we be? I’d be broken and I’ve no way of fixing that.”

“Oh, don’t get your pants in a bunch, you big baby.”

Rose snickered.

“Another thing you are not allowed to mention. My undergarments-” Or lack thereof, Rose thought. “-are none of your concern.”

“Sorry. Didn’t realise you were so touchy. Your time of the month, is it?” Her mum rolled her eyes. “Do you mind if I keep these, sweetheart? I want to show everyone that matters.”

“So all your gossip biddies or, as I refer to it, the whole of Powell Estate? Possibly all of London, though I’ve not gotten conclusive results from my study.”

Her mum’s eyes narrowed. “Keep it up, Doctor, and I’ll tell you what I’ve heard. Involves an attractive man looking for a young wife, a man that’s not you and who might actually be able to satisfy Rose’s every need. Her wish for children included.”

Oh, no. It was starting already.

“Oh! Wonderful. More news live from the JTGN!” He scoffed. “I can only imagine it will bore me to tears, but I’m sure that’s what you’re aiming for so have at it, you heartless wench.”

“Stop it,” Rose said sternly. Although, she couldn’t contain an amused smile and the Doctor winked. “Be nice to my mum, Doctor. You’re family now. Mum, leave him alone.”

“And I was having such a good day,” he groaned. “Thanks for reminding me I’m related to that… creature. Alright, Jackie. Let’s hear it. What’s this news of yours?”

Her mum frowned. “But what’s the JTGN? Ain’t anything I’ve ever heard of.”

“The Jackie Tyler Gossip Network. It’s all the rage in London, I hear.” Rose ducked in time to avoid her mum’s cup of tea. The Doctor calmly wiped the hot tea from his face with his tie and then grinned obnoxiously, looking unfazed. “Done with your little episode now or will you continue?”

Her mum gave the Doctor a dark glare. “You are so lucky Rose hasn’t gotten pregnant yet ‘cause if she had, I’d see no reason to keep you alive.”

“You would force your own daughter to raise a half-alien baby on her own? What sort of mother are you?”

“And what sort of man are you picking fun at his mother-in-law all the time?”

“You started it! And I’m plenty man enough for her.”

“Oh, really? Maybe I think you’re not man enough at all. What’s really going on below your belt, hmm? Might explain why Rose isn’t pregnant yet.”

“Believe me, Jackie,” the Doctor said, eyes briefly flashing. Was it anger or enjoyment? “I’m more than equipped to fertilize every womb from here to-”

Oh, hell no.

“Don’t you even talk about it, you disgusting pervert alien! Why my daughter wants to stay married to the likes of you, I’ll never know!”

The Doctor winked. “Thank all the gods for that one, Jackie.”

“You son of a-”

Rose leaned back in her chair and fiddled with the bump on her shirt caused by the belly band of her maternity denims. She’d been right. They were incredibly cute and not even her mum, who seemed to have caught baby fever, knew they were maternity. Nobody could tell. In fact, she’d shown Jack that morning and he still hadn’t believed it even when the belly band was completely exposed.

And God, not only were they this cute, but they were _so_ comfortable. No, really. She was half-tempted to wear maternity clothing for the rest of her life. Old and grey and in maternity. She snickered.

While her husband and her mother bickered back and forth, Rose let go of the puckered fabric and took a sip of her tea. She wondered what had been going on in the Doctor’s head the past three days. Ever since they’d celebrated the finishing of the nursery (four times… three on the floor), he’d seemed different. Rose fiddled with her transport ring and thought about that.

She didn’t want to say anything about it, especially to him, but he’d been treating her almost like she was made of china. Twice since breakfast alone, which was a mere three hours ago, she’d caught him staring at her stomach and both times he’d nearly fallen flat on his face trying to help her when she stood up to go pee.

That wasn’t the worst of it, though.

He’d again helped her walk out of the TARDIS, which was seriously the most unnecessary thing in the world. She’d done that how many times since they first met? He’d also held her hand up the stairs to her mum’s flat (and he’d been walking behind her so that’d been especially difficult), had insisted it was proper etiquette for him to help her sit down at the kitchen table, and followed her like a shadow every single time she’d stood up from her chair. The last time she’d only been getting the nursery photos from her jacket pocket, but the Doctor had followed her there and back.

Her jacket was hanging up less than a meter away.

“-seventeen times in one night! I can assure you, Jackie, I know how to pleasure your daughter and I am excellent at it.”

Rose blushed, slumped down into her chair, and sighed.

“If you’re as good as you say you are, why isn’t she pregnant, then? Her dad was terrible in bed-”

“Mum!”

This was becoming a nightmare.

“-in the beginning and yet Rose came along our fourth time. Explain that.”

“That’s not the way conception occurs, you dimwit.”

“I’m going to go call Shareen.”

The Doctor didn’t stop talking. He simply stood up and followed her to the sofa, still parrying her mum’s mean comments with barbed remarks of his own as he got her settled with her phone, two throw pillows, and a small blanket. Surprising her, he abruptly held up a hand to her mother and looked at her in concern.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just getting bored with the back and forth.”

He very nearly pouted. “Are you angry with me?”

“No. This is something I’ve gotten used to. Hardly notice it anymore.”

“Good to hear. Are you cold?” She shook her head in the negative. “Are you lying to me? I remember you shivering over your pancakes this morning, Rose. I can find a warmer blanket if you wish. It would be no trouble.”

“I’m alright. I promise. I _can_ do things for myself, despite what you think. I’m fine.”

“Are you absolutely certain? Do you need anything at all?”

“No,” she insisted. “Jeez. Get out of my hair, won’t you? Go have fun.”

“Thank you.” He quickly kissed her lips, pulled back, and grinned. “I _am_ having fun.”

The Doctor faced her mother again, lowered his hand, and promptly launched right back into what he was saying as if he hadn’t stopped at all. Rose rolled her eyes, dialled Shareen’s number, and waited for the call to connect. It seemed to take forever for someone to pick up.

“’Ello, Rose. Reenie’s in the toilet right now. Sorry ‘bout your awful timing. What’s up?”

“Oh, hi, Trevor.” The Doctor paused and when Rose looked up, she caught him leaning back in his seat and watching her. She arched a brow and he smiled warmly. “Nothing’s up. Not really. Just wanted to chat a bit.”

“Oh, good. Sure Reenie’s gon’ love to hear from ya.”

“Shareen?” the Doctor mouthed.

“I hope,” Rose said. “Her boyfriend,” she mouthed back. He nodded and began to stare blankly at her mum, which always annoyed her. Rose giggled. “So what are you two doing?”

“Just got back from doing the shopping and now I’m setting up a crib… ‘cause I’m gon’ be a dad!”

“Congratulations!” She smiled. She was surprised Trevor had managed to contain his excitement this long. “How’s she been doin’ lately?”

“You knew, di’n’t you?”

Rose made a face. “Sorry. She didn’t know how to tell you and I’m her best friend.”

“Shouldn’t be surprised.” Trevor chuckled. “Second day me knowin’ ‘bout the babe, she says you’re plannin’ a party. Seems obvious thinkin’ ‘bout it now.”

“Oh,” she breathed. She loved it when men called them babes. “Yeah, I’m having the… er, John and our friend, Jack, help me with the baby shower.”

Rose saw the Doctor turn his head and shoot her a brief look, his ramble never once interrupted by his apparent preoccupation with her conversation. His look was one fraught with curiosity and what she thought might be wistfulness and she wondered what he could be feeling wistful about. No, perhaps she’d gotten it wrong.

“Ah, yeah, Reenie mentioned you had a husband now. He a good man?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes. I’d like to think he is, yeah.”

She really needed to stop letting her mind wander.

“Thing we’ve wondered is why you didn’t have a ceremony. You know Reenie would’ve loved to go.”

Rose bit her lip. “I know, but it wasn’t planned, you see. We kind of… eloped. Mum wasn’t even there.”

Again, the Doctor stopped talking. However, this time, he walked into the room and stood in front of her. He cocked his head, studying her expression, and scowled.

“What is she saying to you, Rose?”

“It’s not-”

“It’s none of my business, I know, but you know Shareen.”

“Hold on, Trevor. Quit hovering,” Rose told the Doctor. “I’m fine. Go pester my mum some more.”

“No, we’re done with that,” her mum said. “He won this time. Discussing babies now.”

“I just asked her about one particular type of buggy when you mentioned our, er, elopement.”

“He can’t hear you.”

“Oh. Well, good, because I wish to say that snooping manchild has no business poking around in the details of our wedding ceremony, especially if he is making you feel uncomfortable with his line of questioning. Should I tell him to bugger off?”

He sounded hopeful and Rose snorted. “Protective today, aren’t you?”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea of what you’re talking about, Rose.”

“Right. Go ‘way.”

“No, I don’t think I will.” He grinned at her and propped himself up on the armrest beside her. “I was getting bored with your mother, anyway, and I haven’t annoyed you in at least an hour.”

“Try two,” Rose teased. “Now shh. I’m sorry, Trevor. My, ehm, John was telling me something about, um, buggies. I’m back now.”

Trevor sounded excited when he asked, “Oh, why’s that? You expectin’ one, too?”

“Oh. Um, no.” Rose laughed and the Doctor tried to rub a grin from his lips. He failed. “No, no. Just my mum’s pressuring us and all that. Unavoidable conversations, you know. Anyway, ‘Reen done yet?”

“If I’m hearin’ right, I think she mighta just got in the bath. She’s been hurtin’ today.”

“Nothing too serious?” Rose asked anxiously.

“Ah, no. Doc says it’s round ligament pain or somethin’ like it. Sh’reen swears this is the worst it’s ever been, but it’s normal.”

“Oh. He might consider having Shareen lie in bed with a pillow under her tummy and between her legs.” Rose looked at the Doctor and his brows rose. “What? I know things. Am I not allowed to give advice?”

“Rose?”

“Sorry, Trevor. The Doc- er, sorry. I mean John-” Trevor snorted and Rose blushed. Right. Because to her fellow humans, the Doctor has a name and calling him Doctor is usually taken to be a naughty thing. Sheesh. “John. I said John. You heard John. He said to have Shareen lie in bed with a pillow under her tummy and between her legs.”

“Think that’d help?”

“Of course,” Rose promised. She didn’t question how he knew, but if the Doctor suggested it, she was sure it’d help tons. “Didn’t her doctor give her any tips or anything?”

Trevor scoffed. “No. That man isn’t helpful at all. Completely useless old tosser, he is, if I’m bein’ honest.”

“Well, glad one of us has a useful Doctor.”

“Ha,” the Doctor quietly put in.

“Me, too,” Trevor agreed. “Might have to start checkin’ with your doctor when we have questions or need advice.”

Rose smiled at the Doctor’s pleased expression.

“I’m sure he’d love nothing more than to help you two out.”

“Maybe ‘til the twelve-hundredth phone call,” Trevor joked.

Rose giggled. “Right. Listen, Trevor, you go tend to Shareen. I’m getting ready to make dinner and I think my husband wants attention again. I swear he’s like a stray. Give him a little attention and a little food and it’s impossible to get rid of him.”

“You forgot to mention-” the Doctor began.

“Don’t even,” she cut him off and ignored the ornery grin on his face. “Pass my love to Sh’reen and if you two see Keish around, tell her I miss her and love her. Oh, and tell Keisha she needs to call me, if you can remember. It’s not really her scene, but… Oh, who am I kidding? Never mind all that.” She laughed lightly. “Love to everyone. Bye!”

Rose hung up with a goodbye from Trevor and leaned her cheek against the Doctor’s thigh. He gently grasped her earlobe and lightly tugged.

“Alright?”

“Course.”

“Not getting a headache, are you?”

“No.”

His fingers stroked through her hair and she pushed out a slow breath. It felt incredible.

“Are you tired?”

“Will you quit it? I’m fine. I just wanted to sit like this for a few minutes and then I’d go cook.” She paused, frowning thoughtfully. “Been a while since I cooked here.”

“Indeed. Been a while since anyone’s cooked here… without magically turning the food to brick, that is,” the Doctor teased just loud enough for his voice to reach her mum, who grumbled. “Mind a little help?”

She smiled. “Not at all. Also been a while since we cooked together instead of taking turns.”

“Yes. When was that?” he asked thoughtfully. “Christmas, was it? I remember there being mistletoe everywhere…”

“Even in your trousers,” she said with a small giggle. “That was funny.”

“I never did figure out where that came from. Did you put it there?”

“No. I thought you did. Like it was a joke or a hint or something.”

“Well, if it had been, you didn’t act upon it.”

“So you didn’t put it there?”

“No.”

“Maybe it was Jack.”

He made a face. “No. He said and I quote, “Hot damn. Why can’t I have a woman who’s that perfect?” I do believe he thinks you’re to blame.”

Rose lifted her head and suspiciously glanced towards her mother, but shook her head after a moment. As crazy as her mum had become as of late, she wouldn’t have done something that… Jack-like. There was no way.

“Guess we’ll never know.”

The Doctor harrumphed. “Yes, well, what’s life without a little mystery?”

“Boring, that’s what.”

He nodded in grudging agreement and Rose wiggled out of her blanket and pillow cocoon. The Doctor heaved her up, stole a quick kiss, and kept his hand in hers while leading her to the kitchen. Her mum beamed at them as they passed.

“What are we making tonight, Chef Rose?”

“Pasta sounds delicious,” she decided. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s inspired. What about that pasta concoction you created a few weeks ago?” The Doctor inspected the countertops, dug around in the cupboards, and sighed. “We’re only missing the carrots, it seems."

She sent a serene smile his way. “Check the fridge, Doctor.”

“Oh, that’s right. You humans keep those things in a refrigerator.”

“Usually, yeah. Better than pockets.”

“That was one time,” he retorted, “and there was a pericorn involved. It happened to like carrots.”

“Looked like a horse to me.”

The Doctor stopped moving. “It had six legs and a stubby neck. How did it look like a horse to you?”

“Just did.”

“You’re odd, Rose Tyler. I like that perhaps a bit too much.”

“I'm glad you approve.” The Doctor snickered and Rose started chopping an onion to bits. “Find them?”

“No.” He grimaced impressively, looking as if the world was ending. “We’re going to have to use canned carrots.”

“Yes, that is devastating, isn’t it?”

“You jest…” He shook his head and sighed. “Tell me what to do, then.”

“Throw the pasta on and then help me with this stuff.” The Doctor of course hopped to with his usual gusto and after a while, Rose mused aloud, “You know what sounds really good?"

“Chocolate,” he decided. “Specifically the sweet chocolate made on Garafil.”

“Exactly.”

Was he a mind-reader?

The Doctor grinned. “Let’s go get some.”

“Um.” She looked at the pan on the cooker. “We can’t leave, silly. We have food cooking.”

“But now I really want some Garafilian chocolate.”

He looked between her, their cooking food, and the door. Rose snorted.

“Then go get some, Doctor.”

“But what about you? Don’t you want to come?”

“Always.” He grinned boyishly, chuckling adorably, and Rose gently smacked his arm. The pervert. “Naughty. You know what I meant. Just go. I’ll stay here and watch dinner. It’ll probably be done by the time you get back so we can do a trade. Chocolate for your dinner.”

“You can’t have chocolate for dinner.”

Her hands went to her hips. “I can if I want. You’re not my father.”

“Thank every single god in the entire span of the universe. No, every universe. The multiverse.”

“Gross.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“Get out of here and don’t come back without chocolate.”

She giggled to soften the bossy command and the Doctor grinned.

“You’re sure?” he checked. “You don’t want to put that on hold or have your mother watch it?”

“Like she’d go for that. Besides, I’m not dressed for alien adventures.”

“Yes, I know, but you do look cute. You’re positive you don’t-”

“Yeah, yeah. But let me just say… If this is the last time I ever see you, I will never forgive you and I’ll probably be better off without you.” He looked genuinely wounded by her statement and Rose frowned. “I meant for leaving me behind without even telling me you’re doing it. Probably could do better than a man who’d do that to… Oh, I didn’t mean if you somehow ran into trouble and you didn’t- weren’t able to…”

She swallowed thickly and the Doctor seemed relieved as he pulled her in for a hug. He even chuckled a little, the arse.

“Thank you so much for the clarification, Rose. I promise you I’ll come back. Can’t leave my perfect wife alone here on Earth- of all places- for too long. God knows what kind of urchins might try stealing her away and then I’d come back in a temper and likely blow something or someone up and it’d just be this giant mess of… grossness that I’m not willing to deal with right now.”

Rose snorted. “Go away before my ego explodes.”

“Now don’t let it do that. I just said I didn’t want to deal with a giant mess of grossness. Blown ego? The worst. Stains _everything_.”

Rose giggled and after a less than innocent goodbye kiss, the Doctor was gone. She heard the front door snick closed and spied her mum heading down the hall towards her bedroom. She licked the taste from her lips and began to stir the pasta, humming a little ditty, but stopped. What was that?

She strained to hear the sound again, but nothing came. Shrugging, she went back to stirring their dinner, making sure everything cooked evenly, when two male arms wrapped around her waist. Looking down in confusion and momentary alarm, Rose fully intended to do some serious harm to those hands with the knife beside her on the countertop, but…

They were the Doctor’s hands.

“You scared the hell out of me, you git. You timed that perfectly,” she was saying as she turned. “You’ve only been gone-” He looked serious, dark. Something had happened, but she prayed it hadn’t. Best play dumb for now. “Um, did you change your mind? ‘Cause I really was looking forward to that chocolate.”

She really had been. Oh, please don’t let it have been anything too universe-threatening. Please don’t let anyone be dead, especially anyone she loved.

“TARDIS,” he said pointedly. “I didn’t time anything. She did.” His voice lowered. “I was gone twelve hours, Rose. Just missed myself. And you’re still… here… cooking in this adorable jumper. I missed you.”

Her brows rose. Twelve hours. Either something terribly bad had happened or he’d needed a vacation from her. She didn’t know which she hoped it was as she asked, “Getting tired of me already?”

“Not even close.”

Oh, no.

She studied the tense lines around his eyes, the relieved almost-but-not-quite-a-smile quirk to his lips. She smelled smoke on his jacket, sensed the weariness he was barely keeping at bay.

“What even happened? You were just going out to pick up chocolate.”

“An SOS. I couldn’t just ignore it, Rose. I had to help.”

“Right, yeah, good. I’m glad, but what happened?”

“Long story short, I was thrown into prison, broke out to save Jack from being set on fire, prevented a planet from imploding, and saved the lives of nine million or so people.”

Rose finally saw the jagged cut underneath his jacket and her blood ran cold. She actually shivered and wished she was wearing warmer clothing. There was a lot of blood there and from what wasn’t obscured by bloody fabric, the cut looked deep. Surely he’d healed himself before returning. Right?

“Doctor.”

She wanted to ask for more details, who had hurt him, if he was truly alright. The Doctor shrugged.

“I don’t want to discuss it right now.” He pulled her close in a tight hug and sniffed her hair. “Ooh, lavender. Pretty. I missed that smell.”

Had she almost lost him? Had he almost died without her being there to save him? She never would have known. She’d have lived the rest of her life not knowing he’d died trying to save an entire planet, that he’d wanted to come back to her, that he hadn’t just dumped her on Earth with no warning. Tears welled up and slid down her cheeks. Thankfully, he was alive, but…

“Is Jack okay?”

“Alive. Broken arm, few cuts, and a slight burn, but we took care of it.”

“…and you?”

The Doctor pulled back and arched a brow. “Do you really want to know?”

“Need to, I think.”

“Oh. Well, then,” he said, voice cheerful. His smile was a bit too tense, though. “I can tell you, Rose Tyler- God, how I’ve missed saying your name. I can tell you I’m suffering from blood loss, I nearly regenerated- always such fun- and only just managed to avoid it, and I have one hell of a wound, but I’m healing as we speak.”

She tensed. “How much blood loss? And how close was that regeneration thing?”

“Substantial. Very close.” Rose shuddered and his smile warmed. He was trying to look positive. “I’m alive, though, as are more than nine million other people. As things go, I’d consider it a good day. Plus, I remembered to stop on Garafil and I have our chocolate.”

“The chocolate?” she repeated blankly and then hit him. Hard. “I don’t care about the damn chocolate, you idiot. You could have died and I would’ve gone my entire life thinking you just dumped me or something.”

“But I didn’t die, Rose, and you really shouldn’t think I’d leave you like that. Now. I’m very glad to be back right here and right now. Well…” He pulled her back against him and smiled. This one, finally, was real. “Right here, actually.”

She couldn’t stop the disbelieving laugh that escaped her lips. “Was it really as bad as that? Since when have I become a leaning post, huh?”

“I watched a twelve year old girl sacrifice herself to save her father,” the Doctor murmured into her hair. “Yes, it was. She was just a child. As for your second question, today.”

Rose’s heart broke. While furious the TARDIS had again sent him off to danger without her, she was relieved she hadn’t been forced to see that. With as weird as her emotions had become lately (damn birth control), she knew she’d have bawled her flipping eyes out.

“This is alright, then. Keep hugging me if you want.”

The Doctor sighed after a moment and gently pushed her away. She furrowed her brows and he grinned crookedly.

“Supper will burn. I’m exhausted and I think my tummy is trying to eat itself so it’s likely I wouldn’t notice much, but I’d rather not eat anything remotely resembling something Jackie Tyler would make.”

“God forbid,” Rose laughed. “That’d be the thing to ruin your day?”

He hummed agreeably and she turned back to their dinner with a smile on her lips. The Doctor curled around her back, a cheek pressed to hers and his hands lightly wrapped around her waist, and he plucked at the rumpled edge of her maternity denims.

“What’s this? Are you wearing your maternity clothing?”

“Just the denims,” she said a bit defensively. “They’re really comfortable and they’re so cute. Plus, I paid good money for them. Why shouldn’t I wear them?”

“Oh, I absolutely agree. I would question your sanity if you didn’t. In fact, since you spent so much on them, I might suggest you wear them more often. We have a laundry on board if they get dirty, Rose. You know that.”

“I know.”

Her mum must have crept back into the room at some point, because she said from the doorway, “Already trying to get my daughter into maternity clothes and there’s nothing there yet.”

“I’m glad you approve,” the Doctor replied.

“Oh, I do.” She’d clearly missed the sarcasm in his voice. “Every little bit, you know. Perhaps this’ll help you.”

The Doctor momentarily turned to her mum but kept his lower body pressed to hers and his arms about her waist.

“Jackie? Butt out.”

He turned back and again plucked the belly band of her denims.

“I’m just saying, is all. Supper about done, love?”

“Just about,” Rose answered. “Sorry it’s taking so long. Got a bit distracted.”

“Yes, I can imagine you did.”

Huffing, the Doctor completely pulled away from her and Rose pouted.

“Rather than ask what you meant by that, Jackie, I’m going to set the table. Feel free not to follow me.”

“Suppose I’ll help.”

“Ah, no.”

“What? Not much else to do ‘round here these days.”

“I’m sure you’ll have grandchildren to spoil whenever you’re meant to,” he said, voice coming in from the other room, “so shut up about it already.”

“You’re awfully bossy today,” her mum noted as Rose took their food off the heat. “What’s your problem, then?”

“I’m tired of hearing about our lack of children. It’s irritating that you keep reminding us, Jackie, as if we weren’t already aware of the fact.”

Rose frowned and peeked through the window at the two.

“I never meant to-”

“It doesn’t matter,” he interrupted, looking calm yet serious. “Bringing the subject up every time we speak isn’t helping either of us and it’s just making me want to throttle you.”

Rose’s brows flew up towards her hairline. She’d have to talk to him later, see why he’s really annoyed, because it surely wasn’t about their children. Er, nonexistent children, that is.

“Fine,” her mum replied hesitantly. “I’ll try to stop talking ’bout it, ’kay?”

“Thank you.”

Right. Definitely had to talk to him if he was thanking her mum. The Doctor chose that moment to look up and directed a sweet smile her way.

“Are we ready?”

She could only nod.

***

Rose attempted to rub the shakiness from her thigh muscles. She so had to pee, but she doubted her legs could hold her up.

The Doctor was out cold in the bed behind her, having literally passed out. He’d had a rough day and it showed. He’d claimed he was exhausted long before they’d left her mum’s and he’d definitely looked it by the time they entered the TARDIS, but he’d still been slow and nearly desperate when they’d- Well, not had sex. That wasn’t enough to describe it. Made love? Again.

She rubbed the Doctor’s arm, chasing away goose flesh, and smiled. Poor thing had held out. The moment they’d both finished, just a mere ten minutes ago now, he’d kissed her deeply and then dropped to the bed. Another second had passed and he curled up behind her. One more second and he was gone to the land of nod.

She hated the TARDIS a little bit in that moment. Why did he have to go without her? What was going on with this ship? She’d never kept her from helping before. Granted, she likely wouldn’t have been able to help save that little girl he’d mentioned, but it wasn’t fair he had to suffer that misery alone.

When she glared at a random bit of wall, the TARDIS hummed discordantly and Rose guiltily looked away. How had she known she was glaring at her? The ship didn’t have eyes, did it?

Rose’s gaze landed on the Doctor’s private door to the nursery and she instinctively moved her hand to touch her lower belly. The Doctor’s hand was in the way, however, and she instead placed hers on his. They both knew they weren’t really trying to have a baby (even if _their_ nursery was messing with at least her head a little… or maybe both of theirs, if the Doctor had told her the truth), but she still wondered.

What if? What if she was… right that very second? What if she did someday in the near future? The far future? Did she even really, truly want…? Did he? Could they really? What would It be like? Two hearts or one? Regenerations or no? Lifespan? Could it even survive? What of the birth? Human? Weird alien something or other? Pregnancy with a normal length? Or maybe shorter, like those aliens on- Oh, what was it? Ooh, right- Falsoon? Longer? Would she need a special diet?

Then a more worrying thought came to mind.

What if she got pregnant and he didn’t want it? Was so against it, in fact, he gave her an ultimatum like get rid of it or get out? Sure, he’d created their perfect nursery from the floor up on his own and sure, he’d sounded like he’d want to keep the baby if she did have one, but what if it was all an act or something? What if it was like a sick game of chicken? Like to see who’d be the first to say they didn’t want a baby.

Could she choose if he made her?

Rose twisted a little and looked down at the Doctor’s handsome face, relaxed and peaceful in sleep. She didn’t honestly think she could. She couldn’t get rid of the baby, not after seeing that video one time about the way they abort a baby, but she also knew she would never willingly leave the Doctor.

While she looked at him, worrying about an ultimatum he hadn’t actually given her, the Doctor’s thumb slowly stroked over her belly and then his hand pushed into her flesh. She obligingly scooted back.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asked groggily, eyes still closed. Rose felt her cheeks heat. She could have sworn he’d sleep longer. How long had it been? ‘Cause it didn’t seem that long.

“I wasn’t.”

“You were. Are?”

“Okay. I was staring.”

He forced one eye open. “Why?”

“Just thinking.”

“Being stared at is hardly my favourite way to awaken so either promise you won’t do it again or tell me what’s on your mind.”

Rose laid back down. “Well, I- You wanna hear it now?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Alright. I was, um, wondering if you’d ever give me an ultimatum. Like choose between having a baby or staying with you.”

“That specific ultimatum or an ultimatum in general?”

“That one.”

“Ah.”

That wasn’t a proper answer.

“Would you?”

“Yes, I would.” Her eyes widened, but she forcibly kept the rest of her body from responding. “Specific situations such as- just off the top of my head- you carrying the spawn of a relacarius or the pregnancy slowly draining your life away- which, actually, not too different from a relacarius feasting.”

“Sidetracking a little.”

“-but those would definitely merit such an ultimatum. I couldn’t handle watching you die bit by bit. Or at all, but you know what I meant. I especially couldn’t watch you die like that. How’s that?”

“Okay, but… um, what if it was yours?”

“Mine? As in my child?” Rose nodded and the Doctor rubbed his palm over her tummy. “Well, Rose, I’m a tad insulted you needed to ask.”

“I was just curious. I think you wouldn’t… Er, right?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he said huffily, “and I can’t believe you doubted it even for a second.”

“Well…”

He leaned up and looked at her. “What brought about that line of questioning?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come now. You can’t tell me you don’t know what made you think of that. Tell me?”

“I was just thinking,” she murmured evasively. “Nothing specific or anything… and I had a passing thought. Curiosity, you know. Just happened to be about babies.”

She could feel his eyes burning her, his silence demanding a real answer, because he somehow knew she wasn’t telling him the truth. She peeked over her shoulder as he began to speak.

“Wanna try that again?”

“No. It was just a random thought about babies.”

“Rose, please stop lying to me. Were you thinking about children? Well, ours specifically.”

His gaze drifted down her body, eventually coming to a stop at her tummy. He again rubbed his thumb over the skin.

“Ehm, might have been.”

“Why?”

“Reasons.”

His eyes met hers. “Any particular reason you might want to share with me?”

Was he asking…? They’d just gone over this- what?- four days ago, right? Surely he didn’t believe she might be. Again.

“Uh, no.” His brow inched up and she sighed. “I saw the nursery door and it got me thinking about stuff, that’s all.”

Wait! Was that disappointment? No, couldn’t be. Relief? Not quite. What was that look?

“Ah, that’s alright, then.” The Doctor flopped back down behind her and nuzzled her shoulder until she, too, rolled to her back. “Perhaps next time, you’ll save your questions and ensuing discussions until I’m awake or at least a little more coherent.”

“Yes, sir.”

He grinned at the ceiling. “Don’t call me sir.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Not so much into cross-dressing myself, but I would most certainly be willing to watch you dress up. Only, of course, if you put on one hell of a show for me.” He winked at her. “Why, I’ve tons of things in the wardrobe I’d love to see you in.”

And _that_ gave her ideas. Wonderful ideas. She’d have to scheme later when she was alone.

“Try to be cheeky and you automatically hit the ball back into my court. Well done.”

“Please,” he said, all false modesty. “While we’re still on the subject of children, do we need to stock up on your birth control anytime soon? I meant to ask before we left your mother’s, but I honestly forgot.”

“Huh. I don’t know.”

He was instantly alert. “What do you mean you don’t know? Haven’t you been taking your birth control?”

“Well, yeah, but I just pop the pill and go. Been on it so long, I don’t pay attention anymore. My old pills didn’t stop my, um, monthlies so I always knew when to go get the new pack. Guess I should start writing myself a reminder or something.”

“Oh. Well, let’s see. How many packs did you receive last you went?”

“Two.”

“So you should have finished…” He thought for a second and his brows slowly rose. “Six days ago.”

“What?”

“Rose?”

Six days ago? But that didn’t make sense. She’d been taking her pills.

“No, wait,” she said in realisation. “I missed that week I was under. Remember?”

“Of course,” he replied, nodding. “Right. How could I have forgotten?”

She shrugged. “So I probably need to go as soon as possible.”

“We’ll get around to it at some point in the near future, I’m sure.”

Rose nodded, pulled the blankets higher up on her chest, and settled herself against the Doctor’s side. She could just barely see his lips curl a little when she pillowed her head on his chest. How cute was he? His arm wrapped around her back and held her close to him. He moved just enough to kiss the top of her head, which she thought was just too sweet. She loved when he was feeling affectionate.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

“Remember that pregnancy model Mum bought to make sure those maternity clothes would fit?”

“Hard to forget. What of it?”

“Remember me saying we should play a joke on Mickey and Jack?"

He chuckled. “I do. I still believe we should. Their reactions would be priceless.”

“I so agree,” she said eagerly. “I’ve been plotting, you see.”

“Ooh, Rose Tyler, you are far too perfect. Let’s hear it, then.”

“Well…”

***

Rose and the Doctor glanced at the monitor and saw Mickey running towards the TARDIS, a happy grin on his lips. He had a woman in tow, a woman that looked like…

“Oh, my. That’s your friend, Keisha. I remember her… and her apparently “hot” brother, Jay.”

He looked so unhappy and Rose almost laughed. His jealousy was unexpected and exciting. She felt heat pool in her belly.

“Yeah, it is and he totally is hot.” The Doctor’s mood further soured and Rose shook her head. Best nip that in the bud. “But not as hot as my husband, you know. I mean, I had a thing for you the moment I met you, but it took me a while to-”

Oh, God. Had she really just confessed that?

“I knew it,” he cried victoriously. “Ha. Which me?”

“Both,” she sighed, giving up. “Both of you. Jay can’t hold a candle to you, okay?”

He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. “Thank you.”

“Sure. Did I ever tell you Mickey had a thing for Keisha when we were dating?”

“Let her have ‘im, then,” he remarked. “Clearly, Rose, he cannot see who the most desirable, most amazing, most clever-”

“Doctor.”

“Fine.” He looked back down at the monitor. “Ah, yup. Unless that- Wow. Either they are, in fact, dating or Mickey and Keisha have developed a passion for friendly outdoor, uh, mutual passion.”

Rose looked at the monitor in time to see Mickey grab Keisha’s wandering hands. He glanced towards the TARDIS, grabbed Keisha’s hand in one of his, and walked towards the door. Rose bit her lip.

“Should we still do it? I mean, Keisha might get mad if I go out there like this and it’s not real.”

“An unfortunate accident, but we can’t leave now and you don’t have time to change. Unless I claim I’m just out for milk and tell Mickey to give you a call. Which would you prefer, prank or milk?”

“Hold on. Give me a second to think.” Rose put her fingers to her temples and quickly thought everything through. “Okay, scratch the fight. We’re not staging that.”

“Thank God, because I honestly doubted I would be able to with you looking seven months pregnant.”

He looked her over head to toe and Rose smothered a grin. She had an idea of what to do with this belly later, but they had to do the prank first. Later, though.

“Do you know, Doctor? I’m craving a chocolate milkshake and chips.”

“You are?” he asked, abruptly looking concerned. “Are you hungry?”

“Very.”

“I can run and get you something before-” She gave him a meaningful look and he stopped. “Ohh. Well, at least you know I’d be willing to satisfy your cravings if ever we’re truly to be parents one day.”

He chuckled and she grinned.

“Chips and a shake and actually, _can_ you get those things for me? Because they really do sound good and I just realised I’m starving.”

“Really? Or is this part of the prank?”

“No, really. Maybe you can tell them I’m in the shower or something until you get back.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He shook his head, grinning. “Still good. A shake and one order of chips coming right up.”

He kissed her deeply, his hands at the small of her back, and then pulled away with a sigh. Rose stood in front of the monitor as he rushed out the door and dragged Keisha and Mickey away from the TARDIS, mouth running a mile a minute.

A few minutes later, the TARDIS phone began to ring and she instinctively pressed a button with an odd circular design on it. What did that even say? Was it really the right button?

“Er, hello?”

“Ah, hello, love,” the Doctor greeted cheerfully. She nearly melted. _Love_. “We’re not on speaker so you can’t hear them, but I think you should know I found Mickey and Keisha. Well, they found me. Anyways, glad you’re out of the bath. Did you enjoy your soak?”

“I’m not wearing any knickers right now.”

She heard him swallow. “That’s terribly interesting. Would you like to join us for a meal in the park? I found the chips and shake you wanted and your friends just so happened to be hungry, as well.”

“Oh, really? Yeah, I think a meal in the park would be perfect,” she said, trying hard not to giggle. “Are they still with you?”

He did laugh. “Not anymore. They just left to find us somewhere to sit. They’re gonna be blown away, Rose. They have no idea, though I’ve been carefully planting the idea in their minds. They think I’m speaking of Shareen, I believe, even though I did say something like ‘oh, so that’s when we landed’ or something close to that. I don’t think they even considered I wasn’t speaking of your friend.”

“Oh, my gosh. They’re gonna be blindsided,” she mused as the TARDIS door opened. The Doctor ducked his head in and smiled; she ended the call. “Hey.”

“Coming?”

“Yeah. Is it cold out there?”

“It’s plenty warm… well, for late April.”

“It’s late April?” She shook her head. She’d never get used to time travel. Far as she was concerned, it was the beginning of February in her head. “Then can I have your coat? I’m already cold.”

He disappeared from view and when she finally made it outside, he was holding his coat open so she could slip her arms into the sleeves. It was perfect, she could tell. The maternity denims and the flowy, flowery printed tunic with banding under the breasts looked amazing together, but with the Doctor’s coat over it… Well, she was pleased.

She pulled his coat closed as much as she could and her mouth went dry when she caught the Doctor’s expression. She glanced down and saw her shirt-covered foam belly poking out from his coat. Seemed he really liked the view. What was it about men liking pregnant women?

“You look…” He swallowed. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah. Do I look pregnant from the front? I want it to be a really big shock when they finally see it, you know.”

“Hmm.” He fussed with his coat for a few and then placed her hands on the material. “If you hold the coat just so, you don’t look pregnant at all. From the front, that is.”

“Perfect.” She grinned eagerly. “Ready?”

He nodded and they set off together. Before they were in view of the park, Rose didn’t know what possessed her, but she couldn’t resist reaching out and grabbing the lapels of the Doctor’s suit jacket. He was caught by surprise and followed along without comment as she backed up to a brick wall in the alley and yanked at his tie to get his lips close to hers. He inhaled sharply, wrapped one arm around the small of her back, and moved the rest of the way to kiss her.

As they kissed, his free hand drifted up from her hip and Rose moved it to her cheek. He rubbed his thumb over her cheekbone and then tilted her head back a bit to deepen the kiss. She clutched at his shoulders, his back… his hip… his bum before burying her fingers in his hair and pulling. He turned them enough to push her against a small adjoining wall, keeping her somewhat secluded from passers-by, and let his hand slip into her denims. She moaned and nipped at his bottom lip as he gathered moisture with two fingers and moved back to her clit.

“You are incredibly naughty, Miss Tyler,” he breathed against her lips. “I wholeheartedly approve.”

“I’ll show you naughty,” she murmured and then unzipped his trousers to pull his hardening length out. He groaned, eyes closed, and leaned his forehead against hers. “We’re in public, you know. You might not want to get too loud.”

She continued stroking him and had to lean into the wall for support when he began rubbing her clit at a quicker pace.

Two could play that game.

Her stance widened and the Doctor braced himself on the wall, his forearm right above her head. She turned her head and caught his lips in a fierce kiss, her hand matching his own hand’s pace. She was rewarded with a deep groan. After several very satisfying minutes, he briefly tipped his head up to pant for breath, again quickened his hand (which Rose copied), and then pressed a hard, lingering kiss to her forehead.

“Keep going,” he said against her brow, breathing heavily. “Oh, just like that, Rose.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” He changed his hand’s rhythm, still keeping the same pace, and Rose’s legs automatically tightened up. He ducked down, nipped her skin, and then licked a line up her neck. “How close are you, Rose?”

He sucked her earlobe into his mouth and stroked her a little faster, Rose copied him with no small amount of excitement, and they moaned and groaned together.

“Not too much longer,” she gasped. “Please. Oh, please, Doctor. Please _._ More _._ ”

Without warning, he pulled away from her, looked towards the front of the alley, and dropped to a knee before her. He quickly yanked her denims down, pulled his coat forward to cover her as much as possible, and set to work.

Two fingers thrust into her and curled as he used that glorious tongue of his to bring her closer and closer. She gripped his hair with tense fingers, quickly becoming mindless with pleasure, and the Doctor grabbed her bum with his free hand to push her groin against his mouth. She moaned loudly, her breath coming as sharp little pants now, and felt herself teetering right on the edge two very brief minutes later.

Perhaps sensing how close she was, the Doctor groaned eagerly and scooted his body forward. He dropped the hand on her arse, pressed his face tight against her groin, sucked at her clit, and continuously curled his fingers hard against her g-spot.

Rose bit her lip to contain her cry and swore she was shattering into a million pieces as her orgasm surged through her. The Doctor pulled his mouth away to groan, his teeth clenched together, and it was only then that Rose realised he was stroking himself quickly. Their eyes met, his mouth fell open, and he began spurting his release on the ground between her feet, his hips jerking forward as much as his kneeling position would allow.

When he was done, he pulled his fingers from her body and collapsed on the leg he had on the ground. He made an erotic picture just sitting there looking up at her with one leg still bent at the knee and his weight supported on one hand. She wished she had a camera, because damn.

After a bit, Rose managed to find some baby wipes stashed away in the pocket of his coat (how cute) so they wouldn’t have to go back to the TARDIS to get cleaned up. Thank God.

“I can’t believe we’ve never done that before,” he finally said. Rose struggled to pull the band of her denims back over her belly model and nodded in agreement. “Not that I’m complaining, not at all, but what even brought that on?”

“I don’t really know, but you just looked so sexy and I couldn’t wait.”

Her legs were shaking and seeing him still sitting there like that below her was quickly getting her ready for round two. Sheesh. What was wrong with her?

“Well, I’m flattered.” He tucked himself away and Rose frowned sadly. “Hope Mickey and Keisha aren’t getting testy.”

“Oops. I completely forgot.”

He snickered, climbed to his feet, grabbed Rose’s hand, and pressed a lingering kiss to her wedding band set. She smiled, her heart skipping a beat or two, and the Doctor led them out of the alley. Rose could see Mickey and Keisha sitting on Mickey’s gran’s old picnic blanket.

They looked happy together and Rose looked up at the Doctor’s profile. She knew the feeling. When he caught her looking, he smiled curiously.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“If you say so, though you forget I know when you’re lying.” He let go of her hand and checked their clothing over. “Brilliant. No evidence. You might want to hold that closed if you’re still wanting to prank them, though how else would you explain looking that advanced in pregnancy without it being part of a prank?”

“Could just want to see what it’d be like,” she suggested.

“I suppose, but it seems like something you’d experiment with indoors.”

“Probably, yeah. Oh, by the way, we need to refill my birth control while we’re here.”

The Doctor blinked and looked at her belly. “Um, Rose?”

“What?”

“If you go in wearing that belly and ask for a refill on your birth control, don’t you think they’ll laugh you out the door or possibly send you for a mental evaluation?”

“Oh. You’re right.” It wasn’t her fault she kept forgetting she looked really pregnant. The belly was actually kind of comfortable now that she’d gotten used to it. “I could always stash it on board and then go get it, I guess.”

“I could get your refill,” he suggested suddenly. “You once told me Mickey picked it up for you a few times when you were ill or working and didn’t have a chance to stop for it.”

“No, I said he tried. They wouldn’t let him pick it up for me.”

“See? This is why you shouldn’t tell me stories about your ex-boyfriends when I have my eyes open. I see you standing there in front of me and you’re talking about exes and that doesn’t seem right to me so I try to tune those stories out, but I can’t quite do it and end up only hearing about half of what you’re saying.”

“Is that the only time you do that?”

“Of course. I hang on your every word, Rose. Well, that is, as long as you’re not speaking of men you’ve a shared history with.”

She sighed. “I’ll let it go, then. Just don’t start tuning me out all the time.”

“I couldn’t stand to… and I think you’re forgetting we’re married.”

“No, I’m not.”

“I think you are, love.” God, he’d said it again. She didn’t bother hiding her smile. Twice in one day. She wondered if that endearment meant anything to him. “I’m your husband, Rose. I honestly doubt anyone would give a man trouble for picking up his wife’s birth control.”

“Oh,” she replied lamely. Why hadn’t she thought of that? “Um, well, I guess not.”

Mickey and Keisha were waving them over, broad smiles on their lips and food and takeaway cups on the blanket around them. Rose cheerfully waved back.

“What year is this, guys?”

“2014.”

“Boring,” Rose called out. “Of all the years he could’ve landed for chips and shakes, it’d naturally be this one.”

The Doctor chuckled.

She knew the moment her belly had been spotted. She kept talking nonsense to the Doctor, laughing when he replied with something witty, and saw Keisha elbow Mickey and nod towards her. Mickey looked at her tummy, keeled over backwards, and the Doctor nearly wet himself laughing. Rose covered her mouth with one hand and looked down on Mickey’s unconscious form the moment they’d reached the blanket.

“Rose, is that-” Keisha bit her lip and looked at the Doctor for a second. “Are you really pregnant?”

She giggled. “No. We’ve been meaning to prank him and Jack forever now. It’s a strap-on belly.”

“Oh, no. That’s too funny.” Keisha tittered and then looked down at Mickey in concern. “Will he be okay?”

“Assuredly.” The Doctor knelt down and smacked Mickey’s cheek a few times. “Come on, Ricky. Wake up. Wake up, boy. Come on.”

“I’m not a dog,” Mickey grumbled. “Quit smacking me.”

“There we go. Who’s a good boy?” the Doctor asked, rubbing Mickey’s head. “Yes, you’re a good boy. Speak again, Ricky boy. Come now. Woof, woof.”

Mickey smacked his hand away. “Quit it, ya sod.”

“No,” the Doctor reprimanded. He seemed to be enjoying himself immensely as he tapped Mickey’s nose. “That’s a bad boy. No hitting.”

“Doctor,” Rose finally said. “Leave him alone.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.” He looked at Mickey and quietly added, “Now sit. Oh, what a good boy.”

Already in the middle of sitting up, Mickey froze and glared at him. Rose pretended not to have noticed any of that and turned back to Keisha. She’d never admit it out loud, but it was funny. Poor Mickey, though. It’s not easy dealing with the Doctor picking on you.

“So how are you?”

“Better than you,” Keisha answered, “unless _that_ is something you wanted.”

Rose knew she _was_ expecting an answer to her non-question, but she also knew she wouldn’t be answering with the Doctor around. Just in case. She’d call her later.

“I can’t complain.” The Doctor huffed in the middle of speaking to Mickey and she wondered what that huff meant. Had he been listening and expected an answer, too? “Well, I’m actually hungry, but other than that… Go figure, yeah?”

“Then sit down. Ain’t good for a lady in your shoes to go without food for long.” Keisha yanked on Rose’s hand and the Doctor automatically moved forward to help her sit down. Was that part of the prank or his new ‘Rose is made of glass’ behaviour? “Your chips are getting a bit cold, but your shake’s still mostly frozen. Oh, here. Mickey’s chips are still pretty hot. He changed his mind about wanting some and just got back right before you got here. Take his.”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t do-”

“Sure you can,” Mickey interrupted, staring at her belly. “Uh, I’ll just take yours. No big deal.”

“Well, thank you, Mickey.”

The Doctor snuggled up beside her on the blanket and Rose stretched her legs out, feeling uncomfortable, and popped open her container of perfectly golden chips. Her mouth watered.

“So you’re not actually pregnant, right?” Mickey finally asked. “It’s a joke or something, right? Has to be…”

“Exactly and I can’t believe you fell for it. Literally.” The Doctor chuckled and Rose grinned widely. “How gullible are you?”

“But you made it seem like this year was different or something. I really thought you might be, Rose.”

“I still have the exact same haircut from the last time I saw you, silly,” Rose told him. “No growth or anything. And I probably even have that scratch I got when I opened…”

She looked at her hands and trailed off. The Doctor seemed curious by her abrupt silence but carried on speaking to Mickey.

When they’d left her mum’s almost two days ago now, her mum had given her the Christmas present Mickey had finally found in the back of his closet. She’d opened it yesterday morning and sliced herself on a piece of the hard plastic. She’d bled pretty badly, but…

The mark was completely gone. There wasn’t even a faint trace of the wound. No scar, no skin puckering, nothing. Her skin was completely, perfectly smooth.

She shivered, unnerved by the eeriness of the situation, and tried to put it out of her mind for now. Maybe something in the air of the TARDIS magically got rid of wounds and stuff. Yeah, that was it. That had to be it. Anything else was just too creepy to contemplate. Maybe he has his own nanogenes or something and she’d just never seen them.

When she clued back into the conversation, they’d all moved on from the prank and were discussing Keisha and Mickey’s recent decision to date a bit and see how things went.

“Three weeks now?” the Doctor was asking. “I’m surprised you managed to hold onto her this long.”

“Yeah, well, without an annoying alien stealing my girl’s attention…”

The Doctor smirked. “Not my fault I’m the more desirable option.”

“Stop it,” Rose demanded. “I’m excited about this, you know. I always wondered if the way you two used to treat each other was just your way of hiding that you maybe sort of really liked each other.”

Keisha shrugged, pink-cheeked. “That was the past and, um, well… after that whole thing with Jay and everything… Mickey was a help.”

“Ooh. How is Jay? Still as handsome as always?”

“I do believe you called him hot,” the Doctor groused. Rose giggled. And that was the only reason she’d asked. He was adorable when he was pouting.

“He’s good. Got married just this past November,” Keisha answered. “Her name’s Erin and she apparently took care of him after he, um, came back. She’s really nice.”

“Oh, excellent,” the Doctor said happily and turned to see her. “See? He’s married, too, Rose.”

Rose snorted. “Yeah, I was just asking. Wasn’t planning to run away with him or anything.”

“Humph. Hey, Mickey? You keep staring at my wife’s body and I’m gonna have to blind you in the most painful way I can think of.” The Doctor paused. “Oh, there’s a good idea. No, wait. There’s a better one. Ooh. Now that one has definite potential.”

Mickey and Rose looked at the Doctor’s serious expression and then Mickey glanced back down at her stomach.

“I was just wondering why she’s still wearing it. If it’s a prank, prove it. Take it off.”

“I don’t want to get it dirty,” Rose informed him. “Touch it. It’s just foam. It’d feel different if it was really a baby.”

“I advise you not to try,” the Doctor said when Mickey reached a hand out. Rose snorted, actually amused by his possessiveness, and the Doctor grinned sheepishly. “Sorry. Hope you’re not put off, Rose. I really can’t turn it off anymore.”

“No, I like it.” Rose rolled her shirt up a little and then pulled the belly band of her denims down enough to show Mickey the belly model. “See? Not really a baby.”

“But…”

“Mum.”

“Ahhh,” Mickey said, shaking his head. “It makes so much more sense now.”

“Even The Idiot knows how much of a nutter your mum is,” the Doctor said jovially and Mickey threw a chip at him. “Oi! Don’t be childish.”

“Will you two stop it?” Rose grumbled. “Seriously, just stop. Quit picking on everyone, Doctor, and stop being so sensitive, Mickey.”

“I wasn’t picking on you or Keisha.”

“I know.”

“I wasn’t being sensitive.” Rose scoffed and shoved a few chips into her mouth, which she washed down with a deep pull of her shake. “Rose, I wasn’t.”

“Let it go, Mickey. Is that good, Rose?”

“Kind of.”

“Hmm. Bet I could make it better.” The Doctor pulled the lid from his cup, dipped a chip into the milkshake, and held it out to her. “Try it?”

Rose did and happily chewed. It was delicious. When she had swallowed, she blew him a kiss and pulled the lid from her own cup. The Doctor made a show of catching her kiss and smacked his hand- er, the kiss- against his chest with a big grin on his lips. When he leaned back into his spot beside her, he slung an arm around her and kissed her temple.

“You’re so different,” Mickey marvelled. “Man, getting married actually made you more fun to be around. You’re not as annoying anymore.”

“Mickey,” Rose said warningly. “Be nice.”

“Sorry, but it’s true.”

The Doctor abruptly stiffened. “Um, Rose?”

“What?”

“We should leave.”

“But why? I’m not even done with-”

“Rose?” her mum called out. “Oh, Rose. It _is_ you! Why didn’t you tell me you were in town?”

“Oh, hell.”

This was going to be so uncomfortable. Well, more uncomfortable than she already was sitting here on the ground.

“Might as well get it over with,” the Doctor murmured regretfully. “Damn your mother. She would naturally ruin my day.”

Mickey laughed. “Was it worth it?”

“If I find out you told my mum I’m here, I’m gonna hurt you. Just a warning.”

All she got in return was a shrug.

“We’re probably going to cut out of here the moment we’re done talking to the dragon so goodbye, you two. Rose, are you ready or should I just, you know, get rid of her? I’m thinking Malaysia."

“No, let’s do this.”

The Doctor stood and hauled her off of the ground. Rose sighed in relief, clutched her chips and shake to her, and followed behind him. When her mum saw her properly, she shrieked.

Rose was certain all of London had heard.

***

“You don’t think she’s too mad, do you?” Rose fretted. The Doctor clutched her hand as they crossed the road and Rose continued, “I mean, I know she really does want a grandchild and seeing me like this probably made her really happy for a second, but you don’t think she’s actually furious, do you?”

“Whatever she’s feeling, she’ll get over it by the time we return for a visit. I wouldn’t worry if I was you, Rose.”

“Could you please try to be sympathetic for a second? Imagine if you were my mum-”

“Absolutely not.”

“Fine. Imagine you really wanted a grandchild, then, and your daughter suddenly showed up looking really pregnant, but she informed you it was just a prank. What would you be feeling?”

“Confused.”

“What?”

“I would be feeling confused. In your hypothetical situation, you want me to pretend I really want a grandchild, but in order for that to happen, I would first have to acknowledge that my daughter was having sex.” He met her gaze and shook his head, wide-eyed. “Nope. I will never- well, would never- want to acknowledge that. Just hand over the grandchild and don’t let me think about it.”

Okay, that was really cute.

“Right, but still. She shows up pregnant and dashes your hopes by saying it’s not real. That’s mean, right?”

“Rose, I don’t want to discuss this. It’s making me uncomfortable.”

Rose snorted. “You are so unhelpful.”

“Switch it around, Rose. Would you be comfortable seeing the evidence of your child’s sex life? That is what a pregnancy is, after all.” He paused and dramatically added, “It’s _evidence_.”

“Oh, my God,” she laughed and then thought about it. Her brows furrowed. “Actually, no, I wouldn’t be.”

“See what I mean?”

“God forbid we ever have kids,” Rose commented as he led them inside a shopping complex. “They’d grow up someday and then we’d have to deal with grandkids and evidence and weird feelings.”

“Mmm. But could you imagine?” he asked, a small smile on his lips. “You and me having grandchildren to spoil rotten and then send home with their mother and father.”

Talk about an abrupt about-face.

“Bet we could spoil them better than anyone else in the universe, too.”

“Oh, without a doubt.” He grinned proudly. “We have a TARDIS. Could go anywhere, get them anything. We’d be the greatest parents and eventual grandparents ever.”

“That’s likely, yeah, but where would our children be living? Some random planet? On board?”

“I’d never considered it. Possibly. Travelling and living on the TARDIS isn’t for everyone. I can only imagine any children we’d have wouldn’t want to live on board with mum and dad their whole lives.”

“Make that just dad, because I’d be the coolest mum ever. They’d never wanna leave _me_.”

He chuckled. “I could hardly blame them.”

“Well, thank you. So, um, where are we going?” The Doctor pointed at a spot ahead of them. “Yeah, that didn’t help. Which shop?”

“The ladies’ shop just there. Firstly, I’m curious about maternity clothing. Secondly, I think you need an outfit Jack hasn’t inadvertently seen in the laundry before.”

“To really sell the next one, right?”

“Exactly. Don’t get me wrong. I’m so glad Mickey fainted, but he didn’t have a fit or anything. We’re really going to have to plot, but first, we need to find you a nice outfit.”

“Hey, I’m not complaining. I love shopping…” And she also now had a secret love of the roominess found in maternity clothing. “Do you have any cash on you?”

“Yes. I visited a cashpoint when I ran out for chips and shakes earlier. Been thinking about stopping here since this morning so I wanted to be prepared.”

“Don’t forget my birth control, too.”

“Right.” He glanced around. “I’m glad no one heard that. It’d look pretty bad for a woman in your condition to still be on her birth control, don’t you think?”

“Oh, yeah.” It just occurred to her that she was actually in _public_ public, not the park public, with a pregnancy belly model strapped to her. To everyone else, she was pregnant and out with her man. “Hey?”

“Hmm?”

“You realise people might think I’m carrying your baby, right?”

“You are.” He winked. “At least I hope it’s mine. That little bundle of foam didn’t come from another man, did it?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, it did. The manufacturer.”

“My hearts,” he said, pressing a hand to his chest. “You’re killing me, Rose.”

“And you’re not taking me seriously.”

“Of course people might think you’re carrying my child. I’m obviously your doting husband and we can’t keep our hands off of each other.”

“Or you’re my lover and the real father of my baby,” Rose said, looking at his hand. She glanced up in time to see the Doctor’s frown. “You’re not wearing a wedding ring.”

“What?”

“People are gonna see my wedding ring set, see the lack of anything on your hand, and assume you’re my lover. At least, if I were the one seeing it, I’d think so.”

“Would you really?”

“Yeah. Most husbands wear rings, too.”

“Are you quite certain?”

“Kind of tradition, yeah. I mean, I’m sure there are tons who don’t, but any I’ve ever seen wear a ring.”

“Really?” The Doctor seemed confused by that. “So you’re telling me human males wear rings, too? It’s not just the women who do it?”

“Like I said, I’m sure some don’t, but most do.”

“Why did you never say anything?”

“I thought you knew.”

“I will accept that answer. However, when your mother insisted you wear your wedding set while visiting, why didn’t you find one for me, too? And when I informed you our marriage was real, why didn’t you say something about a ring _then_? Don’t think I hadn’t noticed you were wearing yours before I even did that, by the way, because I did.”

She blushed. She thought she’d gotten away with it.

“Didn’t seem like something you’d do so why would I bother?”

“Because you’re human. If that’s what you’d expect a human husband to do, you should have insisted I do the same. That you didn’t makes me wonder about your motive.”

“If I thought you’d be willing to, I’d tell you to go get a ring right now,” she snapped, feeling a touch irritable. “I didn’t say anything for your sake. Jeez. Why are you getting worked up about this?”

“Because,” he muttered. “Just because I’m not like you doesn’t mean anything, Rose.”

“Exactly. It’s because you’re the Doctor _and_ my husband that I let you get away with not wearing a ring, but if you’re going to be ungrateful that I didn’t force you to do something you might not be comfortable with, then I’m going to tell you to get a ring and I don’t care if you don’t like it.”

“Fine,” the Doctor retorted. “I’ll get a bloody ring. Happy?”

“Are you?”

He suddenly grinned. “Yes.”

She couldn’t stop a small laugh. What had even just happened? Was that a real fight or was it the Doctor manipulating her into giving him a command? Why? Was he worried she might think him going to get his own ring would be weird?

“I don’t understand you half the time, Doctor.”

“C’est la vie,” he said breezily and pulled her into the clothing store. “And the maternity section. Ooh, look at this, Rose.”

She looked at the sheer nightgown (read: gauzy curtain) he was showing her and arched a brow. He shook it after a silent moment and Rose’s brow arched further.

“You’re not expecting me to wear that, are you?”

A nearby woman who didn’t look pregnant at all laughed quietly and the Doctor quickly tossed the woman an exasperated look.

“I wasn’t suggesting you do, but if you’re going to mention it…”

“I’m not. Let’s find something else.”

“You’re ruining my fun,” he complained as he hung the nightgown back up. He immediately seized a silky, pale green sundress from the next rack over and held it up appraisingly. “Now this is a work of art, Rose. Look at the pattern.”

She ran her hand over the material. “It’s so soft, too.”

“I think you need this,” he said, small grin on his lips. “Just because?”

“Just because,” she agreed. “It really is a good dress.”

He nodded and draped the dress over his forearm and Rose just watched him pick through the clothing some more.

Where was the man that she knew would have sooner cut off his bits and bobs than even think about entering a store with a bunch of maternity stuff? That man would have had several panic attacks if she’d even carried the baby belly on board, let alone worn it out in such a public place… with him in tow.

As she stared at him, perplexed by his sudden willingness to do stuff like this, he looked up and furrowed his brows.

“Are you planning to look at anything or am I to be saddled with shopping for you?”

“I’m going to look. I was just watching you for a second.”

“Why? Do I look terribly dashing looking at cute, little maternity dresses?” he asked, batting his lashes. “Does it steal your breath away?”

“Yes. Why, they make you look more than dashing. Right now, you’re the embodiment of manliness itself and are so completely desirable. I’m blessed.”

He grinned. “You think you’re joking, Rose, but there’s a look in your eyes…”

“Oh, stop it.” He chuckled and she couldn’t quite wipe her stupid grin away. “What type of clothing did you say I was gonna need?”

“Well, I did say trousers and a long-sleeved shirt of some sort, but considering how easily you’ve gotten cold the past few weeks, perhaps a nice jumper would be better.”

“Yeah. What’s that about, you think?”

“I don’t know. Every time I run tests, you show as being perfectly healthy. It’s maddening. There has to be a reason.”

“I know.”

He harrumphed. “Yes, well, I’m going to keep looking for the answer, Rose. I promise.”

“Well, I haven’t dropped dead yet so I think I’m alright.” He looked pained and Rose sighed. “What now?”

“Don’t ever talk about you dying. Please.”

“You do realise I’m going to-”

“Would you look at this beautiful yellow jumper? Oh, this would look amazing on you, Rose. We need a fitting room.”

“You’re really gonna do that?”

“Do what, Rose?”

He looked at anything but her and Rose sighed.

“Fine. Let’s at least find a few more things before we get a fitting room, okay?”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, quietly. “Really, Rose. Oh, how about this? You can never have two many of these, er, ‘tank tops.’ Why tank top? Hmm.”

She’d have to wear it as a very short dress or very, very long shirt, but it was a pretty colour and had a pretty detail on the side. She could at least try it on, she reasoned.

“Add it to the pile. You know, I don’t have a thick cardigan yet,” she mused. “Could skip the jumper and get something I can take off if I need to.”

“The idea has merit,” the Doctor automatically stated, eyes looking distant. A smile grew on his lips. “So much merit. I vote all cardigans. Always.”

She snorted. “Good God, man.”

“What?” She just grinned, amused, and he crookedly grinned back. “Alright. I know what. Anyways, a cardigan sounds like a great idea. What colour were you thinking? We have a variety here. I particularly like the red, the blue, I suppose the black, the green, the-”

“The cream,” she said decisively. “I think I’d wear that one the most.”

“Will you try on the dark blue one, too? I really do like the colour.”

“For you, yes.” He happily draped both cardigans over his arm and Rose spotted a random flash of white in a sea of dark colours. “Wait. Stop for a second.” She dug through the clothing until she unearthed the shirt she’d seen. “Oh, this is pretty. What do you think?”

It was a swishy white top with a sweetheart neckline and a thin braided band underneath the breasts. Rose could see her wearing it with either of the cardigans the Doctor had, too, which was wonderful.

“I like it. A lot, actually, and the braiding will accentuate your wai- er, the marked difference between tummy and bust.”

Yup. She might have just found part one of her outfit for Jack’s prank. She hoped it fit.

“How much are you trying to buy today?”

He shrugged, added a few denims to his growing pile of clothing, and Rose rubbed the back of her neck. He wordlessly reached over, rubbed the tenseness away one-handed, and flashed her a quick smile.

She could have kissed him.

“Rose, you might consider picking through their outdoor items. Perhaps they’ll have a coat of some sort you might fancy. Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve landed somewhere in the middle of winter.”

“Good point,” she replied and moseyed over to the various jackets and coats on prominent display. They were really picked through- it _was_ February- and it took almost no time for her to settle on a light tan wool coat.

“I have you a fitting room,” the Doctor said from behind her. She turned and he eyed her find approvingly. “Nice. Are you ready to try things on?”

“Ugh. This is gonna be fun.”

“I’ll help.” He glanced around and then grinned at her. “The sales attendants are under the impression that you are carrying twins- I’m such a lucky guy!- and you find doing the simplest things to be nigh impossible. By the way, you’re only five months along. Did you know?”

“Could you imagine?” She looked down at her stomach and made a face. “That’d be terrible.”

“Probably. One of the ladies are going to be on watch to make sure no funny business goes down so mind your wandering hands.”

“Only if you do, too. And you know something? You could have just said I was close to popping.”

He chuckled. “They assumed and I failed to correct them. Might have egged it on, actually.”

“I can only imagine you did.”


	9. The Poisoning

The next evening, Rose was in the middle of making dessert when the Doctor strolled into the galley and sat at the table.

“I’ve saved your photos,” he said by way of greeting. “I do like the outfit you’ve chosen for our next mission.”

She briefly thought of the white shirt, navy denims, darker blue cardigan, and light tan coat she’d be wearing for Jack’s prank.

“Thanks. I do, too. Speaking of photos, is the one you took a while back still on Jack’s phone? Might flip out if he accidentally finds it.”

Too bad she hadn’t thought to use her own phone to photograph the Doctor the day before in the alley. She would have loved to have a record of what exactly that man looked like in all his debauched glory.

“Oh, transferred that one from his phone long before I gave it back to him. He’ll never know.”

“That’s good, then. Um, why bother taking pictures of me like that in the first place?”

“My own amusement, of course.”

“Of course,” she echoed.

“What’s on the menu tonight?”

“Pie.” Rose twisted around to relieve the ache in her back and shoulders. “Specifically blueberry.”

“Are you alright?”

“Just a little sore. Guess I slept wrong.” Also, she was feeling almost kind of crampy, but not. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Whom else would I worry about if not you? I can try to make you feel better.”

“Back rub?” she asked hopefully.

“What else?”

Rose gave him a look. “When I had a headache not too long ago, you said an orgasm would fix it.”

“And it did, because it works,” he insisted. “Why, I haven’t had more than a slight foreshadowing niggle in over three hundred years.”

“You’re joking.”

“Actually, I’m not.” He grinned. “I told you. It works.”

“Wow.”

And whoa, the thoughts that inspired. She absurdly hoped he’d been the one staving off his headaches instead of having a willing helping hand throughout that time.

“I can tell your mind just went to a naughty place, Rose. For one, I’m very interested to know what exactly you were thinking. For two, I’m wounded you didn’t share said thoughts with me the moment you had them.” He leaned back in his seat and crossed his ankles. “Tell me. What were you thinking?"

“Just ‘bout you.”

“I would hope so. Again, what were you thinking?”

“About you… touching yourself. Like, you know.”

One brow inched up. “Really now?”

“Yeah.” Actually… “Really wouldn’t mind watching that sometime. Might even drool a little.”

“As in be a voyeur?” She shrugged and nodded, cheeks feeling warm. “You would want to see that? It isn’t particularly arousing.”

“Shoe on the other foot, Doctor. What then?”

“Oh, I’d love-” the Doctor began eagerly and then paused. “Ah. I see what you mean. Alright. If you’re very good, I’ll let you watch me some day.”

“Really?”

“In return for the same from you.”

“Okay,” she eagerly agreed.

“Ooh. What is going on in here?” Jack asked as he entered the room. “Are you making a pie?”

“Blueberry,” the Doctor informed him. “Rose, did you want that massage now or later?”

“Now, please.”

“Can I watch?” Jack asked, grinning shamelessly.

“An actual massage, Harkness.” The Doctor shook his head in exasperation and headed her way. “She thinks she slept wrong last night.”

Jack looked concerned. “Are you okay, Rose?”

“Course, Jack. Not falling apart here. Just a little sore.”

“Don’t even,” the Doctor said in advance and Jack closed his mouth, shooting a wink Rose’s way as he did. “Oh, don’t encourage him, Rose. You know once he gets a little attention, he’ll just keep trying for more."

“Not unlike you,” she retorted smartly, talking through her giggles, and then moaned when the Doctor stilled his hands.

“Do you want a massage or not, missy?”

“Please,” she begged. The Doctor smiled and started moving again. While Rose finished up their pie, he rubbed her sore muscles with a firm hand.

“So why are we just parked in the vortex, Doc?” Jack asked curiously. “Not feel like doing much today or what?”

“She’s refusing to move right now.” He sighed. “Rose, your girl is becoming a nuisance.”

“She’s yours, Doctor, not mine.”

“She’s both of yours,” Jack commented. “That’s kind of how marriage works, right? His is hers and hers is his.”

The Doctor muttered, “Not helping.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

“That didn’t help your case, Rose. As Jack said, she’s both of ours. More so yours than mine right now.”

“Wrong. You’re the stubborn one. Not me.”

“Please! Who’s so stubborn-”

“Don’t start,” Rose laughed. “How about this? _Our_ girl is becoming a nuisance. Good, yeah?”

Jack was making an interesting face, head cocked and eyes on the Doctor. Rose couldn’t tell what was going on with the Doctor, because he was conveniently keeping her faced away by steadily rubbing the ache from her shoulders. She’d just have to ask Jack what had happened.

“Ah, hmm. Yes, that’ll work, I suppose. Jack, quit looking at me.”

“Fine. I’ll look at Rose. Way she’s laying on the counter looking like she’s in ecstasy… with you behind her… Mmm. It's very nice.”

Rose blushed. It worsened when Jack looked from the Doctor, made eye contact with her, and winked.

“You stop it,” the Doctor demanded, “or else.”

“You used to be a lot more fun,” Jack noted. “Seriously. You’ve become the grouchy old man that yells at everyone from his front porch and tries to hit little kids with his cane.”

“I don’t have a front porch.”

“You have a cane?”

“Course I do.”

“You sure? Have you looked into every room in the ship to make sure there’s no spare porch laying around?”

“How old have you gotten before?”

“Jack, are you joking or are you just stupid? Very old, Rose.” He’d been old enough to have a cane? Had he ever used it or was it for decoration? Just to have around in case he ever needed it? Jack rolled his eyes and the Doctor chuckled. “Unfair question, I know. By the by, what am I smelling? ‘Cause it smells delicious and I’m getting hungry.”

“Another concoction,” Jack and Rose said in sync. She frowned at him and asked, “Well, they’re always good, aren’t they?”

“Oh, yeah. Definitely. Just saying you’ve become more adventurous in the kitchen since the last time I travelled with you guys. You’ve been throwing together things that I never would’ve thought to combine and I thought I’d been alive long enough to make some really random stuff. Really, it’s kind of weird.”

“Well, I happen to love it all,” the Doctor commented, “and I don’t think any of it’s weird in the slightest. Are you feeling any better, Rose?”

“Tons. Just a little bit longer?”

“Right. Soooo…” Jack paused and rapped his knuckles against the table. “Rose knocked up yet?”

The Doctor’s hand slipped and smacked the back of her neck.

“Dammit. I’m sorry, Rose,” he said the same time she said, “No, I’m not, Jack.”

“Well, why the hell not?”

Rose straightened and smiled at the Doctor. “It’s okay. It didn’t hurt.”

“Still, I didn’t mean to hit you.”

“You didn’t. Don’t be silly.”

“Hello,” Jack called. “I asked a question.”

“Because she’s not,” the Doctor snapped. “Let it go, Jack.”

“Sorry. Touchy subject?”

“No. He’s just gettin’ tired of everyone pressuring us to have kids. Like he needs that forced on him.”

The Doctor’s lips thinned and he glared at Jack.

“Are you two even trying?” Jack asked accusingly. “‘Cause it doesn’t seem like you are.”

“I’m still on birth control. Be stupid to try for a baby if you’re on the pill.”

“Are you? Hmm? Don’t think you are. At least, you didn’t take your pill today or yesterday.”

“I could’ve sworn I’d taken it this morning. I never forget.” Rose moved to the door. She did have a lot on her mind when she woke up this morning, though. Whatever. Better double down. “I’ll be right back. Doctor, will you watch that pie? I have to go take my pill before I forget.”

“That’s what you think,” Jack said smugly and leaned back in his chair. Rose paused and furrowed her brows.

“What?”

“I might have flushed your pills.”

Rose narrowed her eyes and studied his expression, trying to determine if he was lying or not. He serenely looked back and gave her a slow smile.

“You’re lying.”

He raised his brows. “Am I?”

She exchanged looks with the Doctor. He wasn’t giving anything away, though, which was frustrating. If Jack had really flushed her pills, she wanted to know what he thought about that. Well, probably something along the lines of ‘we’ll just land in May of this year for your next pack. No biggie and off we go.’

“Think he’s telling the truth?” she finally asked.

“This is Jack Harkness we’re talking about, Rose, and I’ve always doubted his sanity.”

He still wasn’t giving anything away. Ugh. Time Lords. Like she knew so many, she added snarkily to her own thought. Hmm. Perhaps she should take a nap and ask the Doctor to finish dinner.

“I’d have to be insane to flush Rose’s birth control?”

“You’d have to be insane to even _think_ of touching a woman’s preferred birth control method,” the Doctor corrected. “So yes.”

“Then maybe I’m insane.” Jack shrugged. “I flushed it so what are you two going to do? Wait until you can get the new pack and hope I don’t flush an entire month again or are you actually going to start trying?”

He seemed so proud of himself. Rose huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Jack, you’re bein’ stupid. We’re in a time machine. The Doctor can get me a new pack right this second if he wanted.”

“Ah, but does he want to?” Jack’s gaze turned back to the Doctor and Rose looked over a moment later. Blank expression, arms still hanging at his sides. “No response, Boss?”

“No.”

“Does that mean you don’t want to get a new pack or you have no response?” Jack pressed. Rose’s stomach swooped and she gave the Doctor another look. “Come on. No cats about to steal your tongue, you know. You can’t avoid this one, either. I’m not letting this go.”

The Doctor grimaced. “I hate cats.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“I know what you asked.” He glanced at Rose and met Jack’s eyes again. “I’ve no response. I’ve found it easier not to converse with the insane. Unless, of course, I happen to be the insane one. Then it’s good fun to talk to myself. I’m so terribly funny.”

“…what?”

“It was before I met you, Rose. I promise.” He cocked his head. “In fact, just a month or so before I met you. Hmm.”

“Um, okay.”

She didn’t wanna know. As long as he was sane now, she could handle it. Jack grumbled and leaned forward.

“Rose, you ask him since it seems he’s not gonna answer me.”

“No, I’m not gonna,” she immediately replied. “If he wanted to have a baby with me, he’d tell me so.”

“But would he really?”

“I’d like to think so. ‘I wanna have a baby’ is really easy to say.”

“Actually, to him, I bet it’d be the hardest thing he’d ever said.”

“I wouldn’t say it like that,” the Doctor said thoughtfully. “The statement’s much too vague. ‘I wanna have a baby,’ but with whom? Could be you, could be Mother Theresa, could be good old Mirilop herself. Now, I might perhaps ask you to be the mother of my future child. Children. Whatever. Or just maybe say I want you to be the mother of my child. Children. Again, whatever."

“Yeah,” Rose agreed, "that sounded more like you."

“Less like Rose Tyler,” the Doctor corrected, smiling, "but then again, everything Rose Tyler is pretty incredible so I should retract my-”

“Seriously?” Jack asked loudly. “Put a pause on the flirting. Did you just tell Rose you want her to be the mother of your kids?”

“I said I might perhaps say as much.”

“If he wanted to,” Rose added.

Jack pulled at his hair and then threw his hands into the air with a cry of frustration. He left the room without comment- well, without anything aimed specifically at them- and the Doctor chuckled.

“I do believe he’s given up on us for the moment.”

“He’ll be back,” she said confidently. “Probably sooner rather than later. Hope you’re prepared to deal with it.”

“Think I did a pretty good job this time ‘round.”

“Yeah. Wonder if he really flushed my pills.”

“You’ll eventually find out, I’m sure.”

“Yeah. After dinner, I’ll check if I took my pill and then let you know. Remind me, won’t ya?”

“Will do.”

***

That night, right in the middle of one unbelievably amazing shag, the Doctor froze and frowned down at her. She panted for breath and frowned right back at him.

“What? What is it? Why’d you stop?”

“I forgot to remind you about your damned pill.” He looked down between them, whined a little, and then rolled off of her. He immediately grabbed the base of his erection with a tight grip and bit his lip for a long moment before saying, “Should probably go take care of that.”

“Oh, come on,” she groaned. “I’m positive Jack was just messing with us earlier, ‘cause I know I took my pill. I never skip my pill. We’ll be fine.”

“I’m not sure you should risk it.”

“Except for those few days before our wedding, I take my pill at the same time every day. It’s part of my morning routine. I would never not remember.”

“Please do yourself a favour and go check.”

“No, I’m not gonna, ‘cause I know I took it. I was thinking about it during dinner and I remember taking it. Now get back over here before I finish on my own.”

“Rose, do you really want to risk it? It will take two-”

“Better hurry up, Doctor,” she said, eyes on the ceiling, “’cause I might not be in the mood much longer.”

He surrendered with a groan. The Doctor was throwing her left leg over his shoulder and thrusting home a moment later, an indescribable expression on his face. Rose whimpered, straightened her right leg on the bed, and pulled him into a satisfyingly heady kiss. When she finally released him to suck in a lungful of air, he met her eyes and shook his head.

“If this ends badly for you, it won’t be my fault. I tried. I did.”

“What exactly do you mean by ending badly? The only thing I can think of could be solved with a few minutes with my hand, your hand, your mouth, or a toy.”

“No, I meant-” He paused, brows raising. “You… have a toy?” he asked in wonder. “Why have you never told me?”

“Did you really think I didn’t? How long did I travel with you without having sex?” She snorted and then trembled when the Doctor thumbed her clit. “O-oh. Yeah, keep doing that.”

“So you have a toy?”

“Well, yeah, I do have one, but I haven’t had to use it much lately.”

Oh, that seemed to annoy him.

“You shouldn’t have needed to use it at all. You know I would have gladly volunteered myself; you should have asked. How much?”

“I don’t know. Few times. There was the middle of the night a few-”

The Doctor’s eyes nearly crossed. “You woke up from sleep merely to pleasure yourself?”

“Yeah and I don’t normally do that, but it was a really sexy dream and I couldn’t wait.” A strangled whine slipped from his mouth and Rose grinned. “When I let you watch me, I’ll make sure to use it, too.”

“I don’t think I want to hear anymore about this toy, Rose. Not right now. Later. Definitely later.” Rose giggled and the Doctor once more looked serious. “Quit distracting me. We were discussing something.”

“Oh, right. How exactly do you think this might end badly for me?”

“Pregnancy.”

“You’re afraid I might get pregnant? You didn’t seem too worried about it the day after our wedding. Why now?” The Doctor didn’t say anything and Rose frowned. “You weren’t worried, were you?”

“Well…”

“That’s not a no, is it?”

“No, it’s not. I _was_ worried, Rose, for your sake.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I’d assumed you were feeling worse and I didn’t want to further stress you out.”

“I was worried, but not about that. Didn’t even think about it after you basically said my birth control didn’t care what you were, ‘cause I’m the human one.”

His thrusts slowed. “You weren’t worried about a possible pregnancy?”

“No. Would’ve been worth it,” she said honestly, still of the opinion that having his baby would be worth the entire nine miserable months of pregnancy. She quickly backtracked when she realised what she’d actually said. “I mean ‘cause it was so good.”

“Right. Of course.” He resumed his previous pace. “If it wasn’t that, what were you worried about?”

“I was worried about what was gonna happen. To us, I mean.”

“Really? Of everything you could have worried about, that’s what you focused on?”

She gave him a grumpy look. “It seemed the most important.”

“Hmm. The most important issue to me was your mother. Remember how I prolonged that particular visit for as long as possible?”

She snickered. “You ordered two more platters of eggs and refused to leave the table until you finished them both, which took over an hour and a half.”

“Had to give my tummy a little break.”

“I thought our waitress was gonna bop ya.”

“I would have deserved it, methinks.”

“Oh, yeah.”

The Doctor turned his head to kiss her calf and leaned forward to brace himself on his hands and knees. Rose yanked him forward to nip at his bottom lip and the Doctor fell onto his forearms with a satisfied groan. Thank God she was so flexible.

Wait a moment. His most important worry had been her mum and not her possibly getting pregnant? He’d been worried about her getting pregnant… for her sake? What did that even mean?

Well, it _could_ mean…

Rose clenched her eyes shut and the Doctor again ground his pelvis against her clit. And again. Oh, and- She panted against his neck and ran her hand over his shoulder and down an arm, enjoying the play of muscles beneath her hand.

And there had been that time they were shopping yesterday and he was talking about grandkids. He’d seemed almost… fond or something of the idea. He’d been smiling and everything!

But did that mean he did want (grand)kids with her or did that mean he was just imagining how much fun it’d be to send his spoiled, sugar-packed grandkids back to their parents?

The Doctor suddenly grabbed her right hand in his own and wound their fingers together. It was such a sweet move, holding her hand during sex, that Rose swore she’d melt into a puddle of goo. He then leaned forward, slotted his mouth against hers, and reached up with his other hand to lower her leg to the bed.

When he pulled away and tucked his head against the side of her neck to nip and suck at her skin, Rose reached her left hand out to the side and grabbed his unoccupied hand from the bedspread. He automatically clasped her hand in his and moved his arm over her shoulder, just as he’d done with his left hand and her right, to brace himself up.

This seemed to give him better leverage and the Doctor withdrew, quickly thrust back in, and then leisurely rubbed against her clit. She moaned and he let out a chuckle before pressing a kiss behind her ear.

“Think you liked that.”

“A lot.” She felt him grinning against her skin and shivered. “Wouldn’t complain if you did that some more.”

“No, I can’t imagine you would.” He withdrew, thrust, rubbed. Rubbed. Oh, God, and rubbed. Withdrew. “Mrs. Smith, was it?”

She jolted and turned to see him from the corner of her eye. He caught her looking and leaned up to kiss the tip of her nose.

“What’d you call me that for?”

He made a face. “I had something to tell you, I’m sure, but I’ve forgotten. See, I was going to call you Miss Tyler, but considering you’re my wife and I’m currently doing unspeakably naughty things to you, it didn’t feel right calling you that. I was testing Mrs. Smith, but I really don’t like it.”

“That’s ‘cause you’re not actually Mr. Smith.”

“Doctor Smith, thank you.”

“Well, sorry. Maybe just avoid Miss Tyler when we’re doing stuff like this.”

“Humph. I suppose I have no choice.”

“Not really, because even if you were stupid enough to try Mrs. Doctor or any other weird thing, I’d probably just laugh you right out of bed.”

“Can’t really say I’d blame you, either, to be honest.” She snorted. “Ah, I’ve remembered! Wife, I’ve- ooh! Winner.”

“Before you forget again, husband.”

The Doctor momentarily closed his eyes and shuddered. It was frankly sexy as hell and Rose unintentionally clenched around him. He swallowed and caught her lips for a kiss that literally left her gasping. When he pulled back, Rose unblinkingly stared at him for a long moment and then shook her head.

“As I was saying, I remembered my previous thought. I’ve been thinking about our… situation with your mother.”

“You mean her being mad at us?”

“Possibly mad, yes, though not for another two months… Well, for her. I’ve been plotting. We need something to soothe her anger once it does happen, because I really don’t like seeing you upset in any way.”

“Really?”

“Come on, Rose,” he said admonishingly. “Point is-” Rose moaned loudly and he chuckled. “Point is, I’ve come up with a very good way to get us back in her good graces.”

“What’s that?”

“We let her plan our future baby shower. We’ll tell her to start as soon as possible, ‘because we really are trying.’ What do you think?”

Her eyes slipped closed and she struggled to draw in enough breath. Did they talk about baby stuff too much during sex?

“Yeah,” she moaned, trying and failing to arch up. “It’s good. She’ll love it. Probably forgive us right away. How’d you know about it?”

“Baby showers? Long before you first mentioned planning Shareen’s shower, I’d been reading up on all sorts of things. You’ll be okay with letting your mother know we want her to plan it?”

“Totally. Why? Aren’t you?”

“It was my idea, silly,” he said affectionately.

“Right. Course.”

“There’s also the added benefit of-” His breath caught and Rose’s nails dug into his skin. “-of, uh, of knowing a baby shower will be taken care of in the event you ever do conceive my child.”

“Great,” Rose gasped, her body tingling and tense. “I’m almost there. More.”

The Doctor tightened his grip on her hands and began thrusting in short, fast strokes. Her toes curled and her legs stiffened as his pelvis repeatedly ground against her clit, bringing her close… and closer… and closest… and…

Rose trembled beneath him and loudly moaned against his neck, her eyes shut tight, when pleasure began coursing through her unchecked. A moment later, the Doctor let out a sharp, guttural cry and thrust in to the hilt for the first of his release. He barely rocked to and fro throughout his orgasm, seeming to want to be within her as deeply as possible.

She felt boneless, well-shagged, and too content for words. She didn’t even mind supporting the Doctor’s weight when he no longer could. After a while, Rose realised their hands were still clasped and gave his a squeeze. With a quiet groan, he managed to push himself up and then pressed a kiss to her chest, her clavicle, her neck, her jaw, her lips, her nose, her forehead before coming back to her lips. Too soon, he pulled his head up and simply breathed against her lips for several moments.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Rose.”

“Sorry.”

“No. It’d be a good way to go.” He chuckled and heaved himself over to one side of her. “Cause of death? Intense, hearts-stopping orgasm.”

She snorted. “Stop it."

“If you insist.” He closed his eyes and smiled. “Would you like to bathe before bed?”

“I’ll do it in the morning and just do a wipe up tonight. I’m too tired to have to stand around that long.”

“For once, I agree. I might actually join you tonight, Rose.”

“You’re gonna sleep?” she asked in surprise.

“Think so, yeah.” He yawned, opened his eyes, and blinked. “I’m getting you off this ship tomorrow.”

“What?” she cried excitedly. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes. The old girl won’t let me take you on our usual adventures, but we know she’ll stop at relatively harmless destinations so…”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Tomorrow? Earth.” She drooped a little and he grinned. “Now stop it. I’ve a series of places I want you to see and it is, after all, your home planet.”

“Guess so.”

“Do you trust me, Rose?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then believe me when I say you’re gonna have fun.”

“Alright, then. I better.”

“Promise.” He kissed her. “Now let’s get cleaned up, put on our jim-jams, and head to bed. We’ve a busy day tomorrow and I want you rested up.”

“Fine, but you’re gonna need to get me out of this bed.”

He chuckled, helped her up, and Rose caught herself smiling dopily as they readied themselves for bed. She had the best husband in the world, even if they might possibly still be operating upon the whole “no more sex, no more marriage” thing. Maybe. He hadn’t mentioned it lately.

“Are you planning to put that shirt on or just stare at it? Can’t say I’d mind if you didn’t wish to wear it…” He winked and slowly looked down her body. “It’d give me something to hold onto when I inevitably wake before you.”

Might as well spoil her husband for as long as she had him. Rose grinned widely at him and tossed the shirt away from her. The Doctor caught her shirt, arched his brows, and looked at her in surprise. She shimmied into her knickers, left her pyjama bottoms on the bathroom counter, and entered the bedroom once more. She heard him following after her, whistling a happy tune, and Rose’s grin softened.

He was whistling the lullaby her mum had taught him.

***

Rose lowered her pack of birth control.

It hadn’t been a joke.

She again looked at the pack, eyed every single empty space a pill had been in the day before, and shook her head incredulously.

“He was serious?”

Right. Birth control before any fun adventures, then. Rose shoved the empty pack into her jeans pocket, flicked off the bathroom light, and hurried to the galley. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to slap Jack or hug him for being delusional enough to think the Doctor would want a baby. With her. Of all people.

No, right, she was gonna slap him for even making her think that last thought. Never mind that he hadn’t made her think that thought in the first place. Still, she was gonna slap the hell out of him.

“Oh, hello, wife,” the Doctor greeted. “You look lovely today.”

Jack grinned. “Hey, Rose. Did you-”

Her slap echoed through the suddenly silent galley and Jack clutched his cheek, looking incredibly offended. A red mark instantly blossomed on his cheek and Rose smugly smiled. A spatula slipped from the Doctor’s lax fingers, hitting the counter with a clatter, and the Doctor looked at her like she was crazy.

“Why did you just slap him?”

Rose brandished her birth control pack. “He really did empty it like he said he did, which isn’t a big deal at all, but then he made me think something that really pissed me off. Believe me, he deserved that.”

“Um.” The Doctor looked between the two of them and scratched his head. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to react in this situation, Rose, so perhaps you could tell me?”

“Laugh.”

“That’s all?”

“And maybe yell at him for being in my bathroom. That’s where my birth control was. I moved it from the bathroom down the hall weeks and weeks ago when you fixed my bathtub.”

The Doctor turned on Jack. “Had I known she was keeping her birth control in her own rooms again, I would’ve been angry much sooner than now. Why the hell did you go into my wife’s bedroom?”

“In my defence, it was her bathroom.”

“Which you can only get to by walking through my bedroom,” Rose remarked, “and he knows that, Jack.”

“I was curious to see if she was actually taking it,” Jack explained huffily, “and then- I don’t know- it sounded like a good idea. Thought it might give you two a push.”

“So you emptied her birth control,” the Doctor repeated blankly. “ _How_ did that sound like a good idea?”

Jack tugged his earlobe. “I thought better of it after our conversation yesterday if that helps at all.”

Rose sighed. “I’m not mad. Just stay out of my room from now on.”

“Are we really not mad at him anymore?” the Doctor asked. “Because I have to be honest. I’m still a bit irked he was in your bedroom yesterday.”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t in there with him so calm down.” She grimaced at Jack. “Sorry for slapping you, but you kind of did make me mad by making me think that thing that, um, pissed me off.”

Wow. She just realised how stupid that sounded. No wonder the Doctor had been so confused.

“Ahum. Yes, well, tread carefully, Jack. I have my eyes on you.”

Jack held his hands up. “I’ll be on my best behaviour. Swear. No more expeditions into Rose’s old bedroom.”

“Good. Ehm.” The Doctor looked at her, still seeming pretty confused, and held up a plate. “Are you hungry?”

“Starving and could you maybe give me a little extra eggs today?"

“Of course. Whatever you want.”

***

Rose was supposed to be sleeping.

She had strict orders from the Doctor not to do anything but sleep until he came for her in the morning, but she wasn’t listening. No one could blame her, either, because she’d just had the most wonderful day and was too revved up to sleep. Probably ever again.

Well, wonderful except for The Incident. Rose pulled in a deep breath and unbuttoned her pyjama top a little. Why was it so hot?

She clicked through the photos she’d taken on the Doctor’s- oh, no, _their_ \- fancy camera and smiled. There were so many good captured moments here and she fully planned to print out every single one to put in an album for her mum. Hmm. Two albums? One for her, too. Whatever.

Jack pretending to be impaled on a stick shoved into the ground with Bran Castle in Transylvania in the background.

Her laughing and the Doctor holding her arm, keeping her from falling, in front of that pretty pink lake in Australia. Western Australia? Somewhere. It was pink and pretty. That was all she cared about.

The Doctor having a ball while running past her outside the Colosseum and her looking thoroughly annoyed. Yeah, his near death wasn’t that funny.

Her and Jack pretending to hold up The Great Wall of China. Jack just looked constipated in the picture, but at least he didn’t look fat. Seriously, how much weight had she put on?

Jack doing some sort of jig at Machu Picchu and the Doctor looking at him warily, his foot raised slightly. She’d taken the photo a second before he’d begun to edge away from him. Rose giggled quietly and zoomed that photo. The Doctor’s face was priceless. His mouth open a little, his eyebrows slightly quirked up, worry in his eyes. Jack’s, though! She giggled a little louder. Wide smile showing a lot of his teeth, eyes slightly crinkled in merriment, head tilted back just a little. She was framing this one.

The Doctor grabbing her shoulder and pointing at something in the water beside them in the Crack of Silfra somewhere in Iceland. At least she thought that’s what he said.

The Doctor and Jack, heads close together and both smiling, with The Forbidden City in the background. She would want to frame this one, as well, were it not for the fact that their grins had been mischievous ones. They’d doused her with freezing water from their water bottles seconds after she’d lowered the camera. They’d made amends, though. The Doctor had used the sonic to dry her clothes and then kissed her silly while Jack had procured the most delicious chocolate she’d ever had in her life. It had bacon in it. So, yeah, both forgiven.

Her and the Doctor holding hands in the bottom of Son Doong Cave in Vietnam. She stared at that picture a really long time, taken by the expression on the Doctor’s face. She was grinning up towards one corner of the picture and was pointing, but the Doctor was simply looking down on her with soft eyes and a slight smile on his lips. She honestly didn’t know what to make of his expression, but she felt it was significant somehow.

Rose rubbed her eyes and yawned. Had the Doctor turned the heat up in the ship?

Whether the Doctor liked it or not, she was printing that Son Doong photo and putting it somewhere in the control room. That way, she’d always be able to see it when she wanted to. If he didn’t at first agree, she could always beg on her knees.

She grinned at the thought. She was terrible.

The last photo of their amazing day was taken at the Parthenon and she couldn’t bring herself to look at it. Not yet. Instead, she remembered.

When they’d left Son Doong, Rose had been feeling a little sick, but she hadn’t wanted to say anything. She wasn’t stupid, see. If she’d said she was feeling even a tiny bit off, the Doctor would have whisked her off to the med bay faster than she could blink so he could run more tests in search of his unanswered question concerning her health.

She hadn’t wanted that. No trips to the med bay, no interrupted adventures, nothing.

So she’d kept her mouth shut, felt progressively worse through their lunch in Paris, and had batted away the Doctor’s questions and concerned expression for a time.

Then they’d arrived in Athens.

The ride there had been a bumpy one. She still remembered that. She’d stumbled into the Doctor’s side when the TARDIS landed and he’d immediately caught her in his arms. She knew she should have just told him she needed to lie down, but again, she’d kept it to herself. She’d told him she was fine and that he needed to stop treating her like glass.

He’d grumbled and then led her out the doors chattering a mile a minute about all the other stuff they’d be going to see that day. She’d listened with half an ear, trying her best to tamp down on the worsening nausea and the weakness that had been starting to overcome her.

By the time they’d made it halfway between the Parthenon and the TARDIS, Rose had clutched at the Doctor’s arm and told him she needed a moment to rest before they continued. That’s all. Just a breather.

He’d gone ballistic.

He started asking her question after question. Why did she need a rest? Was she feeling sick? Was she not drawing in enough air with each inhalation? Was a lack of food making her weak? Had she been eating enough for a human? Had she merely pretended to sleep the night before? So on and so forth.

Rose had forced a smile and told him she was just fine. She only wanted to rest a moment, because they’d been moving all day and she was a bit tired.

That hadn’t been any better. Obviously.

Jack was the one that finally calmed the Doctor down by telling him she was obviously not as capable of going and going and going as an alien with a weird respiratory system and a dude that couldn’t die, which meant exhaustion didn’t affect him nearly as much as it would, say, her. The Doctor then had insisted they stop there, take their photo, and then head back for a rest in the TARDIS. Rose had sighed believably and acted huffy when she told him she was just fine, she’d only needed a breather. He wouldn’t hear of it and told Jack to ready the camera.

They’d decided to do an “engagement photo” for her mum. An extra ‘please forgive us for making you think Rose was really pregnant’ gift.

Rose had taken off her wedding band set, the Doctor was on bended knee, and she was covering her mouth one-handed while he held the engagement ring in one hand and her hand in his other. He’d first asked if she’d give him the honour of allowing him to become her husband, but Jack had snorted and told him the “traditional” proposal. Rose had told him to sod off, that he was ruining her engagement, and… that’s the last thing she remembered until she woke up in the med bay with wires and tubes attached to her and machines of all sorts buzzing around her.

It took her a few seconds to realise she’d fainted. Worse, the Doctor had told her, she’d fainted and been out for over two hours. He’d looked extremely frazzled, which only seemed to worsen in the following three hours when every single test and scan he ran said she was perfectly healthy.

While the Doctor had worked, Jack relayed the events she’d missed. He’d snapped the final picture as she fell and the Doctor had caught her mid-air, yelling at Jack to stow the camera and give him his jacket. After ten minutes with no response from her, the Doctor had looked terrified and told him they were taking her back to the TARDIS. Jack had scooped her up, ran after the Doctor all the way back, and had needed to wait a total of six seconds while the Doctor unlocked the door. They’d then rushed her to the med bay, hooked her up, and started testing. The Doctor had gotten banished from the room at least twenty times to stop panicking, Jack had said, and the Doctor hadn’t denied it. He’d merely started a new test and Rose had almost started crying.

So now she was on bed rest until morning. The only thing of note was a slight fever, but she felt fine now and she wasn’t really that tired. She was freezing, though. It was obviously something she hadn’t told the Doctor.

Alright. This was it. She was gonna look at this picture.

Rose held up the camera, clicked to the next picture, and pressed a hand to her mouth. The dawning shock and horror on the Doctor’s face, his arms reaching out to her, her body sagging a little and obviously falling to the ground.

It was the single most devastating photo she’d ever seen. Well, besides those abortion photos that labelled each step. But this was close to that. Rose yawned, closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them wide. How had she gotten so tired so quickly?

“Rose,” the Doctor said from the doorway. “I know you’re awake. By the time I open this door, you had better be nestled in those blankets and at least trying to sleep.”

Her vision flickered weirdly. Inexplicably.

“I can’t sleep.” She quietly put the camera on the Doctor’s bedside table and burrowed down. “I’ve tried.”

He opened the door, momentarily looking wary, and looked her over. He relaxed and came closer. Why was he wearing his jacket? He usually took it off this late in the day.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling fine. Great. Everything. Well, I am hungry…”

She just realised she’d never thrown up earlier. Just a little bit of nausea, some weakness, and then fainting? How did that work?

“Do you think you could eat?”

“Yeah, I do.” The Doctor sat on the edge of the bed, leaned down towards her, and abruptly licked her from jaw to temple. “What the- Why did you just lick me?’

He grinned. “I forgot the thermometer?”

“Oh, is that why?” She rolled her eyes and then unwillingly grinned. “No fever, then?”

“I wasn’t really checking for fever, Rose. Though, now that you mention it, no.” He paused. “Huh. How ‘bout that?”

“If you weren’t checking my temp, why the hell’d you lick me?’

“I thought perhaps I might get some answers for your health problem from a quick taste, but no go. There’s nothing but Rose Tyler there.”

“Um, good?”

“Not really. It was a last resort,” he sighed and then shook away his mood. “Do you want to attempt a small meal?”

“If by small you mean normal-sized, yeah. If not, you better double it. Triple it even. What did you two have for dinner?”

“I didn’t eat and I haven’t seen Jack since I brought you in here.”

“Then bring yourself some, too, and we can eat together,” she suggested. “And maybe you being in here will make it easier for me to sleep.”

He looked relieved. “Alright. I’ll stick around until you fall asleep.”

“Food first,” she reminded. “Then maybe sex?”

“Rose.”

“Fine. Food!”

“I’m going, Rose. I’m going. Be right back. Rose?”

“Still here. A regular dinner,” she called. “No small ones.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m serious!”

“Rose? Rose!”

“What? What is it?

She heard him huff and leaned back against the headboard. She fully intended to switch him meals if he tried giving her scraps for dinner, because she wasn’t sick! The TARDIS told him so.

The Doctor returned maybe five minutes after he left with a tray in his hands and walked carefully across the room to the bed. Rose reached out and unloaded their drinks to eliminate spill hazards and the Doctor set the tray in the middle of the bed.

“I brought leftover beef stew,” he said as he settled down beside her, “toasties, some saltines in case you start feeling ill, bananas- well, because they’re delicious, and warmed slices of my apple pie. Is this enough?”

Rose eyeballed his soup bowl and hers and smiled. “It’s great. Thank you. Who made it?”

“Jack,” he said loudly. Rose looked at him oddly, but he shrugged. “He made it before I could. Eat, Rose. Perhaps whatever’s wrong with you can be cured with plenty of food and rest.”

“You know…” Rose stirred her soup and looked at the Doctor. “We really should take that engagement photo sometime. Like you said, it and the baby shower would probably get us out of the doghouse in two seconds flat and Mum will be ecstatic to finally have something to show her friends.”

“Cronies.”

"Stop it,” she laughed. “Or at least never say that around her.”

“Rose!” he yelled, which was a bit weird. “When’s her birthday again?” She laughed and he grinned. “You’re right, though. I made a very good point. We should. Though not in Athens. It’s lovely, but it’s not quite the setting I’d imagine proposing marriage in.”

“What is, then?”

“Doctor? Oh, my god. What happened?”

Rose glanced to the door, but didn’t see Jack. That was weird. The Doctor didn’t seem to notice as he grinned widely and snapped his fingers. Rose, feeling really freaked out, looked around. They weren’t in his bedroom anymore.

“How about New York in the USA during winter?”

“Doctor?”

He snapped. “Or Alaska?”

“So cold,” she said, shaking. “What are you doing?”

He snapped. “Greenland?”

“Doctor!”

He snapped. “Ooh, Russia at Christmas!”

“Doctor,” she moaned, “where am I? Where are you?”

It was so cold.

“Rose?”

That was Jack!

“Jack?” Where was he? Where had the Doctor gone? She was wearing a nightgown in meters upon meters of snow and she’d die if she didn’t get warm soon. “Doctor, help me. Please. Don’t leave me here.”

“Think she’s somewhat lucid, Doc. She heard me at any rate, I think.”

“Doctor?” she cried. “What’s happening? I need you. Where did you go?”

The Doctor was suddenly leaning over her and there was a ceiling now, instead of open sky. Rose tried to reach for his hands, but she couldn’t move them. It was like she was turning to stone again… or ice.

“Rose, your fever’s spiking.” He looked serious and placed a hand on her cheek. “And I’m here. I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m going to take care of you. I promise.”

Her teeth rattled. “I’m freezing, Doctor,” she whispered. Why was she back in the snow? Why wasn’t he getting her out of there? “Help me, please. I’m so cold.”

“Don’t you worry, sweetheart. I’ll have you feeling warm in no time. Just hang on.”

Rose sobbed. “Doctor?”

“I’m still here, Rose. I’m here. I haven’t gone.”

“Keep talking to her,” Jack said. “She must be hallucinating or something. Can’t see you.”

“Yes, I’d worked that out, Jack. Thanks. I’m here, Rose. Where are you?”

“In snow. You left me in Russia. Why did you leave me here to die?”

“…Russia?”

“Shut up, Jack. I’m terribly sorry, sweetheart. I’ll get you out of there in two shakes. No dying today.” Rose cried out as something invisible pierced her skin and she watched in horror as her blood began pooling in the snow. “Perfect. Jack, hand me the syringe.”

“I’m bleeding,” she murmured. “It’s everywhere. Oh, God. There’s so much blood.”

“Ignore her, Jack. Keep your cool. That’s the fever talking. Ah, there we go.”

“I’m going to die. So much blood…”

The ice was shooting through her veins, freezing her faster. He said he was going to save her. Was this salvation, then?

***

When Rose opened her eyes, she immediately spotted the Doctor hunched over in the chair near the hospital gurney, his hands on his face and elbows on his knees. She tried reaching for him, but couldn’t move much at all. She felt like a ton of lead was on her body.

“Doc,” Rose rasped. “Doc…tor.”

He shot up from his seat and was at her side in seconds.

“Rose? You’re finally awake. Oh, my…” He exhaled slowly and pushed her hair back. “How are you feeling?”

“Hea…vy.”

“That’s the sedative. It takes a while to wear off, I’m afraid. You’ve been gone- no, out, not gone- for four days. I was beginning to fear you’d never wake up.”

“Sorr...y.”

“Nonsense. I figured out what was wrong. Do you remember what happened?”

“No.”

“Ah. We were heading to the control room after breakfast four days ago- Remember? You slapped Jack, ate a lot of eggs- the whole pan, and couldn’t take your hands off me.” The Doctor closed his eyes long enough to smack his cheek. “Right. Not important. You passed out, hit the floor before I knew what was going on, and I had to call Jack back from the control room to help.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. You felt so hot to the touch when I picked you up, Rose. I couldn’t get you to wake up. Nothing I did helped and then… Your fever worsened, spiked to inhuman levels.”

“Scared,” she breathed.

“Terrified. I thought you were gone and I couldn’t get the heart monitor to re-engage. Jack had to…” He swallowed. “Butterfingers. Was rushing myself and knocked a few things loose.”

“Hon.”

He smiled. “I like that. Do you remember your treatment here after we left Falsgate Quad VI?”

“Yeah.”

“For reasons I cannot fathom even now, the medication I gave you then was still circulating through your body. That shouldn’t have happened. More mystifying than that, however, is why the medication first turned on you and then made you deteriorate so rapidly.”

It wasn’t the first creepy thing to happen to her body lately. She still needed to tell him about miraculously healing after opening Mickey’s belated Christmas present. And there was, of course, the head knot that disappeared, but he knew about that.

“Now?”

“I had to introduce a second medication to your bloodstream. It’s designed to burn through poisons and harmful medications and it was very necessary, but we'll discuss that at a different time. Are you cold?”

“Stomach.”

“Just that?” She nodded. “Perhaps it’s still working.” He momentarily frowned. “Is it making you cold?”

“’s cool.”

“But not cold?”

“Bare…ly.” She breathed. “No…tice.”

“That’s terrific, Rose. I’m so relieved to hear that.” He looked down at her hand. “So relieved.”

“Jack?”

“Your mother finally called. He’s currently diverting her attention.”

Her stomach twisted. “Sex?”

“Blimey! The things you think up.” He paused. “Damn, I’ve missed that. Missed you. No, they’re discussing the nursery. We told her you’re sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh.”

“Do you still feel heavy?”

“Bit.”

“Freezing?”

“Warm.”

“I told you I’d get you there,” he said softly and then exhaled loudly. “Hell. It’s been a long four days, Rose.”

Poor guy. Rose wished she could hug him or something, because he seemed so shaken, so desperate to keep talking to her.

“Kiss?”

“For you?” She pursed her lips and he smiled. “Of course. As many as you wish.”

His lips were cool against hers and Rose sighed. After leaving the snow in Russia, she’d drifted from dream to dream and not one featured her kissing the Doctor, which was tragic. She tried to follow his lips when he pulled back from her, but he placed a hand on her shoulder and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“More?”

“For now, I’m going to keep trying to get you back to yourself. Hopefully, I’ll have you capable of kissing me back within the hour. I just can’t do it when your usual spirit isn’t in it, Rose. Feels like I’m kissing anyone else in the universe… and that’s simply unacceptable.”

He couldn’t tell she’d been kissing him back? Stupid medication. Well, huh. Maybe she hadn’t been. She couldn’t actually feel her lips.

“Like… that.”

“That was almost a full sentence,” he said happily. “That’s my girl. Fight that sedative. And of course you like that. Monogamy. It’s the hottest thing to happen to marriages since… I don’t know… Any suggestions here?”

“Vows.”

He chuckled. “Your wit’s sharp as ever, my dear.”

“Dear,” she repeated.

“Yes, that’s what I said. Would you rather I not? ‘Cause I feel it has a nice ring to it.”

“Like… it.”

“Keep it up, sweetheart,” he coached. “You’re wearing it down faster than it wants to go.”

“Sweet… heart.” She inhaled and exhaled twice. “Like that.”

He grinned widely. “Tell you what, you keep this up and I’ll use any endearment you wish in place of Rose Tyler when we’re being intimate or, well, anytime really. Win-win, if you ask me.”

“Wife.”

“You prefer wife?”

“Hot.” Her fingers twitched and she met his eyes. “Husband.”

“Well, you’re in luck. I happen to think calling you my wife is completely arousing, even more so when we’re sharing each other’s bodies.”

“Poet…ic.”

“Come on, sweetheart. You can do better than that, can’t you?”

“Shut up… ass.”

He laughed. “Even when sedated. I swear every terrible name only amuses me so please continue.” She scowled and she thought her hand moved a fraction. The Doctor looked down and grinned excitedly. “I’m waiting, Rose Marion.”

“No… middle… name. Not…” Whatever this crap in her body was sucked. Trying to say more than two syllables required so much effort! “In trouble.”

“That’s it. Fight, girl, ‘cause this man wants a proper snog and that’s not happening ‘til you’re back to being yourself. You’ve gotta work for it.”

“Trying hard,” she managed to say. God, she was so thirsty. “Want a snog.”

“Funny way of showing it. I mean, what’s this?” he taunted. “Little Rose Tyler, sitting in a bed? Not doing much of anything, is she?”

“Talking to a… stupid… alien.” She sagged down against the gurney and grimaced. “I’m tired.”

“That was a full sentence, Rose,” he said gently, “and one nearly full one. I’m happy for now so if you want to sleep for a bit, go right ahead.”

“Hold me?” Her hand jerked towards him. “Doctor, please.”

“Of course. As long as you want.”

***

The next time she woke in the med bay, things were noticeably different. She was lying on her side and didn’t feel like her entire body was being held down, her stomach still felt cool on the inside but wasn’t making her shiver like before, and the Doctor was spooning her and rubbing her belly.

Oh, and Jack was sitting in the chair near the gurney this time.

“She’s awake.”

“Good afternoon, love. How are you feeling this time?”

Love.

“Like I could run a marathon and win. Against ten of you, actually.”

He laughed, sounding relieved. “More than two to four words at a time, witty, and teasing. Jack, Rose Tyler is back.”

“Which means you owe me something, Doctor, but later.”

“Agreed. Anything cool?”

“You’re the coolest thing in this bed.”

“Why, thank you, Rose.”

She giggled and Jack smiled.

“We’ve both missed that, you know,” Jack said. “Not hearing that onboard was just…”

“Wrong,” the Doctor finished. “Incidentally, I’ve already had Jack check. All medications are out of your system.”

“Thank God.”

“Well, if you wanna call me that…”

“Shut up,” she laughed. “You’re in too much of a good mood.”

“Lies. I’m in the perfect amount of good mood. You’re alive, you’re healthy, and I’ve finally figured out what’s been troubling you for months. Life is good right now.”

“Well,” Jack said, looking conspicuously at the ceiling. “There was that one thing.”

“What thing?”

“Oh, ahum, well…” The Doctor shifted behind her and then was abruptly staring down at her. “The thing is, I might not have been too truthful earlier. Not so much lied but withheld a good portion of the truth. I didn’t wanna bring it up right this second, but Jack couldn’t leave well enough alone.”

Jack chuckled. Delightedly. Rose frowned at him and then looked back at the Doctor.

“What didn’t you tell me?”

“The cure I gave you after Falsgate _was_ in your system, but, um, it wasn’t to blame for your sudden stay in the med bay.”

“Oh. Then what was?”

“Go on,” Jack said after a moment, grinning so wide, it looked like it hurt. “Tell her, Boss.”

“Yeah, tell me.”

“You’ve become allergic to your birth control,” the Doctor blurted out and Rose stared at him. “Jack discovered it during the last scans and I double-checked. It’s not a prank, Rose.”

“What?”

“I’m not lying. The monitor still says it.” Rose pointlessly looked at the monitor. Not like she could read it or anything. “Your pills have slowly become poisonous to you, though I’ve no idea why, and I’m supposing your body reached it’s breaking point four - well, now five - days ago. The medications I dosed you with finally managed to burn the last of it from your body so…”

“Okay.” While the Doctor brushed her hair back from her face, she quickly thought through what she’d just been told. “Okay,” she repeated. “So what exactly does this mean now?”

“Well, you obviously cannot continue taking your pills. It would eventually kill you and I won’t allow that to happen.”

“I threw away your empty pack,” Jack volunteered and the Doctor nodded. “Plus the one I’d hidden.”

“You hid… Right. What now?”

“Rose, this doesn’t change anything for us… unless you want it to. We’ll simply find another birth control method to use.”

She relaxed. “Okay. Great.”

“So no birth control pills,” Jack stated. “Bummer.” If it was such a bummer, why was he grinning? “What’ll it be, then? IUD, condom, patch, pulling out… or baby? Do they still do those shots?”

Rose peeked at the Doctor. “Um, well…”

“Of course, there’s always abstin-” Jack paused and snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“Well, I don’t want anything weird shoved into my uterus for long periods of time, Doctor.” She met his eyes and he nodded. “I mean, who knows what prolonged exposure to that stuff could do?”

“If you wanted statistics and information-” the Doctor began.

“No. Just no,” Rose interrupted. “I don’t want it. The very idea of something being in there- uh, besides a baby, you know- scares me.”

She shuddered.

“I wouldn’t want to inflict that upon you, Rose. No IUDs.” The Doctor seemed lost in thought for a moment and Rose bit her lip. “I’m not particularly fond of condoms. Especially those made on Earth.”

“What?”

They made condoms off Earth? Which planets?

“Yes, they’re messy and tend to break or slip off at the most inopportune moment. We’ll of course use them if that’s what you want, but…”

“Um, I can only use a certain kind of condom,” she said hesitantly. “’Cause… well, I’m not exactly allergic to latex, but it makes me burn down there and usually only there so I kind of want to avoid that one, too. I mean, even if I use the good ones, I still feel weird so, um, pass?”

“And by good ones, you mean the non-latex?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Ah.”

They stared at each a moment and Rose was about to ask if maybe they should just not use anything, because they were married and she didn’t plan to leave him unless he actually kicked her off the TARDIS (plus, she did really want a baby… well, with him), but Jack clapped his hands together and Rose lost her nerve.

“No pills, no condoms, and no IUDs,” Jack announced. “That’s very interesting to me. What about the others?”

The others? Oh. The patch, pulling out, and the shot. Wait. Why was Jack still in there? She gave him a look, but he gestured to the Doctor, who was watching her expectantly, one corner of his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.

“I could never figure out how people wore the patch,” Rose confessed. “I first tried it when I went on birth control, because it seemed so much easier than trying to remember to take a pill everyday.”

The Doctor quirked his lips in a smile. “What happened?”

“It was terrible. Well, for two reasons, actually. The first one, though, was I had to keep replacing them, because I’d sweat them off or they’d catch on my clothing and stuff like that. One time, it was so embarrassing. I went to my cousin’s wedding and somehow, the patch ended up on the back of my dress and my great-uncle pointed it out while we were in line for the buffet. I thought Mum was gonna lose it.”

The Doctor luckily- just barely- contained his amusement. “If you wanted to try again, I’m sure I could alter the adhesive in some way.”

She made a face. “I probably should have first mentioned the other reason I don’t want them. They made me sick to my stomach and, um, gave me headaches all the time. I mean, you could give me something to-”

“No, there is no way I will allow you to even touch one. For my peace of mind.”

“Okay. Um, what about the shot?”

“Personally, I don’t believe you should be repeatedly stabbed with a needle simply because we wish to continue having sex.”

“Alright. No shot, then.”

Had she given up on that too quickly? Would he say something about it?

“Good,” the Doctor said and then briefly quirked his lips to one side. “Rose, you know pulling out doesn’t always work, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but it’s better than nothing. I guess.”

“We are prepared if pulling out fails,” he allowed. “The nursery, you know.”

Her breath hitched.

“Yeah,” she repeated. “And, um, if it is destined to happen, nothing we do would matter much anyway.”

“I, for one, like this.” Rose and the Doctor looked at Jack. She’d honestly forgotten he was still there. Again. “But you could just forget about pulling out and just…”

“Yes?” the Doctor prompted. “Speak or leave, Harkness. Actually, just leave. What are you still doing in here? I’m trying to have a personal conversation with my wife and you listening in is unacceptable.”

Rose’s belly fluttered. He’d become so casual about calling her his wife. She loved it more than she could ever say.

“Alright, alright. I’ll leave, but first, let me tell you what I was gonna say.”

“Fine. Say it and then get out.”

Jack held his hands up. “Fine. What if you two just… didn’t _try_ to get pregnant, but also didn’t try to _not_ get pregnant?”

“You’re suggesting I ejaculate within Rose’s body and leave everything to chance?”

“Yes,” Jack said, grinning widely. “Less mess and more fun that way… and I’m telling her, Boss. ‘Bout time she knew.”

“Jack,” the Doctor said threateningly. “Keep your mouth shut.”

“He’d love to be a dad again, Rose.”

She already knew that, but she made sure to look surprised. The Doctor stiffened next to her and refused to meet her eyes. Either he’d changed his mind or he was uncomfortable with her knowing that.

“Oh?” she asked calmly.

“Yeah, he said so himself. So if you did get knocked up, he’d be happy about it.” He paused and gave her a piercing look. “…would you?”

“Leave her alone, Jack.”

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, you know. I’ve heard you talk about it from time to time, how cute you think his kids would be and how much you’d love to be a mom.” That surprised her and the Doctor looked down at her with wide eyes. “You talk in your sleep sometimes.”

The Doctor immediately scowled at Jack. “And how would you know that?”

“We didn’t cuckold you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Jack chuckled. “I’ve always wanted to be able to say something like that. No, I’ve caught her napping in the media room a few times. So I’m guessing she wouldn’t be devastated, either, if she got pregnant.”

“Hmm.” The Doctor looked down at her for several moments and then looked at Jack. “Weren’t you leaving?”

“I’m going. By the way, I call dibs on godfather.”

“I will never name you godfather,” Rose immediately said. “Sorry, but no. Crazy Uncle Jack, maybe, but not godfather.”

The Doctor grinned. “Scary thought, isn’t it?”

“Terrifying.”

Jack left the room whistling.


	10. Prank Part 2: Jack

“Do you ever get the feeling Jack is trying too hard?”

Rose leaned against the Doctor’s chest and nodded. Today, she’d finally gotten to do her Earth adventures. Turned out he’d been talking to her all that time she’d been in the med bay. He’d told her about everywhere he’d planned to take her on Earth and her imagination had come up with memories.

However, she hadn’t expected this to happen.

They’d unintentionally replicated the photos she had imagined, from Jack pretending to be staked with Bram Castle in the background to her and the Doctor holding hands in the bottom of Son Doong Cave, and had just left the Parthenon when Jack struck. So while she was very happy with their day in general, she wasn’t very happy with Jack.

“Who thinks locking their friends in a tiny closet and then pumping in aphrodisiac gas is a good idea?” Rose groused. “Like we needed any help having sex.”

“Not usually,” the Doctor allowed. Rose looked up at him and he arched his brows. “We haven’t actually had sex since the night before our postponed trip to Earth.”

“Which was…” She counted the days. “Wow. Twelve days?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

Well, she’d wanted to many times, but they hadn’t really finished their talk about birth control and she didn’t know how to bring it up. Was he still pulling out or… not?

“Have you simply not been in the mood, Rose, or is this your way of saying our marriage is…”

“No!” He looked surprised and Rose sighed. “Sorry. Our marriage is fine. It’s just… um, are you gonna pull out?”

Way to be blunt, Rose. Jeez.

“I assumed you would tell me what to do.”

Really? So if she told him not to pull out, he wouldn’t? Wasn’t he aware that made the chances of having a baby that much greater? And he was still leaving the decision to her… Hmm. Rose glanced around their cramped surroundings and then towards the door Jack had somehow managed to sonic shut. Never mind her question about how he’d gotten the sonic in the first place.

The aphrodisiac had worn off by that point, leaving her still willing and very turned on, but not _desperate_ to come ASAP. Also, she finally had the answer she’d needed and was eager to see if he’d actually do what she wanted him to.

Right.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m perfectly fine, Rose. The aphrodisiac didn’t affect me. I told you that. It was _you_ that affected me.”

“No. I meant…” She pointedly ran a hand over his- yay, still hard!- length and he sucked in a breath. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I could make this closet work.” He closed his eyes as she unzipped his trousers. “Like I _will_ make this closet work or I’ll die trying.”

“I feel the same.” She stepped onto her tiptoes and kissed his jaw line. “I could sit in your lap… Be so close to you. Be nice, huh?”

“Very, yes. Excellent suggestion.”

“Wife,” Rose said.

“Wife,” the Doctor echoed. “Yes. Excellent suggestion- suggestions, wife.”

He didn’t waste any more time getting them ready. He quickly stripped her of her clothing and then yanked at the buttons of his shirt.

“No, leave them,” Rose begged when he tried to take off his tie one-handed while pulling off his glasses. “Doctor, please.”

He grinned. “Whatever you say.”

Rose pushed his trousers down to his ankles and he kicked the trousers free from one leg, slid down the wall to the ground, and reached up to help her down in the dim light. The Doctor slid in so smoothly, so perfectly, and he seemed startled to already be inside her. She laughed at the expression on his face and quickly pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Sorry. Couldn’t wait.”

“Clearly.”

She eagerly wrapped his tie around her hand and met his lips again for one hell of a kiss, both quickly falling into rhythm. As they moved together, Rose occasionally pulled away from his mouth to study his tie in her hand, his glasses on his face, the look in his eyes… She would so have to thank Jack later for locking them in there.

And that’s enough about him. The Doctor put a hand on her shoulder, leaned her back against his bent legs, and Rose gasped. That felt amazing! Why had he never done that before?

When he began touching her with a quick hand, Rose moaned loudly. The Doctor’s hips snapped up faster and she rocked to meet every thrust.

By the time he was right at the edge, gritting his teeth and struggling to hold on just a bit longer, Rose was in the middle of her third orgasm. A deep groan escaped him and Rose knew he really couldn’t control it any longer. What was he waiting for?

Oh! He was waiting for her to tell him what to do. She clamped her legs around him when he tried pulling her up.

“Inside.”

His eyes squeezed shut and his head fell back against the wall as he surrendered without a word. She watched him the whole time, stunned he’d actually done as she’d told him. He was smiling, which was seriously the sexiest thing he could’ve done right then.

“Rose,” he breathed and then opened his eyes. “That was…"

“Amazing.”

“Yes.” His breathing suddenly slowed, he pulled her close, and rubbed her back and shoulders. “You’re cold.”

“Now. A little.”

The door clicked, but remained shut and Rose giggled. She hoped Jack hadn’t been listening the whole time, but she knew better than to do that. He’d probably had his ear pressed against the door.

“Sounds like we’re being freed,” the Doctor noted. “We should dress before Jack tries joining us in here.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” Jack said through the door. “Although, it wouldn’t be as weird as trying to seduce one half of a married couple.”

“You better be gone by the time we leave this room, Jack, and put my sonic in the control room or I really will kill you.”

“Is that any sort of way to treat the man that just got your wife to screw you again?”

“Jack!”

“Don’t be so crude when you mention my wife, Harkness. Go away.”

“Oh, fine. I’m going, you big baby.” When he next spoke, his voice came from further down the hall. “I’m gonna start dinner!”

“Thanks,” Rose cried back. She leaned forward to kiss the Doctor’s cheek and then climbed off his lap to dress. “What do you think he’s going to make?”

“I’ve no idea.” He still hadn’t looked away from her. She shivered. “Most likely something a child could prepare with supervision. I’m imagining hot dogs and macaroni cheese.”

She shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

“It does, doesn’t it? I’ve developed a fondness for macaroni cheese.”

“Mmm. Do we still have that chocolate cake thing you made two nights ago?”

“If there’s none in the pan, there should still be a few pieces I put back in case Jack again gobbled it all down.” He finally looked away to button his shirt and Rose finally, _finally_ pulled in a full breath. “I believe he might love chocolate more than I do.”

“And me. I love chocolate.”

“For good reason. It’s delicious.”

Rose giggled. “Not as delicious as you look right now.”

The Doctor looked up and arched a brow. “I’ll forgive you for that ridiculous attempt at flirting if you’ll do something for me.”

“Oh, I suppose that’s only fair.” She grinned and led him from the closet. “What do you want me to do?”

“Give me your wedding band set.” Rose stopped and the Doctor just barely avoided running into her. He stepped around her and quirked his brows in question. “What?”

“Why do you want them?”

“So I can have the stones changed and the settings reinforced. Also, I want my band to somewhat resemble yours and the jeweller working on it needs-” Rose threw her arms around him and grinned against his neck. The Doctor patted her back after a moment. “Ehm, I’m glad you’re hugging me, I'll never turn one down, but what have I done to deserve it?”

“I just… I thought you wanted it back ‘cause, um, our marriage… er, you know.”

He stilled. “Don’t be ridiculous, Rose. I don’t want- I wouldn’t just ask for your rings back. That’s not my style.”

What doesn’t he want? It to end? Rose held on a moment longer, biting her lip, and then leaned back.

“Well, I’m glad.” She and the Doctor shared a smile, he grabbed her hand, and they started walking down the hall. “I didn’t know you were having a ring made. To be honest, I thought you’d forgotten about that conversation.”

“Nope. I was simply doing a bit of research.”

“Having fun doing that?”

“I wouldn’t say fun, but I have learned quite a lot.” They entered a bathroom down the hall from the galley and both started slipping off their clothing for a quick shower. Rose momentarily forgot her clothing and instead shamelessly watched the Doctor undressing. He glanced up and grinned widely. “Enjoying the show, dear?”

“Shut up,” she said, blushing and getting back to her own clothing. “Better hurry up in here. Jack might end up eating everything again if we take too long.”

“Very true. Sadly. A romp in the shower sounds like fun.”

“More than, yeah.”

Rose stepped out of the last of her clothing, walked into the stone shower, and the Doctor trailed after her. Water sprayed down on them from several directions and Rose twirled around, pretending she was stuck in a mild downpour. When she opened her eyes, she clung to the Doctor and laughed. He smiled indulgently.

“Oh,” she breathed, smiling. “Hello.”

“Hello.”

“I got dizzy.”

“Here I thought you merely loved clinging to me.” She grinned and he held her flush against him while stealing a kiss. “You are breathtaking.”

“Oh, stop.”

“I’m serious.” He let his gaze dip down and his brows slightly furrowed. He stepped back so he could properly look her over. “Your breasts appear… um, fuller. Have you noticed?”

His hands skimmed along her skin and then came to rest on her breasts, gently testing their weight and flicking his thumbs across her nipples. She looked down at them and huffed.

“Yeah, well, I told you I was getting fat, but you didn’t listen to me.”

“Are you seriously back on that? You’re not getting fat. I think I would know better than you. After all, I can see you as you really are.”

His gaze rose from her breasts and promptly skittered away. She poked him in the chest.

“Ha! See? You know I’m gaining weight. I know you can see it. I mean, I can’t even button my denims anymore.”

The Doctor’s eyes widened. “You mean you’ve been wearing…?”

“Maternity, yeah, for a couple days now. You stopped taking me places to run and now I’m fat.”

“You’re not fat!”

Jack started pounding on the door. “Ten minute warning!”

“We’re finishing this later,” the Doctor promised, already rubbing shampoo into her hair. “Okay?”

Rose nodded and started washing his body. When she was done, he leaned over to start on her body while she switched to his hair. The Doctor soon knelt down to finish, her hands merely playing with his hair now. He pressed a kiss to her inner thigh, her lower belly, her chest, and her lips as he climbed to his feet. She grinned as the water washed the soap away.

“What were those for?”

“Because I can.”

She snickered. “Still pointing at things and saying “mine,” aren’t ya?”

“Does it bother you?”

She scoffed. “I love it.”

“Do you?” Rose, who was stepping from the shower and reaching for a towel, paused and looked at him. “I mean, of course you do. Don’t mind me. Be silly of you to say it if you didn’t mean it and…”

He shrugged, reached around her for a clean towel, and didn’t meet her eyes as he strolled to the door leading to the wardrobe. Rose slowly smiled and then followed after him, wondering just how loaded that question was supposed to have been.

“Five minutes, you two!”

Rose chuckled and hurried towards the wardrobe.

***

For perhaps the first time ever, Rose was the only one awake on the ship. Jack had gone to bed hours ago after they’d returned from a run on Gildag and the Doctor had drifted to sleep about an hour ago, claiming he’d be out for a while. Now she thought about it, she hadn’t seen him sleep since before she’d been put up in the infirmary.

That’d been- what?- three weeks ago now, right?

Rose tapped her pen against her notebook, leaned her other arm on the table, and took a sip of tea. She was wide awake, a little bored on her own, and getting nowhere with Shareen’s baby shower. She still had months and months before Shareen wanted to have the party so it wasn’t a matter of urgency, but it was kind of annoying.

Sighing, Rose pushed her notebook away and pulled out her phone. She dialled her mum’s number and waited and waited… Voicemail. She then dialled Shareen, but voicemail again. While waiting yet again, this time for Keisha to pick up, it dawned on her that perhaps it was late or too early on Earth. She went to disconnect the phone, but Keisha’s voice reached her in time.

“Rose? You there? I think she butt-”

“Hey,” Rose excitedly greeted. “Hi, Keish.”

“Hi yourself. What’s going on with you, then? Seem kinda happy. Not knocked up, are ya?”

Rose laughed. “Funny you should mention that. I’m-”

“What?” Keisha screamed in her ear. “You’re-”

“No,” Rose rushed to explain. “I’m not pregnant. I just… I got sick a while back. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it, because I didn’t really know how to explain, but I think I need someone else’s opinion. Because it’s a weird situation, right? I can’t wrap my mind around it.”

“What happened?”

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Nah. Mickey’s just gone to work- he stayed over last night- and I’ve got the day off. Was sitting here talking to Jay, but he’s leaving. He’s gotta work so I’m all ears. Oh, hold on. Bye, Jay. Yeah, love you, too... Okay, talk.”

Rose got up to make more tea. “Like I said, I got sick. You know how the Doctor’s…”

“An alien, yeah?’

“Mickey told you.”

“And your mum.”

“I hope they’re not telling everyone.”

“Don’t think so. I was just worried ‘bout you and Mickey told me the Doctor’s a really good guy and told me that story about him changing just to save you.”

“It’s not… weird, is it? I mean, you’re okay?”

“Far as I’m concerned, I love the guy. ‘cording to Mick, he died for ya so he’s alright in my book.” Rose relaxed and carried her cup back to the table. “So tell me ‘bout this sickness.”

“Well, it’s more like, um, poisoning.”

“You were poisoned?”

“Yeah.”

“By what?” Keisha demanded.

“My birth control.”

There were several seconds of heavy silence on Keisha’s end and Rose fidgeted. She wished she’d say something, anything, because she was starting to get nervous.

“So does that mean you guys are gonna have one, then?”

She didn’t need to ask what she meant.

“I don’t know.” Rose sighed, leaned back in her chair, and heard Keisha let out a shrill whistle. “Yeah. Right now… thing is, we’re travelling with our friend, Jack, right?”

“Yeah, Mickey calls ‘im Captain Cheesecake or something.”

“That’s him,” Rose said, laughing. “Thing is, me and the Doctor were talkin’ ‘bout this and forgot Jack was there ‘til he suggested we don’t try to have a baby, but also don’t try not to, you know?”

“What did your man say to that?”

“He never actually said anything.” Rose scrubbed a hand over her face. “Much. We were talking before, right? About pulling out.”

“Doesn’t work all the time.”

“That’s what he said.” Keisha snorted and Rose grinned. “Thing is, after that, he said we _are_ prepared if that failed. Like, the nursery so maybe-”

“What nursery?”

Rose paused. She hadn’t told anyone but her mum about the nursery? Well, she’d have to go ‘round with pictures.

“The Doctor… created a nursery for us.” Keisha gasped quietly and Rose rushed to explain. “It was just to shut Mum up, though. You know how she can be when she sets her mind to something and we thought it’d be a good idea to get a fake nursery set up so she’d think we were trying. And it worked, Keisha. She got off our backs.”

“So you guys made up a nursery?”

Rose fidgeted. “Well, the Doctor did. It was a surprise for me.” Silence. “Keisha?” More silence. “Keish?”

“So what happened after you guys talked about pulling out?”

Rose furrowed her brows. “Are you alright?”

“Yep. What happened next?”

“Um, Jack said something ‘bout forgetting about doing that and the Doctor asked what he meant.” Keisha hummed and Rose took a quick sip of tea. “That was when Jack suggested that thing. Don’t try to get pregnant, but also don’t try to not get pregnant.”

“And the Doctor said…?"

“He said something about, you know, inside and leaving it all to chance and then Jack- the Doctor didn’t want him to tell me, but…”

“But what?”

“I was eavesdropping one night and I heard the Doctor and Jack talking, back when they were putting up a shelf for the nappies.” Keisha let out a quiet half-laugh. “Yeah, not my proudest moment. Anyway, I already knew it when Jack told me, but the Doctor wouldn’t meet my eyes after Jack said it. I mean, did he change his mind or did he not want me to know?”

“Rose, sweetie, you never told me what Jack said.”

She hadn’t? Rose thought back and rolled her eyes.

“Right. I’m getting ahead of myself again. Jack said the Doctor would love to be a dad again and I heard the Doctor say as much, but he wouldn’t look at me when Jack told me.”

“So you’re worried he changed his mind or didn’t want you to know. You think those are the only two reasons?”

“What else could it be?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he was worried about what your reaction might be or embarrassed he hadn’t been the one to tell you. Could even just have been uncomfortable discussing it in front of your friend.”

“I hadn’t thought of those.”

“Didn’t think so, no.” Keisha paused and Rose heard her doing something, making tea or perhaps coffee. Keisha slowly exhaled and Rose swallowed more tea. It was clear Keisha needed time to think. After several quiet minutes, Keisha finally spoke. “So you’re both not trying.”

“Right.”

“But you’re not trying not to, either.”

“Right.”

“I give it six months before you’re peein’ on a stick.”

“Keisha!” Rose squeaked. Keisha laughed loudly and then cursed.

“Splashed myself with hot coffee. Oh, hell, Rose. You’re gonna be knocked up before too much longer, Shareen’s already there… I’ll be the last one left.”

“You don’t want kids,” Rose said, sure of the answer, but wanting to know if something had changed. Keisha didn’t immediately answer and Rose’s brows lifted. “Or maybe you do? Something changed?”

“I’ve… just been thinking about it and the idea doesn’t completely terrify me anymore.”

That was huge news.

“You’ve been thinking about it? I didn’t know you liked Mickey that much.”

“Oh, not Mickey. He’s alright, but neither of us see each other being around for life.”

“I thought you two were happy together,” Rose said, eyes pricking. “You seemed so…”

“Rose, I love Mickey, yeah, ‘cause he’s a good guy, but we’re not in love with each other. We make each other happy, but we know we won’t be together forever. We simply don’t…"

Rose wiped her eyes and sniffed. “I really thought it’d work between you two.”

“Are you crying? Rose, honey, what’s wrong? This isn’t a bad thing. He’s still hung up on that one bird he was seeing before me and the way he’s talking, she might want him back and I’m really happy for them.”

“How can you talk like that? You’re dating, aren’t ya?”

“Well, yeah, but- Rose, sweetie, we’ve been having fun, but we didn’t think it was such a big deal, otherwise we woulda told you about this a while ago.”

“Hold on.” Rose sniffed and sipped her tea. “Alright. So you’re not serious and Mickey’s already looking back at his- Wait. Who’s his ex? Not Tisha.”

“No, that Martha bird. The doctor one.”

Rose grinned. “He was with Martha? He never told me.”

“They went out a few times, a dinner here and some drinks there, but then they both got busy and decided to separate. But, you know, they have the makings of something. You should see him when he talks about her.”

“I wish I could. Might have to stop and see you guys sometime.”

“Please do… and bring a test. You’ll probably be needing it here.”

“Oh, ha, ha.”

Keisha chuckled. “So what’re you doing for your birthday?”

“What?”

“Your birthday’s in a few days. Remember?”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t even remember what day…” Rose frowned and then shook that thought away. “I’d completely forgotten.”

“Good God, woman. You’d lose your head…”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s not like it’s easy to remember. Everywhere we go, dates are always different. It’s easy to forget.”

“And how are ya gonna remember the days when you’re pregnant, huh? Won’t have a monthly to keep ya on track.”

Rose laughed. “Right?’

“Yeah. Hey, listen. Next time you’re around, call me up. We’ll pick up Reena and go do something, alright?”

“Sounds great. I will.”

“Good. I have to go. My mum’s dropping by and-”

“You’re talking to her now? I thought…”

“Jay wanted me to. After that whole… Anyway, he got a hold of her and has been trying to get me to visit her ever since the wedding. She’s staying in town a few days and I agreed to sacrifice an hour, which is more than I ever got from her…”

“Call me if you need to talk.”

“I will. Love you, Rose. I’ll definitely talk to you later.”

“Love you.”

Rose laid her phone down and rapped her nails against the tabletop, thinking. Right. She pulled her notebook closer again and began writing down a list.

1- Birthday

2- Engagement photo for Mum

3- Pregnancy tests

4- Baby shower

5- Doctor’s ring

6- Eggs! Bread, milk, tea

7-

She couldn’t think of something for seven and laid her pen down on the paper. She picked up her tea and took a long sip. She heard a toilet flush, Jack coughing, and a door closing. She sighed. Being awake while everyone else slept was boring. No wonder the Doctor was always complaining.

Oh, right!

7- Calendar

She needed some way to keep track of the days. Without her pills, it was literally impossible to tell how much time passed and she’d lost the small calendar she once used to track her periods. The days blurred together and if she someday wound up pregnant, she didn’t wanna be the lady who started giving birth on the toilet without knowing she’d been that far gone. So best get a calendar as soon as possible.

Hmm. Now what to do to waste some time? Rose thought and thought. She finally decided to put a photo album together. She’d been debating it for a while now just so she’d have someplace to put all of her photos of her various adventures, but had never had the time.

She grinned and stood up, running her hand along the wall as she left the room. Hopefully the TARDIS would direct her to an appropriate room. She randomly chose a door, pushed it open, and stopped. It was the nursery.

Okay, so maybe she wasn’t being helpful. She backed out of the room, walked down the hall a bit and chose another door. Exercise room she didn’t even know existed. She made a mental note of the door and continued on her way. If nothing else, she could always go back and work out. God knew she needed to. Rose tugged up her maternity denims and opened another door. The library.

Sighing, she gave up on the album and entered the library. A fire suddenly roared to life and Rose smiled at the walls.

“Thank you.”

The overhead lights flickered in response. Rose approached a chair and side table in front of the fire and curled into the seat. A book sat on top of the side table and she curiously picked it up, running her fingers along the worn binding. It was the pregnancy book her mum had given the Doctor. Had he left it here? How often had he read it for it to be nearly falling apart? Curious, she opened the book and began reading.

Who knew what she’d learn?

***

The next morning, Rose woke up in her own bed with the Doctor lying behind her. He inhaled deeply and nosed her ear.

“Good morning, Rose.”

“Morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

“I don’t even remember falling asleep, but yeah. Um, how did I get here?”

“The TARDIS guided me to the library. I wasn’t sleeping well with you gone and came looking for you. I found you in the library in front of the fire and carried you here.”

“Oh.” She smiled. “Thanks. Would’ve been miserable if I’d slept there all night.”

“I can imagine.” He cleared his throat. “Your notebook and pen are on the bedside table.”

Rose’s eyes widened and she looked over. Had he read it? Would he misinterpret anything on that list? Oh, please say he hadn’t read it.  


“Thanks. Um, where’s that book Mum gave you? It was actually really interesting.”

“The table behind me. I read a little before going back to sleep.”

“Oh. Alright.” The Doctor stayed quiet, fingertips circling over her belly, and Rose bit her lip for a long moment. “Did you, uh, read anything? On my list, I mean.”

“Was I supposed to?”

“No. They were just reminders of things I wanted to do.”

“Well, that sounds interesting.”

“Not really. I was just bored so I started writing stuff down.”

“Ah. I’ve done that before. Half the notes in the control room are unnecessary reminders. Jack can’t have triptagong and hyper vodka together. Rose could murder a ten pound block of chocolate if allowed. Don’t let her or she’ll be miserable. Donna is not to be spoken to in the mornings. That kind of thing.”  


Rose giggled. “Those are pretty unnecessary.”

“I agree. What were you writing?”

“Oh, you know. I need a calendar. My birthday’s coming up. That sort of thing.”

“That bit about needing a calendar is at least useful.”

“Yeah.” The longer they sat in silence with his fingers running over her belly again and again, the more Rose felt like confessing. Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore. “Fine! I wrote a note saying I need to buy pregnancy tests, but I don’t need them yet. I only wanted to keep them around in case I did, you know, need to test.”

The Doctor sighed. “I’d wondered.”

“I knew you’d read it.”

“At first, I thought it was a note to me for when I came looking for you. When I realized what it was, I closed the notebook and tried not to think about it.”

“So if you read it, why didn’t you ask me why I needed those tests? Weren’t you curious?”

“Immensely. I’ve been waiting for you to wake up just so I could bring it up. I thought you might tell me if you suspected you were pregnant, but I couldn’t be sure. Then again, I’ve asked enough in the past for me to know the answer would be the same as it always is so what was I thinking?”

Was that disappointment? Sure sounded like it.

“Oh. Well, I’d probably make the same mistake. You see a list written down by a girl and it has pregnancy tests right at the top, you’re bound to think they might at least suspect…”

“But you don’t,” the Doctor said carefully. “You simply want to be prepared.”

“Right.”

“Right. Good.”

***

“Rose, are you alright in there?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Rose pivoted and studied her stomach as she turned, appalled by her reflection. She’d put on so much weight recently, it was no wonder her clothes didn’t fit. How the Doctor was able to still touch her was beyond her.

“Are you sure? You’ve been in there a long time.”

“I’m fine, Doctor. I’m just…” Ooh. Good idea. “I’m just getting ready to go for a run. Could you land us somewhere?”

“You want to go for a run?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Firstly, because it’s late for you and secondly, I thought you were getting ready for bed.”

“Well, I changed my mind. I want to go for a run.”

“Will you open this door so I can see you when I talk?”

“I don’t want you to see me.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“I’m fat.”

“Oh, for the love of-” Rose heard the sonic buzzing and before she could run to block the door, the Doctor barreled into the room and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do you keep insisting you’re fat? You’re not.”

“I am. I’m so much bigger than I used to be and I feel disgusting and so unattractive. It’s not funny, this thing you or the TARDIS is doing. I need to run, because one day, I’m gonna be as big as a house and no one could love that.”

Her voice broke and the irritation faded from the Doctor’s eyes. He pulled her into his arms for a tight hug and she settled her head on his chest.

“Rose, there will never be a day I won’t think you’re the most fantastic being in the entire universe, okay? Nothing could change that. You could take up the entire control room and I still wouldn’t care. I’d still want you right beside me. Alright?”

“I’m just so fat and it’s making me really uncomfortable. I hate this. I need to run or jog or- or- I don’t know. Something.”

“Fine. We can do that, but not right now, because you need to sleep. I’m not going to let you do that to yourself. Now get into your jimjams before I toss you into bed naked.”

“Promises, promises.”

“Rose,” he said sternly. “I’m onto you. You’re not getting out of this. You’re going to bed. I swear to you I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still want you tomorrow.”

Her heart broke a little. Was it already happening? Was he already pushing her away?

“Okay.”

He studied her a long moment, took the pyjama top out of her hands, and shook his head.

“I’m not rejecting you, Rose. I want you.” He guided her top over her head, smoothed the fabric out, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I always want you, but you’ve been up nearly twenty-one hours now and I know that’s not healthy for a human. You need to sleep. If you’re still in the mood in the morning, you can bet your sexy little tush I’ll be more than willing to wake you up properly. But I’m not coming to bed with you. Not like that. Not right now.”

“Are you sure that’s it? I wouldn’t blame you if-”

“If you’re about to call yourself fat again, I might throttle you, Rose.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s just- I don’t think you realise what you’re doing when you say things like that.” Rose stepped into her bottoms and the Doctor gently pulled them up. “When you say those things, not only are you making yourself feel worse for no reason…” His expression grew serious and his voice was tinged with a bit of anger as he said, “You’re also insulting my wife and I won’t stand for that.”

She sighed. “Fine. I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it like that. I’m just so… unused to being this way. I need to run, I need to work out, I need to-”

“You’re perfect, Rose. We’ll run, we’ll workout, we'll do whatever, but we’ll do it to keep you healthy, not because you think badly of your body. Alright? Say it. Alright.”

“Alright.”

“That’s my girl. Come on now. You need some sleep and it’s been about twenty-one hours since I last cuddled with you. Damn it. Last held you quite closely for an extended period of time.”

“You just said cuddled,” Rose taunted, smile wide enough to immediately make her cheeks ache. “I am so not letting you forget that.”

“I said held.”

“Never forgetting.”

“Rose,” he nearly whined. “Come on.”

“Cuddle monster.”

“ _Rose_.”

***

"Uhh..."

What else could she say? It wasn't often Rose caught the Doctor doing something completely, unexplainably weird, but she bet this made the top ten.

"Oh, hello, Rose."

"Um..." Rose readjusted her shopping basket and surveyed the Doctor's finds. "Why do you have a cart full of baby food? And, um, why are you sniffing that nappy? You know you're gonna have to pay for that package, right? Actually, all of those."

"Yes, I do and it's for research purposes."

"Right. Research." Seriously, the cart was completely full. Where had he even found all of it? Did he clear out the shelves and the stock in the back? Rose studied the many, many, many baby food jars and then looked back up at the Doctor. "I don't... Is that baby food on your face?"

"Where?" Rose silently pointed at a spot below her own lip. The Doctor swiped a thumb across the corner and bottom of his mouth and then popped the digit into his mouth. He hummed approvingly. "Yams. Yes, it was."

"...Okay. How much baby food have you eaten so far?”

“A few. Some are quite bland, but don’t you worry. I’ll narrow this lot down to my favourites soon enough. Want to try the bananas and strawberries? It’s delicious.”

“No, better not.”

“Why not?”

“You can’t just go around opening up stuff and eating it in the store, Doctor. That’s why.”

“Well, that’s no fun.”

“So why exactly did you get so many of those little jars? Looks like a lot of them are the same ones. You don’t really need all of that if you’re just picking out your favourites.”

Though she had no idea why he was even doing _that_.

“What if I need a second or third taste test?”

“So you’re buying out the store just in case you weren’t sure about the first jar.” Yep. That’s her Doctor. “While you’re at it, might as well get some other stuff, too. They have food for older babies.”

“No. I’ve a plan to slowly work through each food milestone. I’ve already tried the various milk powders you humans use and let me just say blech! No wonder babies are always so fussy. I would be, too. Surely breast milk tastes better.”

Rose stared at him for several long seconds, seconds the Doctor passed by poking through several different options for baby wipes. When had he sat around drinking baby formula? And why hadn’t she been conscious for that? Also, _why_ had he sat around drinking baby formula? What was even the point?

“Okay,” she finally said. Again, what else could she say? “Did you figure out which nappies, um, smelled better?”

“I wasn’t looking for the best smelling nappy.” He paused and then cracked a grin. “Though considering what these nappies have to look forward to…”

Rose laughed. “Right. What were you looking for, then?”

“I can’t really explain it. I suppose I was simply looking for one that appealed to me.”

“And you were doing that by smelling them?”

“Yes.”

“Uh huh. What about the wipes?”

“Oh, I already have my favourite picked out. It’s from good, old Earth, too, so don’t worry your pretty little head, Rose. I was just looking to see if they keep them in stock here. They don’t.”

“Oh.”

“Mmm. Ooh, now, what’s this? What is baby powder? Please tell me it’s nothing macabre.”

“What?”

“Ah so that’s its purpose,” he murmured, reading the back of the container. “Does it smell good?”

“It smells like babies. Well, no, but it always reminds me of babies… and Mickey’s gran.”

The Doctor briefly paused and shot a curious look her way, but then shook away his question and opened the baby powder container in his hand. He carefully sniffed the top and his brows rose.

“Oh, my. Would you object to wearing baby powder all the time?”

“Maybe.”

“Very well. Would you object if I started wearing baby powder all the time?”

“Why would you want to?”

“It smells delightful. Reminds me of the sontoong fields- they’re a sort of flower- of Bergacleese. I should take you there sometime. Just smell it before you say no again.”

Rose frowned and sniffed the baby powder the Doctor was holding out to her. It did smell good, but she’d feel weird smelling like it all the time. Plus, it might make her mum’s baby craziness even worse.

“I guess you can always buy it and-” The Doctor closed the lid and dropped it into her basket. “I might wear it occasionally if you ask nicely.”

“Excellent.” The Doctor peeked into her basket and frowned. “You haven’t found much, Rose. Did you really only need shampoo and a new toothbrush?”

“Well, I got distracted from my list when I overheard a few ladies talking about the weirdo hoarding baby stuff and muttering about aliens to himself. Thought I should probably come check it out.”

“And you automatically assumed I was to blame?”

She grinned. “I didn’t think you were to blame at all. That’s why I came over here.”

“You are absolutely perfect,” the Doctor said, pulling her close. “Suppose I should stop hoarding all the baby paraphernalia?”

“I don’t know.” Rose shrugged. “Do what you want. Sod what everyone else thinks.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and stepped back.

“Nothing else is really catching my interest in this aisle. I’ll help you finish your shopping.”

“Thanks. Um, well…” Rose held up her list and read through the few items she still needed. Tampons, pregnancy tests (Jack had found the placement of the first two items to be hilarious), hand soap, her favourite laundry detergent, deodorant, and a calendar. “I still need a calendar. You can go find a cute one while I grab the rest of this.”

“A calendar? You’re putting me in charge of finding a calendar? What is on your list that you don’t want me to see?” The Doctor rested his chin on her shoulder and successfully stilled her arm. “Let’s see now. Hmm. I don’t understand. What is so bad? Is it the feminine products? Rose, you don’t honestly believe I don’t know humans menstruate once a month, do you? We’ve travelled together long enough for me to have figured it out by now.”

“That and the tests. Just didn’t want you to think about any of that.”

“I appreciate your concern, but it is unnecessary. Now come on. Top of the list, here we come.”

The Doctor grabbed his cart and trailed after her, talking a mile a minute about what he felt like making for dinner. Rose snorted when he debated- with himself, at that- the pros and cons of beef over chicken. She turned into the aisle she needed and the Doctor came to a stop behind her.

“So sounded like chicken won out tonight,” she noted, looking for her usual type of tampons. “What are you making with it?”

She briefly looked at him, expecting him to respond, but he was eying the various shelves in front of him. She blushed and fidgeted.

“I don’t know,” he belatedly replied. “The design of these… tampons, was it?”

“Yeah. Box says it.”

“Oh, so it does. How helpful. The design is ingenious. Could I-”

“No,” she interrupted. “If you wanna study one, that’s fine, but at least wait until we get home, okay? You can have however many you want from a box that’s already opened.”

He smiled. “I love that you spoil me.”

“Ya know, if you were human, you wouldn’t be calling it spoiling. Torture, maybe.”

“But I'm not human."

"Thank God."

The Doctor smiled. "See, I’m curious about the design and reliability of this specific item. How does it work? Is it foolproof? How much menstrual blood- well, when I start testing, I will be using a synthetic blood so please stop looking so horrified. Er, where was I? Oh, yes. How much menstrual blood can it hold? It’s fascinating studying something I know nothing about.”

So he wanted to study a tampon. Aliens. No, Time Lords. No, probably just this one.

“Yeah, sure.”

Rose finally found her preferred tampons and put them in her basket. The Doctor snagged her list and hummed.

“Pregnancy tests. Where would one find those?”

She’d rarely been to this store so she wasn’t too sure, but on a whim, she looked at the very end of the aisle. Ah, there. Tests, condoms, and other such things. The Doctor followed her line of sight, abandoned the cart, and strolled off without her. Rose rolled her eyes and pulled the cart behind her. By the time she got to the pregnancy tests, the Doctor was sitting cross-legged on the floor with nine or so tests spread around him.

“Are you having fun?”

“Yes. These are incredibly… I’ve never actually spent time looking at these things. I know they existed, I knew their purpose, but I never once- You know?”

“Something else you know nothing about.”

“Exactly.” He flashed an eager grin her way and then went back to looking at three different boxes. “Have you ever used any of these before?”

Uncomfortable with the question, Rose fidgeted while looking at the fifteen available tests. Oh, wait.

“Well, those four at the end aren’t pregnancy tests. They’re fertility tests.”

“Whaaat?” He grabbed one of the boxes at random and looked at it in awe. “These exist? What will you humans come up with next? Why, I can remember when this type of testing was first created.” He shook his head and whistled. “I wonder if it really works.”

“I mean, pregnancy tests do. Why wouldn’t they?”

“Hmm.” The Doctor grabbed up all four fertility tests and tossed them into her basket. Eyes wide, she put the basket down beside him and just decided to start looking for a pregnancy test. Not that she’d be using it anytime soon or anything. “What do you look for in a pregnancy test, Rose?”

“I don’t really look for anything. I just look.”

“Well, this one can give you a positive result sooner than this one and then this one! Ooh, it’s impressive. The box claims it can give you a weeks estimate. How cool is that? A little stick that can say how far along a woman is in her pregnancy. And then there’s this one. It’s… rather cheap.” He made a face. “A cheap pregnancy test. You might possibly have done this momentous thing, you could have created _new_ _life_ , and you wish to save a few pounds on the test."

She'd used that test before. Rose vowed never to admit that to him.

"Right. So what do you think I should get? Think you should have a say in it, too."

"Hmm. If you ever need to use one of these, which do I think would be the best?"

He picked up a few boxes, read the backs of some, tossed some away from him, retrieved a few from the discard pile, put a few others back, and all the while, Rose watched the little furrow between his brows deepen.

"You alright?"

"Why are they necessary?" he blurted and then seemed surprised by his outburst. "I didn't mean to yell that at you. Sorry. It's just... if you ever suspect you're pregnant, I could do some blood work in the med bay and have a definitive answer in minutes. These tests aren't foolproof."

"I know, but you liked the weeks one, right?" she pushed. “Or maybe the one I could take sooner, yeah?”

"I could easily find a more accurate weeks measurement in the med bay."

"Doctor," she sighed, giving up. "Thing is, if I ever think I'm pregnant, I'm gonna wanna pee on a stick before I tell you. I don't wanna come to you and go through all the testing stuff just to get a negative. I don't want you to have to put up with that."

The Doctor frowned a long moment and then snapped. "Alright. A solution. We buy you a few emergency tests. I like this one," he said, handing her a few of the fancy weeks estimator ones. "And this one," he continued, passing over a few of the early pregnancy tests. "If you ever get a positive result, come to me and I'll do some blood work just to check."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"I shouldn't tell you if it's negative, right?"

"Hmm. I think not. I'll simply continue to assume you're not pregnant until you inform me of a possible positive result."

"Sounds good to me."

It also sounded like he was hoping she'd tell him soon.

"Perfect." The Doctor climbed to his feet, replaced the discarded tests back on the shelf, and took control of the cart once more. "Next up?"

"Hand soap."

"And detergent. You get the soap, I'll get the detergent. We'll meet..."

"I'll grab the deodorant." What, he was done following her around now that she'd gotten her tests? Had that been the only reason he'd volunteered? "I'll meet you by the cleaning supplies. That's where they're keeping the calendars. Well, near it."

"Brilliant suggestion."

The Doctor kissed her and then headed back the way they'd come. Rose watched him go and shook her head. She'd never figure him out, that was for sure.

It didn't mean anything that Rose found and further decided to buy an adorable baby utensil set. It had bananas on it. That was all the justification she needed. The Doctor would find it amusing, that was all. It also meant nothing that she nearly bought a cute little bib with a baby lion on it. Perhaps she just wanted evidence for her mum that she was trying to have a baby. It really meant nothing that she doubled back after grabbing hand soap and deodorant so she could pick up a few ovulation tests.

Maybe it meant something that she also grabbed a fertility test of her own.

Rose left the aisle with the cart she'd traded for her basket and looked around. She spotted the Doctor at the front of the store, already being checked out. There was a long line of grumbling people behind him and Rose giggled. As she drew nearer, another lane opened and everyone moved to the new line. She got in line behind the Doctor and the girl slowly working through all of his things looked up.

"Hey, ya better go to two. This'll be a while."

"I'm with him."

"She's my wife," he said smugly and Rose giggled.

"Congratulations. How old's the baby?"

"She's not pregnant, er, yet. We're doing some research."

The girl looked down. "Um, alright.”

“We’re also planning a baby shower,” Rose added, “and might use most of this.”

“Oh,” the girl said, back to smiling. “I was wondering.”

“I would, too.” She exchanged a look with the Doctor. “Sorry we’ve got so much here.”

“At least you’re nice. I don’t mind much when customers are nice. It’s the gits I hate.”

“Oh.” Rose tittered. “Right. I understand that. I used to work at a Henrik’s in London, ya know, before it got blown up.”

“My mum used to work at that one.”

“Who was it? I might know her.”

“Oh, it was years ago. Penny Able.”

“Lingerie, right?” The girl nodded, smiling. “She’s nice. Always used to organise the Christmas parties. Think Clarence in men’s fancied her.”

“They got married just last month!” The girl laughed and put another bag of baby food in a new cart. “It’s such a small world. Did you ever meet Susan?”

The Doctor smiled. "Lovely name."

“Mm, no, don’t think so. Who was she?”

“Oh, my aunt. She mighta been a few years ‘fore you. You’re kinda young, I think.”

“Not so young these days, but I feel younger than I am so…”

The Doctor was leaning against the wall separating lanes and looked incredibly amused. Rose, having just remembered his presence, shot him a happy smile.

“That’s good. See, my sister’s going on thirty-five this year and she swears she’s fallin’ apart. Don’t never know what she’s complainin’ ‘bout, you see. Her husband’s got enough to afford a nanny so it’s not like she’s actually workin’ herself to the bone, you know?”

Rose loved it when they found the friendly, chatty people.

“Must be nice. I don’t ever see me hiring a nanny.”

“What’s your husband do, then? Gotta be something good if you can afford all this. I mean, this stuff ain’t cheap.” The girl suddenly looked abashed. “I don’t think I should have said that. Sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m not offended. As for my, uh, husband… well…”

The Doctor waved. “Hello. I’m the Doctor.”

“Ooh, a doctor. Bet you could have a nanny if you want.”

“No, I don’t think I could.”

“Oh, I get it. Wanna do it yourself, right? My nan was the same way.”

Rose smiled.

“We’re about halfway through my cart,” the Doctor noted. “When it’s your turn, I’ll pay for this half so I can run everything out, but I’ll come back and wait until you’re done. I’ll leave the card here in case I'm not back in time.”

“Good idea. It’d take us forever to load up otherwise.”

“Indeed.”

A few minutes later, the Doctor shot Rose a look as he disappeared through the door. The moment he was out of sight, Rose yanked her jacket out of the cart and onto the belt, she starting piling all the pregnancy, fertility, and ovulation tests she’d hidden under the jacket.

“Please bag these first.” The girl’s brows arched, but she didn’t speak. Rose’s nerves got to her- she was expecting the Doctor to magically appear at any second- so she began explaining. “They’re just in case,” she blurted, eyes on the door. “Sometimes I think he wants one, sometimes I’m not so sure he wants one with _me_ , but just in case it’s necessary… and he can do blood tests, but- We travel a lot. Can never be sure when I’d have time and it’s better to know right off the bat, you know?”

“Oh, I understand completely,” the girl spoke as the bloop from a fertility test being rung up sounded out. “Travelling. That must be fun.”

“It is. I spend more time travelling with him and our old friend, Jack, than I do at home.”

“That’s nice. Wish I could do the same, but I wouldn’t know where to start.”

“At first, I didn’t, either. I was overwhelmed. A lot, actually.”

“Hey, can I ask something? It’s about your husband.”

The girl tied a knot in the top of the big bag of tests and put it in a cart another worker wheeled up. Rose made a mental note to put that bag in her old bedroom the moment she got back to the TARDIS.

“Um, sure.”

“Just how old is he? He looks a little young to be a doctor.”

“Er…”

“I’m older than I look.” Rose jumped and turned around. Had he snuck up on her? How long had he been there? Also, how had he gotten back so fast?! “Rose? What is it? Are you alright?”

“How long have you been there?”

“I just walked up. The first thing I heard was the question about my age.” The Doctor frowned, head cocked. “Are you sure you’re alright? You look spooked.”

“I’m fine. Why did you sneak up on me?”

“I didn’t. I had to walk around to get back here. I couldn’t simply enter the store and walk this way. That door’s only an exit, apparently.”

“Oh.”

“You sure unpacked those bags fast. My brother’s the same way. He’s gonna break his back someday heaving twenty bags inside at a time. Sure it saves time, but it’s not good for you.”  


The Doctor chuckled. “I’m also stronger than I look.”

“And faster, I bet,” the girl joked.

“Oh, what is that?” the Doctor abruptly asked, reaching forward to scoop up the package of utensils the girl had been preparing to grab. “Well, now aren’t these cute? Those are bananas."

Rose grinned. “Yep.”

The Doctor studied the utensils a moment and then gave her a lingering look. Smiling a little, he handed the utensils to their cashier and surveyed the rest of her items. When his brows furrowed, Rose looked down, but didn’t see anything wrong.

“Oh! Yes, of course. Be right back.”

He disappeared and Rose craned her neck trying to find him, but there wasn’t even a trail of confused people staring in one direction (which happened a lot when they went shopping). Figuring she would find out sooner rather than later what was going on, Rose turned back to the friendly cashier.

“He sure does move fast. Guess I shoulda seen that coming.”

“Yeah, we do a lot of running. Well, we used to.” Rose frowned. “Gonna have to start doing that again, I think.”

“I’d kill for your- wow, that was almost weird. I just meant you don’t look like you need to run.” The girl smiled apologetically. “Sorry if that was weird to say. I just say stuff like that to my friends and I sometimes forget I shouldn’t say it at work. You know.”

“Yeah. First week being friends with… my husband, I don’t know how many times I took my bra off at the end of a long day before I thought about it.” Rose laughed after a moment. That had actually been hilarious. His reaction that first time she’d done it would stay with her, she was sure, until the day she died. “I thought he was gonna stroke out or somethin’ the first time it happened. His eyes- God, they got so wide and he was spluttering like a fish, right?”

Rose laughed harder and the girl giggled.

“I admit I’ve done something similar. It’s fun shocking new friends. Lets you know if they’re gonna stick around or not.”

“I agree with ya.”

“Voilà,” the Doctor announced, holding up a calendar with kittens and puppies on the cover. “We forgot your calendar.”

“Why do you keep sneaking up on me?”

“It’s hardly my fault you don’t watch and wait for me like I do for you,” he said seriously, though she saw his lip twitch. She rolled her eyes and he chuckled. “Oh, fine. I was kidding.”

“I know. Kittens and puppies?”

“It was this or scenic landscapes. Scenic landscapes, I might add, that we could visit and take much better pictures of. At least these puppies are cute.”

“Dog person, huh?”

“He hates cats,” Rose said the same time the Doctor said, “I hate cats.”

“Yeah? One try to use you as a pincushion?”

“Several tried to kill me.”

The girl frowned. “You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“Wow. Big cats, then?”

“Oh, the biggest, yes. It was terrible.”

The Doctor drifted off to his thoughts, a deep frown marring his handsome features, and Rose sighed. Their cashier rung up the last thing as she started speaking.

“I’ve never heard of cats getting that big before. I mean, they have to be pretty big, but your husband’s a tall fella…” She whistled. “I’d hate to see one of ‘em. Total comes to £250.60. If you’ll slide your card there and follow the on-screen instructions...”

Rose had literally never used this card before, but she hoped it worked just like a regular credit card. She didn’t get a chance to fumble through it, though. The Doctor smoothly took the card from her hand, winked, and slid the card through the appropriate slot. A weird writing showed up on the screen and Rose frowned. What language had that been? Where was the money coming from? Would the store still get the money?

After saying a genuine goodbye to the cashier and collecting her cart, Rose followed the Doctor back to the TARDIS. He grabbed up all of her bags, pausing a moment and eyeing the tied bag of tests, before deciding to leave it for her and heading inside. Rose returned the cart to the store, grabbed the last bag, and jogged back to the TARDIS. She panted for breath outside for a moment and then breezed through the doors.

The control room was empty.

After stashing her tests in her old bathroom, Rose wandered around until she heard the Doctor and Jack talking in the galley.

"Yes, I'm sure you're ecstatic about her potential motherhood. Now stop grinning and help me put this away."

"How are you not bouncing off the walls? Doctor! She bought baby stuff on her own today. And, uh, speaking of... Why do you have enough baby food to feed a small, unbelievably adorable army?"

"Research. Also, the fruits are yummy."

"What exactly are you researching?"

"I don't feel like discussing this."

Rose debated entering the kitchen, but it was clear the Doctor was busy evading questions. Rose shrugged, blew a kiss at him from the doorway, and melted a little inside when he saw and stopped long enough to bestow a soft smile on her. Rose then ducked away from the door and headed down the hall. She chose a door at random and found the nursery.

"Oh, you're so funny. Now stop it."

She backed up, walked down the hall a little, and chose a green door she'd never seen before. The nursery again.

"Seriously, stop it. I don't find this funny."

When the third door- again, a door she'd never seen- heralded the nursery, Rose sighed and entered the room. She froze when she saw the book her mum gave them sitting on top of the rocker's seat. Had the Doctor left that there at some point or was the TARDIS being cruel again?

"So why am I in here, then?"

The lights dimmed apart from a section of lights above the crib and Rose naturally looked towards the lit area. So she was in here for the crib?

"The crib? I don't see anything wrong with it."

She could practically _feel_ the exasperation.

"Hey, don't get like that with me. 'S not like I can actually talk to you and have you talk back."

Again, the lights dimmed apart from by the crib and Rose approached the area. She looked around and in the piece of furniture, but nothing seemed out of place.

"Do you... not like it?"

A sharp alarm blared for exactly one second. Annoyance maybe. At least she was sure that was it.

"Okay. Not it." A happy hum was her response so yay. "Do you... want a baby around, then?"

A subtle warmth filled the room and Rose smiled.

"If that's a yes, dim the lights, won't ya?"

The lights dimmed.

Score for her. She'd found a way to get answers from the ship.

"So you want a baby. Keep dimming the lights for yes... if you even understand that. Do you understand?"

The lights briefly dimmed and then brightened back to normal once more.

"Awesome. Do you want a baby from _me_ and the Doctor, then?"

The lights again dimmed first and then brightened.

"Aww. Do you like me?"

The lights dimmed.

"I like you, too. No matter what the Doctor says, you aren't a piece of junk. Though he could spend a little more time making sure ya don't fall apart."

The lights dimmed.

Rose laughed. "You have a sense of humour. I never would have thought. So, uh, is that why you made me come in here?"

The lights, surprisingly, did not dim. They brightened. The old girl had taken it upon herself to find an action for no. Well, then. Talk about smart.

"Okay. So not that. Hmm. Oh. You know what I put in my old bathroom, don't you?"

The lights dimmed.

"I don't need them yet, you know."

The lights dimmed.

"Well, least you know that." Rose sat down on the rocker and ran a finger over the crib. "It is beautiful, isn't it?"

The lights dimmed.

"Think we'll ever need it?"

The lights dimmed so much, they completely went out. An emphatic yes.

"You're that sure?"

The TARDIS hummed and when the lights came back up, Rose frowned.

"Amusement?"

The lights brightened.

"...Affection?"

The lights dimmed.

"Really?"

The lights dimmed.

"Oh, shucks, TARDIS." Rose frowned. "Wait, no. That doesn't feel right."

The lights dimmed.

"Old girl good with you?"

The lights dimmed and the TARDIS hummed.

"Good."

"Are you talking to the TARDIS?"

Rose looked at the door in surprise. She hadn't heard it open. The Doctor was leaning against the door jamb and smiling curiously.

"Sure am."

"Is she answering?"

The lights dimmed and Rose laughed while the Doctor looked towards the ceiling.

"She said yes."

"I'm impressed. She must really like you."

The lights dimmed.

"Think so, yeah."

The Doctor directed a happy smile her way. "I haven't words to describe how pleased I am. What are you doing in here? Did you just feel like hanging out in our nursery?"

"I was playing a guessing game. She wouldn't let me go anywhere else but here."

"That's odd. Hmm. I do wonder why..." The Doctor shook his head. "Anyway, I came to see if you wanted to swim with me for a bit. I was attempting to take us anywhere but the vortex, but the old girl zapped my fingers."

He shook his hand as if to ephasise his point.

"Oh, no. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Irritated with my batty old ship, perhaps, but I'll survive."

Rose snorted. "Swimming sounds fun."

"Exactly what I wanted to hear. I'm just going to check on dinner and then I'll be there. Let's say pool, oh, four?"

"I'll be there," Rose said, smiling. "Don't forget about me."

"As if I could."

***

Rose was roused from her nap by a gentle hand shaking her.

"Mm?"

"Your mother's on the phone and would like to talk to you," the Doctor informed her, holding a cell phone she'd never seen before. "Would you like me to tell her to call back?"

"No. Where'd the phone come from?"

"Later. Here."

Rose took the phone from him, sat up on the jump seat, and cleared her throat.

"Mum?"

"Oh, Rose. I haven't heard from you in ages! Are you okay?"

"Well, yeah. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted a bit of a catch up. Your friend, Keisha, stopped by this morning with a few things she wanted you to have and I thought an explanation was necessary."

"What'd she bring?"

The Doctor cocked his head to the side, gaze on her, but silently kept blindly tinkering with something.

"A bag of things that seem unnecessary... unless there's something you're not telling me."

"I literally have no idea what you're trying to say. What was in the bag?"

"A pair of baby shoes, some clothing, that sort of thing."

The Doctor nearly dropped his sonic and Rose laughed.

"Mum, I'm not pregnant. I would've told you," Rose assured her and the Doctor nodded. "I'm sure she just thinks they were too cute to pass up. You know how she is with her shopping sometimes."

"I do," her mum sighed. "So nothing on that front, then?"

"Um, no."

"Oh, well, I should've known. Didn't really think you'd keep my grandchild a secret from me. Wishful thinking, I suppose."

"Suppose," Rose echoed. She talked for a little longer, promised to come visit soon, and then ended the call. The Doctor had completely abandoned his work on whatever that pump was and was watching her closely. "Before you ask, no, I didn't know Keish was buying anything."

"How did she know to buy anything at all?"

"Oh, that. I told her about my birth control poisoning me and we got to talking about everything. She thinks I'm gonna be knocked up in- what was it?- six months, I think she said."

"She gave you six months?"

What was he thinking? His expression... God, she wanted him.

"I'll call her later. Are you, um, busy right now?"

"Hmm?" The Doctor briefly glanced down, looking distracted. "Yes. I was trying to recalibrate-"

"Oh. Never mind. I just wanted to see if you wanted to head to the bedroom... You know."

The Doctor finally seemed to pay attention to something other than his own thoughts, took a breath, and opened his mouth. He paused and breathed deeply through his nose.

"I meant no. I most definitely meant I was not busy at all." The Doctor flashed a quick, eager grin. "I'm never busy. Ever. Never ever."

Rose giggled.

***

"Let me out of here!" Rose yelled at the ship. "This isn't funny. Open the door."

"Rose? What are you doing?"

"Doctor? I'm in my bathroom. Can you get me out?"

A moment passed and then the Doctor let out a small chuckle.

"How did you lock yourself in your bathroom? Also, how is it attached to my- er, our bedroom?"

"I have no idea," she groaned. "I woke up to pee, found myself in this bathroom, and now she won't let me out."

"Ah. Hmm. That's incredibly odd." Rose heard the whirring of the sonic, but when she tested the door, it didn't budge. "Make that exceedingly odd. Why are you locking my wife in the bathroom, hmm?"

A drawer opened behind her and Rose rolled her eyes when she saw what was in it. The pregnancy tests.

"Okay, you pushy, old bat. I get it. You want a baby around. Locking me in the bathroom's not gonna help, ya know."

"What did you call me?"

"Not you. I was talking to the TARDIS. She just showed me the pregnancy tests." Rose snorted. "That's what we were talking about the other day."

"Pregnancy in general or more specifically, the tests?"

"She wants us to have a baby. Really, she's worse than my mum. Least Mum never locked me up in rooms to get her point across."

"Really?" the Doctor asked, voice low.

"Yeah. Mum never-"

"No, Rose. She implied she wanted a child around?"

"Dimming lights, remember? I asked and she said yes."

"Really?"

"Are you okay?"

"Mmm. I'm simply surprised she felt this strongly."

"Well, she does and it's making her crazy. You can't keep me locked up forever, you know. Might as well just let me out."

The lights dimmed enough that a sort of spotlight seemed to settle on the cabinet holding her tests.

"Okay, I get it. Let it go. Jeez."

An ominous hum rent the air and then, after a moment, the door swung open. Rose quickly escaped before the ship could change her mind. The Doctor just happened to catch her in a full body hug, though neither had actually been trying. She just sort of ran into him, but he took advantage of the situation and enfolded her in a hug.

"I don't think I've ever been happier for a bathroom door to open," he joked. "Good hug, by the way. No matter that it was purely accidental."

Rose grinned. "Maybe it was."

"Maybe. I've been thinking. Would you like to go visit your mother tomorrow? I thought you might wish to fulfill your promise to stop by."

"Yeah, right. You just wanna see what Keisha bought me," she teased. When she realised she was telling the truth, though, she laughed. "Oh, my God. You do, don't you?" She shook her head, smiling. "Always gotta know everything."

"Ehm, yes. That's why."

Rose wondered what that meant.

"Right. I'm cooking tonight and pizza sounds yummy."

"Ooh, brilliant. I'll help."

***

The Doctor was in the kitchen making up tea and coffee while Keisha and Shareen were eagerly talking to her mum about her future (possibly) baby shower. The Doctor had been right; the baby shower thing had stopped her mum’s anger in its tracks. Smiling, Rose fingered the white baby-sized Converse Keisha had given her. There were white rhinestones on the leather toes and on the canvas heels and it was just too cute. She'd opened the bag almost an hour ago and the Doctor had just put those shoes down five minutes ago. Clearly, he loved them. She did, too, but she felt the maternity clothing Keisha had clearly unearthed in some magical store she'd never heard of were worth mentioning. They were actually pretty. Like, truly and not just in an 'oh, that's nice' kind of way, but an 'I can't wait to be pregnant so I can wear these' kind of way (unfortunately, she'd said that out loud and her mum had screeched loud enough to give her a headache).

Yeah, she changed her mind. When they pranked Jack, she was definitely wearing one of the things Keish gave her. It only seemed fair to get some use out of her gift. Really, it'd be mean not to, right?

"Coffee, Rose?"

"Oh, could she not?" Jackie butted in. "What if she's already pregnant and doesn't know it? Too much caffeine's not good for the baby."

"Jackie," the Doctor said patiently, "if she was pregnant, we would know."

"Still, it would make me feel better if-"

"I wanted tea, anyway. Don't want Shareen drinking tea all on her own."

"Thanks, Rose."

"Welcome, Reen."

"Alright "

The Doctor served tea for her and Shareen, purposely ignored her mum, and poured some coffee for him and Keisha. Rose sighed as her mum began to complain.

"I gave birth to the most wonderful woman in your entire world and you can't even treat me with a little bit of respect. What kind of animal are you?"

"I'm sure your daughter would be able to better answer that question," the Doctor replied without pause, a smirk curling his lips. "Though, do you really want to think about it?"

"You-"

Shareen and Keisha moved closer to Rose and the three of them watched the Doctor and Jackie take turns riling the other up. Rose snorted after a bit. Keisha and Shareen looked so scandalised by some of the stuff they were saying to each other.

"Your mum just called him a-"

"And he's talkin' 'bout your weddin' night like the whole world needs to-"

"Oh, my gosh!" Shareen gasped. "He just-"

"Guys, it's alright. This is their thing. Just wait. When it's over, they'll go back to being friendly."

"I wouldn't say friendly," the Doctor disagreed. "Familial, the typical son-in-law and mother-in-law dynamics, which means civil at best."

Rose chuckled and they went back to snarking back and forth.

"So while they're busy," Shareen murmured, "and we have you to ourselves, I want you to tell us about the nursery."

"Oh, yeah. Are there pictures?"

Jackie got up, mouth running a mile a minute, and grabbed an album from the living room. She handed the album to Shareen as she was saying, "All I'm saying is just 'cause you know where you're supposed to put the damn thing doesn't mean you know how to make a baby."

Keisha snickered and Rose blushed. Her mum did not just say that. Please let that have been a hallucination.

"And he did this himself?" Shareen asked, avidly examining each photo. Keisha looked over her shoulder and smiled. "I mean, that's what Keish said, at least."

"Yeah. He said I sleep too much. Not my fault, really, though. He barely ever sleeps so it would seem like I sleep too much, right?

The Doctor snorted, but kept his attention on Jackie.

"Oh, look at the dummies, Keisha. Aren't they cute?"

"I'm more interested in the little trainers. Look at 'em! They match her hubby's…”

"I know," Rose agreed. "They are adorable."

"Bet you can't wait to use them." Keisha giggled and faced Shareen. "I gave her six months."

"Why? What happened?"

"She didn't tell you? She's not on-"

"Shh," Rose hissed. "Um, Doctor."

He immediately focused on her. "Rose?"

"We're gonna go for a walk. Okay?"

"Of course. You don't need my permission, silly. You have your phone?"

Rose patted her pocket. "Yeah."

"Good." He smiled. "Miss you."

"I haven't even left yet." The Doctor chuckled and Rose leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Be back later. Have fun."

"Oh, I already am. _Stay out of trouble_."

"I'd tell you the same..."

The Doctor chuckled, pressed a lingering kiss to her hand, and then let her go.

"Go have fun. If anything happens, call me immediately."

"Worried you'll miss the fun?"

"How are they still in the honeymoon phase?" Keisha stage-whispered. That was her cue, apparently.

"I'm coming." With one last look, Rose let Shareen and Keisha lead her from the apartment. Outside the doors, she sighed. "Mum doesn't know I was still on the pill. She thinks we've been trying this entire time."

"I figured," Shareen admitted. "So... you're not on it anymore. No wonder Keish gave you six months. I bet she's already pregnant, Keisha."

Rose grinned. "You're just saying that 'cause you're already looking for play dates."

Shareen smiled shamelessly. "And who would be better than my own best friend's baby?"

"She has a point, though," Keisha said when they all stopped laughing. "You could already be. I mean, have you seen what you're hiding in your bra?"

Rose self-consciously fidgeted.

"Ever since we got married, the TARDIS won't let me go on our old adventures. Even the Doctor's noticed I've put on weight, but he claims he'd still want me if I was as big as the control room."

"The ship?" Keisha checked and Rose nodded. "What do you mean it won't let you?"

"She and I meant she won't let me." Keisha and Shareen shared a look. "It's an alien thing."

"Right. My best friend married an alien."

Rose laughed. "I did. Don't regret it, either."

As they were passing a café down the street, Shareen realised she was starving and Rose agreed the pastries on display in the counter looked delicious. After each of them bought a pastry and a drink to take with them, they continued on down the road.

"So how long has it been?"

"Since...?"

"Since you stopped taking birth control."

"A while now, but it's been a lot less time since we had sex without anything."

"Oh." Shareen deflated. "I was kinda hoping you were knocked up."

"Your man seems like he's waiting impatiently, too," Keisha voiced. "How often have you two been going at it?"

"Keisha," Rose said, blushing. "Someone could hear you."

"Hey, you're a married lady now. This kind of conversation is expected."

"But someone could hear you."

"And they'd still know you're married so it'd be okay. You could see that rock on your finger all the way in space and the matching necklace and earrings kinda scream _happy_ marriage so that makes it doubly okay. Just saying."

Rose smiled. "Right."

"Seriously, though," Keisha persevered, "are you actually trying?"

"Because you want to," Shareen added, "and not because everyone else wants you to."

"No, we're not. Like I told Keisha, we're not trying to do anything. It'll happen when it's supposed to. If it's supposed to."

"If? You don't think you can?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I'm sure us being different doesn't matter and then sometimes I wonder... You know."

"You know, no, I've never actually had that problem before."

Rose grinned, trying to get rid of her doubts.

"That you know of."

"God," Keisha said, making a face. "That's a terrifying thought. Mighta had one off with a bloke from space and never knew."

Rose laughed and Shareen joined her, but Keisha still didn't find it all that funny. She did smile, though.

"I don't think you're gonna have to worry about it, though," Keisha said, getting back to Rose's earlier comment. "You did say he had a lot in common with humans, right?"

"Yeah." Rose frowned, thinking. "And the night we got married, he did say something about humans and Gallifreyans having kids together."

"See?" Shareen practically yelled. "It is possible. He said so. Why are you worrying about it?"

"Because I really want a baby," Rose whispered. "With him, I mean, and it's only gotten worse. Every time I turn around, he's doing something that makes me want one more. The nursery, yeah?" The girls nodded. "It was almost exactly the nursery I fantasised about when we first came up with the idea. And, I mean, I gave him a vague idea of what I wanted and what he did ended up being almost spot on. It was... He's so in sync with me sometimes. And even on our wedding night, I was only half happy I wouldn't likely get pregnant. The other half of me was heartbroken."

"Oh, Rose..." Shareen said, frowning sympathetically.

"I've pictured him holding our baby, you know. When we were planning the nursery." Shareen and Keisha looked interested and Rose sighed. "I was pregnant and he was holding a baby. I don't think I've ever wanted something to happen more than I wanted that... and that was a while ago. Ages, it feels like." Everything was pouring out of her now and she couldn't stop it. Keisha and Shareen sat on a bench on either side of her and continued listening. "There's a difference between having sex and making love, isn't there?"

"Course," Shareen agreed quietly.

"We've done both. Every time is magical..." Rose looked away from them and released a deep, quiet breath. "Every time, I'm sure something's gonna happen, I'm gonna get pregnant, but it never does. I'm tired of waiting. I've wanted a baby for months now, almost since our wedding night, and the Doctor... For some reason, things keep happening that make him think I'm pregnant." Rose laughed humourlessly. "And every time, I swear he's disappointed - I can almost feel it - when I tell him I'm not. Hell, I am, too, but..." She sighed deeply. "We both want a baby so badly - it's obvious we do even if we can't admit that to each other - so when is it gonna happen?"

"Well." Keisha frowned at Shareen. "These things take time, don't they?"

"Suppose."

"It's like you said," Shareen mused, "it will happen when it's supposed to. Maybe you think you're ready, but someone out there knows you're not quite there yet."

"I guess." Rose sighed even more deeply than before. "Am I being absolutely stupid? Tell me the truth."

Shareen patted her hand. "Not at all, Rose."

"Yeah, you're definitely not. You just want more. I mean, you're married, you're actually happy, he adores you as much as you adore him, and you're both at a point where you want exactly the same things from each other." Keisha grinned. "Besides one hell of a shag, I mean, and I bet it is. Mm. That man has an arse I'd just like to grab and hold onto."

Rose laughed, incredibly amused by Keisha's antics. "Stop talking about my husband like that. 'S not right. And quit pretending to grab it. It's mine."

"Sadly, I know. Where can I find me one of those?"

"Sorry. Got the only one out there. Lucky me, huh?"

Keisha's smile vanished and Shareen looked close to tears.

"You mean," Keisha said quietly, "there aren't any more of his people? He's the last one?"

"War," she replied. "Only survivor was him. He doesn't like to talk about it."

"Well, obviously." Keisha frowned. "That poor guy."

Shareen nodded. "All alone until he snapped up our best friend." A few tears escaped her eyes and she angrily scrubbed them away. "If you ever hurt him, Rose..."

"Hey! I'm not gonna hurt him. I lo-"

She froze.

"You love him?" Keisha asked. "Well, duh. Wait. No. Oh, Rose. Did you really not know?"

"I've... never actually told anyone else. I told him once, but when I came back, I acted like I meant as friends or something. Never brought it up after that one time he asked about it, looking like the world was ending ‘cause I might’ve loved him. I didn't want him to leave me 'cause I was too emotionally involved with him or something."

"You. took. it. back?" Shareen asked incredulously. "What the hell is wrong with you, Rose? Even Trevor can tell he loves you and he's never even met him."

"Then how can he be so sure?" Rose asked dryly.

"No, I'm goin' with Shareen on this. Even back when you saved Jay, I could tell he loved you."

"Yeah. As _friends_."

"I don't think he's ever considered you just a friend," Shareen mused. "Remember my birthday party? I told you he warned Eric off, right?"

"What's the big deal? Everybody knows Eric's not a good person. You _know_ he hit Mary more than that one time she showed up with a black eye."

"He'd just met him," Shareen said loudly, "and no one had known he would show up so no one talked about him. I saw it happen, Rose. Eric was eying you up and down, left to right, and backwards and I swear that Doctor of yours saw red."

"That didn't happen."

"Yeah, it did," Keisha said. "I saw it, too. I thought you knew already. You really didn't see it happen? You could ask everybody. They saw it, too."

"What?"

"We had a bet running for a while about when you'd finally own up to the fact you were dating and just not telling us."

"Are you kidding me?" Rose laughed. "You're both ridiculous. I'd have told you."

"We know that now."

"Okay." Keisha looked around and stood up. “That little pastry isn’t gonna keep me full for long. How about we go somewhere for dinner before we return you to your hubs, eh?”

“Yeah, that sounds great. Let me just tell him.” The girls snickered and Rose rolled her eyes. “Don’t even say it.”

“Fine, fine.”

***

“I said it’s fine,” Jack repeated huffily. “You can take Rose to see her mom again – even though it’s only been two days – and I’ll stay here to take care of business.”

By which he meant he was gonna find some willing being for a shag or two, but for once, he was being semi-polite about it. Rose smothered a grin.

“Are you sure, Jack? I don’t need to go see Mum again. Like you said, it’s only been two days.”

“No, go ahead.” He smiled. “After all, the Doctor did say she has something for you two. Besides, if you stay here, you’ll probably get bored… or break in the control room.”

Again.

“Of course,” the Doctor replied, shooting her a look. “Very well. If you’re sure…”

“What is wrong with you two today? You’re acting weird. Yes, I'm sure you can leave. Er, you are coming back, right?”

“Jack!” Rose frowned at him. “We _are_ coming back.”

He looked between Rose and the Doctor a moment and grinned suddenly.

“Good. See ya later.”

Then he was gone. Rose peeked out the door and saw Jack aimlessly strolling towards town. She closed the door, turned to the Doctor, and laughed.

“You ready to do this?”

“Oh, yeah. The prank can wait.” He swept her into his arms and kissed her deeply. “Let me get into the vortex first.”

“Good idea.”

“I'm glad you approve. Almost thought I’d have to beg.”

Rose laughed and shook her head. Two hours later, Rose woke up on top of the Doctor’s coat and looked down her body. The Doctor was using her belly as a pillow.

…Or was he?

“What are you doing?”

His attention snapped to her.

“Er. I thought I heard something.” He shook his head. “Never mind me. Thinking I was still asleep when I heard it.”

What exactly did he think he heard?

“Um, okay.” Rose shifted and groaned. “Ow. We fell asleep on the grating.”

“Yes, we did. It was worth it, though.”

“Definitely,” Rose said and then laughed. “Help me get up?”

The Doctor popped up, grasped both of her hands, and pulled her up. Rose slipped her shoes on and then realised she’d never gotten her socks off. Starkers but for socks. That was good.

“Did you finally decide on an outfit?” the Doctor asked while buttoning his trousers. Her attention stuck on the little patch of hair disappearing into his waistband, it took a moment for his words to hit her. Unfortunately, the Doctor seemed aware of what was going on with her, because he was smirking when she looked up. “See something you like?”

“I'm wearing the blue shirt.”

The Doctor snickered, but let her evasion go without comment.

“Which blue shirt would that be?”

“The royal blue one with the cami underneath and the sheer top over it. It had a silver butterfly right here.” She ran her hand from the top of her left breast to her hip. “You don’t remember, do you?”

“Is that one you tried on for me the other night?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“…when you were aroused,” the Doctor added.

“Oh.” She laughed once. “That explains why you can't remember.”

“Mm.”

“Well, I think you're gonna like it. It’s really pretty. Plus, even when I'm not wearing the baby belly, I look pregnant in it so if I wear the belly underneath it-”

“You’ll look like you’re close to giving birth,”

“Exactly.”

“Shall we go get dressed, then?”

Did he seem excited to see her in that shirt? Or was she just hoping he was?

“Yes, please.”

It took them another forty-five minutes and a shared shower to make it back to the control room, both smartly dressed. The Doctor’s suit, which had been wrinkled that morning, was now clean and wrinkle-free. He had new trainers on his feet and had spiked his hair up. Rose, wearing her blue shirt and a pair of darker blue maternity denims, sat on the jump seat and held a leg up.

“Can you put my shoes on? It took forever to get into this shirt and I don’t wanna risk splitting a seam to put my shoes on. Plus, if I mess my curls up, I'm gonna scream.”

The Doctor grinned and grabbed a shoe. “It _was_ a tight fit over the belly, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, well, some of it wasn’t foam,” she said sullenly and caught the Doctor’s expression, “but I'm still beautiful, I'm not getting fat, and if I insult your wife one more time, I'm gonna have one very angry Time Lord to deal with and nobody wants that.”

“I'm glad you remember.”

“Was just twenty minutes ago,” she retorted. “Couldn’t have forgotten that quickly.”

“I'm sure you could find a way.” He winked to soften his teasing remark and grabbed her other shoe from her hand. “If your mother could see us now."

"God, she'd freak out."

"She'd be grinning ear to ear."

Rose nodded and the Doctor double-knotted these laces, as well, before standing.

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome." He pulled her off the jump seat, adjusted her clothing, and turned to the console. "Mind giving me a hand? The landing has to be exact."

"Right. No more than twenty minutes before we left him 'cause we gotta be eating when he gets to town."

"Right," he agreed. "Flip that lever, turn that knob to your left, and then hold that button right there."

When they landed at the outskirts of town, they immediately headed towards the market area. There was only one restaurant with outdoor seating, but since the Doctor had made reservations for one of those tables, they weren't in too much of a hurry. Rose found a beautiful bracelet and convinced the Doctor to buy it for her; truthfully, it hadn't taken too much pleading before he relented. After slipping the bracelet on, they still had a little time before they needed to check in at the restaurant so the Doctor dragged her into a shop across the way.

He found himself a sort of alien-looking tie - it was made of a buttery material and didn't lie quite like a tie should, but he seemed rather taken with it - and a strange bracelet thing with alien symbols written in three lines across the face of it. He'd informed her it was a watch, but after looking at the horizontally-written symbols once more, she'd decided just to trust him on that and not question it anymore. She, meanwhile, only found a large, sturdy basket with thick handles and a small mat inside. It was so cute and she immediately informed the Doctor she needed it. He had smiled so widely that his eyes crinkled; he'd then taken the basket from her without a word, paid for their items, and led her outside. He was still smiling as they headed towards the restaurant.

"So what's with the smile, then?"

"You don't even realise what you've found, but you still asked me to buy it. It's amusing."

"Ehm, it's nothing embarrassing, is it?"

"It's... a sort of mobile bassinet."

"Oh." She abruptly laughed. "How funny."

"Mm." The Doctor slipped his tie and watch into his pocket. "It isn't uncommon for parents to put their babes in one of these baskets whilst picnicking and whatnot."

"Really?" Rose tried to imagine them doing it and smiled. "Do you like it?"

"Yes. They are quite useful."

"...have you ever used one?"

He silently shook his head in the negative and opened the restaurant door for her. A man quickly rushed over the moment they were inside and they soon found themselves seated at a table on the covered patio outside. Rose glanced upwards at the lights - Where were the cords? - and wondered if they would look good on their Christmas tree. Their waitress, a woman named Noad, spent a while fawning over Rose's belly, and then hurried to procure the bottle of wine the Doctor had requested.

"Don't give me that look, Rose. Even expectant human women can have a glass of wine every once in a while without negative side effects."

"You're right," she agreed. "Ignore me."

"Impossible," he said with a smile and then glanced down at her belly before his attention skittered away. "Ah. Do you hear that?"

She did. That was the sound of the TARDIS leaving. So Jack was finally here, then.

"How long do you think?"

"About thirty minutes. He'll have a longer walk than we did."

"Good. We should be eating by then, right?"

She glanced at the door their waitress had gone through and subconsciously rubbed her rumbling belly. She barely registered she was just rubbing foam, because the Doctor was staring at her so intensely.

"Are you hungry? I could have found a snack for you, Rose."

"I didn't need it." His expression immediately became thunderous and she shook her head. "I meant because I just now realised I was hungry. I didn't think I was before."

"Well." He relaxed in his seat and nodded. "Alright, then."

She laughed quietly and watched him survey their fellow diners. He seemed particularly amused by the man at the next table, but Rose couldn't figure out why.

"What's so funny?" she whispered. The Doctor turned his grin her way and Rose said, "You're so handsome."

He seemed pleased.

"Thank you. I try really hard." The liar. "That man." He gestured with a subtle head shake. "He's such an idiot."

His statement understandably shocked her.

"Doctor, rude."

"I'm being serious. You'd agree if you knew the situation."

"Then explain it."

"He's writing his wife a letter to tell her of his wish to end their marriage." Rose frowned and the Doctor said, "that's not the funny part. I promise."

"Right."

"He held up the letter, presumably to read it through, and I happened to see most of it. He claims the reason he's leaving her is her penchant for spending all their money on groceries and antiques."

"Um, how is that..."

"Oh, perhaps I should have said he called her Jimba."

"Okay?"

He smiled. "He addressed the letter to Staya and wrote Staya two other times within the letter. I might also point out the fact that he's not eating anything, won't be ordering anything judging by his lack of a money bag on his person, and..."

"And what?" she asked, staring at the man.

"His waitress has approached him half a dozen times since we sat down, has always left him with a smile on her face, and her name is Jimba." Rose gasped as she realised what he was saying. "Our waitress - didn't catch her name - called her Jimba a moment ago."

"That bastard." The Doctor nodded, chuckling to himself. "She's gonna lose it."

"And he'll lose everything, including his obvious high rank in society. The patches on his shoulders are top rank, important official. His affair goes public and his lifestyle disappears. She'll be granted everything. The home, money, children."

"How do you know they have children?"

"Fargutten caked on his trousers at just the right height for two little hands." The Doctor held his own hands up and clasped at the air. "The idiot's thrown his entire life away for a woman who isn't even serious about him."

"What? How do you know _that_?"

"The host snuck in a little pinch to Jimba's bum when he was escorting us to our table. You didn't see that?"

"No, I didn't," she said, scandalized. "And Jimba didn’t do anything?”

“Seemed to enjoy it. Patted his in return on her way to the idiot’s table.”

“Oh, the entire thing is terrible.”

“Mm. Don’t fancy being in his shoes.” The Doctor glanced over her shoulder and turned to watch their waitress approach with the wine. She smiled, passed out glasses, and settled the bottle in front of the Doctor. “Thank you.”

The waitress nodded at him. “Your food will be out momentarily.”

Rose looked at the Doctor in surprise. Did they serve everybody the same thing here or what? While pouring their wine, the Doctor caught her look,

“I ordered our food when I made the reservations. There was something I wanted you to try, but it takes hours to cook.”

“Oh. You have to pre-order it.”

“Precisely.”

“I hope it’s good.”

“You’ll love it. I promise.”

“Of course I will. Probably.”

The Doctor chuckled. “I absolutely love your unwavering faith in me.”

“Here you go,” the waitress said, having appeared out of nowhere. She placed covered plates in front of both of them and then stepped back. “Is there anything else you need?”

“Not at the moment, no. Thank you.” She smiled at them and left them to their food. The Doctor removed the lid from her food and set it to the side. She must have been making a face, because he snickered. “Trust me, Rose. It’s delicious.”

“It’s purple… and wiggles.” She wiped her hand on a napkin and then felt her mouth water. She leaned forward for another sniff, ignoring the look on the Doctor’s face as she did, and nearly groaned. “It smells amazing.”

“Try a bite,” the Doctor suggested, removing his own lid. “I know you’re going to love it.”

“Fine, but if I don’t…”

Rose took a tiny bite and nearly closed her eyes. The taste… was indescribable, but it was the best thing she’d tried in a long time and all she wanted to do was get into a big tub of this stuff and go crazy. She didn’t care that she’d expand to fill up the entire TARDIS. It’d be worth it and the Doctor would still love her regardless of her size. Apparently. So really, nothing bad could possibly come from eating enough for three armies.

“Rose, are you aware you're saying all of that aloud?”

Rose blushed deeply. “What did I say?”

“The taste is indescribable, it was the best thing you’ve tried in a long time – I don’t know whether to be insulted or not-” Rose’s blush intensified. “And all you wanted to do was get into a tub-”

“I really just said everything I was thinking.”

“I was enjoying it. I just wanted to make sure you knew you were, in fact, speaking so you didn’t say something you shouldn’t. Well, something you shouldn’t say when we aren’t alone.” He wiggled his eyebrows and Rose gasped. Damn that man for being so bloody perfect. “And there it is… and in public, too, Rose. Though, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure what I said or did to elicit such a reaction.”

“No control of my head,” she explained, embarrassed. Stupid Time Lord nose. Er, Gallifreyan nose. Yeah. Gallifreyan nose. “Not my fault. ‘S yours.”

“I will never get used to being the one at fault in this particular situation.” He smiled, looking at her fondly. “Will you be in the mood for dessert? They have this dish that might interest you. It is local fruits and a type of sweet cream between layers of a flaky pastry. I once bought ten orders and ate them for breakfast a week in a row.”

Rose frowned. “What happened to the other three?”

“I ate them on the way back to the TARDIS.”

Rose laughed. “Well, if you want some, I won't turn down the opportunity to try.”

“Alright. How about I order for myself and you can try it? If you like it, we can order your own.”

“Or,” Rose said, “you can order for yourself and ask for two spoons or forks or whatever.”

“Oh.” The Doctor eyed her. “Are we at the stage where we share dessert now?”

“Suppose we can be, but I used to share with Keisha and Shareen all the time. If it makes you uncomfortable…”

“Don’t be silly, Rose. I’ve no problems sharing anything with you, especially dessert.” He gave her a look and then his eyes opened wide. “I completely forgot!”

He started digging around in his right trousers pocket and Rose leaned over to see what he was doing.

“What’ve you forgot?”

“I stopped by my jeweler while you were sleeping last night and I got distracted when I came back to the TARDIS. _Jack_.”

“What was he doing?”

“Seemed like he was attempting to burn down pool two. Don’t ask how that was possible, but it must be, because I swear, he almost succeeded.” He finally found what he was looking for and showed her the yellow box sitting on his palm. “My ring is finished. Would you like to inspect it before I put it on?”

“That’s supposed to be my job.”

She didn’t think about what she’d said until she was looking at the ring. She didn’t look up to see the Doctor’s expression, though she desperately wanted to.

“What do you think?”

Rose compared his ring to hers and smiled, genuinely impressed.

“They look like they were made to be together.”

“They are perfect, aren’t they?”

“They seriously look like they were made at the same time,” she marveled. “The metal looks exactly the same, the design is the exact same… Wow. They did a really good job.”

“Yes, they did.”

Rose looked up from the rings. “I got my rings back four days ago. Why did you not get yours until last night?”

“They hadn’t started on my ring yet.”

“Then how…”

“Memory.”

“What?” She again looked at the ring. “They did all of this from memory?”

“Oh, yes. Impressive, isn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah.”

The Doctor grinned. “May I have my ring now? I feel I should probably put that on before I lose it.”

Right as she started handing his ring over, she caught the words ‘never for’ etched into the inside of his ring. She pulled her hand back and turned the ring to read the message.

“Did you tell them to write this?”

“Oh, I forgot to read my message. What does it say?”

“You don’t remember what you told them to put?”

“They don’t engrave items like that. The jewelers consult– well, seer seems to be the best descriptor here. They consult their seer for the right message and that’s what they engrave. What does mine say?”

“Always love and never forget.”

He looked away and smiled to himself. When he looked back, he gave her a nod and glanced at her own ring set.

“And did you have one, too?”

“I didn’t even think to look.” She worked her rings off and looked at the inside of both. Her engagement band was blank, but her wedding ring held a message for her. “Love forevermore.”

“Perfect,” the Doctor commented, but didn’t explain. “Ah. I see Jack. He should be passing by in a few minutes.” He glanced between their rings and then met her eyes. “Rings?”

“What?”

“You did say something about them earlier.” 

He stared at her for several silent seconds and then it clicked. She smiled blindingly, grabbed the Doctor’s hand, and slid his ring on his finger. He blew her a kiss, put both of her rings on, and Rose laughed, delighted.

“Okay.” She felt flustered. In a good way, that is. “You said you see him?”

“Yes. He’s meandering this way.”

“Good. We’re not expecting to see anybody we know, haven’t been here in a while-”

“And we decided to grab lunch before going for a walk.”

“We’ve been going for long walks, because I just want to have the baby and the same threw Shareen into labour years ago.”

The Doctor grinned at her. “Good backstory.”

“Yeah. Helps me focus and remember what I should or shouldn’t say.”

“I approve.” The Doctor picked up his wine glass and took a sip, his eyes locked on hers. “I really do mean it when I say you look exquisite.”

Her lips curled into a small smile. “Even if it looks like I could throw off a planet’s gravity if I tripped?”

“Stop it.”

The Doctor looked away and unwillingly grinned. Rose could only stare. He was just… literally the best man she’d ever met and she was the seriously the luckiest woman in the universe.

“Um. Rose? Doctor?”

Rose and the Doctor looked up to see Jack standing beside the table. The Doctor asked, “Jack?” at the same time Rose said, “I thought you were at home with-” and Jack asked, “What are you doing here?”

They all stopped and looked at each other.

“Why would you think I was at- Wait. Did you curl your hair and chan-” Jack’s eyes zeroed in on her belly and Rose had to choke down some wine to keep from laughing. “Uh, Boss?”

“Rose, I don’t think this is the Jack we dined with last night.”

“Uh oh.” She did a pretty convincing fidget and tried to hide her belly. “Um, what do we do?”

“You're pregnant.”

“Um.”

“Wait.” Jack suddenly looked thunderstruck. “You said you thought I was at home with someone. Am I- I'm not traveling with you anymore? Oh, my god! Am I living with someone? Oh, my god,” he cried louder than before. “Is it serious? Oh, my god.” This time, it was a whisper. “Please tell me I won’t have more crappy diapers to change.”

“Um, Jack.” Rose looked at the Doctor. “You know we can't tell you anything. It’s bad enough you saw me like this.”

“We should go,” the Doctor decided. “We can come back a different time for dessert.”

“Is it your first?” Jack looked up and frowned at the two of them. “And when did you get a ring?”

“Er…”

The Doctor looked at Rose and she huffed.

“This is his second ring. The idiot destroyed the first one trying to make baby… food… Should I not have said that?”

“Innocuous.” She nodded and the Doctor focused on Jack. “You look ill. Are you alright, Jack?”

“You said baby food, Rose. There’s more than the one in your stomach?”

“Can we tell him?”

“Even if he tells us, Rose, we’ll never believe him. Not at that… Ah. We just dropped you off and went to visit Jackie. See, I was trying to figure out when we might’ve been here with Jack, but that’s it. We didn’t join him.” The Doctor looked at Rose. “Impeccable memory, me. You were twenty-two at the time.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “How many of them are there?”

“Four,” the Doctor said, grinning crookedly. Rose remembered her words to Haceema about the number of children she wanted; it took everything she had not to laugh. “Jack, you’re looking a little sick.”

“Was it after the first?”

“What do you mean?”

“That you dumped me somewhere. Baby one?”

“Oh, Jack.” Rose patted his hand. “We didn’t dump you anywhere. You, um, found something better to occupy your time.”

“Should’ve said someone,” the Doctor quietly grumbled and then mouthed, “and their six kids.”

“Doctor, I saw that.”

And so did Jack, apparently. It started with a tic at his jawline. Next came a twitch to his left eye and restless hands. Jack shot to his feet and started pacing.

“I know you can't answer, but I leave you for a woman… and we have six – _six!_ – kids. Six… and you’re having baby four? No, the Doctor said you have four, not that you're about to have four. So baby five. Oh, my god. It’s like a competition. Oh, my god! Is it a competition? No, you won't answer.” Jack scrubbed his hands over his face and looked at Rose’s belly. “You’re so hot pregnant, by the way. No! What am I saying? She’s married… and pregnant… and a mother. Oh, sh- Am I married now?”  


“Jack, you know we can't answer your questions.” Rose’s gaze darted to his left hand and away, eyes locked on some overhead clouds. “Honey, can we forget about dessert? We need to pick the children up.”

“If they smell like dog slobber again, they’re staying. I don’t care what J-” The Doctor abruptly stopped talking and looked at the table. Rose could see the effort it took for him to keep a straight face. “I don’t want the control room to smell like dog again. No one should have seven dogs in a house with that many humans. The smell burrows into your clothing.”

“Well, you-know-who loves watching the kids for us. He was begging us a couple days ago. Remember? They were going to have a sleepover and, um, _she_ was going to go stay at her mother’s for a few days.”

“Oh, my god!” Jack practically screamed, nearly foaming at the mouth. “I’ve been downgraded to babysitter?”

“Jack.” Rose put a hand to her chest. “I'm so sorry. You weren’t supposed to hear that. Doctor, did I say anything?”

“Nothing too telling.” The Doctor glanced at Jack. “Are you quite all right, Jack? Whoa, man. Sit down. You’re swaying.”

“I am not.” Jack clutched the back of Rose’s chair and the Doctor stiffened, all teasing draining away from his expression. “You were just talking about me, weren’t you? Admit it.”

“Jack, no, we weren’t. You’re here in front of us. How could you be watching our children?”

“Because I'm not your current Jack, Rose! Oh, god. Future me is out there…”

Jack’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. He swayed forward, caught the edge of the table, and flipped it. Everything flew off, flying in Rose’s general direction; Rose covered her face to keep their wine and food out of her eyes and hunched down until everything was silent again.

She slowly dropped her hands. The Doctor let out two small chuckles, which was shortly followed by three louder ones. He and Rose made eye contact and burst out laughing. Their waitress rushed over with towels and asked if they knew the man. After assuring her Jack was a friend and he was going to be alright, she hesitantly walked away and kept her eyes on them. The Doctor righted the table, stepped around Jack’s inert body, and crouched beside Rose’s chair.

“You’re a mess.”

“It’s worth it.” She looked at Jack and then glanced down at her shirt. “Hope we can get the wine out of this. I really liked it.”

“Me, too. We’ll figure something out.” He continued wiping her off and smiled up at her. “This was more the reaction we needed. Mickey just had to ruin it before, didn’t he?”

“Well, he probably would’ve had a reaction like his,” Rose said, gesturing to Jack, “if we had gone through with the fight.”

“I honestly don’t think I could have done it, Rose.” He stared at her for a moment and then wiped something from her cheek. “When he wakes up, we’ll give him the whole “forget about today” warning, cut out of here, get cleaned up, and come back. Sound good?"

“Sounds great."

The Doctor smiled at her and Jack let out a quiet groan. Rose looked over, the Doctor put his hands on Rose’s belly, and Jack sat up. She quickly looked back at the Doctor and pretended not to notice.

“Do you feel any pain? Any cramping whatsoever, Rose?”

“All I feel is you pushing the baby into my bladder.” Actually, she did have to pee, especially with him pressing against her stomach the way he was. “Doctor, I'm fine. Food hit me, not a bus.”

“Are you quite sure you’re okay?” The Doctor put his ear against her and rubbed her belly with his left hand. “I can hear you in there. Tell your mother to stop taking this lightly. You could’ve been hurt.”

Rather than saw, “aww” like she really wanted to, Rose rolled her eyes.

“This isn’t my first pregnancy, Doctor. There’s nothing wrong.”

The Doctor’s brows briefly furrowed and he straightened back into a kneeling position. He seemed genuinely confused for a moment and glanced at her belly before shaking his head and standing.

“Hearing things again,” he explained quietly. “Rather,” he said loudly, remembering Jack’s presence, “listening. He says he’s alright.”

“Did he really?”

“More or less.” He shrugged. “You know. More like feelings than actual thoughts right now.”

She wondered if that was true of babies of his kind.

“Right.” She looked up as Jack started climbing to his feet; the Doctor steadied him with both hands. “Oh, Jack. Are you okay?”

“I passed out. You okay?”

“Just a little food hit me… as I told him.”

“I was worried, Rose.”

“I know,” she said, giving him a soft smile. He returned it. “Everything else missed me.”

“Good.” Jack looked between the two of them and clutched his head. “I think I'm gonna go wait for you guys to return.” He looked at Rose’s belly once more. “Um, bye.”

“Goodbye, Jack.” Rose held out a hand, the Doctor helped her up, and Rose yanked Jack down for a hug. After a moment, he loosened his stiff stance a little and finally wrapped his arms around her. “No matter how many times he might complain,” she whispered to him, “I want you to be the godfather for this child, too, Jack. You’ve done so well with the others and he’s almost forgotten what you used to be like."

Jack made a quiet sound of distress and Rose released him from his hug. He nodded at the Doctor, looked at her stomach in near fear, and nearly ran away from them with both of them yelling out that he had to forget about today.

The moment he was out of ear shot, Rose started laughing. The Doctor pulled her close, kissed her, and then smiled.

“Well, that was better than I thought it’d be. Come on. Let’s go get cleaned up so we can tell on ourselves without being uncomfortable.”

“I'm the only one uncomfortable right now. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

He shrugged. “I know, but I'm supposed to think “us,” “we,” and “our,” right?”

“That’s very true.”

He grinned, paid for their dinner (and the dishes Jack had inadvertently broken), and gave her a piggy back ride to the TARDIS. She laughed so hard, she almost wet herself. The Doctor finally put her down in the control room and followed her back to his bedroom. She took a quick shower while he got his hair back to the way it had been that morning. Once they were finally in their pre-prank states, they landed the TARDIS and Jack threw the door open.

He stumbled to a stop and took one look at the food and wine-covered shirt lying on the jump seat.

“Oh, thank God! You assholes really had me going.” Jack held out for a moment, but then joined their laughter. “Not gonna lie. That was an epic prank.”

“We know.”


	11. An Exasperated TARDIS

The realisation came slowly.

Two days ago, she'd been on the phone with Shareen, who'd been asking about her stay in the med bay. After they ended the call, Rose found she couldn't remember how long ago it had been so she got out her calendar and started counting days back. It had been exactly one month.

Yesterday, she remembered she'd been off of her birth control for a few days before leaving the med bay, but thought maybe it'd taken some time for it to completely leave her system. She had never before been on birth control that stopped her periods and wasn't quite sure how long it took for a period to arrive after going off of it, but she figured it'd be coming soon. She didn't think about it anymore.

An hour ago, she'd gone in search of the media room to watch a movie while Jack and the Doctor worked on fixing something to do with the control room wiring. Maybe. She hadn't been paying much attention, because the Doctor had started rambling on about what exactly needed fixed. Point was, she'd been looking for a media room and had found herself opening seventeen different doors to find their nursery on the other side. She'd given up and decided she'd just talk to the TARDIS while sitting in the rocking chair since it seemed she wouldn't let her find a media room.

Two seconds ago, she realised she might be pregnant.

Rose stared at the pile of pregnancy tests in the drawer where there had once been bodysuits.

"No."

The lights dimmed.

"No," she repeated. "Impossible."

The lights shut off. Emphatic yes.

"But... really? You think so?"

The lights dimmed.

"Come on, old girl. Stop playing with me. What makes you think I am?"

No response.

"I mean, it has been a while... and I haven't been feeling any pre-period symptoms, but... You really can't think..."

Yes, she apparently did. Rose blindly made her way through the dark and sat in the rocking chair once more. The lights came back on and Rose stared at the open drawer.

"Think I should take a test?"

The lights dimmed.

"You're right. It's really unlikely, but it couldn't hurt to check, right?"

The lights dimmed.

"I'm gonna need a bathroom. Can't very well do it in here."

A door across the room popped open a crack and Rose stood up. She entered the bathroom without grabbing a test and found one sitting on the counter beside the sink.

"Once I take this, no matter if it's negative or positive, can you make sure they don't find it?"

The lights dimmed.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "I don't want either of them to find out before I can tell them myself. Especially the Doctor." Rose took a deep breath, opened the box, and looked at the wall. "Can you make sure they can't find me while I'm in here?"

The lights dimmed.

"You're fantastic. You know that?"

The lights dimmed and Rose laughed. She wiggled out of her denims, stared at the elastic maternity band for a long moment, and then sat on the toilet with the pregnancy test box in hand. A few minutes later, she picked the test up from the counter and slowly pushed out a deep breath.

"Is it pathetic that I'm actually scared to look?"

The lights brightened.

"Thanks. It's silly, I guess. I just... I really want this to be positive. I don't know if I could handle a negative."

A subtle warmth filled the room and soft music - a lullaby - played from an unknown location. She smiled and looked at the test.

"Oh. It's negative."

The lullaby shut off without warning and Rose threw the test into the rubbish bin. When she turned to wash her hands, there was another unopened test sitting on the counter.

"I know you want a baby around, but the test was negative. It's only been a month."

She could _feel_ the exasperation rolling off the walls.

"Stop it. It sometimes takes humans a while to get pregnant. Don't give up on me yet."

A spotlight beamed down on the test, but Rose ignored it and left the bathroom.

The lights brightened and Rose hurried out of the nursery. The lights in the hall brightened, too, and Rose huffed.

"Will you stop telling me no?"

The lights brightened.

"Oh, ha ha. I never thought I'd see the day a temperamental ship started acting worse than my mother."

"Rose," the Doctor said, sounding shocked. Rose looked up and saw he was standing halfway down the hall. "Why did you just compare the TARDIS to your mother? That's just... just awful."

"She's gone a bit mad about wanting a baby around and keeps telling me no."

"About what?"

"That's just it. I'm not asking her anything. I told her it sometimes takes humans a while to have a baby, she put a spotlight on one of the tests, and told me no when I left the room and again when I entered the hall and _again_ when I asked if she would stop telling me no."

The Doctor chuckled. "Never let it be said she doesn't have a mind of her own."

"Or a stubbornness to rival yours."

"Perhaps." The Doctor looked towards the ceiling. His brows suddenly furrowed and he peeked at her stomach. "I keep hearing..." He shook his head and smiled. "I'm beginning to think I'm going mad, Rose."

"Why?"

"I... Nah. It's nothing to worry about." He ran a hand along the wall. "Now why are you terrorising my wife, eh, old girl? Leave the poor thing alone. Being married to me is difficult enough for her."

"Not really," she said, smiling at him. "Rather think I got the better end of the deal."

"Not quite."

"Jeez. Watching you guys gives me a toothache."

"Shut up, Jack." Rose laughed and Jack walked out of room right behind the Doctor. "What were you doing in there?"

"Looking for you. You said you were gonna watch a movie, but then every media room we found was empty and _someone_ got worried."

"I wasn't worried, Jack. I was curious to know where she'd gone."

"So the whole "I think Rose got lost and we need to find her before she starves to death" thing was my imagination. That's nice to know."

Rose hid her smile behind her hand.

"Go away," the Doctor told him. Jack grinned at her and then walked off. "I didn't say that."

"Well, if you did, I think that'd deserve some sort of reward. Don't you?"

The Doctor opened his mouth, paused, closed it, and then opened it again.

"'Yes' seems to be the appropriate response here, I think."

"It is," she said, grinning and walking closer. "Can you keep Jack away from us, old girl?"

The lights dimmed and the Doctor looked a bit dumbstruck.

"She really does answer you, doesn't she?"

Rose said, "yes" at the same time the lights dimmed.

She dropped to her knees in front of the Doctor, pushed him against the wall, and undid his trousers. He stared down at her and Rose gave a little shiver of appreciation for how sexy he looked just then.

"You know, I've never done this with you against the wall. Think you'll be okay?"

"You had me against a tree once."

She grinned. "Let's hope the grating is a bit more comfortable than roots and rocks."

The Doctor groaned and Rose set to work, soon coaxing an entirely different sort of groan out of him.

Naturally, the grating hurt less.

***

It had been four long days.

Every time she entered a room, she found a pregnancy test laying around.

The TARDIS's new favourite word was no (and usually reappeared when she would completely ignore the test or leave the room).

Jack kept asking why he'd ran into a sort of force field when he came back to ask about dinner the day she'd literally brought the Doctor to his knees, as if he didn't know what was happening; his grin gave him away every time.

The only one not actively bothering her was the Doctor. Although, she’d caught him staring at her stomach in blatant confusion two different times and not knowing what was going on with him _was_ starting to bother her. So never mind that.

They were all part of the problem and Rose was ready for some time off-ship, which is how she found herself bunking at Keisha’s for the night. The Doctor had complained about her wanting to spend the evening alone, but then Jack had pointed out that they’d probably be discussing him and their marriage most of the time, anyway, and the Doctor had calmed somewhat.

He’d made sure she had her phone – fully charged, too – before he let her leave. As she had been waiting for Keisha to answer the door, she’d noticed a new number saved and realised it must have been the Doctor’s new mobile… which he’d never explained how he came to have or why he felt the need to get it. She’d have to remember to ask about that.

Half an hour after Keisha let her in, she and Keisha were curled up on the couch in their pyjamas. There was a movie playing, but both of them were too busy binging on snack food and talking.

“-so I tell him if he expects my dress to come off, I expect him to pay for dinner,” Keisha informed her. “And you know what that git did? Pulled out his wallet and paid for dinner and two desserts _to_ _go_.”

“Oh, my gosh,” Rose said, laughing.

“Bet he just got paid, too. Thought I was gonna pay and all that.” Keisha sipped her soda and shook her head. “You know I'm not one of those girls who thinks men are the only ones who should pay, but it was a first date, he showed up in a fancy, new car, and took us to one of those expensive restaurants. If I was gonna pay, I wouldn’t have been able to afford that. Right?”

“Right. I mean, he met you at work!”

“Mhmm.” Keisha groaned. “Men.”

“So you gonna see him again?”

“Just got back an hour before you showed up.” Rose laughed and Keisha grinned widely. “Was worth the walk of shame up here, too. Mrs. Harrison saw me walking in. I swear that woman knows when I’ve just been with someone.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” Rose bit off a chunk of chocolate, chewed, and rinsed it down with a bite of banana. “You know, I'm so glad you weren’t busy tonight.”

“Yeah, you didn’t tell me what’s going on. I thought if I bored you with a story, you’d tell me yours.”

“You failed, then, because yours wasn’t boring.”

Keisha shrugged. “I tried. Talk.”

“They’re all bothering me in one way or another and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I just wanted some time away from everything.”

“What’s going on?” Keisha frowned and sat up. “Did you have a fight with the hubs?”

“No, of course not. He’s not actually done anything to… It’s just… Jack keeps asking about something and he knows what happened. He just wants me to admit it.”

“Probably sex.”

“I went down on the Doctor the other day and the TARDIS apparently erected a force field? I don’t know. I asked her to keep him away and that’s what she did… and now he won't shut up about it."

“Did you tell him to shut up?”

“No. I thought the Doctor might have already, but he seems distracted lately. Then there’s the TARDIS.”

“The _ship_ is annoying you?” Keisha’s brow arched. “That’s interesting. Do explain.”

“She wants a baby more than my mum, Keish. Four days ago, she convinced me to take a test and-“

“Was it positive?” Keisha interrupted loudly.

“No,” Rose huffed, irritated with her stupid uterus. “Sorry. I'm not angry with you. I promise.”

“Good, but I'm sorry. Keep going?”

“Okay. Well, I thought I might as well. Wouldn’t hurt to try, you know, but it was negative. Right after I threw away the negative test, I found another test sitting on the counter and now she keeps telling me no every time I walk out of the room or ignore a test she’s left laying around – she’s been doing this the last four days.”

Keisha made a face. “No wonder you’re feeling a little mad. What’s the hubby done?”

“Like I said, he’s not done anything really. He’s seemed kind of distracted.” Rose sipped at her water and frowned. “I keep catching him staring at my stomach like he doesn’t understand what he’s seeing, like he can't comprehend its existence or something. He’s done it a few times now and has said something about hearing things.”

“But in your stomach?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t make sense. He even told me he thinks he’s going mad, Keish. I know he can't be hearing a baby’s heartbeat or anything, because I'm not pregnant. So why does he keep hearing something in my stomach?”

“Maybe it’s not in your stomach,” Keisha mused, “but he just has an obsession with your body and naturally looks at it when he’s focusing on something.”

Rose laughed. “Yeah, that has to be it. Him focusing on it ‘cause he hears something in it makes no sense.”

“Right?” Keisha laughed with her. “Well, there’s one mystery solved.”

“Now all I have to do is figure out what he’s hearing that no one else is.”

“Maybe that ship of yours will have an idea.”

“That’s… actually a brilliant idea. Thanks, Keish.”

“Welcome. Now tell me about this little adventure your friend, Jack, almost walked in on.”

“How about I tell you about the prank instead?”

Keisha sighed, but smiled. “Suppose that’s just as good. Talk.”

“Well, it started with the foam belly model we used for Mickey’s prank…”

***

The TARDIS was starting to get on her nerves. She could understand wanting a baby. Really, she could. She wanted one, but no one saw her pressuring the Doctor the way the TARDIS was pressuring her. It’d been an ongoing thing that entire day.

There was the incident in the galley this morning.

“Er, Doctor, why is all the baby food on the counter?”

The Doctor had blinked. “I have no idea. I thought you put it there.”

“Uh, why would I put it there?”

“Well, I didn’t and Jack most certainly didn’t even touch… It was the TARDIS? How odd.”

“Why is there baby food in the fridge? Where’s all of our food?”

The Doctor had been confused and had shrugged unhelpfully.

Then there was the incident in her bathroom earlier.

“Why the hell are there nappies on my towel shelf?” she’d yelled out. She hadn’t received an answer and looked at the wall. “Did you do it, then, old girl?”

The lights dimmed.

“Well, stop it. Now give me a towel so I can take a shower.”

And there was the memorable incident when she’d tried to take a nap after lunch and every door she opened led to the nursery. Feeling incredibly (and justifiably) annoyed, she’d slammed the door hard enough to make it rattle and made herself comfortable on the hallway floor, lying on top of a throw blanket she’d ended up stealing from the nursery.

The Doctor had been the one to find her napping on the hallway grating and had brought her to their bed. When she’d woken up, she told him what the TARDIS had done and felt completely alright with the angry albeit brief lecture the Doctor directed to the TARDIS ceiling.

And now there was this.

“Doctor.”

“I know, Rose.”

“I'm going to scream.”

“I think I might join you.”

Rose and the Doctor surveyed their bedroom. The baby basket she’d found the day they pranked Jack was sitting in the middle of the bed; a pregnancy test was beside it. All of Rose’s clothing had disappeared, leaving behind only underclothing and maternity. The Doctor’s old baby cot was at the foot of the bed in place of the bench they’d had there before. The desk the Doctor kept in the corner had been swapped for the Doctor’s old changing table; a rubbish bin she’d never seen before was right beside it. None of the projects the Doctor had once kept on the desk were anywhere to be seen. All three doors in the bedroom, the third being a door that Rose had requested to the wardrobe for convenience, were wide open, each one mystifyingly leading to the same room, the nursery. A piece of equipment stood to one side of the room and Rose cocked her head.

“What exactly is that?”

“An ultrasound machine that shouldn’t be moved,” he said, his jaw clenching on the last three words. An unimpressed-sounding hum rent the air and the Doctor actually looked angry now. “I don’t know what you think this is going to accomplish,” he snapped, looking at nothing in particular. “Stop doing this or I will make sure she never conceives.”

The doors to the nursery slammed shut and Rose looked at him.

“Are you alright?”

“I am now.” His jaw relaxed and he grabbed her hand. “I'm sorry she’s been doing this. I didn’t realise it was this bad.”

“I don’t know what her problem is.” Rose sighed. “I took a pregnancy test almost a week ago. She’d convinced me to, but it was negative.” The Doctor didn’t move a muscle, just kept staring at the bed, but he appeared to be listening. “After that, she just kind of lost it. That’s when she started telling me no all the time.”

“You’ve been throwing a hissy fit?” he growled, eyes raising to the ceiling. “You’ve been terrorising Rose, because you’re unhappy she’s not pregnant?”

The Doctor closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. The lights dimmed and Rose frowned, but didn’t say anything. He was already angry enough without having to deal with the TARDIS copping an attitude.

“Let’s get everything put back so we can-“

“No,” the Doctor interrupted. “I'm not touching any of this. Frankly, all I want to do right now is shag my wife until we both lose consciousness. She can clean up after herself.”

Rose stared at him a moment and then nodded.

“Alright. That sounds pretty good.”

The Doctor nodded, threw the baby basket at the wall a little harder than he perhaps should have, and tugged her onto the bed with him. She bounced as she landed with the Doctor on top of her and immediately surrendered to his lips, hands, and groin.

Three hours later, Rose found herself begging to sleep. The Doctor relented, brought her off one more time, and then shifted to spoon her. Rose placed her arm over his and closed her eyes, sleep coming swiftly. Before she was completely out, though, she felt the Doctor nosing at her neck and heard him murmuring. She could have sworn it sounded, well, something like…

“…just keep trying…”

***

She wasn’t entirely sure she hadn’t actually dreamt the words she thought the Doctor had said last night. After all, she had been very tired and had probably just dreamt up the words she wanted to hear from him. Yeah, surely that was it.

Rose crawled out of bed – the Doctor had probably left hours and hours ago – and headed to the bathroom. While she was peeing, she saw her calendar laying on the floor. She picked it up, flipped it to the current month, and set it on the counter. When she went to wash her hands, a gust of water shot out of the faucet and the wind from that gust blew the calendar off the counter. Again, she picked it up, flipped it to this month, and put it down. However, when the same series of events happened, she frowned at the wall and looked at the calendar.

It’d been a month and seven days since she’d been released from the med bay; longer since she’d been off her birth control. Rose put the calendar down and considered that thought. Maybe she’d tested too soon. She could retest. If she’d gotten pregnant, now would be the right time to test, wouldn’t it? She wasn’t sure, but it sounded reasonable. When she turned to grab a test from the cabinet behind her, she saw the drawer already opened.

“It’ll have to wait. I just went.”

The lights dimmed, the shower kicked on, and Rose smiled.

“Thanks. A shower is just what I need.” She quickly stripped and stepped into the warm spray beating down on her sore muscles. “That man. You really made him mad last night. Do you know that?”

The lights dimmed.

“Don’t do it again. I’ve rarely seen him so mad… and it was at you!”

The lights dimmed, but a sorrowful hum accompanied the action.

“Well, at least you feel bad. That is what the hum meant, right?”

The lights dimmed.

“Oh, good. I'm getting better at reading you.”

The lights dimmed.

“If this one isn’t positive, I don’t want you to bug me about it until next month. Okay?”

The lights brightened.

“Could you stop being so annoying?” she groused.

The lights brightened.

“Oh, there you are.” The Doctor walked into the bathroom and Rose noticed the pregnancy test had disappeared and the drawer was closed. The Doctor approached the shower and stopped. “Soaking wet. Good morning to me.”

She smiled. “Need something?”

“Besides a camera?” Rose laughed and rinsed the shampoo from her hair. “Ehm, I don’t… Oh, yes. Martha called and wants me to join her for lunch. Are you interested?"

"Ask me again when I've had some tea?"

"Of course. You probably just woke up. Silly me." The Doctor leaned into the shower, blew her a kiss, and then frowned at her belly as he stepped back. "I'll, uh, just be in the galley. Enjoy yourself."

"What's wrong with you?" she asked bluntly. "I keep catching ya looking at me like you don't understand something and I'd like to know why."

"I don't even understand it myself, Rose, so I can't explain it to you. I'm sorry."

The Doctor was gone before she could say anything else.

"What is going on with him?"

Rose heard something fall, paused in the middle of soaping up her arm, and saw a pregnancy test on the counter once more. She hurried through the rest of her shower, walked to the sink in a towel, and chugged a few cups of water from the tap. By the time she was dressed, she had to pee again and hurriedly got on the toilet with the test so she wouldn't pee herself. She leaned forward to put the capped test on the sink, got herself cleaned up, and then washed her hands. She cursorily checked the box and then tossed it in the wastebasket.

"Same drill, right? They never find it?"

The lights dimmed.

Rose sat down to wait out the rest of the time and idly played with the fabric of the shirt she'd originally chosen for Jack's prank. The TARDIS still hadn't given any of her non-maternity clothing back, but that was alright, she guessed. When the clock over the counter (a recent addition for her) said it was time, she warily approached the test and picked it up. It took almost a minute more before she could look down.

"It's positive."

A shrill alarm pierced the air and Rose tossed the test into the wastebasket, covered her ears, and squinted at the ceiling. The Doctor barreled into the bathroom five seconds later and looked terrified until he laid eyes on her.

"But she's not dying," he hollered, glaring at the wall. "Why blare that alarm if there's nothing wrong with her? This damn ship is losing its mind."

The alarm kept going and Rose shuddered. It was giving her a headache. Frowning, the Doctor pulled her close, ran his hands over her, checked her eyes and her pulse, and frowned deeply.

"Is there something wrong? Something that I can't see?"

"No. Old girl, later. Promise."

The alarm cut off and a heavy silence replaced it. The Doctor arched a brow.

"Huh," he said, eyes on the ceiling before dropping to meet hers. "Mind telling me what that was about?"

"I don't honestly know. If I figure it out, I'll let you know."

"Alright." The Doctor looked around. "Were you done in here?"

"Just have to brush my teeth."

"Excellent. You know where I'll be when you're done."

Rose nodded and watched him leave. She then looked at the wall when she was alone and frowned.

"It might not make any sense to you, but I want to wait. Can he hear?"

The lights brightened.

"Alright. There was a negative and a positive. After a couple more tests, I'll be sure." An ominous hum started building and Rose huffed. "Think about him for a second, will ya? That man deserves a baby, I agree. It's what he wants, I think, but I don’t know if he’ll ever tell me that. Whatever. I'm not gonna get his hopes up until I'm absolutely sure I am. I'm sorry if that makes you mad, but I'm just remembering how let down I felt last time and I definitely don't want him to feel like that. Okay? Can you handle that?"

After several seconds, the lights dimmed and Rose sighed.

"Thank you."

***

The next morning, Rose chose a test at random. It was positive and she threw it in the wastebasket, ignoring the pleased hum following her from the bathroom to the bedroom.

The next day was the same story. A positive test and a pleased him. She was finally starting to get a little excited and the Doctor noticed. She'd only partially told him the truth - the TARDIS wasn't bothering her about babies anymore.

The day after that, she chose one of the fancy weeks estimator tests. She nearly dropped the test into the toilet when it said three plus weeks. Maybe she'd done it wrong. After carefully reading the instructions, she managed to force herself to pee once more and got the same answer, Three plus weeks. That meant... When was that?

She'd decided, though. She'd go to the Doctor tomorrow. It was time, but first, she had something she wanted to do.

***

"You're sure I can't be overheard? I want this to be a surprise."

The lights dimmed.

"Excellent. This idea's been buzzing 'round my head since he first brought it up. Oh, where do I - is this weird?"

The lights didn't dim or brighten and it dawned on her that the TARDIS didn't actually know what she was talking about. She pushed out a deep breath.

"I wanna put on a show for him, just like he mentioned. Is it weird I'm asking you for help?"

The lights brightened.

"Good. I wanna wear something he used to wear, you know? I just don't know what to choose. Can you help me?"

Lights flickered over a small, closed cabinet in the wardrobe. Rose walked over, opened the doors, and saw a monitor screen.

"Has this always been here?"

The lights brightened and the monitor flickered to life. Images of men slowly cycled through - ten in total so far - and Rose frowned.

"Who... Are these all him?"

The lights dimmed.

"Oh, my gosh," she said in wonder, watching her first Doctor's image being replaced by her current Doctor. “I’ve never seen them. Well, I mean, the ones before I met the Doctor. Again?”

The first Doctor came back onscreen and Rose studied his image.

“Next?”

The Doctor’s former incarnations slowly cycled through, Rose intently studying each image before asking for the next. When she was back to her current Doctor, she smiled.

“He’s sure had some outrageous outfits, hasn’t he?”

The lights dimmed and Rose chuckled; the TARDIS hummed happily. Was she laughing, too?

“Okay, since I want him to think I look good and not just burst out laughing when I walk in the room, what do you think I should wear?”

Her first Doctor, clad in a jumper and that soft leather jacket, came onscreen and Rose whistled. He still looked sexy as hell after all this time.

“Think he’ll like that one most?”

The lights dimmed, briefly casting the wardrobe into near blackness, and Rose nodded to herself.

“Probably fit the best, too. Think I’ll wear my own maternity denims, though. Don’t know how well his old black ones would fit. I have some black ones, don’t I?”

The lights dimmed.

“Excellent. Now where did he stash his jumpers and jacket? I need to find something to fit over my belly. Now that I might be…” She smiled to herself and looked around. “Understand everything now, actually. Makes sense why nothing fits, why I'm getting bigger, why you won't let me go out on adventures with the Doctor, why you won't let him stop anywhere dangerous… Have you suspected it all along?”

The lights dimmed.

“But you’ve been doing this almost since we returned from Garthune.”

The lights again dimmed.

“But I can't be that far along. We’d have noticed.”

The lights brightened and a discordant, annoyed hum rent the air. Rose frowned and shook her question away.

“Suppose we’ll find out tomorrow.”

The lights dimmed.

“Okay. Jumpers. I need them… and that jacket. Might have to keep that, actually, for my own use.”

The TARDIS hummed, sounding amused, and Rose giggled. Lights flickered on the third level and Rose huffed. He would stash everything in a spot she’d have to climb stairs to get to. By the time she’d climbed all the way up, Rose felt a little breathless and had to lean on the railing a moment so she could catch her breath. She’d better be pregnant, because there was no other excuse for being this out of shape.

The lights flickered again and Rose, groaning, pushed off of the railing. When she got to the jumpers, she saw rows and rows of jumpers in every colour she could imagine. He hadn’t worn most of these, not around her.

She scanned the rows until she found a green one she remembered him wearing one lazy afternoon. They’d gone walking that day on a deserted, snow-filled planet and he’d said something about the colour better suiting her than him. At the time, she’d said it didn’t matter, because she wouldn’t be wearing his clothing. He’d grinned to himself before changing the subject. She now wondered if he’d been thinking of her doing something like this.

The thought that he might have been made her breath hitch.

“Think I’m choosing this one, then. Where’s his jacket?”

A door opened and Rose froze until she realised the TARDIS had opened the door herself. Beyond the door, Rose saw, was a corridor leading who knew where. Frowning, she leaned back into the room, closed the door, and then saw the Doctor’s jacket hanging on a rack to her right.

“Clever girl.”

The TARDIS hummed happily and Rose grinned.

“Just need my black denims and then I can dress. Er, need something naughty to wear under this, actually. Do we have anything I could use?”

Drawers slammed open and slid shut on the first level. Of course. Sighing, she headed back down and quickly found black maternity denims laying on top of a makeup vanity.

“Um, these can't be mine. I’ve never worn these before.”

The lights dimmed and she huffed.

“I’ve really never worn them before… or seen them… and I know I didn’t buy them.”

The lights dimmed.

“Okay so where did they come from?” No response came from the TARDIS and Rose decided to let it go. She’d end up arguing with her all day if she pressed for an answer. “Never mind. I really don’t want to know.”

The lights dimmed and Rose could imagine the smug look the TARDIS might have been directing at her had she been an actual person instead of a ship. She rolled her eyes. She was so sassy _all of the time_. Rose picked up her denims and saw something gauzy folded underneath them.

After unfolding the mostly sheer fabric, she realised it was a piece of maternity lingerie, had to be with all the material hanging much lower in the front than in the back.

As lingerie went, it was pretty nice. It had a black and pink bra on top with a pretty swirly design on the cups and the pink gauzey material was attached to the bottom of the bra. The straps were the same pink colour as the bra and the band was thick. It looked like it'd be comfortable.

"Where'd this come from? Did the Doctor buy it?"

The TARDIS didn't respond and Rose frowned again.

"Fine. Don't tell me."

That earned her another amused hum, like she'd been right and the TARDIS was just playing with her. She grinned and looked around.

"Make sure no one comes in, okay? Better yet, don't let them find the wardrobe if they come looking."

The lights dimmed and Rose stripped off her clothing in record time. After situating the lingerie and making sure her breasts did, in fact, look fantastic in them, she pulled on the maternity denims and tucked the bottom of the gauze into the waistband. She couldn't let the Doctor guess there was more to this outfit than would first be seen.

After pulling on the jumper and grimacing because it was obscenely tight around her belly and her breasts, Rose turned from side to side in front of the vanity mirror to make sure she looked alright. Now thinking her weight gain might be caused by having a baby in her belly and not just from being so inactive the past few months, she saw herself in a different light and thought she looked pretty damn good. When she pulled the Doctor's old jacket on, she smiled at her reflection. She felt _sexy_. She hadn't felt like that in months.

"One last thing. Can you somehow get my jewelry box here? I wanna wear the necklace set he had made to match my rings."

Nothing happened for a few seconds and then she heard a dull thump sound from within the makeup vanity. She searched the drawers, found her makeup and hair stuff in the first few drawers she opened, and then found her necklace and earrings in a bottom drawer.

"Thank you."

After putting on her jewelry, Rose took off the Doctor's jacket and sat in the little chair in front of the vanity. She studied herself carefully. If she got her way, they would definitely be having sex once her little act was done whether he was in the mood or not and she knew the Doctor wouldn't appreciate her getting any lip makeup on their bedsheets.

"Should I do my eyes or maybe just some liner and mascara? The first one?"

The lights brightened.

"So just the liner and mascara."

The lights dimmed and Rose spent what felt like an eternity adding and perfecting her liner. She then put on several layers of mascara - those fake lashes people wore annoyed the hell out of her; this was the next best thing - before surveying her hair. Hmm. Should she put it up? Should she leave it loose? Maybe add some curl? The Doctor had seemed to like it last time she curled it.

Then again, that had taken so much time and even more hairspray to keep the curls right. She could just put a little water in it and let her natural curl show once it dried. They weren't as uniform as when she used an iron on her hair, but she knew for a fact the Doctor loved it when she left her hair like that. She heard him talking about it in his sleep once and he had seemed embarrassed when she brought it up the next morning.

"Yeah, I'll do that," she decided. "I need a bathroom."

A few minutes later, Rose exited a small bathroom she’d never seen before and smoothed her borrowed clothing down. As she approached the door to the wardrobe, she started feeling nervous. The Doctor had once mentioned wanting to see her use her toy, but she had never done that sort of thing in front of anyone. What if it wasn’t as arousing as he thought it might be?

Well, too late to back out now. She’d already put his old clothing on and had stashed her favourite toy in the bedroom earlier that day. Even if she wasn’t brave enough to go through with it now, he’d probably have found her toy by now and suspected she was up to something. At least she hoped he did. She wasn’t really sure how people started this sort of thing.

Right. Rose lifted her chin. She shouldn’t be nervous. He once said he wanted to watch. She was going to let him. Might even let him help if he seemed to be in to it.

On impulse, she pulled an absurdly long, striped scarf off a shelf and looped it around her neck several times. She remembered seeing this on another of the Doctor’s selves and it was pretty adorable. Plus, it matched the green of his jumper so well.

Upon exiting the wardrobe door leading to their bedroom, Rose smacked into a hard body and whimpered as she jerked backwards. Two hands grasped her elbows in a steadying grip and she looked up. The Doctor wasn’t looking at her; rather, he was looking her outfit over.

“Blimey, Rose.” One of his hands left her elbow and she felt fingers caressing her arm. “You look fantastic. This is my old jacket.”

He met her eyes, surprised, and she grinned.

“Your jumper, too.”

“And my old scarf. Hell, I’d forgotten how ridiculous that thing is. Where did you find it? I’d lost it.”

“In the wardrobe and I know it was. I like it.”

The Doctor looked at her, stunned more than surprised now, and frowned a moment. He then backed up, one hand still on her elbow, and looked her over.

“Your breasts look superb today… and that colour is lovely on you.”

“I remember you saying that.” He hummed and kept studying her appearance. She pulled in a deep breath, stood on her tiptoes, and whispered in his ear, “Undress me. I have a surprise for you.”

Smiling, the Doctor hooked his finger underneath the many layers of the scarf and pulled her forward for a steamy kiss that left her breathless and wanting.

“While I would demand you undress yourself any other time,” the Doctor said, quickly and carefully unwinding his scarf, “because I would have loved to have had a little show, Rose, I can only imagine what my surprise might be and each possibility is more arousing than the one before.”

She grinned. “Good.”

“Not even a clue?” The Doctor groaned and slowly eased his jacket off her shoulders. It went onto the dresser. “It’s torture, you evil wench. You’re doing it on purpose.”

“Yes, I am.”

The Doctor chuckled breathlessly, curled his fingers beneath the bottom of his jumper, and gently pulled it over her head. He smoothed her hair down, froze a moment when he saw her natural curls, grinned, and then looked down. His eyes gleamed as he finally spotted the lingerie beneath; she’d untucked it when he’d been focused on her hair.

“My, my,” he murmured, palm trailing over one breast and down her side. “Looks much better than I thought it would.”

“You like it?”

He again chuckled, eyes focused on her, and she saw his breathing had gotten a bit heavier. It was such a confidence booster that Rose pushed against his chest and started backing him up to the chair she’d brought in earlier. It was stationed right at the end of the bed, close enough for both of them to see each other clearly.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re not going anywhere. You’re sitting down.”

“I’m – ”

The backs of his knees connected with the chair edge and he dropped into the seat with a quiet gasp. Rose stepped closer, ran her index fingers underneath the lapel of his jacket, and then removed that layer. She started unbuttoning his shirt and the Doctor’s brow arched, but he remained silent, looking at her face before letting his gaze drop to his chest.

“Lift your arms?” He did, letting her maneuver the shirt off of him. “I'm taking your belt, too, but maybe leave your tie on for me?”

“Alright,” he said, staring at her once more. “I’ll leave my tie. For what?”

“You’ll see.”

“Ooh, kinky.”

Rose smirked, kind of agreeing with him because it was super hot in her opinion, and the Doctor sucked in a breath. He grabbed the waistband of her maternity denims through the layer of pink gauze, shuddered when he glanced down at the belly band of her bottoms, and yanked her forward to stand in between his splayed legs.

“It’s really pretty, by the way,” Rose said, gesturing at her lingerie. “I love it.”

“Yes, I do, too.” He dragged her denims down her legs and Rose put her hands on his shoulders to steady herself when he bent forward enough to help her step out of the denims. The black material went flying over his shoulder in a crumpled blur even as the Doctor was reaching to pull her hips closer. “You’re not wearing knickers. Oh, that’s lovely.”

Rose slapped his hands and stepped back.

“You’re not allowed to touch yet.”

He frowned pitifully. “Why? It’s not fair to stand in front of me like that and then tell me I can't touch you. In fact, that’s just cruel, Rose. You should be ashamed of yourself for considering such a heartless thing.”

“I'm telling you ‘cause I'm not done yet.”

“Not… done?” His eyes widened and he looked up hopefully. “There’s more?”

“Oh, yeah.”

She grinned widely, mischievously, and moved away from him. She heard him shifting forward in his chair as she opened her bedside table.

“What do you have in there, then? Anything fun?”

“Oh, yeah,” she repeated. “Really fun, actually. Not as much as you, but…”

She shrugged and nervously turned, her hand curled around the base of her toy. The Doctor immediately spotted the toy and his lips parted.

“Oh.”

His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip.

“You once told me you wanted to watch,” Rose said while settling herself on her back in the middle of the bed. “Do you still feel that way?”

“Oh, do I ever.” He swallowed. “And I can't touch?”

“Not yet.”

“But I will be allowed to at some point?” She smiled and parted her legs. The Doctor groaned and leaned as far forward as he could without tipping out of his chair and falling onto the bed. “Should I touch myself, as well?”

“Wouldn’t last if you did,” she replied, sliding her toy inside, “and I don’t want to come until you’re inside of me.”

The Doctor quietly whined and she felt the bed move. She looked between her legs and saw his upper body on the end of the bed, his arms in front of him and hands clenched in the bedding. He’d moved from the chair and was sitting on his knees. She held his gaze as she continued to slide the toy in and out of herself, the wet sliding sounds and the buzzing of the toy both sounding obscene and _loud_ in the otherwise silent room.

Sometime later, she moaned loudly – much louder than those of the previous minutes – and closed her eyes as she finally let herself find her g-spot in a more direct way, the rabbit bit of the toy that was outside her body was vibrating more than tingling now against her clit. She tilted her hips to better reach that spot, heard the Doctor suck in a long, deep breath, and then felt the bed dip.

“I won't touch you,” he promised, hands landing on her knees. “I just need to see.”

“Okay.”

Rose trailed her free hand down her body and leisurely massaged her pubic mound. Since she was more teasing both him and herself than actively trying to come, she kept her toy at a slow pace. The Doctor seemed to approve of this and leaned further over her knees.

"I assume when you do this alone, you aren't as slow or as gentle. Am I correct?"

"Yeah."

"Then why are you doing it now?"

"Like I said, I don't want to come without you inside of me and lately, it doesn't take much to get me off."

"...really?" he asked in a deep voice and she opened her eyes. He was staring at her with such intensity, it left her breathless. "I'll have to remember that."

"Please do. Oh, god, please do."

The Doctor gestured with one finger.

"May I try?" She nodded eagerly and his hand replaced hers on the base of the toy. He slowly thrust the toy in and expertly ground the vibrating nubby bit near the base of her toy against her g-spot as he barely pumped it in and out of her. She moaned and he looked up. "Touch your nipples for me, Rose."

Without complaint, she dragged the cups of her bra down to reveal her breasts and, as she touched the peaked flesh of her nipples, he pushed the toy in deeply. Her back arched a bit as he tilted the toy back just enough to press against her g-spot.

"You're so good at this," she moaned and he turned the base to increase the vibrations. When he again found her g-spot, she clenched around the toy and he rubbed a hand over her lower belly. He pressed against her belly and she momentarily worried about any possible baby before crying out, throbbing around the toy. “I'm too close. Hold on.”

She tightened up and the Doctor nodded.

“As you wish."

He pulled the toy out further, moving the vibrating rabbit away from her clit, and looked up at her. His other hand stayed on her belly and then his brows furrowed, his eyes darting down to her belly. That confused look was back and he started to remove the toy completely, but she clenched tightly and the resistance was enough to stop him. The head of the toy was much too close to her g-spot, but she valiantly ignored that.

“Don’t you dare. Whatever’s wrong with you has nothing to do with what you're doing right now.”

“No, I know, but…”

“You’re hearing things again.”

“More like… sensing things right now. Emotions. I don’t know where they’re coming from. I didn’t feel them before I…”

She looked at him and her mouth dropped open a bit. If she really was pregnant, was it possible he was… hearing the baby?

“Just ignore it,” she settled on saying. “We can figure it out tomorrow, okay?”

“Right. Good plan, oh wife of mine.” He grinned and she shivered. “Now where was I?”

“You were about to – oh!”

The Doctor ground the toy against her g-spot and used his other hand to kick the toy into its fastest vibration. Her legs and belly tightened again and she cocked her hips, trying to move the toy from her clit to remove that bit of sensation. It didn’t seem to help much and a pleasant tingling started deep inside of her.

“Are you about to release, Rose?” he asked curiously, moving the toy away from her g-spot just a fraction before moving it back into position. She bit her lip and clenched her hands in the bedsheets, nodding emphatically. “I should probably stop, then.

She moaned in disappointment and thanks - an odd combination, to be sure. She wanted to come, but not without him and yet, she was so close that it was torture he wasn’t letting her come. The Doctor pulled the toy from her body, switched it off, and placed it on the bed beside him. His hands landed on her upper, inner thighs and slowly slid closer to her groin. When two of his fingers brushed against her clit, she groaned and her hips pushed up against his hand. He chuckled and drew those sinful fingers along her slit, both fingers pressing into her once he’d reached her entrance.

“You're killing me.”

“I have to make sure you’re properly stretched, Rose,” he said, chuckling a little and grinning shamelessly. “I'm not trying to torment you.”

“Your grin says otherwise, you annoying sod.”

He laughed and a third finger slipped into her. She hissed and pressed into his hands, trying to get some sort of sensation, but failed in her attempt. He put a hand on her lower belly to hold her down, quirked his brows, and shook his head.

“Ignoring that,” he murmured to himself, watching his fingers push in and out of her. “Blimey, you’re wet.”

He removed his fingers and lifted them up so he could look at the sticky fluid generously coating each digit. His tongue darted out and swirled around one finger, his eyes closing and a groan slipping out of his mouth as he did. Rose pushed herself up on her hands and watched him clean each finger carefully before opening his eyes and looking at her with dark eyes.

“You’re so sexy,” she said without much thought. “Are you even aware of it?”

“Makes two of us. You taste…” He shuddered, jumped up from the bed, and struggled with his trousers before throwing his hands into the air in exasperation. “I can't get them open. Help?”

His slightly desperate plea kicked her into gear. Rose climbed onto her knees, grabbed his wrists, and pulled him closer. He pushed his hips towards her and she nearly ripped his button off in her hurry to get him out of those stupid trousers. Why did he have to wear clothes, anyway?

Rose eased the zip over his erection and the Doctor pushed his trousers down his hips, kicking them away and falling onto the bed when they got caught around his shoes. Rose giggled, the Doctor crawled backwards on his elbows, and toed his shoes off while she kissed him. His trainers hit the floor with a loud thud and the Doctor reached up, grabbed her hips, and pulled her on top of him.

“Do you want me on top?” she asked, grinding against him. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he thrust up against her. “We could move if you want me on my back.”

“On top. I just need to be inside of you…” He slid through her wetness, his head pressing against her clit, and Rose moaned. “Right now, Rose. Please.”

She nodded and pulled up a bit. He reached between them, grabbed the base of his erection, and guided himself to her entrance. Rose rocked her hips forward and down and the Doctor’s length slid inside of her. He quietly grunted, his teeth clenched, and Rose braced herself up on his chest.

“You feel so good…” She quickly rocked back and forth and felt his hands land on her hips. “So much better than my toy.”

“Why use it?”

“Haven’t needed to since I moved in here. Ah, god, so good. You’re always there when I need you.” She kissed him deeply and then whispered against his lips, “Different position?”

“On your knees,” he growled. Rose rushed to obey and he thrust in without warning. His hand connected with her bum with a light slap and she twisted to see him, expression one of surprise. He grinned. “Because I could. Can you reach the headboard?”

She reached out, her nose hovering over the bedspread, and grabbed a tight hold of the bars with both hands.

“Yeah.”

“Excellent. Don’t let go.”

“Yes, sir.”

He chuckled. “Don’t call me sir.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He sighed, though he sounded amused, and then roughly thrust into her. She further arched her back and felt his next thrust graze her g-spot. After one minor adjustment to her position, Rose found herself crying into the bedspread with each thrust. Behind her, the Doctor was groaning and murmuring, sometimes about how much he loved her body, sometimes about how good she felt around him. With the way she was stretched out and holding onto the headboard, she couldn’t really rock back into him, but he didn’t seem to notice at all.

The tingling returned several short minutes later and Rose gasped loudly. One of the Doctor’s hands skimmed down her spine, pushing her lingerie piece up as he went, and she tightened her hold around the bars of the headboard. The tingling was turning into shivering and she knew she was about to come. Wouldn’t be too much longer now. She let go of the headboard, put one arm on the bed, and tried to reach under herself for her clit.

Suddenly, the Doctor grabbed one of her legs and she found herself flipping and falling onto her back. The Doctor covered her body with his own and drove back into her with a strength that had her clawing at his back. He arched his back into her nails, his gaze locked on hers, lips parted to suck in air, and Rose felt her entire body tightening up.

“I can tell you're close,” he said huskily, “but think I might beat you to it this time.”

“Fine by me.”

Her heart was thundering in her chest and she was worried it might actually pound right out of her body. The Doctor’s upper body curled over hers, his eyes closed, and he buried himself inside of her with a tortured moan. Rose forced her eyes to stay open, her orgasm fast approaching and making that almost impossible, just so she could watch him come. His hips took on a life of their own, rocking forward faster and faster, until he trembled and slammed into her.

His face screwed up and Rose felt herself right on the edge, teetering above wonderful oblivion. He momentarily froze, his erection pressing into her back wall, and then his body jerked forward; her name slipped from his lips as a whimper, nearly a sob of pleasure. Her orgasm overwhelmed her, pleasure blinding her to everything but the Doctor’s length shallowly moving in and out of her.

When she finally stopped convulsing under and around him, she sagged into the mattress and opened her eyes. The Doctor was braced on his elbows above her with his eyes closed. She gently reached up and touched his cheek.

“I'm not crushing you, am I?”

“No,” she replied. “You okay?”

“Trying to ascertain that won't kill me. That’d be a terrible way to end the night.” Rose giggled and he huffed a soft laugh. “Joking. Mostly. Yes, I'm fine. I'm simply trying to remember how to move.”

“Did it fly out of your head?”

“Along with most everything I knew before. I know your first name. That’s about it, I think.”

“You’re so silly.” She pressed a kiss to his lips and felt him smile. “Did I hurt you?”

“Hmm?”

“My nails on your back. Did I hurt you?”

“Pfft. I doubt it.” His eyes cracked open. “Oh, see? I figured out how to do that much.”

“Would you like some help?”

“Might need it. I'm getting sleepy and I still can't move. Won't move? Is there a difference?” She snorted and gently rolled him off of her. When she started climbing out of the bed, he lazily looked at her and frowned. “Where are you going? I don’t want to sleep alone.”

She carefully leaned over and kissed him again. He actually kissed back this time.

“I have to pee. Don’t fall asleep until I get back.”

"Ooh." He grinned and dropped onto her pillow. "I love it when you talk dirty."

"Oh, shut it."

"Never. Go be human. I'll wait up."

"Human, he says," she commented as she walked to the bathroom. "It's not like the man doesn't pee, too."

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I mean, have you ever seen me go?"

"No," she called through the open door, "but I have heard you and you forget I know about the time you and Jack peed on a poor woman who'd gotten stung by a jellyfish thing on Tessa Twelve."

"Did you leave the door open?" He paused. "You did! You've never done that before."

"Does it bother you? I didn't shut it, 'cause we were talking."

"Of course it doesn't bother me. What's a little urination between husband and wife?"

Rose flushed and began washing her hands.

"I think Jack would call that a golden shower and it's not something I'm particularly interested in."

The Doctor let out a startled laugh.

"Rose! I'm shocked. You aren't supposed to know of such things."

"But you are?" she retorted smartly, entering the bedroom once more. The Doctor was grinning at her and had pulled the bedding down at some point. "Think you're forgetting we both live with Jack and he knows how to talk."

"Valid point," he agreed, letting her settle her head on his chest. He brushed her hair back and then spluttered. "Your blasted hair. I swear I find a strand in my mouth every single day."

He pulled a hair from his tongue and held it up just to prove his point. She snorted.

"Not my fault. My hair was far away from your mouth until I came in here."

"True, but you came in here with the express purpose of seducing me. You should have known it would happen.”

“Fine.” She looked up at him and smiled sweetly. “Next time I'm in the mood, I won't seduce you. After all, I’d hate for my hair to ruin things for you.”

He grumbled. “Don’t do that. I’ll survive having your hair in my mouth if that’s what it takes.”

“If you insist.” She settled down and felt him press a lingering kiss to her forehead. “You know, you owe me now.”

“And what do I owe you?”

“A show. One of these days, you’re gonna have to return the favour.”

He chuckled. “Just tell me when you want to watch, Rose, but know I won't be dressing up in your clothing. Sorry to disappoint you.”

“That’d just be weird.”

“It wasn’t when you dressed in mine.”

“Yeah, but we both thought that was hot. You wearing my clothes wouldn’t be to me.”

“Hmm. You enjoyed doing that?” She nodded and her eyes slipped closed. “I see. Well, I have an entire section in the wardrobe reserved for my past outfit choices. Feel free to help yourself whenever you feel like it.”

“I will.”

“How did you know about the scarf?”

“The TARDIS. She showed me your past selves. Some of them were adorable.”

“Some of them looked quite old in the beginning.”

“They were still cute,” she argued sleepily. “Age and appearances don’t mean much when it’s you.”

“…I’ve been quite a prat in some of my previous bodies. You wouldn’t have liked me much had you met one of them first.”

“Would’ve grown to. You were rude and sarcastic when I first met you and I still…” She yawned and amended her words. “And I still like you, Doctor.”

“Do you honestly think that?”

“Sure. You’re still the same person deep down no matter what personality you have.”

“I like the way I see myself through your eyes. Would any of those others have aroused you?”

“Haven’t really thought about it,” she said truthfully. “Haven’t needed to, but probably.”

“I meant did you find any of the others to be sexually attractive?”

“Oh.” She blinked her eyes open. “Well, yeah. Definitely you now and your last self.”

“Ha. I knew you thought I was attractive back then.”

“How?” she asked, looking at him again. He pointed to his nose and she blushed. “Your damn sense of smell.”

“It’s a pain, Rose. Think about me for a second here. I have a young, sexy, absolutely fantastic blond on my ship who is clearly sexually attracted to me, but I won't let myself even consider looking at her in such a way, not even for however brief a fling she might have wanted.”

“Yeah, I thought it was because I'm a human. I didn’t think you were…”

She shrugged and he pulled her chin up with a finger. She met his gaze.

“Didn’t think I was what?”

“Attracted to humans. To me.”

“What?” he asked, tone flat.

“That’s what I thought,” she said defensively. “You acted like tree people were attractive, but I didn’t see the appeal. Figured maybe your people didn’t find humans…”

She fidgeted and tried to scoot over, but he pulled her back.

“That’s just silly. Of course I was attracted to you. So attracted. It was actually a bit embarrassing. I don’t know how many cold showers I have taken since I found you, but it’s an absurd amount.” He looked at her seriously. “I have always been attracted to you, Rose. I’d always had impeccable control of my hormones, but you shot my control all to hell.”

Hope bubbled up in her chest.

“Really?”

“Oh, yes. For the first time in centuries, I found myself reacting to you like a teenaged boy. It was mortifying. I’d catch a glimpse of your breasts, your bum, your tongue between your teeth, and then all I could think about was what I wanted to do to you and where exactly I could do it.”

“So if you wanted me so badly, why didn’t you do something about it?”

“I was still beating myself up for the past. I thought if I touched you… I didn’t want any association with me to ruin you. I’d already done enough wrong in my life, I couldn’t handle that, too.” Rose remained silent, thinking that through, and the Doctor cleared his throat. “Anyway, I changed and saw things differently, saw my life with you in a different way. Everything I’d been feeling guilty about was two lifetimes ago. I couldn’t constantly dwell on the pain of it all.”

“I’d always wondered why you were suddenly so affectionate.”

“Any chance to be close to you, of course.”

“Yeah?”

Rose glanced at him and saw him grinning smugly.

“I knew you were immediately attracted to me. Took you a while the first body, but this one…” He whistled. “Attraction was stronger than before and I could smell your arousal so much more often. Learned I could increase your arousal by being affectionate and, since I already wanted to be as close to you as possible… Well, you see where this is going.”

“What?” she spluttered. “You – ”

He chuckled. “The morning you caught me stepping from my shower, about a week after I changed, I thought you were going to climax right in front of me. You were already aroused when you walked in, but then you saw me.”

“You were naked and soaking wet. You wouldn’t have been able to blame me for that.”

“Mm. I had to turn right back around the moment you left. I’d been playing with fire. Arousing you aroused me and a cold shower was no longer a viable option. That was the first time I’d ever let myself…”

“You mean you… after I…?” He nodded and her eyes widened. Abruptly, she started laughing. “So did I!”

“You did?” he asked incredulously.

“Yes!” she laughed. “That explains why we were both acting so weird. I thought you were just avoiding me because I’d seen you.”

“And I thought you were avoiding me because I’d made too much noise.”

Rose chortled and clenched her legs together so she wouldn’t pee. She had to go again already.

“I just can't believe this. We could have saved each other so much trouble if we’d just said something back then.”

“Probably.” The Doctor grinned crookedly and Rose’s laughter calmed. “Curious here. What did you use that morning?”

“My toy. Imagined it was you.”

“That… is too arousing for words.” She smiled and climbed out of the bed once more. “Now where are you going?”

“I have to pee again and, actually, I'm kind of hungry. Did we eat dinner?"

“No, but we had two lunches. One at eleven, one at two.”

She frowned, eyes on the mirror above the sink.

“That’s weird. Did we have breakfast?”

“And brunch.”

“Huh. Well, I'm still hungry.”

“I could eat something,” the Doctor commented, his voice floating into the bathroom. Rose shivered a little – it had felt so good to empty her bladder – and heard the Doctor climb out of the bed. “Probably shouldn’t wear that out of the bedroom, Rose.”

“Same to you.”

The Doctor snorted. “I wasn’t planning to. At least yours covers something. I'm starkers.”

“Except for the tie.” Which yum. He snorted. “You never know,” she said, washing her hands. “Jack might like it.”

“Jack won't get a chance to like it and Rose shouldn’t be okay talking about the possibility of someone else seeing her husband naked.”

“Rose’s husband is pretty damn sexy and she’s kind of proud of that. She might be okay letting everyone know what they’re not getting.”

The Doctor poked his head around the door to the bathroom.

“Rose’s husband thinks she’s ridiculous, but is pleased she finds him so sexy.”

Rose blew him a kiss and dried her hands on a small towel hanging by the sink before grabbing a wash cloth to clean herself with. The Doctor sauntered the rest of the way in wearing only his trousers and came to stand right behind her. She looked at him in the mirror and he smiled, kissed the side of her neck, and let his hands wander from her shoulders to her breasts and then down to her belly. His brows quirked, but he shook his head again and leaned around to see her. She kissed him and he looked at her pointedly.

“Did you need something, Doctor?”

“I have to urinate.” He paused and she looked at him in confusion. What was she supposed to say to that? He frowned. “Do you plan to watch?”

“No, but I was gonna clean myself up a little.”

“In here?” he pressed. “You don’t have to leave. I'm just trying to figure out if seeing my bum will get you in the mood again.”

He winked and turned for the toilet.

“Are you in the mood again?”

“Rose, I think you should remember your breasts are the only thing I cannot clearly see. That little gown is sheer and I'm trying very hard not to notice.” He looked over his shoulder and grinned. She froze, washcloth against herself, as he noticed what she was doing. “It would be a lot harder to contain myself if I hadn’t just had such an excellent orgasm.”

He turned back around to finish and Rose let her gaze drag down his back to his magnificent bum.

“Maybe we could have one more go after we eat. I wouldn’t object.”

He spun, smirky little grin on his lips, and walked over to wash his hands. When he’d finished that, he looked down at her washcloth and chuckled.

“Either I ejaculated much more than usual or you’ve forgotten you have a cloth pressed to yourself.”

Rose looked down and threw her washcloth towards the shower, her cheeks burning.

“Just making sure I'm clean.”

“Don’t be embarrassed.” He breathed in through his nose and stepped closer. “You're aroused again. I'm surprised. Can you wait until after we eat or would you like me to use my tongue on you?”

“Oh, god.”

“Or my fingers,” he suggested, nuzzling her cheek with his own. “Would be a bit faster than using my tongue and something’s telling me you need fast right now.”

“I really do.”

“Yes, I know.”

He hefted her up and sat her on the counter; her legs automatically opened and wrapped around his back. The Doctor’s right hand slipped underneath her sheer gown while his left clasped the back of her neck. He caught her lips as two of his fingers slid inside of her and Rose couldn’t contain a moan, the sound being caught by his mouth. As his thumb pressed and rubbed against her clit, she writhed and felt his fingers crook against her g-spot.

That was the Doctor summed up by his actions; when given the chance, he would do everything in his power to help a situation, whether it was saving someone he could save or it was bringing her off. Rose panted against the Doctor’s mouth and rocked into his hand.

“Thought the guy with the long curly hair was pretty sexy."

The Doctor’s fingers ground into her and she shrieked.

"About to the shoulders, big nose?"

"Be nice. It was smaller than your last."

"I know," he groused. "Still. Him?"

"Yeah. The eighth guy. The fifth guy wasn't too bad, either. Probably would've liked him once I'd gotten used to the floppy blond hair."

"Yes, well, I'm better now. See?” Thumb rubbing faster and fingers crooking more urgently, Rose fell back into the mirror – her shoulders and her head were the only things touching – and the Doctor chuckled, sounding pleased. “Bet he couldn’t do that.”

“You don’t know?”

“Never got the chance. That I remember. Pretty sure I didn’t, at least.” He frowned, thinking about it. “That was so long ago. Hmm. Anywho.”

“More, more. Your tongue. Need it.”

“Ooh, goody.”

Rose scrabbled around and latched onto the small towel bar beside her as the Doctor replaced his thumb with his tongue. She cried out and pressed her other hand to the back of his head.

His tongue. God, his tongue. His wonderful, glorious tongue. She loved his tongue. She would never have the proper words to describe just how much she loved his tongue. She wanted to marry his tongue, too. He could be best man. She could have two husbands, right? The most perfect man in the whole universe and the absolute greatest tongue to ever be created. She’d never be unhappy ever again.

The Doctor chuckled against her groin like he knew what she was thinking and she somehow forced his mouth closer to her. His fingers quickened, constantly pressing into and massaging her g-spot, and Rose saw stars.

Much too soon for her taste, she felt her orgasm barrel into her like a freight train and she came with a hoarse scream. An actual scream. The Doctor stood up, leaned over her a little, and continued rubbing her g-spot a few more seconds until her body stopped convulsing. He then stilled his hand; she breathed heavily and met his eyes.

“That was an intense orgasm,” he noted. “I'm impressed with myself. I felt your vaginal walls contract so many times, I thought you’d never stop.”

“How long?”

“Fifteen contractions.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “I counted.”

“Okay.” She panted for breath. "It was really..."

She blew out her breath, feeling exhausted, and he gently removed his fingers.

"I usually get six to eight with you. Sometimes ten, normally when you're so aroused, you can't think straight. Only once have I gotten thirteen and that was after I'd brought you close to orgasm nine times before letting you go. Today was my first fifteen."

"Mm."

Rose closed her eyes and breathed. She heard the Doctor leave the room and wanted to call him back, but she was too blissed out to move just yet, let alone speak anymore. He soon returned and she felt a wet cloth gently pressed against her, He carefully wiped her off and then material was sliding up her legs.

"Your denims. You said you were hungry and I can only assume you still are.”

He got her denims pulled up to her upper thighs and then leaned against the counter, his trousers brushing the skin of her thigh. After a while, she finally managed to sit up and look at him. He grinned.

“I'm so glad I married you.”

He chuckled. “Yes, I am, too. That reminds me.” He tapped his lips and gave her a look, lips curling. “What was that you said about me being best man to my tongue - my wonderful, glorious tongue?”

Heat spread from her chest to the rest of her body.

“I said that out loud?”

“Yes, you did. You do that a lot."

“Oh, my god. That’s embarrassing.”

“I’d be honoured, Rose.” He chuckled cutely and helped her stand. “The most perfect man in the whole universe and the absolute greatest tongue to ever be created, you said. Really, sounds to me like you have a happy life ahead of you.”

“Stop teasing me. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

“I'm glad you did. It’s nice to know my wife loves something about me so very much that she wishes she could marry that part of me, too. Lovely.”

“Stop it,” she said, blushing more. “You’re so mean.”

“I'm being serious,” he said, grinning. She wasn’t quite sure someone was supposed to be grinning when they were being serious, but she didn’t point that out. “Now.” He tucked her lingerie into her denims and reached behind her. “Your jumper, my dear.”

“Your jumper,” she corrected.

“I’ll likely never wear this again. Besides, it looks better on you. It’s yours now.”

“In that case, I want the jacket, too.”

“That jacket actually looked good on me, though.”

“So did the jumper and it’s not like you’ll ever wear it again.” She grinned at him and he rolled his eyes, smirking. “And it’s not like I'm going anywhere. If you ever want it back, you know where it is.”

“I suppose that is true. Take very good care of it. It’s part of our past.”

“Yeah, it is.” Her jumper smoothed down over her possible baby belly, Rose looked up at the Doctor and smiled happily. “You’re incredible. You know that?”

“I only know something if you tell me, Rose.”

As she went to respond, the Doctor suddenly looked strange and peeked at her belly.

“Again?” she asked. “What was it this time?”

“Love. Contentment. Happiness. Nothing that makes sense if it’s not coming from you. I wonder if Jack’s snuck a telepathic being onboard.” He abruptly sighed and looked at the ceiling, shaking his head. “Of course he probably did. I’ll have to talk to him later.”

“Um, alright.” She had been feeling all of that, but unless it was the possible baby telling him all that, he couldn’t have known. “Are you still hungry?”

“Yes and relieved. It’s nice to know there might be a reason I’ve been hearing thoughts and feeling emotions that aren’t my own.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the bathroom door. “Come on, my lovely wife. I'm getting hungrier by the second and you look like you’ll starve to death if you don’t eat soon.”

“Starve to death,” she scoffed as they left the bedroom. “I look like I’ve eaten a small horse.”

“No, you don’t. I’ve seen beings after they’ve eaten small horses and you look nothing like that. Well, I say small horses… Point is, during such a meal, there’s always a half-picked carcass on the ground and blood and hair everywhere, none of which -” Rose retched and tasted stomach bile in her mouth. “Oh.” He looked down at her. “Right. Not the best pre-meal conversation.”

“No, not the best. I might get sick.” She swallowed thickly and tried to take deep breaths. “I keep imagining it.”

“Er, how best to distract you? Oh, I know!"

His lips met hers and her nausea had abated by the time he was pressing her into the corridor wall. She clutched at his shoulders and he trailed his mouth down to her neck.

“How did you know?”

“You were nauseated a few months ago and this worked. Do you remember? You didn’t tell me you were feeling ill until after I kissed you. You claimed I chased away your nausea.”

“You did.”

“Did it work this time?” he asked, lips brushing her pulse point.

“Yeah.”

“Miraculous.”

“Yeah, miracle lips, you. Maybe I should just marry your entire mouth.”

He snickered, kissed her lips once more, and pulled back.

“Now, if you married my entire mouth, Rose, what would I use when I felt like showing affection?”

“Well, three other body parts just came to mind. You could use one of those.”

The Doctor covered his face with one hand and started laughing. Rose joined in and he looked at her fondly when he calmed.

“You’re absolutely perfect. You continually surprise me.”

“Well, if you want a surprise…” She reached her hand into his trousers and his eyes widened. He swallowed and Rose stroked him a few times. “You’ve literally nothing to say to this?”

“I'm…”

“Basically speechless.”

“Have you guys ever heard of doing that kind of stuff in your bedroom so your sex-deprived shipmate doesn’t have to stumble upon it and see one of his fantasies happening in real life?”

Rose ripped her hand out of the Doctor’s trousers, felt him pushing her in front of him, and saw Jack leaning against the wall. He had his phone in hand.

“Jack?”

“Or, I mean, you could continue. I don’t have a video yet.”

“You have pictures?”

“Don’t know what you mean.” Jack pocketed his phone and wiggled his brows at the Doctor. “Got a hell of a woman there, Boss. Better hold on to her.”

“I am.”

“He really is.”

She shook her arm and Jack, having seen, snorted.

“I was coming to see if you guys wanted any of the pizza I made.” Rose’s mouth started watering. Pizza. “I can understand if you have other plans...”

“No, we’re joining,” the Doctor said, his hips swaying forward to brush her bum. “Rose is starving.”

“I'm not starving. Just hungry.”

“The way you’ve been lately, I believe him more than you.” Jack looked at her stomach a long moment, met her eyes, and looked away. He smiled a little. “Pregnant maybe?”

“Jack,” the Doctor snapped. “Don’t.”

“Um, I'm going to go eat without you two if you start arguing.”

The Doctor grabbed her hand, she turned, and he shook his head.

“We’re not going to argue. Promise.”

She nodded. “Good. What kind of pizza did you make, Jack, and how much?”

“Might need more,” Jack mused. “I’ve just seen you two together and since I can't get laid right now, I'm just gonna have to eat.”

“’Cause that’s a healthy reaction to sexual frustration.”

“Joking,” Jack replied. “Well, mostly.”

The Doctor chuckled.

***

Rose stopped in the entrance to the control room and watched the Doctor for a long moment. He was standing in front of the monitor, wearing his glasses, and reading something on the screen. He used the sonic to tweak something, stuck the sonic in his mouth, turned a knob, and squinted. A rather garbled, "perfect" slipped out and he grabbed the sonic in his right hand. He then threw the sonic into the air, caught it, and finally seemed to notice her.

"Hello there, gorgeous. Come to visit your husband?"

"Hard at work?"

"Nah. Come join me."

He patted the jump seat and Rose headed towards him. As he picked her up and sat her down on the seat, she looked up at the ceiling.

"Give us some privacy?"

The lights dimmed and the Doctor smiled at her.

"I can't imagine this will be leading anywhere naughty, not after what happened last time."

"Right, it's not. Um, well... um, I did it and I'm positive…"

The Doctor frowned. "I'm confused. Explain?"

"We, um, need to go... to the... med bay."

"Alright." He stepped between her legs and placed a hand on her forehead. "No fever. That's a good sign. What's wrong with you?"

He literally had no idea what she was talking about.

"No. Doctor. We need to go to the med bay so you can _test m_ e.”

She gave him a pointed look, but he frowned.

“But Rose, what am I testing for? What are your symptoms?”

Best be blunt, then.

“I've taken five pregnancy tests the past four days and they were all positive."

The Doctor froze, his hand on her neck, and just stared at her.

"I'm sorry," he said evenly after a moment. "Can you repeat that? I think I misheard you."

"I said I might be pregnant. We need to do a blood test."

The Doctor blinked. He was acting like he didn't understand what she was saying, even though she was being perfectly clear.

"I think I'm hallucinating," he finally said. "I'm sorry, Rose. One more time?"

Rose kissed him deeply and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Your mind's not messing with you, Doctor. I really did say I might be pregnant."

"You did." She couldn't tell if that was supposed to be a statement or a question. His arms tightened around her suddenly and he breathed harshly against her neck. "You might be pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"And you need a blood test?"

"Mhm."

"You might be pregnant."

"Yup."

"You might be..." The Doctor suddenly scooped her up and nearly ran to the infirmary. He didn't say anything until he got her inside. "On the bed and shirt sleeve up, please."

"Yes, ma'am."

He smiled. "Don't call me - oh." The Doctor laughed. "Don't call me ma'am, either."

Rose grinned at him and rolled her sleeve up. In no time, the Doctor had extracted a vial of blood and was testing it. Rose walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his belly, and leaned her cheek against his back.

"You scared?"

"No. Are you?"

She could hear something clinking, but didn't care to check.

"Nope."

"I'm glad. These will take a bit to run. Be about an hour or so. If you-"

"An hour?" Rose interrupted incredulously. "Shareen had a blood test done and it took a couple days to get her results."

The Doctor pressed against her hand, making her hug him tighter for a moment.

"But you're also the only one being tested and I'm not using equipment from Earth. If you wanted to go do something else, I wouldn't mind."

"I'll stay with you. Unless." She frowned. "Unless you don't want me here."

"Don't be ridiculous, Rose. I always want you with me. I was simply attempting to save you from having nothing to do but watch me work. Normally I know you'd enjoy watching me, but this will be boring enough to nearly put _me_ to sleep."

She didn't quite believe that. She had no doubt his mind would be racing the entire time and therefore wouldn't allow him to fall asleep, but she didn't say that.

"I suppose I could find something to do."

"You could always go start on lunch. You did sleep late enough to miss breakfast."

"There we go. You figure out if I'm pregnant and I'll-"

The Doctor turned in her arms and kissed her passionately, leaving her breathless when he finally pulled away. There was a look of unmasked joy in his eyes that brought a lump to her throat.

"No matter what the results may be, I will still love you. Your ring says so." He kissed her once more, but it wasn't the kiss that made her weak-kneed. "Now go on. Escape before I put you to work."

Rose grabbed his left hand and pressed a hard, lingering kiss to his palm. He smiled softly and Rose left without a word.

Once in the kitchen, it took a full twenty minutes for her to stop staring at her wedding ring and another five to really accept the fact the Doctor had known how much she loved him ever since he'd heard the message on his own ring. She was just setting the table about forty-five minutes later when the Doctor swooped down on her and Rose gasped into his mouth. She hadn't even heard him coming!

In seemingly no time at all, Rose found herself naked and laid out on the table with the Doctor gently easing inside of her. She ignored the slight burn and urged him in deeper. He sealed his mouth against hers, thrust in hard the rest of the way, and set a quick pace that soon had her crying out her release. The Doctor followed her over the edge and then rolled to the side so he could lie on his back beside her. His hand found hers and they both turned their heads to see each other.

"So," she said, the first thing either of them had said since they parted in the infirmary, "what were the results?"

"You're pregnant."

He smiled brilliantly and Rose's breath caught.

"Good. That's..." She closed her eyes, felt her eyes burning, and then started crying. "I'm so happy."

The Doctor pulled her onto his chest and rubbed her back. He didn't seem to notice the tears on his chest.

"I can check you later to see how far along you are. I just couldn’t… I needed to tell you.”

“I'm glad you did. I, uh…” She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. “I took two of those tests that tell you how far along you are, actually. I thought there was something wrong with them.”

“What did they say?

“Three plus weeks, but… I mean… have you looked at me?”

The Doctor slowly grinned and studied her belly. His grin turned into an excited beaming and he sat straight up.

“Rose! Do you know what this means?”

“You’re gonna be a daddy?”

“No. Well, yes, but – I'm not going crazy and Jack isn’t going to get in trouble. It’s the baby I’ve been hearing! I should have seen it. The TARDIS, the chocolate in the coffee, why you sleep so much and eat even more, the outbursts of nausea and poisoning by birth control, the voices, the emotions, your belly, your breasts, your vagina. Everything! It’s the baby.” His brows rose and his beam softened into a small smile. “It’s the baby.”

“Oi, what about my… you know? You’ve never complained.”

“Your vagina,” he replied pointedly. “You can say that word around me. I promise I won't hare off in fright if you do. The colour’s deepened. I don’t know why I didn’t connect that with pregnancy.”

“Oh.” She frowned and looked at him again. “How long have you noticed all of that?”

“Most of that started the morning we returned from our honeymoon.”

“Honeymoon. You never actually took me on a honeymoon.”

“The TARDIS wouldn’t let me. I can try to arrange something if you’d like.”

“Nah. Don’t worry about it. You’ll have enough trouble breaking the news to Mum; you don’t need a honeymoon on top of that.”

The Doctor froze and then was racing out of the room, trying to get his trousers buttoned as he went. At least he’d blown her a kiss before he’d disappeared.

“Jack!” she heard him bellow. “Jack, we need to go to Earth! Get ready and hurry! Jack!"

Rose pulled her clothing back into place and then went looking for him. She found him and Jack in the control room.

“Why is it such a big deal we go now?” Jack asked, seemingly again. The Doctor grinned and flipped a switch. “Doctor, seriously, ignoring me is just childish.”

“I don’t actually think he knows you’re here.”

The Doctor looked up, beamed when he saw her, and then frowned at Jack.

“Where have you been, Harkness? I called for you. I need your help.” He again smiled at her. “Hi, Rose.”

She smiled back. “Hi, Doctor.”

“Jack, we have to visit Jackie Tyler. If you need to do anything while we’re there, you’ll likely have plenty of time.”

“Er, Doctor, did you tell Jack?”

“Hmm? No. No!” Rose giggled and the Doctor smiled wide enough to display most of his teeth. “Rose is pregnant. I just did her blood work to confirm so now we have to tell her Mum.”

“What?” Jack scooped Rose off the ground and spun her in circles. She gagged and closed her eyes. “Oh, I'm so excited! You're finally pregnant! How far along we talking?”

“We’re thinking our wedding night, but I plan to check her before – Rose, I have to check you before we leave for your mother’s. Oh, what am I thinking? My head’s not on right today.”

“I think we can forgive you for not thinking right. Jack, can you put me down?”

“You’ll make her sick,” the Doctor scolded. “Put her on her own feet, Jack, and please steady her.” Once standing again, the Doctor caught up one of her hands and hurried her out of the control room. Jack was following behind. “Your mother is going to be so surprised. She might actually go an entire hour without picking on me! This day could not get any better.”

Thirty minutes later, after the Doctor had confirmed her week count, Rose opened her eyes and saw Jack and the Doctor hovering worriedly.

“Twenty weeks?” she repeated. Jack’s hands reached out for her and the Doctor nodded. “Jack, I'm not gonna pass out again.”

“I wish you wouldn’t have passed out to begin with. I thought your husband here was gonna lose it.”

“You hit your head on the corner of the table.”

Rose looked around. “No blood.”

“No, there isn’t. The baby. We think he’s been healing you.”

“At least that’s what makes sense,” Jack voiced. “Nothing shows up on the monitor so the most likely theory is being used.”

“Right. No headache. That’s good.” She sat up and the Doctor put a hand on her thigh. “How’d I get on the table?”

“I picked you up. Jack was too busy having a panic attack.”

“There was a lot of blood.”

“Which you’ve now cleaned up so shut up about it.”

“Stop dwelling on the bad stuff,” Rose warned, rubbing her neck. “Did you get a picture of the baby?”

“I can't take pictures. I can just look. Jack called Shareen’s doctor and made an appointment for us. He may be an idiot, but he can print photos so, um, there’s that. We can go and get them whenever you want.”

“How did Jack know who he was?”

“I told him, of course. Shareen and Trevor’s called a few times for advice. I happened to catch his name once.”

Rose smiled. He’d been helping her pregnant friend when she wasn’t around. That was actually really cute.

“Oh, god,” she said suddenly. “I'm gonna have to tell Shareen and Keish… and Mickey and Martha.”

“Mickey and Martha?” the Doctor asked, interested. “Our Mickey and our Martha?”

“Yeah.” Rose grinned. “I guess I forgot to tell you everything. I’ll explain later.”

“Alright. Photos?”

“Well, yeah. We’re gonna need them before we go to Mum’s. You realise she won't let us leave for a while, right?”

“I’ve already packed us a bag.”

“Dibs on godfather!”

“No,” the Doctor immediately argued. “No way in a thousand hells.”

Rose merely laughed and finally caressed her belly. No, her child. The TARDIS let out a pleased hum and the lights dimmed to a warm glow for a moment. Jack looked at her curiously.

“She knew,” Rose confirmed. "All along, I think."

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Jack marveled. “Be nice if she could actually speak. Mighta saved you two a hell of a lot of trouble.”

“Indeed,” the Doctor agreed. “Alright. We’re here. Ready to go see our child, Rose?”

“God, yes,” she sighed. “Finally.”

The Doctor just smiled.


	12. Epilogue

“She refused to believe it!” the Doctor laughed. “This woman, my mother-in-law, Rose’s own mother, spent seven straight hours thinking we were playing a mean joke on her! We even showed her the ultrasounds!”

Rose cleared her throat and pointedly rocked her champagne glass. The Doctor let out an ‘ah’ and relaxed back into his seat.

“As I was saying,” Jackie voiced louder, “It took the _four_ of us a long time to finally get to this point. I couldn’t have asked for a better man for my daughter to fall in love with and I'm so honored they finally let me throw a proper reception for them.”

“It really is beautiful,” Rose said and briefly directed a smile at the Doctor when he grabbed up her free hand.

"You still owe me another wedding."

"Shh."

“And Rose, I know you’ve done things all backwards with this marriage, but it fits for you two and I couldn’t be happier for you and your family. Thank you for waiting for someone who truly makes you happy and further, thank you so much for gifting the world with the most beautiful, most perfect little boy in the whole world.” Everyone, including Rose and the Doctor, looked at the oblivious, burbling baby propped up on the Doctor’s thigh, and several ‘aws’ filled the silence. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“Love you, too, Mum,” Rose whispered, eyes stinging.

“John.” The Doctor snickered and cut his gaze to Jackie’s friends. “You better take care of Rose and treat her like the treasure she is.” Jackie paused and the Doctor met her gaze. “Or else… and God help you if anything ever happens to Alex. Not so much as a stubbed toe now. I'm serious.”

Everyone else chuckled, but the Doctor just rolled his eyes. Even Jackie seemed to sense the warning was unnecessary, because she quickly lifted her champagne glass and everyone followed her example when she took a sip.

With the toasts finally out of the way, Jackie hurried off to speak to the photographer and the Doctor stood, Alex tucked into the crook of his arm, to offer his free hand to Rose.

“Dance with me? Seems to be one of those events where it’s expected of us, you know.”

Rose looked down at her poofy white dress. Why she’d chosen the ballgown instead of the A-line was a mystery. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. Her mother had loved it and Rose didn’t really care what she wore as long as her family was with her.

“I'm not entirely certain I can dance in this. The dress is gorgeous, okay, but the shoes? Why did I let Mum convince me heels would be a good idea?”

“Ah.” The Doctor grinned. “I have a gift for you, then.” From his pocket, he somehow pulled out a large box and then handed it over. “Go ahead.”

They were white Converse. No embellished heels like the ones Keisha had tried to convince her to buy for the reception, no wedges like the ones Shareen had unearthed from her own closet. Just plain white shoes.

She loved them.

“I love you so much,” she groaned as she replaced one killer heel. Alex finally took notice of her before she could get the other shoe on and only had to flash those brilliant blue eyes at her; Rose quickly scooped him up and cuddled him close to her. “Are you having fun?”

“I'm sure he would say yes if he could,” the Doctor chuckled and knelt. “Lift your foot.”

“You’re the best.”

The Doctor grinned smugly. “So you’ve said many times since we first wed.”

Rose blushed and felt her heel slide off. Just as her sneaker was being fitted onto her foot, rapid clicking sounded nearby as the photographer captured the moment on film. The Doctor sighed and finished straightening the tongue of the shoe as her mother tried to give the photographer instructions on exactly what height she wanted the camera held for his next photographs.

Rose pitied the poor guy, to be honest, but not enough to try to pull her mum away. The pictures were all for her mum, anyway. She wouldn’t need these pictures to remember her real wedding day, after all.

Rising to his full height, the Doctor took their son back from Rose and pressed a kiss to the baby’s temple before gingerly handing him off to Shareen. She immediately headed back to her husband, who was busy feeding their own son mushy peas and carrots. Rose quickly grabbed the hand the Doctor again proffered and smiled as they began dancing.

Years later, she knew she would never be able to recall what song was playing when they danced their “first dance” together. However, she knew without a doubt she would never ever forget the way the Doctor looked at her when it was announced that Doctor and Mrs John Smith were finally dancing their first dance together as husband and wife.

She had never seen him look so damn proud. She had never been so damn happy.

Their second dance as husband and wife was also their first official dance with their beloved son, Peter Alexander.

For being a mere five months old, he was an excellent dance partner.

The End


End file.
